Monogamy (random rant)

[Emotional Masochist]

Monogamy... An interesting word which is way to fucking complicated. Lets make it simple. One person for one person. That is the way I work. It is not for any moral obligation or religious concept. It is simple I am a very jealous person. I don't share, hence it isn't right of me to fool around if my other can't. MY only rule has been whatever rules I hold my lover to, I have to adhere to. Hence I am a monogamist.

K so here is the reason i started this post. I actually have no reason. Just random thoughts flowing through an empty head. So I've been asked questions. "If you are with the same girl, from no till forever. YOU marry her and have kids are you still bisexual?" "You've been with your girl for over a year now, do want to fuck a guy? Does it feel like something is missing?" I usually laugh it off. People ask stupid questions stupid ideas.

Why am I different from them?Just because I don't differentiate between sexes, does that mean I can't be in love. Does it mean I can't be faithful?Does it mean I have to have both? These people are ignorant. They don't consider the fact that we are human. That I am just like them. Just because went out with one person in the past, it doesn't mean that I can't date another without dreaming of the past. Its ridiculous. Consider the same situation, but instead of gender make the difference race. Now is there even a real question. Can people really still be that... I want to say stupid, but this isn't even a lack of intelligence.

It is their refusal to consider the reality of bisexuality. People have hard enough problems dealing with clear cut divisions,but throw in the grey area and they don't know what to do.

Am I overreacting in getting annoyed? Is this a common theme that you guys face? OH and guys are super awesome and thank you for all your support in the past and trust me I will come crying to you when something else goes wrong.:rolleyes: Don't blame me its your own fault for being so supportive and helpful. I love all of you. THANK YOU.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol welcome to the world of not fitting the bisexual criteria....lol

I am asexual, it means that I lack a sex drive, and apparently that means that I am not allowed to be bisexual... cos bisexuals have sex, and the fact I had sex with both genders for around 20 years, means nothing... I am still not allowed to call myself bisexual..... and its bisexuals telling me that.... lol

monogamy is the same.... I am monogamous as its part of my nature, I was monogamous before I knew about sex and sexualities, before I was first engaged to a partner, hell, I was monogamous before I even heard the word monogamy......

while it gets argued that its a hetero / monosexual lifestyle created by religion etc.... its amusing to see how intolerant of monogamous bisexuals, some bisexuals can be.....

monogamy is like celibacy, its in our nature or its not.... for some people its a easy natural way of life, for others they try to live the lifestyle and either succeed or fail.... and the same goes for poly / open relationships, its either in a persons nature or its not......

some of us just don't enjoy the casual partner / hook up thing, some of us enjoy and love our partners and sex with others just doesn't do it for us, it makes things more complicated and awkward, and why risk a beautiful relationship that is flowing well, with the suggestion of casual partners, if its not something that we really want in our lives.....

the thing is, people view the world thru their own eyes and that is how they work out what is right and wrong in the world... and with people.....
and that is why they tell you, you are wrong for not living their lifestyle......

are you different / broken / from another planet ?? lol.... nope, just a unique person with your own ideas and ideals for your life, your relationship and dealing with people that think they know best how you should run your life according to their views.......

[softfruit]

Is this a common theme that you guys face?

Very common. Mostly cos of the way that the bisexual population, like an iceberg, is nine-tenths hidden: the only bis most people notice are the ones whose behaviour is obviously bisexual. A little like how back in the day people thought all gay men must be screamingly camp - because those were the only ones they'd noticed.

One of the good things about groups like Bisexual Action, BiPhoria, Brighton Bothways, Bis@Pride etc - and indeed stuff like BCN magazine - is that they are spaces where monogamous bis can be 'doing something about being bi' that they can tell other people about without it actually being part of their sex life. We need more of that; so that mundane bisexuality seeps into the wider consciousness to balance out the raunch!

[lizard-lix]

I'll add to the random rant..

I am not by any means monogamous by nature.. I was a happy bi slut as a kid 'till I got married.. Then for the last 32 years (next week is our actual anniversary), I've been monogamous by agreement.

I've stuck with it, I haven't cheated (I have cybered a bit), and I will stick with it till I die if my wife wants to stay with the agreement..

Is it easy, actually yes.. I've been tempted, but I am merely human. So like Jimmy Carter, I've lusted in my heart. And as I have gotten older, I miss sex with guys something fierce (my libido seems to have been increasing the last years). But I promised not to touch, so I don't. In this case following the rules makes my life a lot easier, I love my wife and plan to stay with her forever, so I behave. Easy.. (well most days :-)

I'd like to start swinging so we can both play with others together, but that is up to her.. We've been to a swinger's club, but didn't touch anyone else. We are supposed to go back; but my wife, despite saying she wants to, has not been up for it for quite a while... (she is very open, and has known I am bi since before we married, but she is pretty straight and swinging is a huge step for her, she is trying, but I am not sure if that will go).

So, just because I am bi, doesn't mean that I have to be poly or a cheater, or anything at all (like LDD said far better than I).

It also doesn't mean that I am not attracted to others, hell I am not dead, just married LOL And differing from the average married person, I lust after twice as many people...

So everyone's mileage will vary...

Hopping off my silly soapbox..

Liz

[JP1986UM]

FOr me, monogamy sucks, I just cannot do it. I love my wife and partner for 20 years, but we've gone to an open marriage because I really need and want a male partner in my life.

Perhaps it is a convoluted monogamy? One man, one woman? I don't know, but to just stay with one partner be they male OR female just isn't in me. I don't sleep around and I am selective about who I date, but I don't fuck on the first date or even the second.

So, it really boils down to whatever works for you.

For me...monogamy no more. I don't like it.

[tenni]

The issue as to how bisexuals chose to live their life and in particular their sexual life is a personal decision.

If I were you (the OP), I would tell someone who asked about your decision to live a monogamous monosexual lifestyle that bisexuals vary widely in what needs that they have. Bisexuals have differing sexual needs and emotional needs that lead them to pick a wide range of lifestyles. This includes deciding whether they are involved with both genders that they are sexually attracted to.

I think that you have found your own comfort level based upon knowing yourself...your needs and your priorities to be happy. Your desire for your values over ride your need for sex with both genders,...let alone loving two people of different genders at the same time.

Live your life your way.

Asexuals do not have sexual needs. Plain and simple....this sexual issue has nothing to do with asexuals. Victim card is void and null due in part to a lack of having an ability to understand sexual needs. As far as emotional-romantic monosexual, monogamy for asexuals that would be a different issue to be discussed on a different thread.

[tenni]

btw a very good friend of mine calls himself gay but is an asexual. In twenty years of knowing him, he never discusses sex and has no comprehension about two people relating to each other sexually(he probably knows that it happens though but it never enters his mind...I learned that several years ago when he couldn't comprehend that a woman had slept over with me. He thought that she had gone home and come back...no idea that sexual intercourse had happened until I told him bluntly....lol). He doesn't know how to relate sexually with other people. (speaking as one of only three people that he has tried to have a sexual relationship with during his entire life). He maintains a wide range of emotional relationships over years and location with other men...no women (except his two sisters and mother). He is a gayromantic technically I would suspect. I know that he loves me on his own level and terms. He seems to "love" many men in a similar manner but I am the one that he relates the most frequently with. He isn't gayromantic monogamous but he is a monosexual. I think of him as a friend and not his lover...that would take a desire/need for sex. I would think that he thinks the same way. I'd never cross the line of pushing a sexual talk on to him. He just wouldn't be comfortable and would change the topic I suspect.

[_someone_]

Well, I view myself as a more monogamous type. It's hard for me to be really attracted to more than one person at a time tbf.

[Long Duck Dong]

Very common. Mostly cos of the way that the bisexual population, like an iceberg, is nine-tenths hidden: the only bis most people notice are the ones whose behaviour is obviously bisexual. A little like how back in the day people thought all gay men must be screamingly camp - because those were the only ones they'd noticed.

One of the good things about groups like Bisexual Action, BiPhoria, Brighton Bothways, Bis@Pride etc - and indeed stuff like BCN magazine - is that they are spaces where monogamous bis can be 'doing something about being bi' that they can tell other people about without it actually being part of their sex life. We need more of that; so that mundane bisexuality seeps into the wider consciousness to balance out the raunch!

A lot of my friends would agree with you there, they are generally monogamous when in a relationship and open to casual sex when single.....

a lot of it comes down to the fact that if you mention the word * bisexual * many people automatically think, open relationships / poly relationships etc and a lack of ability to love one person......and they are tired of being judged according to the understanding and ideals of other bisexuals.....

there is nothing wrong with open and poly relationships, if they work and the partners are fine with it.... but for monogamous bisexuals or bisexuals that are not interested in open relationships, there is a recurring attitude in the site that they are going something wrong or not bisexual etc etc......

generally, the thing that I notice the most, is that non monogamous people seem to often narrow down bisexual behievour to sex.... and forget that there is more to bisexuals ( and other sexualities ) than sex......

a good example of that, is that many bisexuals in the site, are married and in love with primary partners...and thats something that is not purely sexual...

[tenni]

"generally, the thing that I notice the most, is that non monogamous people seem to often narrow down bisexual behievour to sex.... and forget that there is more to bisexuals ( and other sexualities ) than sex......

a good example of that, is that many bisexuals in the site, are married and in love with primary partners...and thats something that is not purely sexual..."

Maybe, I'm wrong but there seems to be an extraordinary amount of space spent on this site discussing monogamy rather than how to live as a bisexual in a nonmongamous lifestyle. Although admittedly lately an even more incredible amount of space spent on sexual mechanics....lol

There is an incredible amount of space discussing how a bisexual finds themself in a relationship with a monosexual and the monosexual wants a monogamous relationship or even the bisexual wanting a monogamous relationship but finds it difficult. "It" is about being sexually attracted to both genders but not about wanting to be friends with both genders. Yes, it is about more than sex. It is about how to be happy living as a bisexual with duo sexual attractions in a mainly monosexual world. Those bisexuals who want only one person at a time and are happy with whichever gender that they fall in love with..GREAT and congratulations on finding happiness.