Trust in Me and I will...?

[pradalove]

Just gotta get this one out here. Not really sure what type of replies I'm even looking for. My husband is bi-sexual since his recent "coming out" to me, he has expressed many times that he would "understand" if I felt I needed to have the freedom to be with another man due to his recent revelations... but this isn't anything that I wanted to do before this nor do I now.

I know he has had a few encounters and is communicating with other bisexual men which is fine with me. I'm understanding of it and talk to him about it when he wants to. However, I don't want anyone else in my bed or life. As a turnon for him maybe someday eventually when he's there I may consider participating. I've always remained exclusive in my commitment and relationships and that is the way I am and I don't want anyone but him.

He has said that in part its hard for him to believe that he could reveal his sexuality to me and be active in its expression and that I don't want to go out and experiment? He also says its hard for him to trust that the recent events won't have some type of "whiplash". I'm getting a little frustrated with constantly having to reassure him that this isn't the case any ideas what's going on here? How can I get him to move past this and just "relax"?

[cornholejoe]

proably some of his buddies want to have some sex with you and him both so just tell him you are not interested

[Gearbox]

He is all you want!:) Your not all he wants.:(

^Put like that, you can imagine the guilt and worry it may cause him?
Your obviously a wonderfully understanding and loving wife. He's probably (judging by his honesty) the same too.:)

He wants you to be equal and share in the extramarital fun. That way he wouldn't feel guilty and he'd know for definite that you view it as no threat to each other.

In short -He's exploring himself while looking over his shoulder to check that your still there IMO.

[pradalove]

Thanks for posts, I just cant think like a guy it seems...he will have to waIt a bit before I jump in to a threesome, but it's a future possibilty but I plan to stick around

[onewhocares]

Well as the straight wife of a gay/bi man, I guess for me being open and honest was my first thought. Not that that did not cause hurt and pain on both sides. I guess for me, having hubby finally admit that all these feelings he had on the inside which finally had to excape was a good thing. I guess I would rather loose a little bit of my personal relationship to know he was finally being honest with himself. THAT was very important to me.

When it came time to sharing a man, NEVER in my wildest dreams did I think that I, this six foot tall chubby blonde ever thing another man would want me, yet alone involved with my hubby. SO Wrong.

I know I am saying this looking back, but you never know what each encounter, each new friendship will bring. Perhaps you will be amazed at what a new facet a man will bring to your husbands life. If he is happier persoanlly, then your relationship might flourish.

Belle

[lizard-lix]

He is all you want!:) Your not all he wants.:(

^Put like that, you can imagine the guilt and worry it may cause him?
Your obviously a wonderfully understanding and loving wife. He's probably (judging by his honesty) the same too.:)

He wants you to be equal and share in the extramarital fun. That way he wouldn't feel guilty and he'd know for definite that you view it as no threat to each other.

In short -He's exploring himself while looking over his shoulder to check that your still there IMO.

I second Gearbox's position.. Being in a very similar situation to your hubby (I am the bi hubby, married monogamously 32 yeas, but now wanting to explore, my wife knew I am bi when we married, but it never really came up as we agreed on monogamy), recently I have wanted to expand my/our sexual range and as I have said in other threads, I really don't want a 'hall pass' I want my wife to join me and share in all the potentials. I love her and want us to be together forever, but I also want to go new places in my/our sex life.

She is like you in that she she said she does not want to have sex with others. But then later (we have been working on this for close to 2 years now) admitted that she has had fantasies of having sex with multiple people and is definitely bi curious herself.

So we continue to slowly try new things, mostly adding some kink to our play. But we have also been to a swinger's club once and had a great time watching and being watched, but we did not touch others..

Keep the communications open as you have been doing and with time and patience and love you will find out where you both can go. Hopefully it will be a place you can both share and be comfortable and satisfied with.

Good luck and many hugs to you both!

Liz

[Gearbox]

I am the bi hubby, married monogamously 32 yeas, but now wanting to explore
You know, every time you mention that, I get this image of your first full on m-m sex session.:tongue: All that pent up lust waiting to be burst out.
I bet your wife is pleased that I live far away.:bigrin:


I just cant think like a guy it seems
Who can?:bigrin:
After decades of relationships with women, I thought men would be a breeze!:rolleyes:
I recant ALL accusations of women being complicated!:bigrin:

[lizard-lix]

You know, every time you mention that, I get this image of your first full on m-m sex session.:tongue: All that pent up lust waiting to be burst out.
I bet your wife is pleased that I live far away.:bigrin:
..,.snip


LMAO come on over here, we might end the drought here in Texas with all that bursting out :bigrin:

That may even be enough to talk her into it LOL

[pradalove]

Thanks again for all the factual REAL details they help me so much!

[bottom's up]

STAY THE COURSE M'AAM & ALL WILL BE WELL
SOMEDAY MAY NEVER COME, OR YOU MAY DECIDE TO JOIN OR YOU MAY DECIDE THAT ISN'T WHAT YOU WANT IN YOUR LIFE
AS LONG AS YOU ARE HAPPY & UNDERSTANDING, NOTHING ELSE IS IMPORTANT
:tongue:

[Prince of Thieves]

I identify with this thread and appreciate your viewpoint as a devoted wife. I wish you and your husband happiness. :)

[pradalove]

Thank you bottom's up and prince of thieves for the comments the freedom for my husband and I to remain individuals yet be together is wonderful and I hope any partner of a bisexual spouse reads these forums and perhaps gains a new perspective. Best! Xoxo

[cuttin2dachase]

pradalove and onewhocares,

Your men most likely do not have emotional feelings for men, but they obviously do have sexual desire for men and they most likely desire to share you with other men. Your men have revealed a "secret" to the woman they love and trust and are committed to emotionally. Put the shoe on the other foot and suppose that you desired other men (or women) sexually....would you share that secret with the man you love and trust and are emotionally committed to?

[IndyBiFun]

I just want to say what a great conversation this is.

I'm a male in a somewhat similar situation.

Thanks for starting this thread and best of luck to you. You and onewhocares are awesome spouses!

[pradalove]

Yes, I would hope my spouse would have given me the same support, I would say if you are looking for a supportive partner look for someone secure, self confident and who has other outlets besides the marriage (kids or career) so like in my case his desires do not become my mental focus just something he enjoys that makes him happy just like my other outlets make me happy .. Plus he and I keep the bedroom action hot....