I need words of encouragment or friedly advice.

[dman82]

Times are starting to get so damn tough, and it is getting harder and harder to afford the simple little things that are needed in life to survive. My wife lost her job a couple months ago and is still looking. I treat friends like family and help them in times of struggle, and we have 2 friends living with us, who have no other place they can stay. They offer what they can to help, which is food benifets, and a little cash. But still hard to make ends meet. I feel like I am getting desperate and will do almost anything for cash just to survive.
I know this isn't the typical sexy post people are looking to see. I just figure as a bisexual community I would be able to get advice, words of encouragement, well wishes, anything. And with the way I am feeling, I may consider an offer. I don't know. A thank you in advance to those who read the entire post in caring for their fellow person.

[Long Duck Dong]

strange as it sounds, living from day to day, is one of the best ways to learn who are our friends, who really cares about us, and who we really matter to....

its a path I have walked ( by choice and not by choice ) a number of times in my life.... and it has been some of the most contented times of my life, as I knew that the people around me, were actually the people that I could trust and rely on.......

its a time for taking stock of the things that are wanted and the things that are needed.... and yeah when it comes to things like food. we find that whats in the cupboard is often not what we want to eat, but what we want to eat, ain't in the cupboard.....

so my advice is not to look at how to cut costs, but how to make what you have got, become something different, something new.... things like a bag of potatoes, some cheese, a piece of garlic, some eggs, cheap meat, some processed veges, and you have a fry up... tomorrow it can become garlic chips, the next night, potato fritters, the night after, cheese omelettes

a couple of bottles of cheap wine, some candles and soft music... once a week, sounds romantic, but actually it means no tv, and a lot of talking, relaxing, one hell of a stress breaker and change from the daily grind.....

find some board games like trivial pursuit or monopoly..... or shower together with that dear wife of yours as foreplay......

the secret is not to focus on what you do not have, but take your mind off of what you want to have, and enjoy what you have......

money is a trap as people tend to think in terms of what we need to do for money in order to eat.... instead of thinking what can we do in exchange for food on the table.... I do things like fix computers, etc.. and I built that up until I became fully certified, and now, I still fix computers for very lil.... cos the people I do it for, are often, just like you... they have lil money but a lot to share.....

[maxtor]

i do things for people that would normally be charged for but i enjoy being able to make their life a bit more livable. if i can help someone at all that needs help, i will throw right in and help and never expect any thing in return except maybe a kind thank you. i always tell them they dont owe me a thing cause i may be in their shape some day and need someone to help me. actually i am thinking about taking in someone that doesnt have a place to live or cant get by paying rent and not having food. i would perfer an older person and they can have one of my bedrooms and they will have a bath the themselves also. i will provide the food and they can cook so both of us benefit from that....and older ladies usually can cook very well so that will be a plus.

[Realist]

If you have room for a garden, you can raise and put up food, by canning, drying, or even trading it for other things you need. I know that'd be difficult up there, at this time of year, but something to think of next Spring.

Bartering lawn care, house cleaning, dog walking, day care, shoveling snow, painting houses, car repairs, welding, carpentry, tutoring, for money, or food can bring in funds, or products, you could use.

I've never done it, but I knew some hippies, back in the '60s and '70s, who did OK by living in a communal environment. About 10 of them lived in an old house that one of them got free for doing farm work for an old fellow. Each of them had a different skill, or ability, that they chipped in with. They lived on almost nothing bought, but seemed to have everything they needed.

Times are hard, now, but I don't think things are going to get better any time soon!

[Gearbox]

I don't know if you have a Citizens Advice Bureau there, but if you do it's worth a visit. They may direct you towards getting financial help with your situation until a job comes by.

Failing that - it might be a good idea to have a house meeting to tackle the situation as a group. Not just you and your wife!
Hope your slump is a short one!:)

[DuckiesDarling]

Hugs ya, Dman. They keep saying things will get better but I'm tired of platitudes and want our economy growing again. The weather has been such a big variant in prices of everything but most especially food. You have to have food. The key is to learn to do more with a bit less. It makes it harder with more people in the house, but you mentioned they get food benefits, so that will help. There are local places that can help with other necessities like toilet paper and soap and shampoo and even assistance with paying electric bills.

It's rough to try to hang on to what you have but I do urge you to take stock and see if there is an expense you CAN do without for awhile. As was posted there are a lot of "peasant food" recipes that are becoming more popular again but you can do a lot with some staples in a pantry. If there is absolutely no way to cut something from your life until you have more disposable cash then check with neighbors to see if anyone needs any handywork done around the house and yard. Might be a way to pick up some cash under the table and feel good helping your neighbor out at the same time.

Good luck to you, your wife and your friends.

PS...I sure hope your wife is applying for unemployment benefits since she lost her job.

[welickit]

Times are tough all over but there are still people out there with money to spend. Learning what they will spend on is pretty easy. You can pretty easily pick up anywhere from two or three hundred to fifteen hundred a week on eBay. We do it all the time and we are on a fixed income that is less than $1000 a month. If you have a checking account/debit card and a computer with Internet access you can do it also.

Every weekend we visit a local flea market and/or yard sales. We just got home from there as a matter of fact. To give you an example: we bought a pair of engraved brass door hinges for $5 the guy asked $7 and settled for $5. One week later we got $81 for them (plus shipping and handling) on eBay. We bought a dented cuspidor for $5 and got $30 a week later.

I buy every wooden cigar box I can find if it is only $3 to $5. I use carbon paper to transfer an image to the top then the wife uses a wood burning pen to trace the image and burn it into the wood. Average box brings in around $85.

Your most logical question would be How do I know what will sell. The people on eBay bid on things. I simply do a search on eBay for an item and see if people are bidding on like items. People will buy anything and everything. A dead bug in a box sold for $9.99 as a joke gift. $9.99 isn't much...unless you sell 20 or 30 of them a week. The little items add up fast.

It is fun, easy and you can do it from home in your underwear. You don't need a fortune to start. Most recently we have had fantastic luck with old penny postcards and Lego blocks. You won't get rich but if you need to supplement your income it is something anyone can do.

Regardless of all else try to keep a positive attitude and a smile.

Good Luck:bipride:

[falcondfw]

Wow! Some really fantastic advice for you Dman. This community ALWAYS comes through in a pinch.

Do you have any skills that could become a business on the side? I am a programmer and have a business building web sites on the side.

What can you economize on? Do you have cable or sattelite tv? Do you really need it? Do you leave your computer on 24/7? Do your kids always leave lights on? You know, in some communities, if you install solar panels on your house, you can sell any excess electricity back to your electric company. Maybe a solar hot water heater? Extra insulation in the house or a radiant barrier in the attic? All of those things will also give you tax breaks, if you are in the USA. What about growing a garden? Do you take the newspaper? Why? You can read it online for free. What about that triple caf mocha latte every morning at starbucks? Maybe bring your lunch to work, instead of eat out?

Those are just some ideas. My point is, if you look hard enough, you can always find ways to economize. You are not really giving things up, just making smarter decisions. For example, that $5 coffee at starbucks every day will come to $1250 per year ($5 monday through friday times 50 weeks of working). If you make your coffee at home and bring it in a mug, you can make it as strong or weak as you want it and it will cost a fraction of that $1250, even if you buy a REALLY fancy coffee machine for your home.

I hope this helps.

P.S. I admire the type of person you are to be a true friend and help out those in need the way you are. That takes a special person. I am the same way. Unfortunately, our generous nature also gets us in trouble at times. lol.

[dman82]

I would like to thank everyone so far for their great advice. I am honestly thinking of a garden next spring. I know the seeds are cheap and may be even cheaper since fall and winter are coming. I do need to look into the energy assistance once again. I have used it once before and forgot all about it for some reason. I hope we are able to get back on it. When we had food stamps ourselves once before, we had one good month right before renewing them, and they suspended our services untill we could provide 6 months of pay stubs. We couldn't provide that so they bared my wife and I from ever having them again.
I currently work latenights and sleep during the day, so my car detailing and carpentry skills would be useful, just need to adjust my sleeping schedual some to do it during the day time when "normal" people are awake. The one friend who is able to work is starting to look for work so he can pitch in more, since he will be living here longer then our other friend.
Thats why I love these 2 friends. We took them in, they asked what can they do to help. Knowing our situation they offered their food benifets, and helping keep the house clean. But the thing that sucks is there are no little things holding us back. It is our bills the biggest bill being the house payment. But that is an entierly different story.
I will take this advice I have been so greatfully given, and see what we can manage together as a household here. Thank you all again so much and so dearly.

[falcondfw]

dman,
talk to your bank about modifying your loan. There are also federal programs to help people that are having trouble meeting mortgage payments. Check out the Department of Housing And Urban Development web site: http://portal.hud.gov/hudportal/HUD?src=/program_offices/housing/sfh/nsc/faqlm. I hope it helps.

[hgf33]

There is no denying that this economy sucks. Many people are going through things like this. I finally found that the only way to deal with it myself is to try and look at things differently. I tend to feel worthless and like I'm running out of time in life. I have no car, no job, no degree... I have to rely on my boyfriend for everything. I get really down, and the only thing that helps is to change my perspective. I'm not one of those perky, cheerleader-type optimists, and it won't help with your money issue, but it will help calm your mental state quite a bit. Simply, count your blessings. Instead of concentrating on the things you don't have, be thankful for what you do have, and how it could be much worse. I always say I have people who love me, food on the table, and a roof over my head, so I'm blessed. Don't get me wrong, I know this isn't easy! Take a personal inventory of the good things in your life, and it may help you a lot more than you might think! :)

As for your money issue, food banks aren't just for the homeless. Anyone can go to a foodbank and get all sorts of items, and they won't ask you for any personal information. Another very good program is Angel Food. It's a ministry program, but anyone can participate (meaning, you don't have to be part of that church, or any church, to receive food). Food banks tend to throw a bunch of random items in a box, many that you don't need, but Angel Food gives you a large variety of quality items to keep many people fed for quite some time. It's definitely something you should look into.

I would also sit down and have a discussion with everyone in the house. Come up with ways you can save money and help one another. Even the things in life that don't require money will still help take some stress off, like helping with housework and whatnot. Like my boyfriend always says, time is money! However, there are many things you can do to save money on groceries and bills as well. 90% of store brand and generic brand items are just as good, if not better, than brand names. Stores like Aldi have their own brands and are trying to get their name out there, and I've learned that most of their products are MUCH better than name brands! You can save lots of money on cleaners and many other household necessities by shopping at Dollar Trees. Pay attention to things when you shop, and make sure you're getting the best bang for the buck, so to speak. I can get a HUGE bottle of laundry detergent for $3 at Dollar General, when a smaller bottle at WalMart might be $4. There isn't one store where everything is cheaper though, and if you have to do a lot of driving, you won't save any money, so keep that in mind too. You might save $1 if you get an item at a different store than the one you're at, but you're going to spend more than that driving there.

As for bills and non-grocery things, go to the websites (or call the company and talk to someone) and see what kinds of packaged deals you can get, or what sort of discounts they may be able to give you. Many electricity, water, and gas companies have programs to offer, and garbage service companies will sometimes have promotions. Also, sometimes you can save money on your phone bill by having multiple phones... or maybe you'd save money by doing-away with cell phones, and just have a home phone for you all to share. Think about all the things that seem like necessities that really aren't, like getting the newspaper. Papers are a pretty big chunk of change, when you can just get your news online (if you have access.) Check with your government plans to see if there are income-based healthcare programs. I have no income, so I'm able to get some services free, and others at a huge discount. There's always food stamps, too, if you qualify.

We never buy brand name clothes, unless there is a really, REALLY good sale on them. We have some very nice clothes and items in our house... and we haven't paid for hardly anything!!! Shop at Goodwill and stores like it, and always check out the clearance racks/shelves. Keep eyes and ears out for when your friends are wanting to get rid of some things and either a)will sell it cheap, or b)will give it to you for free, just so they can be rid of it. Our house is furnished with things like this, and you'd never tell by looking at it!Does your wife or anyone know how to sew? Find clothes or bedding that has flaws which would make them cheaper to buy, and go home and fix them up! You could look around your house or places for useless items that you could make into something functional or decorative. There is also Freecycle, where you can give and receive items for free, with other people in your community.

I know exactly what you're going through, trying to help others while staying afloat. It's a good thing that you do, but know when to draw the line. We are still trying to get our lives back after losing everything to help his father, since his health has gone downhill and his sisters won't lift a finger. It's frustrating, because you just can't afford the money and stress, but you also can't just let someone you love suffer, or worse. It's totally understandable when it's family or friends you're very close to, but just know when to say no. We've finally discovered that, while some appreciate it whole-heartedly, many were just taking advantage of us. Don't go broke because you're trying to help someone who would never care enough to do the same for you. If people aren't grateful, stop helping them. There are people who will see how big your heart is start using you. We've finally started cutting people out of our lives altogether because they only ever call on us if when they want something... and we don't have anything to give!

The most important thing is, don't sacrifice your dignity and lose site of who you are, just to make ends meet. There are more important things in life than money, and always remember that things could always be much worse! I wish you the best of luck!! :)

[matutum]

Times are starting to get so damn tough, and it is getting harder and harder to afford the simple little things that are needed in life to survive. My wife lost her job a couple months ago and is still looking. I treat friends like family and help them in times of struggle, and we have 2 friends living with us, who have no other place they can stay. They offer what they can to help, which is food benifets, and a little cash. But still hard to make ends meet. I feel like I am getting desperate and will do almost anything for cash just to survive.
I know this isn't the typical sexy post people are looking to see. I just figure as a bisexual community I would be able to get advice, words of encouragement, well wishes, anything. And with the way I am feeling, I may consider an offer. I don't know. A thank you in advance to those who read the entire post in caring for their fellow person.

I know that millions of others are in the same boat as you!No jobs(in other countries is where they r),no jobs,gas,foodprices going up.How did we get to this situation?The public doesn't pay attention to who they vote for and what the people who they voted for do!It would be nice to sell ones self but who can afford to pay?We all need to vote and wake up.

[welickit]

Another suggestion from us. We use this site to help out friends. You don't need to enter nor are you asked for any information that could identify you. It is a government site that will review your situation based on your input and tell you what if any benefits you may qualify for. You and your friends might benefit from it.

http://www.benefits.gov/

When the chips are down anything is worth a shot. If you never ask then the answer is always no. :bipride:

[matutum]

I would like to thank everyone so far for their great advice. I am honestly thinking of a garden next spring. I know the seeds are cheap and may be even cheaper since fall and winter are coming. I do need to look into the energy assistance once again. I have used it once before and forgot all about it for some reason. I hope we are able to get back on it. When we had food stamps ourselves once before, we had one good month right before renewing them, and they suspended our services untill we could provide 6 months of pay stubs. We couldn't provide that so they bared my wife and I from ever having them again.
I currently work latenights and sleep during the day, so my car detailing and carpentry skills would be useful, just need to adjust my sleeping schedual some to do it during the day time when "normal" people are awake. The one friend who is able to work is starting to look for work so he can pitch in more, since he will be living here longer then our other friend.
Thats why I love these 2 friends. We took them in, they asked what can they do to help. Knowing our situation they offered their food benifets, and helping keep the house clean. But the thing that sucks is there are no little things holding us back. It is our bills the biggest bill being the house payment. But that is an entierly different story.
I will take this advice I have been so greatfully given, and see what we can manage together as a household here. Thank you all again so much and so dearly.

You are a little slow on the take.I've had a garden for years,also gather fruit from other peoples trees ,with there permission,and we can it!People let food fall to the groung,and rot in there gardens.There is free food every where.You can do this!!!!!