Heteroflexible?

[bi42guy1958]

I just wonder about the terms we use to describe ourselves. Are we heteroflexible or bisexual?

For myself Ive always considered myself bisexual. As I break down the word bisexual, bi, meaning two and sexual as the only attraction I have toward the same sex. So when it comes to same sex relationships, Im only sexually attracted to men, but with the opposite sex I am most definitely relationship oriented.
When I hear the word heteroflexible, I also break it down as hetero which is in this case an attraction to the opposite sex and of course flexible as being open to or willing to adapt. So as I see it, this is one who is willing to be flexible to or open to a traditional relationship with either sex.
Im just wondering what others think, or other views on this. I know that I am very confused when it comes to my sexuality, and have been for years.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol careful, you will get jumped up.....lol

the difficulty with heteroflexible is how different people use the word to define themseves..... ever heard of the term gay flexible or les flexible ?

some people use the term hetero flexible to define themselves as people that are one sexuality and not really curious, but open to experiences if they find themselves in the situation..... and how that can differ from sexuality curious person, is that a sexuality curious person can have thoughts, feelings and desires but has not really experimented to see how real the thoughts, feelings and desires are..... if they are just fantasy motivated or more than that......

it can be argued that sexuality curious people are actually another sexuality, IE hetero flexible are actually bisexual people..... but some of the people that have used that argument in the forum, are also the people that have argued that only sexually active people are a sexuality....

some people can use the term in reference to refer to themselves as people that have a romantic and sexual interest in one gender and a sexual / non romantic interest in the other gender..... but they are generally told that they are bisexuals in denial.......

things like the klein scale and kinsey scale are good as a rough guide for people, but its only you can that really define yourself..... and no end of people that will try and tell you how you are wrong for the way you see yourself......

[BiDaveDtown]

Heteroflexible is just another term for someone who is bisexual but they're full of internalized biphobia and don't want to call themselves bisexual, and they're trying to hold onto a heterosexual identity when they never have been, were, or will be heterosexual/straight at all.

[DuckiesDarling]

Heteroflexible is just another term for someone who is bisexual but they're full of internalized biphobia and don't want to call themselves bisexual, and they're trying to hold onto a heterosexual identity when they never have been, were, or will be heterosexual/straight at all.

BiDave, not everyone who considers themselves heteroflexible has any biphobia, internalized or otherwise. I consider myself heteroflexible yet I have zero interest in being with a female. I just consider myself straight with an open mind, if something happens when my partner and I are out with friends, it happens. It won't change who I am deep inside. Why does everyone insist on trying to label others as what they think they are? Why does every label have to be cookie cutter and not unique to the individual. Not all bisexuals are involved with both sexes at the same time, yet when someone who has no clue hear's someone is bi they immediately think "forget him/her, they will just cheat anyway". But being on this site has taught me that not all bisexuals are like that and to continue trying to pigeon hole people is to continue to cause nothing but issues on this site and indeed in the world around all of the people here as well.


To the OP, welcome to the site. You are what you want to be and let no one tell you different.

[Gearbox]

I consider myself heteroflexible yet I have zero interest in being with a female. I just consider myself straight with an open mind, if something happens when my partner and I are out with friends, it happens. It won't change who I am deep inside.
Kind of like a 'Lipstick Lesbian'?
Not trying to mock, but that's what it sounds like.
Having same gender sex and not being effected by it sexually is basically finding out that your heterosexual by experience isn't it?

What do you mean?

[DuckiesDarling]

I mean if we are out with friends and just playing around and more happens than I was ever interested in that it won't change me. It will just be an experience I shared with my partner. I am not sexually attracted to women but I am emotionally attracted to them as friends as close as sisters. It doesn't change who I am deep inside it only allows me an experience with my friends. I don't consider myself bi, I consider myself straight with curves as my ad says and it doesn't mean tits and ass it means curves in my thinking as well. I'm not locked into the rigidness of one sexuality while not being sexually attracted to the same gender. Hope that makes sense to you, Gearbox.

[501518]

how about someone like me who only likes same gender sex during 3-somes with my wife? (no romantic attraction to the same gender, only for 3-some sex)

[*pan*]

:( LABELS - LABELS - LABELS :( just so tired of labels - everyone wants to label everyone and everything :rolleyes:. would it matter to you if we were having sex and you found out i was pansexual instead of being bisexual or homosexual, i believe labels open the door to more biases and dislikes and hatreds. :( i am me take me or leave me for who i am.:cool: whats next a label for people who like to have sex with different races :eek: hmmm ... wonder what that one would be called :three: a bimultiracesexual lmao :flag4:

[tenni]

I think that self labelling is ok as long as it isn't used to fake it.

ie to present yourself as one of those in the "bisexual community" for self grandiousement. Another is to fake it to yourself in denial.

If you enjoy having sex with other men with your wife present, 501518, I'd see you as bisexual. You may be closer to a 2 or 3 but if you enjoy sucking cock with your wife present or taking it up the butt, you're bisexual just accept it. If you enjoy getting sucked by a man with your wife present and you don't touch the other guy's cock, well that is up to you to decide what to call yourself. I wouldn't care nor anyone if you quietly "thought" of yourself heterosexual but you are just fooling yourself.

The word "heteroflexible" is just an attempt to complicate matters so that a person doesn't feel other than heterosexual. Basically, we each eventually know if we are bisexual or hetero. If you don't use the word bi curious for a bit. Put a dick in your mouth and enjoy it with guilt to follow more than one occasion, you're bi. Wank while thinking about sucking dick, you're bi...accept it you will eventually.

[tenni]

"I am not sexually attracted to women but I am emotionally attracted to them as friends as close as sisters. It doesn't change who I am deep inside it only allows me an experience with my friends. I don't consider myself bi"



I would see such a person as heterosexual. If the person is open minded about others being bisexual or gay that doesn't need to be complicated by a term heteroflexible. Sexuality is not about which sexualities that you wish to give support to politically or personally. If you want to give emotional support /attracted to other women, that is being a friend. It might be a form of bisexuality though but not the more common understanding. It might be best to see yourself as a friend or there won't be any heterosexual women left...;) :)?

If you are flexible about what gender that you have sex with there is a word other than heteroflexible. If you are open/flexible to any sexual activity happening regardless of the gender of the person, the same word probably applies and it isn't heteroflexible.

[Cc33guy]

Labels ??? Ehh if I HAD to define it I would say about a 3 on the Kinsey... But that would piss a few 3's off I am sure.

[Gearbox]

I mean if we are out with friends and just playing around and more happens than I was ever interested in that it won't change me. It will just be an experience I shared with my partner. I am not sexually attracted to women but I am emotionally attracted to them as friends as close as sisters. It doesn't change who I am deep inside it only allows me an experience with my friends. I don't consider myself bi, I consider myself straight with curves as my ad says and it doesn't mean tits and ass it means curves in my thinking as well. I'm not locked into the rigidness of one sexuality while not being sexually attracted to the same gender. Hope that makes sense to you, Gearbox.
It sounds like you'd just be really nice to a female 3rd, in a sub way, allowing her to take pleasure in you while you go through the motions.
But would you also get any pleasure from her as either sub or dom?
Is it more 'what is done' than 'who does' it?
(Lol. No I'm NOT being pervy!)

[Long Duck Dong]

lol gearbox,

a better way of showing what me and DD define as a heteroflexible is this way and its a example not actually defining other peoples sexuality

a heterosexual- only interested in opposite sex contact, no same sex contact under any circumstances

hetero flexible - not interested in same sex contact, doesn't think or dream about it, would not scream the house down if a person of the same gender hit on them... and may allow more contact at that time or in the future...... generally a same sex virgin....

bi curious- interested in same sex contact, thinks and dreams about it, interested in trying it, but has not done it

so its not so much about defining a persons sexuality and if they are hetero or bi or gay / les.... its more about them as a person, IE couch potato or base jumper.... land lubber or round the world sailor......

[Gearbox]

hetero flexible - not interested in same sex contact, doesn't think or dream about it, would not scream the house down if a person of the same gender hit on them... and may allow more contact at that time or in the future...... generally a same sex virgin....
So it's not a sexuality?
Just a willingness to explore sexual relations that you have no urge to?

I've done the same with w/s.lol Had no interest but was willing to take part anyway. Didn't do anything for me, but was still willing a 2nd time due to the other liking it.

So Heteroflexible = Uninterested, but willing to take part?

[Long Duck Dong]

in a sense yeah......

the flexible part is about the openmindedness to try something that you do not really have a interest in.... but will try, so you can learn about it and understand it better........ it can apply to anything.....

unless its sexuality, you are NOT allowed to be flexible, you have to be hetero / gay / les or bi according to some people....

why have the kinsey scale of 0-7 when we could just get rid of 0, and have 1, 4 and 7 ??? cos people are only hetero / bi / gay / les..... lol we should ban heteroflexible / bi curious / sexuality undefined too... as they do not fit the * acceptable * range of some people.....lol
:tong::tong:

[DuckiesDarling]

"I am not sexually attracted to women but I am emotionally attracted to them as friends as close as sisters. It doesn't change who I am deep inside it only allows me an experience with my friends. I don't consider myself bi"



I would see such a person as heterosexual. If the person is open minded about others being bisexual or gay that doesn't need to be complicated by a term heteroflexible. Sexuality is not about which sexualities that you wish to give support to politically or personally. If you want to give emotional support /attracted to other women, that is being a friend. It might be a form of bisexuality though but not the more common understanding. It might be best to see yourself as a friend or there won't be any heterosexual women left...;) :)?

If you are flexible about what gender that you have sex with there is a word other than heteroflexible. If you are open/flexible to any sexual activity happening regardless of the gender of the person, the same word probably applies and it isn't heteroflexible.

Psst. Tenni you worry about you, I'll worry about me. See which of us has more sex, k :) Have a good day.

[tenni]

"Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by limited homosexual activity despite a primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that is considered to distinguish it from bisexuality."

Interesting this is what wiki states. hmm It seems that you actually have limited homosexual activity? You actually have to go out and do some same sex play. Not just write about it being open to it.

I only am concerned about the truth and whether Batman and Robin are faking it. ...deceiving the world? themselves? Are they really heteroflexible? bisexual? gay? :tong::bigrin:

[DuckiesDarling]

"Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by limited homosexual activity despite a primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that is considered to distinguish it from bisexuality."

Interesting this is what wiki states. hmm It seems that you actually have limited homosexual activity? You actually have to go out and do some same sex play. Not just write about it being open to it.

I only am concerned about the truth and whether Batman and Robin are faking it. ...deceiving the world? themselves? Are they really heteroflexible? bisexual? gay? :tong::bigrin:

Tenni, the point of most of my posts in this thread it that it is different to EVERYONE. I don't really care what wiki says about it, it doesn't mean it's me. I am hetero FLEXIBLE as in open minded. You are BISEXUAL. I am not the one trying to tell others they are something because I don't agree with it, you are, so please please pull your head out of your ass and breathe, the oxygen deprivation must be getting to the breaking point.

[Long Duck Dong]

"Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by limited homosexual activity despite a primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that is considered to distinguish it from bisexuality."

Interesting this is what wiki states. hmm It seems that you actually have limited homosexual activity? You actually have to go out and do some same sex play. Not just write about it being open to it.


sorry tenni, but you have used the same defination yourself to define people as bisexuals as they have had sex with both genders....
so either you are saying that DD is a bisexual that has not had sex with the same gender and has no plans to, or that dd is a heteroflexible with limited sexual encounters with the same gender...which she doesn't

you do the same thing when you argue that I am not bisexual as I have a asexual nature, but that I am not asexual as I have had sex with other people...and if I recall rightly, you used a asexual dating site and AVEN as your source of reference.....

it simply and bluntly appears that you cut and change your definitions of sexuality depending on who you are going after in the site.....

[tenni]

I think that the rules state generally to discuss the issue and not the person?
Rule 2 Be polite-flame the idea if you feel you must, but not the person?

Do we believe a person's own self definition, wiki, an organization representing a sexuality or some scientist?

The OP asked for opinions.


I'm inclined to believe a source over an unqualified poster defining this term for me. I still think that formally scientists and professionals have not defined a lot of terms in the venacular of pop culture such as heteroflexible.

Chaque on sont gout. Enough of this for now. Continue chatting.

[DuckiesDarling]

I think that the rules state generally to discuss the issue and not the person?
Rule 2 Be polite-flame the idea if you feel you must, but not the person?

Do we believe a person's own self definition, wiki, an organization representing a sexuality or some scientist?

The OP asked for opinions.

I'm inclined to believe a source over an unqualified poster defining this term for me. I still think that formally scientists and professionals have not defined a lot of terms in the venacular of pop culture such as heteroflexible.

Chaque on sont gout.

Gee, Tenni, who is more qualified to say what they think or feel sexually than the poster themselves? You really really need to drop this, it's making you look very bad. You go on and on about how no one should tell others how to live or think yet you insist on doing the same thing to a few posters all the time. Just stop it.

[Long Duck Dong]

"Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by limited homosexual activity despite a primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that is considered to distinguish it from bisexuality."

Interesting this is what wiki states. hmm It seems that you actually have limited homosexual activity? You actually have to go out and do some same sex play. Not just write about it being open to it.


Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by limited homosexual activity despite a primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that is considered to distinguish it from bisexuality. It has been characterized as "mostly straight".[1]
( wikipedia source ^ Thompson, E.M.; Morgan, E.M. (2008). ""Mostly straight" young women: Variations in sexual behavior and identity development". Developmental Psychology 44 )

you left off the mostly straight, part, btw....... gives a whole new aspect to what wikipedia says, cos its refering to a 2/3 on the kinsey scale..... not a 1 on the kinsey scale

[drugstore cowboy]

Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by limited homosexual activity despite a primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that is considered to distinguish it from bisexuality. It has been characterized as "mostly straight".[1]
( wikipedia source ^ Thompson, E.M.; Morgan, E.M. (2008). ""Mostly straight" young women: Variations in sexual behavior and identity development". Developmental Psychology 44 )

you left off the mostly straight, part, btw....... gives a whole new aspect to what wikipedia says, cos its refering to a 2/3 on the kinsey scale..... not a 1 on the kinsey scale

Actually if we're going by the Kinsey scale 0 would be straight/hetero, and everything from 1-5 is considered bisexual.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

I agree that terms like "heteroflexible" and "mostly straight" are just terms used by people to avoid saying that they're actually bisexual and they want to pretend that they're LOL "Straight" when they're not straight or hetero at all.

If the person was actually straight/hetero then they wouldn't have any sexual attraction at all to the same gender, and they would be straight and not be bisexual at all.

People who self identify as "heteroflexible" and "mostly straight" can pretend that this somehow makes them something different from being bisexual but they're not fooling anyone, they're just in denial about their sexuality.

[DuckiesDarling]

Actually if we're going by the Kinsey scale 0 would be straight/hetero, and everything from 1-5 is considered bisexual.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale

I agree that terms like "heteroflexible" and "mostly straight" are just terms used by people to avoid saying that they're actually bisexual and they want to pretend that they're LOL "Straight" when they're not straight or hetero at all.

If the person was actually straight/hetero then they wouldn't have any sexual attraction at all to the same gender, and they would be straight and not be bisexual at all.

People who self identify as "heteroflexible" and "mostly straight" can pretend that this somehow makes them something different from being bisexual but they're not fooling anyone, they're just in denial about their sexuality.

I believe I have been very clear in my posts in this thread regarding how I view heteroflexible as being open minded to sharing something with my partner to enhance our sexual relationship.

But apparently I need to dumb it down for you since you contradict yourself in your post.

I am straight. I have ZERO sexual attraction or interests in females.

I am heteroFLEXIBLE and not in denial about my sexuality neither am I really bisexual, of course if I was then you and Tenni would have no reason to come after me for being a straight person on a bisexual site with a bisexual partner and bisexual and gay and trans friends now would you?

[drugstore cowboy]

I believe I have been very clear in my posts in this thread regarding how I view heteroflexible as being open minded to sharing something with my partner to enhance our sexual relationship.

But apparently I need to dumb it down for you since you contradict yourself in your post.

I am straight. I have ZERO sexual attraction or interests in females.

I am heteroFLEXIBLE and not in denial about my sexuality neither am I really bisexual, of course if I was then you and Tenni would have no reason to come after me for being a straight person on a bisexual site with a bisexual partner and bisexual and gay and trans friends now would you?

This isn't about you.

But since you want to be a drama queen, professional victim, and make it all about you that's what I'll do.

Since you've said how you're straight and have ZERO sexual attraction or interests in females then you're not heteroflexible or bisexual at all.

If you were bisexual or even bisexual and calling yourself "heteroflexible" then you wouldn't be straight at all and instead you're only pretending to be bisexual or using another term for bisexuality that does not apply to you at all.

I don't care that you're straight so why are you flipping out about that?

[Long Duck Dong]

I use both definations of heteroflexble, not one.....

heteroflexible - pertaining to mostly straight person that is intimate with others of the same and opposite gender....( closeted / in denial bisexual as some people say )

hetero - flexible - pertaining to a person that is open minded about their sexuality and how sexuality can be fluid. but not in the same class as a bi curious person who wants to experiment......

the reason for that, is that bisexuals are open minded about their fluid sexuality and having a flexible understanding that their sexual attraction can and does change ...... so why should any other sexuality not be fluid / open minded / FLEXIBLE ?

for me the difference is when a person is actively sexual with both genders and refering to themselves as heteroflexible, opposed to a person that is not but open minded about the future and what may happen but at this stage, they are heterosexual in nature......

so in a sense, everybody is right.... just arguing over different definations of the word heteroflexible, when its heteroflexible and hetero - flexible

[æonpax]

This isn't about you.
But since you want to be a drama queen, professional victim, and make it all about you that's what I'll do.
Since you've said how you're straight and have ZERO sexual attraction or interests in females then you're not heteroflexible or bisexual at all.
If you were bisexual or even bisexual and calling yourself "heteroflexible" then you wouldn't be straight at all and instead you're only pretending to be bisexual or using another term for bisexuality that does not apply to you at all.
I don't care that you're straight so why are you flipping out about that?




"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."
William Shakespeare - Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)


About a year ago, our LGBT group had an online video conference to discuss, among other things, adding a “Q” to the groups name, at the request of a few members. “Queer” is an umbrella term for all sexual minorities. I objected to it on a few grounds;


a) The word is still used pejoratively as an anti-gay epitaph.
b) It would be confusing as in the US nomenclature, LGBT has been used for decades and is concise enough and accepted enough whereby it’s meaning cannot be confused.
c) I drew up a list of 28 terms (not definitive by any means) of other sub-categorical labels (among them, hetero-flexible) that are too ambiguous and tend to be exclusionary as opposed to being inclusive.
d) The term Queer implies all “sexual minorities” and encompasses sexual practices that go far beyond our groups mission to being of service to the homosexual community.
e) It would cost our group about $500 to change the name and references on our web site, letterhead, etc. That money is best spent on our mission.

The request was overwhelmingly rejected by our group.

What I didn’t say is that terms and words can be redefined and abused by people using them, hetero-flexible, among them. I’m of the thought that people can call themselves whatever they want, omni-cosmic sexual; if it makes them feel good, who cares? I refer to myself sometimes as a “handmaiden” which is outside the strict definition of the word and works for me but is hardly a term I want to push as a change in the English lexicon.

So it all boils down to the question, what’s in a name? For me, if it walks like duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck; it’s a duck....regardless of what they refer to themselves as.

[tenni]

Good point æonpax about the metaphor. What I am wondering is if two different aspects are at cross with each other. Words are defined and their meaning is not subjective otherwise why have language and attempt to communicate. Identifying with a word may be personal and subjective.

Self labelling is not the same as a professional diagnosing and giving you a label. I'd rather have a doctor tell me that I have X medical condition than a someone offering their opinion about my symptoms. On the other hand, it is fine to get opinions about how we interact on a social/sexual level.

It is one thing to identify with or being uncomfortable identifying with a predefined sexuality and a completely different matter to alter a definition about a sexuality to suit your own self interest in being comfortable with your sexual behaviour. As Gear(post 14) and wiki(post 17) write, heteroflexible may be more about a sexual situational behaviour than an actual sexuality.

[Long Duck Dong]

looking at the way any sexuality outside of bisexual ( and inside it ) is being rubbished... I am not sure I blame people like the heteroflexibles for distancing themselves from all the negative crap being thrown around about people that are not using the * right words *

its been made clear in the thread tho ... heteros are not allowed to be flexible in their thinking cos other people are having sex with both genders and refusing to call themselves bisexual......

[bi42guy1958]

GOD DAMN!!! I started a fucking war!!!:eek:

[Long Duck Dong]

roflmao... no.... you just showed that the LGBT community is just like every other aspect of society......

[*pan*]

:eek:LMAO:tong::flag3:

[æonpax]

GOD DAMN!!! I started a fucking war!!!:eek:

*Grin*..Oh, gosh, no. At worst, it’s just a semantic disagreement. The term, “homo-flexible” is just an arbitrary point along the Heterosexual-Homosexual continuum. The sex scientist Kinsey popularized the idea of a "continuum" of activity and feeling between hetero and homo poles:



"Only the human mind invents categories and tries to force facts into separated pigeon-holes. The living world is a continuum."


http://i.imgur.com/zKbkB.jpg

There is no definitive point at which a person crosses a line from heterosexual, to bisexual, to homosexual. Disagreements arise when we postulate a firm position along an axis with diametric poles. A person who calls themselves a hetero-flexible can also call themselves a bisexual, it is all a matter of personal preference. There can also be a homo-flexible, a hetero-ridged, homo-ridged….I mean you can parse the continuum into infinitesimally small points and say; “I fit here” then give it a name. It’s all the same.

War is violent conflict and has casualties. Even metaphorically, this is no violence here and the only casualty appears to be civility. Bisexuality encompasses a myriad of sexual and emotional behavior, intertwined with religious beliefs and political ideology. Consider it a learning experience.

[CorePDX]

I think it's a really interesting question. Humans are really complex animals and our world is really socially complex. With sexuality I think it's hard to put someone under a strict label, but it's also hard for that person to define who they are with so many different definitions of sexuality in our human culture. For me, I like Bisexual because it is less confusing, principle of parsimony.

The best thing I was told when I came out as being Bisexual was that your sexuality does not have to define who you are. I like it.:flag2:

[Long Duck Dong]

lol aeon, we need a new chart......

0-7 to show sexuality.....then 0.0 -0.7 / 7.0 to 7.7, to show if a person is rigid and would never consider any same / opposite sex contact, or if they would consider full same / opposite sex contact.....

the way it stands, at the moment, is there is no way for people to show if they are rigid or flexible in their thinking, only a way to show their sexuality.....