hello! (first post)

[franz687]

hello all,
looking through the forum threads, I'm glad to see so many people I can relate to, who can hopefully help me sort a few things out.
my story? I'm a 28/m who grew up in a super strict "Christian" home. I was taught to suppress not only gay feelings of sexuality but any feelings of sexuality. needless to say this didn't work out for me lol...

I'm still sorting through this... here's what I know for sure so far...

1. I dated a couple guys and enjoyed the sex, although I have to say I had some mixed feelings about it...but it definitely felt like a relief to be able to date a guy and have people around who didn't mind.
I still have fantasies about guys sometimes, and I'm exploring crossdressing (which I'm finding out is quite a turn-on...).
The people in my life who I felt like really saw me for who I am are the women in my life I've shared my preferences with.

but...where the confusion comes in...I've always been really really hard on myself about being feminine or gay at all...soo this could just be like an inner resurgance/rebellion thing. It's hard to tell at this point, but I'm not going to pre-judge anything.

anyways...I'm trying to have fun with it along the way. feel free to share your thoughts/feelings and I'm looking forward to reading your posts!

[mikey3000]

Hiya and welcome! You'll find all kinds here and tons of great stories. Enjoy all. The people here are very helpful too.

[pepperjack]

hello all,
looking through the forum threads, I'm glad to see so many people I can relate to, who can hopefully help me sort a few things out.
my story? I'm a 28/m who grew up in a super strict "Christian" home. I was taught to suppress not only gay feelings of sexuality but any feelings of sexuality. needless to say this didn't work out for me lol...

I'm still sorting through this... here's what I know for sure so far...

1. I dated a couple guys and enjoyed the sex, although I have to say I had some mixed feelings about it...but it definitely felt like a relief to be able to date a guy and have people around who didn't mind.
I still have fantasies about guys sometimes, and I'm exploring crossdressing (which I'm finding out is quite a turn-on...).
The people in my life who I felt like really saw me for who I am are the women in my life I've shared my preferences with.

but...where the confusion comes in...I've always been really really hard on myself about being feminine or gay at all...soo this could just be like an inner resurgance/rebellion thing. It's hard to tell at this point, but I'm not going to pre-judge anything.

anyways...I'm trying to have fun with it along the way. feel free to share your thoughts/feelings and I'm looking forward to reading your posts!

I agree with you that suppression does not work;it's a cauldron,destined to erupt. Expressing yourself on this site is a good catharsis.

[Jobelorocks]

I come from a similar background as you and you will continue feeling pangs of guilt, but it is mostly due to having the thought of being gay or sexually deviant to their teachings is bad and will send you to Hell. I am still getting over these feelings myself. You may want to check out the documentary "Fish Out of Water". It is a really good one that has helped me. Also read books about sexuality and find out the realities of things. (what is said to be deviant is actually generally really normal and common) Also networking with like-minded folks should help as well. I hope that you are able to work through any issues you may have and reach a happy and fulfilling sex life.

[Long Duck Dong]

welcome to the site franz...

you feel confused about the idea that you are gay or feminine....... that could be part of the upbringing, but as you describe it, its like a inner rebellion....

think about the cross dressing for a few moments, and how that makes you feel, not the sexual aspect of it, but why you cross dress and how you feel about yourself when you are cross dressing.....

some guys that cross dress can mentally * transition * into a female persona when they are cross dressing and having sex, and when they are in * normal * mode, that conflicts with the feminine / gay aspect of what they do......

its not so much walking and talking like a female, its more like they think and feel as a female and feel more at ease coming at things from a female point of view and it can make it easier to do things......

females can be very intuitive and understanding of the subtle differences in males so it sounds like you have some very good and very understanding friends, tho you did not mention if you have been sexually active with the ladies.....

so I do have a couple of questions....

assuming that you have been sexually active with both genders, do you feel a difference in the way you think and feel towards each gender....

what do you feel more drawn to.... sex with both genders or sex with a single gender

with males, do you feel better and more able to have sex with males as a male or dressed as a lady

[bobble]

Hi Franz687,

I'm a newbie too. Welcome!

I'm not an expert in the field (but I have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express), but if I were to guess, at a cocktail party, I'd guess that you have two things going on regarding the guilt. One from your religious background, the other general societal reaction. Even the second, probably has roots in the US puritanical religious roots. So the two things that should bring someone comfort, religion and community, don't do so for you.

Personally, I think religion has caused way more harm in history of man than done any good.

At your age, it is very difficult. But as you get older I think you'll find it easier to accept yourself, and disregard the negativity that tries to invade. It really does get easier as you work your way through life, in my experience.

I suspect that on a site like this you'll find a lot more support than you are used to!

Good luck, hang in there!

Aloha,
Bobble

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Welcome to the site Hon, and welcome to finding You along the way..:}
Cat
Everybody's Feline...

[Realist]

Hi Franz and welcome.

As you can see, you've already found a few who have been, or are, in your same boat.

Some members want to help, some like the banter, and there a few who enjoy getting abrasive.

Write, read, and take what you need. You can ignore anything you're not interested in, or repelled by, too.