Gender: a question about the questionable

[Lorcan]

Do you have to know a persons gender to be able to relate to them...to know how to talk to them? If they look like a boy but act like a girl or vice versa does that make you back away? If you can't tell by looking at them, would you even talk to them?

I know that i met one person that I was unsure of once. They were admiring a tool that i was using for my work. I thought initially that they were probably a boy. I asked them if they wanted to try it, but they said no and shied away. I got the feeling from that and other things that they were probably a girl. But I found the whole episode intriguing.

I find myself wondering if i would have asked if they wanted to try the tool if i thought they were a girl.
:yinyang:

[JrzGuy3]

Do you have to know a persons gender to be able to relate to them...to know how to talk to them?

Do I *have* to? I don't think so. What are we talking about though? Do you mean a hypothetical situation where I can see a person but can't make heads or tails (like SNL's old Pat sketch?)? Or are we talking about a situation where there's never been a face to face meeting (or something to that effect) such that you'd have no way of knowing?

Going to the Pat situation, I'm not sure. It may make communication awkward not wanting to wrongfully assign a person's gender in speaking to them. That's why the old sketch was so funny.

Going to the other situation, I think it could go either way. My grandfather was a telephone man in the years following WWII and never met most the people he worked with until his retirement party (all their interaction was over the phone lines). Although I'm sure there were people whose gender couldn't be assigned on the basis of voice, he would have been safe assuming it was another man due to the times. So maybe, maybe not.

I also think it would make a difference if the situation is social or professional. Personally, I'll admit, I give a once over to just about every person I ever interact with, and some more if I like what I see. If the setting is professional, not knowing a person's gender might be beneficial in that it'd help quash my brain's musings before they get too far. On the other hand, the same may be equally detrimental in a social setting.

As far as sexuality goes, I've lately been becoming a proponent of finding a new word to replace bisexual, one that rather than literally meaning attraction to both genders would mean attraction which pays no attention to gender. Closest I've come (polyamory is taken) is pansexual (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexual). However, moving along, I'm not sure I'd say gender isn't part of the equation of attraction. I'm physically attracted to faces, breasts, eyes, cocks, hair, asses, skin tone, cunts, hips, legs, so on and so forth. What gender a person is is not relevant, in my opinion, on my ability to be (at all) attracted. It is, however, one of those variables in the overall game of attraction.

:2cents:

[arana]

I don't think you have to know their gender to "relate" to situations per say but in many instances it helps. i.e. a man saying he see's himself being irritable at certain times of the month is not going to mean the same as a woman saying that. As JrzGuy3 said, it does depend on the issues being discussed. Online, it's typical to not always know what gender a person is and you can still have a great conversation with them about different things.

In person it's a little different, not so much as to the relating part. For me I hate to offend someone by saying the wrong thing. I can do that well enough when I know their gender. I've known women who look very masculine. Some handle it well when they've been mistaken for a man, others get offended because they feel that person should have been able to tell. So when in doubt, feel them out, so to speak.

Interesting question Lorcan, thanks!

[Rhuth]

Boys
Behind closed doors and under stars
Girls
It doesn't matter where you are
Boys
Collecting jewels that catch your eyes
Girls
Don't let a soulmate pass you by

Boys in the girl's room
Girls in the men's room
You free your mind in your androgyny
Boys in the parlor
They're getting harder
I'll free your mind in your androgyny
--Androgyny by Garbage (http://www.garbage.com/home.php)

Absolutely, I would still talk to someone if I could not tell their sex! We do it all the time online. Well, okay we have neat little figures holding up symbols here, but other places online we can't tell. I wish I could be so difinitive in being able to relate, but I do use gender as a refrence for how to act. Sometimes I wish I didn't.

I have flat out asked someone. I was embarassed by doing so. They were embarassed and frustrated because they were sick of hearing the question. All in all, it was the worst possible outcome you can imagine from such a situation. But you know what? It didn't matter. We got past it and still became close friends. We both labeled ourselves straight women at the time. I would wonder if she has come to similar conclusions about herself now as I have, but she hates it when people wonder that about her.

*giggling at the tought of Arana feeling everyone out*

Jerz, what is the difference between pansexuality and bisexuality? If pansexuality implies emotional attachment, does that mean that bisexuality only implies the ability to have sex? You said polyamorus was already taken. Does that mean that pansexuality and bisexuality imply monogomy? :confused:

[wildangel]

Jerz, what is the difference between pansexuality and bisexuality? If pansexuality implies emotional attachment, does that mean that bisexuality only implies the ability to have sex? You said polyamorus was already taken. Does that mean that pansexuality and bisexuality imply monogomy? :confused:
I think what Jerz was saying is that some people don't limit themselves to bisexuality (attraction to males and females). They relate better to omnisexuality (if you want to use that instead of pansexuality). Pansexuals free themselves to love ANY gender, not necessarily males and females. They feel that gender dis meaningless.

As for sex, it isn't that pansexuality implies only an emotional attachment. Pansexual attraction is on a somewhat different plane of existence (I'll leave actual pansexuals to explain that one; I won't even try). Think how often non-bisexuals try to lump all bisexuals into the non-monogamous category. Pansexuality can be different for different people, just as bisexuality and polyamory.

Jerz-I hope I didn't miss the idea too much. I am not personally a pansexual.
:cop: Please don't send the pansexual police if I'm way off-base. :cop:

[canuckotter]

If you want to try a fun gender-bending activity, play massively multiplayer online role playing games (MMORPG). World of Warcraft is my poison of choice. (On the Elune server, named Otterina or Otterette if anyone feels like looking for me. ;) ) In these games, you take the role of a hero and run around solving problems for people, defeating bad guys, and generally saving the day. Typically you can choose whether you want to play a male or female character. Interestingly, many men choose to play women, while very few women choose to play men. Personally, my two main characters are women. Interestingly, even people who know that I'm a man treat my female characters differently than they treat my male characters... :)

Anyway. Based on my experience in WoW, I've found that no, I don't need to know someone's gender to be able to relate to them. In real life when I don't know, it can bother me, but even then it's not a big deal.