What does everyone want, relationship-wise?

[RobUK]

This is quite hard for me to describe/convey (mainly because I can't really get to grips with either...), but I thought bringing this up, trying to explain it in writing, might help me put it in some sort of comprehensible fashion. Maybe if I need to do this to help myself, others may do so as well, and it might even help them as well...

So, what it comes down to, is what we all want? Being attracted to both genders, does that make people want a single life so they can sleep with whomever? An open relationship where the same happens but there is a constant LTR with one person? Or just the average monogamous with one person, who just may be of either gender?

Personally, and this is just how I feel, I don't mean any offence - not trying to be sexist here, or draw on any stereotypes. Personally, I RARELY feel any romantic attachment to another guy - no real sense of 'love' beyond what you'd feel for any friend. That is not to say I don't want to have sex with guys - I'm very much attracted to them physically. I find women attractive both physically AND emotionally. I often have the same emotions develop towards a girl that people may describe as 'in love' - of an emotional bond, etc. So much so that I couldn't bear to betray them emotionally by 'cheating' on them with some guy....

Yet I still want to have sex with guys. So what does that leave me as an option? An open relationship with some male fuck buddies on the side? Ideally, I'd like a monogamous relationship with 2 people - a guy and a girl. That's not realistic, though - there's so few of us bisexuals, finding 2 you feel close enough with to want to be with long-term AND for them to feel the same about each other? Not likely to happen...

So, how do other people feel? What do YOU want? How do you navigate this veritable bisexual minefield?

Sorry to have rambled so much, but, as I said at the beginning, I can't even work it out in my own head, let alone describe it succinctly!

Rob :oh:

[doorman2107]

I am mostly Hetero and only incidentally into men. I currently have a emotional/romantic relationship with a beautiful woman. She does not know of my desires for men. Our sex life is very good and satisfying how ever from time to time I want man to man contact.
I would like to find a local buddy to have fun with about once a week.
That's all

[Realist]

Rob, there's as many answers as there are people! Many of us have similar interests, but as many are varied.

As for me, I have always been more relationship oriented. Never felt comfortable being sexual with anyone I didn't know well. I've never had a one-night stand with any male, ever. I did have one with a German lady, many years ago, but I was an impulsive teenager and the connection was not rewarding for me.

3 mm relationships were romantic, 5 were private, caring, and mutually compatible, while 2 were more platonic. The longest relationship lasted 10 years, one 7, and the rest ranged from a few months to about 5 years.

I've had more female lovers and they were more often romantic. I have had a few FWB relationships, with the ladies, too. Only 3 that I can think of were strictly platonic. Being bisexual, my most memorable and rewarding relationships were with women who were also bisexual, or accepting of my bisexuality.

You will have to determine what pleases you the most and direct your energies toward that goal.

I know, from experience, that if you try to mold yourself into anyone else's examples, you may never find your way to fulfillment. In my view, you will only be satisfied if you stick to being true to yourself. Believe me, you can be loved for being you!

Good luck, with your life's adventures!

[tenni]

This is a good question!

What I think that we need to be aware is the number of bisexuals who are attracted both physically/sexually to same sex but no emotional attraction to the same sex. That is quite a different scenario from bisexuals who are physically/sexually and emotionally capable of being attracted to both the same and cross gender people. I think that the issues and resolutions will be quite different.

I'm capable of both physical/sexual and emotional attraction to both genders but not transgendered in transition people. I have really only had one type of relationship at a time where I felt both physically/sexually and emotionally to the person regardless of their gender. I believe that I have been capable of being attracted (sexually and emotionally) to a guy while in a relationship with a a woman (in other words in love with two people at the same time). I usually am not equally emotionally attracted to both genders at the same time..that I can recall. A lot of times, I may have just seen my affection for another guy as just friendship rather than love. Sometimes I'm not really sure about my potential emotions with guys...is it just a friend (no sex attraction) or a potential lover?

As time has gone on I've noticed that my ability to have both attractions to both men and women has increased. I can also (like I suspect a lot of guy) keep the emotions out (usually) with another guy but not as often with a women.(not too many fuck buddy history with women..I kept falling for them).

I think that men and women have different expectations. So for a bi guy, it is easier to find another guy to keep the emotion out and keep it physical but not always.

I'd say that this question is complicated for some of us who are capable of both physical/sexual and emotional attraction to both genders. You would think that a closed loop relationship would be best for this type of bisexual...;) ...not sure that it always is. It sounds ideal though.

[dm330]

I'm looking only for a friend or 2 with benefits. I'm completely satisfied being single. Since I'm around people constantly, the time I have at home alone is great. My preference is a guy or woman close to my age and shape to have fun with once or twice a week, and dinner or travel once in a while.

[Gearbox]

It's an excellent question.:)

Ideally, I'd like an open relationship with a bi male. We'd have more in common.
Not meaning any offence - IMO males get better with age, and I can't go around with a 20something female on my arm. Not at my age! That's just sad!:rolleyes:
So a bi bloke around my age, with his marbles intact would (I imagine) be ideal for me.
(Could pick up the 20something females on Wednesdays for a night in.)

[a_curious_guy_2010]

It's an excellent question.:)
and I can't go around with a 20something female on my arm. Not at my age! That's just sad!:rolleyes:


Sure you can, Gearbox. I believe that if there's mutual interest there and things in common, there's nothing wrong with that. If you can pull it off, I say go for it.

[a_curious_guy_2010]

I don't believe I'll ever find the best-case scenario, so i'll have to settle for something a little less than perfect.

For me, the absolute best-case scenario would be to find a couple who wants to have another man in their life for a long-term deal.

I'm someone who does just fine on their own most of the time, so I'd work well with a couple who would like to be great friends outside the bedroom, and occasional to frequent lovers inside the bedroom.

Apart from that, a woman who accepts and allows my bisexuality would be outstanding, but again, so hard to find.

I'm currently seeing a gorgeous woman who I just may love, and if we get married, I'll put my sexual attraction to both sexes to the back of my mind and be faithful to her, because that will be the commitment I will make when I get married.

If I don't feel as though I can do that, I won't marry her.

[elian]

I can't imagine myself being 70 years old in the future still riding around doing occasional "meet-ups"..

I would like to find many good friends and maybe one lifelong companion. Someone to come home to, to hold and be held - and really care for each other. They've done studies that show that couples usually survive a lot longer than single people..knowing that someone else cares deeply is a relief at times.

I've tried the 3 people thing and it was a LOT of work trying to satisfy everyone emotionally - I loved them, they were sweet. I guess maybe if I/we were more carefree it wouldn't be so intense.but I'd like to put my energy into ONE other person for the most part because that is about as much energy as I have to give.

[innaminka]

I want to love and be loved in return - with all that that term encompasses.

At present, that state is being fulfilled wonderfully by another woman, whom I cherish.
It has taken a long, rocky pathway of life, but I'm here. :love::love:

[12voltman59]

Basically that I get with someone, of either gender, who I care about, that person cares about me; we help each other with the things that come in in life; have great sex as much as we can--at least in the early stages since the hot sex does tend to pass as a rule in most relationships--but you at least have a comfortable and fulfilling sex aspect of your overall "thing;" that you have someone to encourage you to take risks or at least have an open mind about new things; to basically have it be that as one person I know likes to say--"your partner has your back and you have his or hers."

I would like to see if I could do that with another guy---but with that--a downside for me with such a relationship is that I would have to fight the battle all the time that: "oh you are gay since you are with a guy!" and I can tell ya----even if I were to spend the rest of my life in a relationship with another guy---I would never be "gay" --not that being gay is a bad thing--its just that I don't at all resonate or identify with what it means to be a gay male as being gay is defined in our culture, other than the fact I might like to have sex with another guy--that is all I have in common with those males who call themselves "gay."

When you look at the totality of what "gayness" encompasses as we define it---I think that that sex part of being gay is at most---say 25 percent of what it means to be "gay." (I am actually being generous to say that 25 percent of being gay has to do with sex--actually I think its more like five or ten percent but I will give the cultural arbiters some leeway on this)

[Chemo29]

Hi everyone! I'm new to the site today. I am married with kids. My wife knows I'm Bi and supports me very much. I have talked with her about this question many times and I think the best situation for me would be a gay male to enter our relationship. My wife does not want to have sex with anyone but me. So, with a gay male I would get what I need an neither of them would have to be with the other. My wife also thinks it would be nice to have a gay male friend to hang with. But there are a few problems that we run into:
1. She is very jealous and is not sure she could handle me loving someone else besides her (I think I have lots of love to go around).
2. I am in the closet and would have to explain a lot if I took a husband.
3. I have two young boys and not sure they would understand having 2 dads and a mom.
We plan on telling the boys when they are old enough to understand and maybe by then she will be less jealous and I will have the balls to tell people I'm Bi and take a male lover, but I worry in the back of my head if it would doom my marriage with my wife (love her a lot an I always want to be with her). It's a hard confusing life sometimes. I think everyone's answer will be different because there are so many different situations. I'm glad I found this site. :)

[newporter4u]

I'm in a 'normal' relationship with a woman so I would be happy just to have a bi buddy to play with every so often.

[TLucky3]

I'm A normal married masculine guy. I'd like to have one partner male or female where I could be the passive submissive partner. Not complicated, Just love and sex.

[GypsyRaeyven]

As a bisexual female, I've found that that the simplest relationships to have (be they casual or something more) are with other bisexual men and women.

For me, what you share with someone of the same gender - physically, emotionally, mentally - is different to what you share with someone of the opposite sex and therefore my ideal relationship would be with someone who can understand that.

I don't think that wanting to be (or being) intimate with someone of the same gender when you're in an otherwise monogamous straight relationship is necessarily cheating. Cheating, in all relationships, is something which is determined solely by your partner. If they aren't happy with you being with another person/people, that is what makes it cheating.

[FluffyBiGirl]

Ideally I'd love a friend. Someone who I can talk to, enjoy spending time with and someone I enjoy having sex with. Once a week. Maybe more. I don't think that is too much to ask. Yet am having a hard time finding it. Good luck in your search

[darkeyes]

In my relationship with Kate.. always to be in love and be loved, to like and be liked.. to be able to talk, understand each other, have fun, make love and be happy and enjoy being together.. to be able to laugh and cry together and raise the children in joy, harmony and enlightenment.. to share our lives and innermost thoughts..

In relationships with the world.. to be liked.. even loved.. to like and love.. for us to get along and have no strife and where we disagree have no acrimony.. to understand each other if we can but at least to try.. to respect each other for who and what we are and what we believe.. to have fun and enjoy each other's company..

To have compassion and be there when we need each other.. to be honest with each other and respect each other's space..

None I hope is too much to want or ask... :)

[Intoital]

In a "normal" relationship. Would like a male lover for SO and I to share on occasion.

[Jobelorocks]

Well I am very happy in my current relationship. My husband and I swing, but are very much in love and I want to spend my life with him. If for whatever reason my husband decided he did not want to swing anymore, I would be okay with that. I don't need to swing and it is much more important to me that my husband and I have a strong and happy relationship and that he is happy. I prefer to swing, but I don't need to.

[maxtor]

would just like to find a friend with benefits to get together occasionally to do things and sex. no romance involved but just friends and lots of anal sex.

[ErosUrge]

RobUK, so many points you make are precisely the things that I have considered myself. The only difference between us is that though I want a significant relationship with a woman, I have a need for men just the same and only sexually like you. However, I do not have an interest in establishing an involved relationship with a male. I wouldn't mind having a friendship with sex a part of it, but nothing heavy. I have that now with 4 different male friends. All my other male friends that I am very close to I have no interest in sex at all which is something I've pointed out several times in my previous posts on other topics. I can't explain why it is I have no interest in being close and sexual with a male. My relationship with all my male friends that I am sexual with is very light...we have a good friendship but we don't hang out or do things together. Only when we get together to play do we indulge in conversation either before or after.

All this could change and I am open to getting closer to a male I'm sexual with, but it hasn't happened yet and I've been bi all my life. But I know absolutely that I could never get into anything as deeply as I do with a woman....

I realize that this is different compared to a lot of other posts here on your topic...but it's yet another aspect of how many different angles there are in living as a bisexual. I am too aware that people like myself are often scorned because of not wanting to stop the experiences of play when entering into a relationship.

Ultimately, like everyone else I want to love and be loved, but with that, I also want to be completely honest. Hiding and being deceitful only burden a relationship and in time comes the demise of it along with lack of communication. When two people can be totally honest and communicate, then the chance for success is probable and highly likely. And if there really is love there and trust because of communication and honesty, it secures things even more.

I have often pointed out about 2 particular couples I know; one who have been together 23 years, and the other 34 years. The first couple, both are bi and both openly play sometimes with others that they share of both sexes and sometimes away from each other. They make it clear that most of their time is with each other and during that time, they spend quality time together. The other only the husband is bi and the wife is open to it as long as he shares his partners with her and that they both agree on the male.

It's tough when one makes this kind of choice as I have described....but it is who I am. I respect all others views and choice of how they go about things. I suppose I am speaking up for those of us who though wanting to be involved with a significant other, continue things with the same sex and only for sex.