Men: Whatcha want-Sex or Bonding?

[tenni]

I am reading on another bi site just for men their discussions on their needs from other men. There seems to be a sizable number of the men who feel disconnected with other men as far as at a friendship level. On a previous thread, they discussed their difficulty in connecting with other men as friends. Some seem to find deeper male friendships difficult to find and maintain. One guy wrote that what he needs are some male friends who are ugly or fat so that he won't be sexually attracted to them.:eek: He wonders if his needs are more about male bonding friendships than raw sex with men. In other words, wanting something else from men other than their dicks.

What are your views gentlemen about your own needs from other men?

Yes, ladies, you are correct if you think that this is not a thread for you. Its a guy issue for some it seems.

[eddy10]

At least for me it is a little of both, sex and male bonding. I do not need or even like emotional attachment beyond my immediate family.

[guylooking4play]

All men gay straight or bi need male bonding its part of who we are as men. We need male companionship even at an early age thats why we like those special times we share with our dads when we are young. And this continues for life be at work at home or on a personal level we all need men in our lives to help us and to teach us. As for sex men want sex mostly with women. But the lucky ones who also experience sex with another man will find a whole new pleasure open to them. A man knows what a man wants and needs. A man knows about gratification. Men give each other the best blow jobs since we all have the same parts we know what makes them cum. When a man has sex with another man a whole new level of bonding takes place one that is much more intimate and passionate. Men make great lovers for other men since we are always horny and usually hard and ready to shoot.

[pepperjack]

All men gay straight or bi need male bonding its part of who we are as men. We need male companionship even at an early age thats why we like those special times we share with our dads when we are young. And this continues for life be at work at home or on a personal level we all need men in our lives to help us and to teach us. As for sex men want sex mostly with women. But the lucky ones who also experience sex with another man will find a whole new pleasure open to them. A man knows what a man wants and needs. A man knows about gratification. Men give each other the best blow jobs since we all have the same parts we know what makes them cum. When a man has sex with another man a whole new level of bonding takes place one that is much more intimate and passionate. Men make great lovers for other men since we are always horny and usually hard and ready to shoot.The Naked Ape by Desmond Morris is a very interesting read; elaborates on this very topic; interesting to me how women often refer to men as dogs when dogs are the most homosexual of all species in the animal kingdom, yet female homosexuality is more readily accepted than male in our society; just making an abstract connection here; I see a paradox, hypocrisy, double-standard:rolleyes:

[BiDaveDtown]

I have lots of male friends but we don't have sex because I'm married and monogamous.

If those guys you wrote about want to have male friends they should just go out and make some and meet new people.

This isn't an issue really relating to bisexual men or bisexuality. It sounds as though these men have issues with socializing and making male friends, and that they've never learned the important life skill of socializing and making friends with other men.

[ErosUrge]

I have male friends for both reasons. My male friends that I have a bond with, I'm not sexual with at all. There's not even the interest for it....even those that are nice looking...Yet we share many other interests.


The male friends I am sexual with I don't have a bond with. Our friendship is based on our sexual connection to one another. It's very easy going and we don't really get into each other's lives. We discuss things a bit about our personal lives, but it stays there as just discussion.

That's the way it's always been for me and I have been bi all my life.

[maxtor]

wife or GF = bonding
man = sexual only

[darkeyes]

wife or GF = bonding
man = sexual only

I know this is a thread for guys, but I find this sad... there is more to same sex or any other kind of relationship than sex... where does friendship come into it in Maxtor's world? has he no close friends with whom he has bonded? I bonded with another girl when at university 13 years ago and we have never been other than the closest of friends.. we are confidantes, comforters, supporters and advisors.. without each other our world would be so much the poorer and a hole in our lives would exist which is irreplacable.. if we sexualised the relationship it could ruin everything we have and so we never have even if we have often slept and share a bed with each other over the years.. while she is far and away my closest friend other than kate, I have others with whom I bonded long ago.. even a couple from my primary school days... best of friends.. no more.. no sex...

Both my father and brother have friends they have bonded with in much the same manner and their lives would be so much the poorer for not having done so.. in neither case has it ever become sexual but they both need those friends in their lives almost as much as they need their family and partners... our partners need us also to have such relationships for without them we are the more selfish, self centred, more insular and with them in my opinion less irritable and better disposed to the world.. we are a helluva a lot more fun and more rounded well balanced human beings...

Maxtor may not mean what I think he is saying and I hope not... but if he does, what a very unfulfilled life he must have...

[Diva667]

I know this is a thread for guys, but I find this sad... there is more to same sex or any other kind of relationship than sex... where does friendship come into it in Maxtor's world? has he no close friends with whom he has bonded? I bonded with another girl when at university 13 years ago and we have never been other than the closest of friends.. we are confidantes, comforters, supporters and advisors.. without each other our world would be so much the poorer and a hole in our lives would exist which is irreplacable.. if we sexualised the relationship it could ruin everything we have and so we never have even if we have often slept and share a bed with each other over the years.. while she is far and away my closest friend other than kate, I have others with whom I bonded long ago.. even a couple from my primary school days... best of friends.. no more.. no sex...

Both my father and brother have friends they have bonded with in much the same manner and their lives would be so much the poorer for not having done so.. in neither case has it ever become sexual but they both need those friends in their lives almost as much as they need their family and partners... our partners need us also to have such relationships for without them we are the more selfish, self centred, more insular and with them in my opinion less irritable and better disposed to the world.. we are a helluva a lot more fun and more rounded well balanced human beings...

Maxtor may not mean what I think he is saying and I hope not... but if he does, what a very unfulfilled life he must have...

It seems that our society encourages little if no bonding between males. Homophobia may be the general cause for this. At work I often hear men "accusing" each other of being someone's "butt boy" especially if they are close. Partly this is done in jest, however I can't help but feel this has a chilling effect on m-m relationships.

[darkeyes]

It seems that our society encourages little if no bonding between males. Homophobia may be the general cause for this. At work I often hear men "accusing" each other of being someone's "butt boy" especially if they are close. Partly this is done in jest, however I can't help but feel this has a chilling effect on m-m relationships.

I'm not quite sure how true that is Diva me luffly... it certainly inhibits the kind of bonding men have, and the ways in which they display affection.. two guys sharing a bed for instance is much less acceptable nowadays than in the past.. my sister in law and I have poured my brother into his bed more than once and he has woken up sleeping with his still half pissed mates... the shock as they come to is quite funny.. and the rate of knots they clamber out of bed isnt something two women would normally do.. but male bonding is common and I think predominant.. most guys I know have a best m8 and a gaggle of m8s they spend a lot of time with cos they like and are fond of each other.. they would go to the ends of the earth 2 defend each other.. they are more than m8's.. they are bonded friends and will be forever and a day...

Men wont hug or kiss like women (unless they are French or Walloon maybe) cos machoness wont allow it.. and that is to some extent a form of homophobia.. but you can see real like and affection in men displayed in other ways... just by the way they are easy in each others company and their eyes and body language tell us they are best m8s.. male bonding is encouraged in the military for instance (I know that isnt something I approve of.. the military.. not the bonding), the police and other emergency services because of the common danger faced by each other.. the advent of women in those services notwithstanding it still goes... each is a predominantly male institution and loyalty to friend can mean life or death.. I see it at school every day... young boys, best m8s and ne'er shall anyone set asunder... u just know who has and hasn't bonded.. I have had parents or my Rector or Head of department tell me that young Bobby cant be allowed to be in the company of little Davie or Big Mike because of many reasons.. but those boys have bonded and fuck what mummy and daddy wants or the school tries to impose... they will be m8s whatever anyone says.. and what a rumpus they kick up if we try and interfere with their bonding...

That it is different from the bonding of female friends I agree and some of it is down to homophobia.. but not as much as we might think... much is cultural with no homophobic intent, much in the nature of men in that they are just different from women.. I just havent a clue how loners do it.. go through life without having bonded with anyone.. same or opposite gender.. but they do.. and often with very tragic consequences.. not always except for them personally in that their loneliness must be awful to bear.. sometimes too awful..

[ErosUrge]

I'm not quite sure how true that is Diva me luffly... it certainly inhibits the kind of bonding men have, and the ways in which they display affection.. two guys sharing a bed for instance is much less acceptable nowadays than in the past.. my sister in law and I have poured my brother into his bed more than once and he has woken up sleeping with his still half pissed mates... the shock as they come to is quite funny.. and the rate of knots they clamber out of bed isnt something two women would normally do.. but male bonding is common and I think predominant.. most guys I know have a best m8 and a gaggle of m8s they spend a lot of time with cos they like and are fond of each other.. they would go to the ends of the earth 2 defend each other.. they are more than m8's.. they are bonded friends and will be forever and a day...

Men wont hug or kiss like women (unless they are French or Walloon maybe) cos machoness wont allow it.. and that is to some extent a form of homophobia.. but you can see real like and affection in men displayed in other ways... just by the way they are easy in each others company and their eyes and body language tell us they are best m8s.. male bonding is encouraged in the military for instance (I know that isnt something I approve of.. the military.. not the bonding), the police and other emergency services because of the common danger faced by each other.. the advent of women in those services notwithstanding it still goes... each is a predominantly male institution and loyalty to friend can mean life or death.. I see it at school every day... young boys, best m8s and ne'er shall anyone set asunder... u just know who has and hasn't bonded.. I have had parents or my Rector or Head of department tell me that young Bobby cant be allowed to be in the company of little Davie or Big Mike because of many reasons.. but those boys have bonded and fuck what mummy and daddy wants or the school tries to impose... they will be m8s whatever anyone says.. and what a rumpus they kick up if we try and interfere with their bonding...

That it is different from the bonding of female friends I agree and some of it is down to homophobia.. but not as much as we might think... much is cultural with no homophobic intent, much in the nature of men in that they are just different from women.. I just havent a clue how loners do it.. go through life without having bonded with anyone.. same or opposite gender.. but they do.. and often with very tragic consequences.. not always except for them personally in that their loneliness must be awful to bear.. sometimes too awful..

So much of what you say is so true and you have a very good insight into the way men relate to one another both sexually and otherwise. On your point of "Men wont hug or kiss like women (unless they are French or Walloon maybe) cos machoness wont allow it.. and that is to some extent a form of homophobia.. but you can see real like and affection in men displayed in other ways..."...I can see how this is true but I wouldn't say that it's always homophobia. I can only relate to this through my own sexual experiences with men and perhaps I am blind to the reason within myself. There are only certain men I am interested in kissing and it really has to do with the moment...sometimes it just doesn't feel right with certain men. For those I do kiss, it's all to do with the passion of the moment. There is one man that I know and every time we get together, kissing dominates our moments together. Yes, there's plenty of sex too but the kissing is on an equal par and makes the sexual all the more enjoyable. I can't explain it but it's the quality of the way we are with each other and drawn that way to one another. Yet with most other men, it's not what happens. For me, kissing is a very intimate thing. Yet, I have been able to separate the deeper feelings of love and affection when kissing from intense passionate sexual hunger...with this man, it is an intense sexual hunger. But it is filled with incredible sensuality too; I feel as though I'm with a woman in some ways and sometimes I feel like a woman whenever he and I are together...the man just simply knows how to kiss very well. Away from the sexual/sensual moments, we are cordial. But there is no deep emotional interest in one another. There are ways to truly enjoy the moments without all the other attached to it whether with male or female. I would also say that your comment about the machoness being the reason for it has a lot of accuracy, but again it's not always for this reason that men don't kiss...

Overall, I agree with what you're pointing out and it's great to know that women can see into men's interactions. I just wanted to give a little more information that hopefully might give another angle as to why men don't or do bond with each other.

I do think it sad that men can't bond with other men at all or the way society sometimes frowns upon it....

But in my own personal circle of friends this isn't the case. Even with the male friends I have a close personal bond with and no sex, we are never afraid to publicly embrace each other holding on to each other for a bit longer than some men do. I have seen many men do a quick embrace and then pull apart as though in fear of being judged. With my male friends, this is not the case. We hold an embrace without fear and it is a genuine expression of our feelings to one another and sex has nothing to do with it.....some male friends don't hold on as long, but they still express their feelings this way. Yes, I realize this isn't the case with a vast majority of men, but wanted to speak up for those of us who do express our feelings for one another without fear of public scrutiny.
Thanks for allowing me to run off on a tangent.....

[mikey3000]

It seems that our society encourages little if no bonding between males. Homophobia may be the general cause for this. At work I often hear men "accusing" each other of being someone's "butt boy" especially if they are close. Partly this is done in jest, however I can't help but feel this has a chilling effect on m-m relationships.

I totally agree. Especially in North America men suffer from social isolation and are almost frowned upon for having close male friends. And the problem gets worse as we get older. It's not a new phenonema, but it is getting much worse. There are so many lonely guys out there who crave for male companionship. I know. I'm one of them.

Read this. The Lost Art Of Buddyship:
http://cwolf2.tripod.com/buddyship.htm

[Gearbox]

Doesn't it strike you as odd that males fear getting 'too close' in case something terrible (homosexual) happens?:bigrin:

Women seem better able to trust each other on many levels. Yes they bitch a lot, but they have no probs expressing their thoughts & feelings to each other. That's prob why they bitch!:bigrin: They communicate honestly!
Men are more prone to keeping things locked up from other men. We are always fine and ok. We bare burdens rather than just saying what we really think. You just can't say "Hey those jeans make your ass look great! And that top shows off your pecs real good! You look awesome today!".:bigrin: Not amongst 'straight' males anyway!
But women are constantly giving their observations to their female friends. They express!

Men are in control of themselves. We don't cry at weddings! We don't let emotions get the better of us and we certainly don't respect other men loosing their grip! We are ok, fine and can cope on our own!
Well that's what gets drummed into us from childhood.:rolleyes:
Men might share their real feelings with women, but not always with other men.

I think that's why bonding with another man on an emotional and sexual level is such a thrill.;) I can't describe how intense a kiss can be with another man. It's taken for granted with a woman, but it's a revelation with a man. (for me anyway).
I mentally prepared for my first adult m-m sex session. I would not kiss! Would not embrace! Would not yada yada yada I'd be in control.
But that went out the window as soon as I got on him.:bigrin:
That bridge was crossed! The bridge that is BANNED with other male friends.
We could chat for hours about metaphysics to women, but never overstep the line when it comes to our emotions.
I love crossing that line! I bond so easily with bi/gay men during sex. It might not continue afterwards, but for that time I'm completely open.:tongue:

Still got control issues! Must admit! But working on them.:)