Choice plus God equals of oh shit [Archive]

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BiMyself1988

Jun 5, 2006, 5:09 PM

Hi guys, here's my delemma.

I am bisexual, but I've grown up in a Christian enviroment. Physically, I would rather be with another women most days, but on the flip side, I have no problem with men.

I'm under the impression/belief that you cannot claim to be a Christian and live a homosexual lifestyle. It just doens't work out in my mind. I want to follow God, but my sex drive tends to be more so for women.

Do any of you know of a place to go, or a person to talk to that has been in my place? What choice do you make?

For now, I live 'streight', until I make up my mind, but I just don't know.

Jen (BiMyself1988)
PS...my family and friedns are so not digging my being bi...gurr I need to go smoke.

DiamondDog

Jun 5, 2006, 5:48 PM

Jen,
being lesbian, gay, or bisexual isn't a choice or a lifestyle it's who a person is.

Who says that you can't be lesbian, gay, or bi and still be a Christian? I have lots of friends that are lesbian, gay, bi, and even transgendered and they are christian.

It doesn't matter what your family or friends think/want you to be what matters is that you have to be yourself and that's the only way you'll be happy.

Look up Christian LGBT groups online. I don't know of any offhand but I'm not Christian and you can easily find them. Don't look for the ex-gay stuff either. ;)

julie

Jun 5, 2006, 6:01 PM

Hi there bimyself :)

....well, it may surprise you to realise there are quite a few folk on here who are bi-sexually active and also consider themselves actively 'Christian'.. myself included...

....there is loads of stuff written in the forums which you may wish to plough your way through..??.... by clicking 'search on the green menu and putting Christian/God /bible or whatever key word you choose you will be directed to previous threads which offer some very diverse and thought provoking opinions...

...i have had my own faith challenged to its very core by the writings in these forums...and i thank God for such opportunities to open my mind to insights( particularly regards my sexual orientation) i would never encounter within my usual comfort zones of spiritual and/or social community at home..

....i truly wish you well hun, and hope you are able to reconcile your Christian beliefs with the person God has created... in you... bimyself....

....with love and much respect for your journey..

.....Julie :female:

Brian

Jun 5, 2006, 6:47 PM

Hi Jen,

It's a tough situation you are in. Here's my 2 cents, I hope it helps at least a little bit...

I don't buy conservative Christianity for a second (or conservative Judaism or conservative Islam for that matter). It's all bunk in my mind. Here's why:

What harm is being done when two consenting adults of the same gender have sex? I mean what real harm is being done? I can't think of any. So what is wrong with it then? Conservative Christian teaching says that God is being harmed, because his commands are being broken (supposedly). But that doesn't really answer the question - what real harm is being done? What problem does the conservative Christian God have with homosexuality, in other words what is God's reasoning? The bible doesn't really say, and conservative Christian leaders don't really have an answer because who are we to question WHY God forbids homosexuality (supposedly).

I think this is where considerate and thoughtful gay/bi christians raised in a conservative Christian environment, such as you, get caught in a terrible moral catch 22 - their heart and brain says that no harm is being done, but God forbids it (supposedly). You know in your soul you aren't hurting anyone by being bi, but doctrine you have been raised to believe as true condemns it.

So I think you have to resolve that conflict. To be blunt, I think you have to choose between conservative Christianity and your sexual desires.

BUT, keep in mind that contrary to what you have been told by most conservative Christians I am sure, there are other interpretations of the bible beyond conservative Christianity. There are many flavours of Christianity that think that the parts of the bible that condemn homosexuality and other types of "immodesty" are NOT the word of God - they are the nasty words of long-dead conservative men who have manipulated the contents of the modern english bible to their own end (just like the crap about slavery and punishment for women who had the misfortune of being raped).

I think you should read about the various liberal Christian faiths out there, and consider them for yourself. You might be too thoughful and considerate a person to be a conservative Christian.

Keep in mind you never really CHOSE to be a conservative Christian, you were born into it, but maybe now's the time to look at all the different understandings of the bible and actually CHOOSE one that fits with what you know in your heart and soul to be right and wrong. Even conservative Christians claim that God "talks" to people, so maybe you realizing that there is no harm in homosexuality is God's way of telling you it's time to move beyond the version of Christianity you were raised under. What does your heart tell you? How can God be unjust? How can God condemn something that does no harm?

I hope that helps. Best of luck to you.

- Drew :paw:
(atheist, but I still think that liberal Christians are grooooovy!)

ps. Quit smoking! Life is too short babe! That stuff will kill you in all sorts of different ways! It will be hard, but I urge you to do it.

canuckotter

Jun 5, 2006, 7:15 PM

I'm under the impression/belief that you cannot claim to be a Christian and live a homosexual lifestyle.
Whoever told you that is... grr... biting my tongue.

Christianity includes a huge range of groups. The fundamentalist groups (which is a silly name since they really follow everything but the fundamentals of Christianity) are very anti-queer, yes. Catholics are also very anti-queer. Other branches are much more queer-positive. For example, the worldwide Anglican church recently split over the American branch's decision to allow an openly gay bishop, IIRC. And up here in Canada, one of our largest churches (the United Church) has gone so far as to put a small rainbow flag right on the sign out front of most of their churches, and has been performing gay wedding ceremonies with the full blessing of the church, including at the highest levels, for over a decade.

Jesus didn't teach hatred or intolerance, he taught love, compassion, and understanding. If the anti-queer religious groups took two minutes to think about what their leader actually was like, they'd realise that they're doing the opposite of what he intended. Jesus's message wasn't "My way or the highway," however much it's been distorted to come out that way; what he originally taught was "Love thy neighbour." That doesn't mean "Tell your neighbour how to live their life, and burn them at the stake if they don't listen to you," and it saddens me that people could take such powerful, beautiful, incredible words of love and transform them into something brutal, and ugly, and hateful.

There are plenty of Christian GLBT groups out there. If you're having a hard time finding them, let us know and we can try to help, but trust me, being bisexual or gay and being Christian are not mutually exclusive in the slightest.

By the way, you will find a certain level of hostility to Christianity in the queer community. Don't take it personally. Remember, many gay/lesbian/bisexual people have had to deal with persecution, ostracism, sometimes even violence because of various churches. While that shows just how far many churches have strayed from Jesus, the end result is that for many people in the queer community, Christianity is closely associated with pain. It's sad, but to be expected. Luckily, as churches are slowly getting less and less hate-filled, many queer folk are beginning to stay in church, or even return to church after long absences.

wildangel

Jun 5, 2006, 7:45 PM

Whoever told you that is... grr... biting my tongue.

Christianity includes a huge range of groups. The fundamentalist groups (which is a silly name since they really follow everything but the fundamentals of Christianity) are very anti-queer, yes. Catholics are also very anti-queer. Other branches are much more queer-positive. For example, the worldwide Anglican church recently split over the American branch's decision to allow an openly gay bishop, IIRC. And up here in Canada, one of our largest churches (the United Church) has gone so far as to put a small rainbow flag right on the sign out front of most of their churches, and has been performing gay wedding ceremonies with the full blessing of the church, including at the highest levels, for over a decade.

Jesus didn't teach hatred or intolerance, he taught love, compassion, and understanding. If the anti-queer religious groups took two minutes to think about what their leader actually was like, they'd realise that they're doing the opposite of what he intended. Jesus's message wasn't "My way or the highway," however much it's been distorted to come out that way; what he originally taught was "Love thy neighbour." That doesn't mean "Tell your neighbour how to live their life, and burn them at the stake if they don't listen to you," and it saddens me that people could take such powerful, beautiful, incredible words of love and transform them into something brutal, and ugly, and hateful.

There are plenty of Christian GLBT groups out there. If you're having a hard time finding them, let us know and we can try to help, but trust me, being bisexual or gay and being Christian are not mutually exclusive in the slightest.

By the way, you will find a certain level of hostility to Christianity in the queer community. Don't take it personally. Remember, many gay/lesbian/bisexual people have had to deal with persecution, ostracism, sometimes even violence because of various churches. While that shows just how far many churches have strayed from Jesus, the end result is that for many people in the queer community, Christianity is closely associated with pain. It's sad, but to be expected. Luckily, as churches are slowly getting less and less hate-filled, many queer folk are beginning to stay in church, or even return to church after long absences.

You stole the words (all of them) right out of my mouth!!

I have MANY LGBT Christian friends, although I do not label myself as such. I choose not to label myself at all as far as religion is concerned-not that I'm atheist. I grew up in a staunch Christian household and around those who claimed to be true Christians, however, it is my belief that those who claim to be "true Christians" are always the least Christian-like.

Don't always feel that in order to follow God, you have to be a Christian. I believe in God, loose teachings of the Bible, and Jesus. Loosely, that makes me a Christian I suppose. But I feel that by labeling myself as Christian, I limit my religious possibilities. Personally, if there was one nearby, I would attend a United Church of Christ.

My advice? Start your own LGBT/Christian community. There are many out there, but they may not be right for you.

Good luck in whatever path you take.

BiBiologist

Jun 5, 2006, 8:26 PM

See new thread--let's change the world! I have a link to a good article.

NWMtnHawk

Jun 6, 2006, 12:43 AM

Here! Here! Canuckotter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You so exactly nailed it on the button, (in my opinion), with your comment on what Jesus was all about and what I was taught he actually preached. . . . it seems so many people claim to be "Christians" while loosing the exact meaning of what he was attempting to get across.

He was all about LOVE!

NOT judging, NOT condeming, NOT hating.

CountryLover

Jun 6, 2006, 12:47 AM

Dear bimyself - You're not.....by yourself.

I was raised fundamentalist Christian. I was married to an ordained fundamentalist minister for 26 years. I had no concept of bisexuality, never even heard of it til about 12 years ago.

A simple definition changed my life and brought instant recognition of a part of myself that had puzzled and confounded me for decades.

It took me about 15 seconds to come to self acceptance as a bisexual. The reason? The most fundamental teaching of my upbringing: God loves me, as I am, as HE MADE ME.

You didn't choose to be bisexual, nor did I. We are made as we are, beautiful in His eyes. The most important teaching of Jesus' ministry was very simple. "Love one another." He put no exceptions on that law. We are to love one another as He made us. We're to be the best person we can be, regardless if we're gay or straight or bisexual, or Asexual. *EVERYTHING* else, in my opinion is manmade.

May I strongly suggest that you make this a matter of prayer. Seek your own knowledge and self acceptance from Him. When you know in your own heart that you are loved because you are HIS handiwork, just as you are, your doubts and fears will vanish.

As you can see, I'm a very devout Christian. I find no conflict at all with being bisexual and His follower. (and yes, I do have a girlfriend, I am active bi) I hope you find that same peace of mind.

Sara

wanderingrichard

Jun 6, 2006, 1:48 AM

Drew, Otter,

well said guys.. helped remind me as to why i walked away from those 'values" years ago and looked elsewhere.

girl, take these peoples advice.. you wont get much better, even if ya paid for it in therapy.. also, we do have a lot of women in this group in your state.. seek some of them out and talk to them.. i'm sure they would be willing to help you.
Rich

Long Duck Dong

Jun 6, 2006, 2:25 AM

lol good old christianity...judge jury and executioner of the human race

if i can say just one thing.... its this

who does the bible say... is the judge of ALL people ???

if you answered god.... then stop and look in the mirror and ask yourself.... who is deciding if you can be gay, straight, bi, transgender etc....cos if the answer is anything else but god...then you need to question your take on christianity

in the bible it states for all people to not judge each other but leave that to god...for god alone knows the true heart of people and it is for him alone to judge each according to thr true of their heart.... not of their actions

no i am not a christian....I am a wiccan witch...( please don't call me a warlock... it means exile or oathbreaker and its a insult to call a male witch a warlock )....

julie

Jun 6, 2006, 3:13 AM

....hey Jen..

...FYI http://www.inclusivechurch.net may be a helpful site for you to access for an intelligent persective on inclusive Christianity?....

...also http://mccchurch.org is a universal GLBT church which offers a wealth of information and alternative arguments which are much more about the loving inclusive nature of the person of Jesus.... rather than (in my opinion) the fear and judgemental indoctrination that appears to underpin fundamental christianity..

...i hope these help you, alongside the wealth of wisdom offered by Drew, country lover etc etc etc above..

...Julie

:female:

usedbear1950

Jun 6, 2006, 4:21 AM

The wisest theoligical teachings can be found in the movie, "Oh God". And I'm not kidding.
'nuff said!

:2cents: from
ur ever luvin
usedbear

BiMyself1988

Jun 6, 2006, 11:40 PM

Thank you all for your advice.

My question is still this: Forget God, and then where are you? What kind of happiness is there if your friends and family don't support you? Is it really worth it? If I can love a man, just as much as I can love a woman, but by loving only a man I can make my family accept me, is that not the better option?

In my heart, I know aht I am, but on the surface, is it not better to do what they want? It's not a cop=out, I'm not chicken to 'come out of the closet', but it's a matter of respect, and how much I love my family. What kind of advise can you offer to that?

CountryLover

Jun 7, 2006, 12:25 AM

Honey, you build your own family.

The only bit of closet I'm still in is for my 86yr old mom. When she's gone, I'm out. My son won't care, my daughter will deal with it, and I don't care about the rest of the world. I have found people in the bi community who are staunch loving loyal friends whom I'm proud to call brother and sister - and two of them are lovers ;)

You go find people who are supportive and positive, not negative and dragging you down. This is a good place to start.

Long Duck Dong

Jun 7, 2006, 1:23 AM

BiMyself1988...lol ok remove god and happiness is still what you make it

I am bisexual... a spiritualist...wiccan witch...former top class sensitive intuitive ( pyschic )..former christian.... drug and booze...former martial artist with a history of convictions for violence under the influence of alcohol
I don't have a history of stable relationships and indeed...I have a history of abusive relationships...I was actually the one abused and used in relationships
my family is predominately christian... so only my sister, skye ( who is dying from aids ) and myself, talk to each other

now in my life i am bend over backwards to please my partners and family and failed all the time....with my family its cos i don't fit their profile of a model son and nor do i intend to..... and with my relationships... i am not a relationship type person... I struggle in relationships.....

so I am very happy.... I have a sister I love dearly.... awesome friends and a cat that drools, snores and hogs the bed....and i love them all....I found that multipling my love is far better than focusing my love on one person... and thru that I healed myself and my life

I am a firm believer in * love knows no bounds * and if your friends and family can't accept you for your sexuality... you have to ask yourself....what else do they not accept you for....and do you accept them unconditionally

in life we gain and lose friends as we move thru life and often its our fears of others opinions that cause us to not live our lives... we get so worked up by others views of us that we live by their opinions..and so we become unhappy

my mother and me hardly spoke and every chance she got... she slammed my friends, lovers, lifestyle, work life etc... until the day came that once again she needed the support of a son and the son was not there for her.....it took 2 years before she realised that slamming me and my life, was not helping change my life....but it was robbing her life of my presence
now she doesn't mention aspects of my life...and she regains a son that supports her and accepts her christian beliefs even tho they condemm nearly every part of my life....but my mother never mentions that around me and we have a stressed and srained family again... but its a family none the less

canuckotter

Jun 7, 2006, 8:11 AM

My question is still this: Forget God, and then where are you?
Why forget God? Your faith is very important to you, obviously. Now might be a good time to do some research and find out what your faith is really all about. You might be surprised to find just how wrong a lot of modern Christianity is, especially the "fundamentalists".

Don't be afraid to change church, by the way. If your research and studies lead you to believe that another church is more closely aligned with what you believe, go check it out. Some of the most devout people I know spent years in different churches before finally finding one that suited them.

What kind of happiness is there if your friends and family don't support you? Is it really worth it?
If your friends aren't willing to stay friends even though they don't agree with you on this issue, they're not your friends, and they're certainly not Christian. Christians leave the judgement up to God, after all. ;) Your sexuality is a single aspect of you, it's not your defining feature.

I've been lucky in having a number of true friends over the years. I've also had the other sort. It's painful to have some of your best friends turn away from you, I won't lie. But then again, you certainly do learn a lot about your friends' true characters when something like that happens. In some cases, it's enough to give you hope that maybe humanity isn't a lost cause after all. :)

If I can love a man, just as much as I can love a woman, but by loving only a man I can make my family accept me, is that not the better option?
The best option is to live your life as best you can. Wait, let me re-emphasise that... The best option is to live your life as best you can. Your life, not your family's life.

There are a few questions here: Should you love a man or a woman? Both? If you fall in love with a woman, should you tell your family? The answer to the first question is: love whoever you feel is worthy. If that's a man, problem solved; if that's a woman, well, then there are more choices to make. The easier option is just to not tell your family. Your partner can be explained as a roommate. Go on occasional "dates" with men (preferably friends who know you're not really out on a date) to satisfy the family and throw them off the trail. If you think it would cause your family undue pain to know that you love women, you don't have to tell them. As for loving both (having a husband but sleeping with women on the side, or having a wife but sleeping with men on the side), well, that's up to you and your partner. Some bisexuals need both, others (like me) don't.

In my heart, I know aht I am, but on the surface, is it not better to do what they want? It's not a cop=out, I'm not chicken to 'come out of the closet', but it's a matter of respect, and how much I love my family. What kind of advise can you offer to that?
Your family brought you into this world, did their best to raise you properly, and no doubt love you with all their heart. Respect them for that, and love them, but it's still up to you to find your own path through the world.

I have an awesome family. Just incredible. One of my friends refers to my parents as Ma and Pa Kent (Superman's parents), not because he thinks I'm Superman but because Ma and Pa Kent were the ultimate awesome parents in comic books. I love them, and losing them would hurt beyond words. But in my case, one of the central lessons I learned from my parents was that I'm responsible for my own life. They can offer guidance and advice, and sometimes even help, but my life will be what I make of it. And regardless of what I make of it, they'll still love me. They obviously have paths they'd prefer to see me go down (they can't wait for grandkids!) but it's my life and I have to live it, and take responsibility for things that go well or poorly. I've come out to my mother, and after the initial shock she finally said "I trust you to do what's right." My father I still haven't come out to, because it's never come up, but if it ever did I know what he'd say: "Well, you know what's best for you." (Possibly after a brief period of "WHAT?!")

You and your family probably don't have quite the same relationship that I have with my family, so how much of my advice is applicable to you, I can't say. To me, the idea of lying to my parents is distasteful and disrespectful, but for others it's the best way to keep everyone happy. I don't understand it, personally, but it's not my family and not my decision, and I trust my friends to know their own situations best. Maybe in your situation, your family would be so hurt to find out that you're bi, and their feelings are so important to you, that the risk of them finding out would be a greater unhappiness than denying yourself love. Only you know what's best for you in your situation, all we can do is offer perspectives from our own experiences.

BiMyself1988

Jun 7, 2006, 8:15 AM

Driver 8

Jun 7, 2006, 9:09 AM

And to you, CountryLover, at least I have the balls to talk to my mother. Christ, are you that chicken?
What kind of guy comes on here, asks for advice, then flames the people who offer it?

JohnnyV

Jun 7, 2006, 12:18 PM

What a sad, sad story. Can you seriously say it was worth it?

And to you, CountryLover, at least I have the balls to talk to my mother. Christ, are you that chicken? 99.9% of the people in my life know I'm bi, esp. the ones that really matter to me.

Some of you have observed my screen name 'BiMyself.' Well that's just the thing, in the real word, I live in a place and in a community that g/l/b/t are all looked on as sinners. My family goes to a Mennonite church for crying out loud.

That's a very harsh response to other people's posts. I think your deeper issue is your sense of how to respect other people. Why would you call her chicken shit for the decisions she's made in life?

About the other question of what to do with your religion, family, and friends, all I can say is that you will eventually have to carve out your own life. The vast majority of people I've met on this website, and I as well, have faced that difficult process, and it doesn't always deal with sexual orientation issues. Some of us became independent much earlier, in our teens, while others had to go slowly and broke free from their earlier culture as late as their 30s or 40s. You have to set your pace according to your circumstances and what you think is right. But there will be people to support you, if you treat them respectfully.

J

littlerayofsunshine

Jun 7, 2006, 12:59 PM

Ok, this is my 2cent,

I believe you can be religeous and not be christian, you can be christian and not be religeous. Its all personal choice and comfort level. I do believe in God and Choose not to believe in church or organized religeon. Its my own personal choice, I never have/will impose my beliefs on anyone else. My opinions are not made uninformed. I was raised baptist, but have attended many churches of many denominations, studied their teachings, attended their classes, and it all was the same scriptures pulled from the bible, bent to fit the lesson of the day, When you see it get used in that fashion it loses its purpose and message. I see preachers, ministers, Deacons, Reverends, and preists, drive around in mercedes and Beamers, wearing expensive suites and some live in grand houses. while their members of their church, get to church on buses, walking in raggedy shoes and clothes to give their dollars to the collection, All the while giving thanks to the Lord for providing for them. You pay a dollar to light a candle, you pay more for a prayer. God listens for free, from your living room, your bathroom, in your own head, from whispers off your lips. Oh damn. I'm hoppin off my box now. Sorry ya'll.

wildangel

Jun 7, 2006, 1:16 PM

Sunshine-I agree with you 100%!! My boss (at my government job) is a pastor at a Southern Baptist church. He is the most crooked person in my entire workplace (of roughly 100 or more). He gets paid to preach twice a week for two hours. They give him a place to live, a car to drive, and pay his utilities. He gets a second job because apparently he doesn't have enough money...Look at the priests in the Catholic church. Apparently they don't take their vows seriously. I know not all preachers, pastors, ministers, priests, etc. are slimy, but we're all human. Sunshine's right there's no need for the middle man in my life. The only thing I miss about organized religion in the 10% of people who were truly nice, caring individuals and the potluck dinners. You just ain't been to church in the south without a potluck lunch/dinner.

:soapbox: I guess I should get off mine now.

KatieBi

Jun 7, 2006, 5:05 PM

While I agree that BiMyself's last response to some of the other posters may have been more agressive than warranted, I think it's important to remember/appreciate the kind of situation she finds herself in and not presume to understand what her "deeper issues" may be. (A personal pet peeve of mine is all the people in my life who, after only a very brief insight into my life, claim to know what my "deeper issues" are...e.g. "You're upset when I express my belief that bisexuals don't exists because your deeper issue is that you are really too scared to admit that you're a lesbian and I've seen through your bi cover story").

I can understand how, if I had grown up in a very conservative community and was very close to my family of loving and otherwise admirable parents/siblings/friends - my only pillars of support and strength in the world, aside from my God - that the suggestions of some faceless strangers on the internet that they have a better understanding of my situation, and that I should just dispassionately cast these important parts of my life aside (maybe causing me even more hurt than what my family would experience during this "cataclysm") for a freer world and unknown religion would be so upsetting that I might say things I later regretted. Maybe I'd feel even more alienated and alone than I already did, living as the "only" bi person in my community. It would feel like people were asking me to cut off the two legs I stood on - excruciating.

BiMyself, I can't claim to have faced anything like what you might be going through. But I do come from a conservative, Catholic background, and in the past have struggled with the same questions you've brought up. In time, I've come to interpret my Christianity in the way that many previous posters have described ... that my God made me the way I am, and that the way I am is a reflection of my God and his capacity for boundless love. This insight has provided me with much comfort during my loneliest times ... but just reading it won't help you unless your spiritual journey brings you to a place where you also believe it. My family is also really important to me, though sometimes a little misguided. I know that they want the best for me - to be happy - but part of my happiness is always going to be contingent on their happiness, since I am so close to them.

My only advice is that you should be confident in the fact that you *will* figure out the "right" answer to your problem for you - it's just going to take time. And generally, for me at least, the best way to figure out the answer to a problem I'm facing is to keep talking it through with trusted people, take lots of alone time to reflect on what they've said and how it makes me feel, and finally, to listen to what my own heart says. I am wishing you all the best ... you will be in my thoughts and prayers. (((Hug))) and a cheesy song dedication, just for you ... "The Prayer" by Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli.

julie

Jun 7, 2006, 6:43 PM

....dear Jen..

....like so many others i initially felt quite hurt and affronted by the seeming harshness of your response to those of us who have attempted to identify with you and your situation...

....yet reading katies response reminds me of what a crossroads you are facing..

....You dont say how old you are Jen, but i wonder if this is the first time your own personal experiencing has been so at odds with the particular brand of Christian theology you have been exposed to all your life?

....If that is the case..? then maybe this is your own 'wilderness' experience where you may have to move beyond the teachings and interpretations of your chuch elders and community ...and have your own experience of what Jesus death, resurrection and undying love actually means to you as a unique, precious and fallable human-being Jen?

....just a thought

....Julie :female:

jamiehue

Jun 7, 2006, 7:06 PM

you heard this before ....one time in my life the footprints in the sand...god was always with me now i know i know iknow...god is good.

JohnnyV

Jun 7, 2006, 7:12 PM

canuckotter

Jun 7, 2006, 8:48 PM

And to you, CountryLover, at least I have the balls to talk to my mother. Christ, are you that chicken? 99.9% of the people in my life know I'm bi, esp. the ones that really matter to me.
I'm not her, so I can't say for sure... But my guess is that CountryLover made that choice not out of fear but out of consideration; she probably has very little to gain from coming out to her mother, while the knowledge would obviously greatly upset an elderly woman. Much like your suggestion that you should marry a man simply to avoid upsetting your family, in fact.

Some of you have observed my screen name 'BiMyself.' Well that's just the thing, in the real word, I live in a place and in a community that g/l/b/t are all looked on as sinners. My family goes to a Mennonite church for crying out loud.
You're not the only one who's alone. Many of the people on here are stranded in communities where the consequences of coming out are much more severe than merely being branded a sinner; I know from personal experience that gay-bashing can still happen even in very open, queer-friendly environments.

My grandfather taught me a lesson when I was very young. I'd heard that he participated in D-Day so I asked him about it. He told me about the landing, about the fact that some of his platoon nearly drowned on the approach, about the bullets whizzing by around him... but the way he told it, it was one of the funniest stories I'd ever heard. I still tell it to other people, and it makes them laugh. But I also remember that some of his friends did die that day. The invasion of Normandy wasn't easy, and he spent most of it convinced that he was going to die, and he watched friends be killed all around him. Compared to that, I realised that getting a few dirty looks, or getting yelled at by people, was pretty trivial... And while I was getting angry with what I thought of as my mistreatment, my grandfather had taken one of the most horrific, traumatising experiences humankind has ever experienced, and turned it into a funny story.

Life is only as hard as you let it be. We live in an age of unparalleled wonders and opportunities. Don't shut yourself off from the world because other people complain the light is too bright...

CountryLover

Jun 7, 2006, 9:08 PM

woolleygirl

Jun 7, 2006, 9:38 PM

Normally I won't explain explain myself when slapped like this, however I will this time.

My 86 yr old mother buried 8 close family members in 2002, including both her best friends and my dad, who suffered from Alzheimers for 16 years. She cared for him at home at extreme cost to her own health, and mental capacity.

She's at the end of a life which has been tougher than most of us would be able to survive. I choose not to rock her world with news that would devastate her when she is so vulnerable.

One of these days Bimyself, you will understand that sometimes it is selfish to unburden yourself at someone else's expense.

Furthermore, I've never felt it necessary to broadcast my sexual activities to the public at large. It's absolutely no one's business that I love to suck cock and eat pussy with the best of 'em......UNLESS they're intimate friends or lovers. It wasn't their business when I was living hetero, and it's not their business now that I have two loving partners.

And yes, if you were my daughter I'd agree that an apology is in order for the harshness of your reply to those who only seek to support you. I won't hold my breath.

I agree there hon.Country your mom should be nominated for sainthood. You miss bimyself you need to evaluate yourself. here and not attack those with whom you have opened up. As you can tell we all here are connected by common ground. We are all different as oil and water but we will always be honest with ourselves and each other.

I was raised in a extremly strict house hold of Catholics which anything that was fun was sinful. I know that because of this my own faith is faltered but you know I still am here aren't I. As for my sexuality I don't go throwing it around that I am attracted to a woman but I don't overly hide it either.

T

BiMyself1988

Jun 8, 2006, 10:49 AM

FIRST: I am sorry about my harsh comment. You wil find I have a wicked temper. Heat of the moment + not knowing the cercumstances = Jen is an ass. I'm sorry. (and for those of you old enough to be my mother, yeah...er...I get it) :rolleyes:

For informations sake though, I'm turning 18 in August...yeas I believe there was a 'you agree you are over 18' thing when I registered, but come on! Two months.

I appreciate all of our advice, I really do.

Thank you Katie for reminding the others that it is an excurusiating thing here. Everyone around me wants to 'fix me'. My mother has said that if I was anymore a pain in her but she owuld ship me off. I don't want it in my perminate record that my mother shipped me off because I was a les/bi/whatever.

Well, thats all from me. Thanks ladies and gents, and once more, sorry for being an ass.
Jen