COUPLE SUPPORT GROUPS

[nwmscurious]

I was unwillingly outed to my wife a few days ago. While this has made for one of the most horrible weeks in both of our lives, we finally had a heart to heart yesterday and agreed that after 26 years and two children we couldn't throw it all away without a fight.

As part of our discussion of what action to take to save our marriage we decided to pursue therapy, both as a couple and for me individually (I have a lot of baggage to deal with by being in the closet all these years, after all). I'm certain this will help, but I'd like to go further. To that end, can anyone tell me how I might find a support group for bi and gay partners and their straight spouses? I've Googled support groups and while I can find plenty of organizations that are either for the LGBT or straight spouse individually, I'm coming up dry on something that we might both participate in.

In closing I'd like to add that while I've been mostly a lurker here for several years, the advice that so many of you have offered and the experiences that you've shared have been both an inspiration and a guidebook through my frequently confusing life.

Bob

[Long Duck Dong]

hugs ya both and welcome....


we are here for you and with you..... and there are many people that can and will help with questions, concerns, issues etc that you both may have.... and yes, we have people with a straight partner, that understand what it can be like for the bi male / straight lady, we have monogamous bisexuals with straight partners... we do the whole range, so there is no limit to what we can share about...... and how we deal with the issues of life, love, coming out, being bisexual and being married / in a relationship with a bisexual

private messaging with people in the site is a option if you want to keep contact discreet or off the main forum board, as some members feel more comfortable doing that...

you are both more than welcome here, to post and share your story and share experiences as every shared story can help others... and one of the advantages for you both being a part of the site, is that others in your area may have similar stories and experiences and that can lead to some good friendships........

I did a search online for some groups that may be able to assist and support you both and found the memphis center, they may well have info that is very useful to you both

Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center is governed by a Constitution & By-Laws that support the beliefs on which it was established.

For general information about the Memphis gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer community, you can call 901.278.6422 or email info@mglcc.org

[rutemptedalso]

Just wanted to ask if your like myself and had stuff during your childhood that has influenced your sexuality? I was sexualized from about nine y/o until I was around fourteen y/o by a cousin and his neighbor. I call it sexualized because I didn't and still don't feel like I was abused. I do however feel like my adulthood started at age nine. I wonder what I might have been if I hadn't been thinking about sex all the time at that age.

There is some online sites for guys who were abused if your interested. Just let me know.

[gfofbiguy]

There are some good groups on Yahoo Groups:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HUGS_Couples2/ HUGS is a group for couples - both must join. Very positive outlook group.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MMOMW/ MMOMW (Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work) is also a group for couples but either spouse or both spouses can join.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/alternatepath/ Alternate Path is for the woman only in a Mixed Orientation Marriage who's husband is gay or bisexual - very positive group and for people who are looking to keep their marriages intact.

Good luck to you both - it is a difficult road, but it can work out.

~~Gfofbiguy

[bizel]

hi nwms, i am the wife of a bi guy who came out just recently. he admitted it to me and said he needed to explore this side of him. i was so confused (if you read my past threads you'll see how much - REALLY confused). but i want to reassure you and your wife, it can work out if you love each other enough, and have patience. be gentle with each other, don't assume anything, talk, talk, talk. that was one problem we had. my hubby tends to 'clam up' and left me assuming. that made it so difficult cos of course, i tended to assume the worst. we are both honest with each other, and that caused some hurt too, but i'm so glad we are honest - the alternatives are awful. please let your wife know she can contact me if she'd like to vent or ask questions. it took hubby 3 months to be able to talk a little, and accept the fact that i was genuine and wasn't going to dump him or turn on him. i think he still has a little worry over that even though i reassure him i'm here for the long haul. as for counselling, i'm no expert. the 'hugs' site mentioned is for both partners. i wish you both the best. hug, b.

[nwmscurious]

Thanks to you all for your help. I will seek out each and every one of those sites and see what help they can provide me.

I would like to add that things are looking far better than they did a few days ago. My wife and I have talked more and she appears willing to accept me for what I am. In addition, my daughter told me that she loves me because I'm her Dad and that's the only thing important to her (she even teased me about comparing notes about hot guys. ;) ) Even my son's hardened heart is starting to melt. I'm hoping that in a few days that I'll be able to talk to him and we'll be able to being to move forward.

Oddly enough, I'm beginning to wonder if this might have been a blessing. I don't have to lie to my family anymore and, while it's unlikely that I'll be going to any parades anytime soon, it feels good to feel that closet door crack open a bit.

Again, this is a wonderful group and I'm proud to be a member of it.

Bob

:bipride: (being more open to the world)

[DuckiesDarling]

Glad to hear you have made progress with your family. Sometimes things happen for a reason and I hope that eventually something good will come out of you being outed so unwillingly. Perhaps someday you will share that story so that we can understand fully what happened.

I'm continuing to wish for the best for you and your family. Hugs :)

[nwmscurious]

hugs ya both and welcome....


we are here for you and with you..... and there are many people that can and will help with questions, concerns, issues etc that you both may have.... and yes, we have people with a straight partner, that understand what it can be like for the bi male / straight lady, we have monogamous bisexuals with straight partners... we do the whole range, so there is no limit to what we can share about...... and how we deal with the issues of life, love, coming out, being bisexual and being married / in a relationship with a bisexual

private messaging with people in the site is a option if you want to keep contact discreet or off the main forum board, as some members feel more comfortable doing that...

you are both more than welcome here, to post and share your story and share experiences as every shared story can help others... and one of the advantages for you both being a part of the site, is that others in your area may have similar stories and experiences and that can lead to some good friendships........

I did a search online for some groups that may be able to assist and support you both and found the memphis center, they may well have info that is very useful to you both

Memphis Gay and Lesbian Community Center is governed by a Constitution & By-Laws that support the beliefs on which it was established.

For general information about the Memphis gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer community, you can call 901.278.6422 or email info@mglcc.org

Thanks. I'm going to call them on Monday.

Bob :bipride:

[nwmscurious]

There are some good groups on Yahoo Groups:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HUGS_Couples2/ HUGS is a group for couples - both must join. Very positive outlook group.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MMOMW/ MMOMW (Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work) is also a group for couples but either spouse or both spouses can join.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/alternatepath/ Alternate Path is for the woman only in a Mixed Orientation Marriage who's husband is gay or bisexual - very positive group and for people who are looking to keep their marriages intact.

Good luck to you both - it is a difficult road, but it can work out.

~~Gfofbiguy

I appreciate it. I'll check them all out. Now all I have to do is convince my wife that she REALLY needs to learn how to use a computer. :)

Bob :bipride:

[JP1986UM]

I know this is late to the party here, but the yahoo groups mentioned are of extraordinary help to mixed orientation couples.

I encourage you both to join HUGS and to have her join AltPath.

One that wasn't mentioned is HOW or Husbands Out to Wives. Its an invitation only group so PM me for the email addy for it.

I wish you well.

Life isn't ending its just beginning and you can survive this. I only wish you had done it via another route instead of this way, but everyone has to learn some day.

Good luck.

[nwmscurious]

I'm sorry that I never replied to you. Yes, I was molested by an older man (he was in his 50s) when I was in my early teens. While I do believe that I've probably always been bisexual, I'm quite certain that his actions added to my confusion and may have delayed coming to terms with my sexuality for many years.


Just wanted to ask if your like myself and had stuff during your childhood that has influenced your sexuality? I was sexualized from about nine y/o until I was around fourteen y/o by a cousin and his neighbor. I call it sexualized because I didn't and still don't feel like I was abused. I do however feel like my adulthood started at age nine. I wonder what I might have been if I hadn't been thinking about sex all the time at that age.

There is some online sites for guys who were abused if your interested. Just let me know.

[nicco413]

This site offers such a degree of support and advice to everyone who is undergoing stressful times either as being outed or coming to terms with their sexuality.
My late wife was aware that i was bisexual, as were my parents and my twin sister (bi also) and my niece; we were also swingers to a certain extent.
I was outed to close friends-one of whom I perceived as homophobic (ex public school so one can imagine!)- by a work colleague who found my profile on Gaydar, with one exception everyone was supportive and the homophobe treats me no differently. They were aware of the swinging lifestyle that I participated in and continue to do so nowadays, and also some of the more taboo topics like fetlife which I also enjoy.
I feel that most people are bisexual if they were to be true to themselves and not accept the restrictions and perceptions of "normality" of society.
Some people have said that they are surprised that I am so open about my sexuality and lifestyle- I love all forms of consensual sex with anyone!!
I do hope that your wife and yourself can work things out LDD is a sage to listen to and Cherokee (shame shes so far away!!) - there are many people here to help you as Bizel was helped.
Main thing is to discuss things - spouses always feel threatened by any other person making love to their partner, make it clear that it is sex and you LOVE her, who knows she may even join in sometime!!