your past generalizations about bisexuality?

[DiamondDog]

what are some generalizations that you made about bisexuality before you really knew/became educated about it or discovered that you yourself are bisexual, queer, or not heterosexual?

For myself, I thought that you had to be 50/50 in terms of sexual/romantic attraction. I pretty much am 50/50, now but at the time when I was discovering this aspect about myself, I wasn't and at times I can lean more towards one gender than the other.

I thought that all men who have sex with men have anal intercourse, and that all men who have sex with men give oral sex. This is not true.

For awhile I was going on the definition of sex from a heterosexual viewpoint (a penis being inserted into an anus or a vagina) and I once thought that oral sex or mutual masturbation are not sex acts.

Or I thought that sex had to involve orgasm/ejaculation/nakedness/penetration. I didn't see that as being a queer man I can make up my own defintions for what sex is and the same goes for virginity since if I am having sex with a man I'm not having heterosexual sex.

I thought that you had to be actively bisexual at all times. In that you had to have partners of both genders at the same time, or that you had to be sexually active with both genders to discover this when it's not the case.

I do remember growing up thinking how almost everyone must do sex/sexual play with members of the same gender even as an adult.

Thanks to Kinsey and his researchers, Fritz Klein, the Marquis de Sade, John Waters' movies, an LGBT center at my old university, good friends, this site, and personal essays I've read I've learned that these things are just generalizations and are based on society's idea of bisexuality or men having sex with men.

[glantern954]

:bigrin: I don't think I have ever seen anyone thank the Marquis de Sade before. Ohh wait...does "thank you sir May I have another" [whip crack sound effect] count?

I grew up thinking that sex meant vaginal or anal intercourse too. I assumed that gay men always had anal sex with each other. Believing that added to some of my confusion since I was attracted to some guys but didn't care for being a "top" or a "bottom".

[smokey]

for the longest time I could only orgasm with a woman as a rule. sex with other men was intensely arousing and getting another man off made me want to purr and preen myself LOL, but I personally rarely orgasmed with them....I would masturbate privately afterwards. Now I can...I have no idea what has changed though I still can't come while getting fucked in the ass...I get all worked up and hot as all hell, but I have to come some other way, orally or penetrating them or masturbation.

[Rhuth]

One of the drawbacks in the popularity of bisexuality among women is that we start with writing ourselves off as "normal" heterosexuals. Of course all women can find beauty in each other. We can compliment each other's bodies even as strangers unlike the guys can. Of course all women have close touchy friendships... don't they?

I think back to high school and kick myself for missed opportunities now. If I had just figured myself out sooner! There was this one girl whom I looked forward to spending time with in class every day. I carried her picture with me everywhere, and boggled that no one I showed it to agreed with me that she was adorable! (She was a little bit butch.) I certainly thought about her more than the guy whose name was sprawled across my binder.

She once asked me "Could you ever date a girl?"

I held my binder up. "I've got a crush on this guy."

"Yes, but do you think you could ever like a girl too?"

"... But I've got a crush on a guy"

"Never mind."

:banghead: I was such an idiot back then!

I still search her name in Google in hopes of finding her. I don't know what I would do if I did. Apologize for my idiocy?

Oh well. At least I finally did figure myself out. Life becomes a lot more fun after you do, doesn't it?

[billy_campbell]

I still search her name in Google in hopes of finding her. I don't know what I would do if I did. Apologize for my idiocy?

Have you tried checking out http://www.classmates.com/?

I was telling a friend a couple weeks ago about my regret of waiting until I was in my 40s before doing anything with another man. I also told her about my high school friend who was telling me he knew one of our classmates was gay because he had offered to give him oral sex. I wanted to ask who so I could hook up but I didn't. I told her I wonder now if he was also bicourious and this was his way of seeing if I was, oh well the years have past, time to live in the present.

[Herbwoman39]

The big generalizations that I grew up with were that all bisexuals were people who slept around alot with both men and women. Bi people were those loose swinger wife-swappers that I heard about in whispered rumors.

Tehn there was the whole religeous aspectand the idea that women who slept with women were sinners,etc, etc. Thank God I've gotten over that aspect long ago.

Then I had the rug brutally ripped out from under me when the denial I had been living in for 38 years came to a screaching halt. After having come out to myself a year and a half ago I have come to realize that I am none of those things. Heck, I have days when I wonder if I'm really bisexual and then I ask myself two very important questions. 1) Does Mel Gibson in a kilt still make me turn to jelly? Yes? Okay.
2) Does watching an early Pussycat Dolls video still make me whimper and squirm? Yes? Okay. I'm still bisexual :bigrin:

Educating myself has also been invaluable. I read "Bi AnyOther Name", "Vice Versa", "Bi America" and of course "Rubyfruit Jungle". Being on forums like this one have been really fantastic too. I get to meet others like me so that I know I'm not alone. It's so much easier when you know that you're apart of a community.

[Azrael]

The big generalizations that I grew up with were that all bisexuals were people who slept around alot with both men and women. Bi people were those loose swinger wife-swappers that I heard about in whispered rumors.
Sums it up for me.

[Lisa (va)]

I guess I never knew that bisexuals existed when I was growing up in my teen years, I thought your were either straight or not. Thus I presumed I was a lesbian in the beginning. But that dind't last very long as I also dated guys, and just figured I was strange. Nowadays I don't concern myself with conforming to labels as it has become aparent that there are varying degrees of bisexuality.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[Long Duck Dong]

mmm growing up i was not aware of the full range of the sexual spectrum

I was never aware that a masturbator was a actually sexual indentity...autosexual....lol and as a teenager, spanking the monkey about 5 times a day, was the norm from me

gays were feminine men, lesbians were hard butch man haters, cross dressers needed bullets, and if you didn't want a white picket fence and 2.4 children, you needed counselling and serious help ( oh my parents were so helpful )

I left home at 16 and discovered a whole new world....homosexuality, bisexual, heterosexual, zoophilia ( check google about that ), sexual fetish, scat ( again check google ) and no I didn't try them all lol,
oh the world was a new sexual universe..... then i discovered sexual biased....and found that the world was a lie.....sexuality was not just about being a sexual being, but learning to lie, be a fraud, disceitful etc, in the interests of being me without be presecuted by society

now in my mid 30's i am finally exploring me and learning about my sexuality according to my mind and body... and loving it lol

[Avocado]

I had generalisations about queers when I thought I was straight. Other than that I just always regarded being bisexual as being like not just finding white girls or not just finding black girls attractive.

[Gemini25]

The big generalizations that I grew up with were that all bisexuals were people who slept around alot with both men and women. Bi people were those loose swinger wife-swappers that I heard about in whispered rumors.

Tehn there was the whole religeous aspectand the idea that women who slept with women were sinners,etc, etc. Thank God I've gotten over that aspect long ago.

Then I had the rug brutally ripped out from under me when the denial I had been living in for 38 years came to a screaching halt. After having come out to myself a year and a half ago I have come to realize that I am none of those things. Heck, I have days when I wonder if I'm really bisexual and then I ask myself two very important questions. 1) Does Mel Gibson in a kilt still make me turn to jelly? Yes? Okay.
2) Does watching an early Pussycat Dolls video still make me whimper and squirm? Yes? Okay. I'm still bisexual :bigrin:

Educating myself has also been invaluable. I read "Bi AnyOther Name", "Vice Versa", "Bi America" and of course "Rubyfruit Jungle". Being on forums like this one have been really fantastic too. I get to meet others like me so that I know I'm not alone. It's so much easier when you know that you're apart of a community.

I know how you feel, I felt the same way. To finally be able to come out to myself and feel good about ME enough to start telling a few friends. Everyone was supportive thankfully except 1 person who I am closest too. I'm still working on it though. I also educated myself and found all of you great people on this site, and even though I don't post things very often, I'm greatful you are here.
Just my :2cents: :flag2:

[Nara_lovely]

I may seem an odd one out here, but I never had any preconceptions...I knew family and friends did. But; for me, I have always been the type that accepts anyone where they are at.

I just worked out very early on that everyone is different.

[Brian]

what are some generalizations that you made about bisexuality before you really knew/became educated about it or discovered that you yourself are bisexual, queer, or not heterosexual? Mmmmm, very interesting question. Thinking back I came up with these:

1. Bisexuality and (hetero) marriage are not incongruous. When I first started identifying as bi I had a preconception that bisexuality and marriage could not be reconciled with one another. The stories I have heard since of married couples who have accomodated one or both of the partners being bisexual have set me straight.

2. Non-practicing bisexuality is still bisexuality. You don't have to have sex with both genders on a regular basis to be bisexual. Some folks choose to limit their sexual activity in one way or another, but they are still ATTRACTED to both genders. This is still bisexuality and is very common.

3. Openness to transexuality. For a time I confess to not understanding or being open to transexuality and the transgender identity. I have come to understand and accept it as a real state for some people. Over the last few years I have come to see a connection between the fight for acceptance of bisexuality and the fight for acceptance of transexuality. The moment of change for me on this one was going to the bisexual conferences and seeing and meeting so many transgendered folks.

- Drew :paw:

ps. I really do love this question. It forces us to be introspective and think about our stereotypes, past and present.

[Avocado]

Mmmmm, very interesting question. Thinking back I came up with these:

1. Bisexuality and (hetero) marriage are not incongruous. When I first started identifying as bi I had a preconception that bisexuality and marriage could not be reconciled with one another. The stories I have heard since of married couples who have accomodated one or both of the partners being bisexual have set me straight.

2. Non-practicing bisexuality is still bisexuality. You don't have to have sex with both genders on a regular basis to be bisexual. Some folks choose to limit their sexual activity in one way or another, but they are still ATTRACTED to both genders. This is still bisexuality and is very common.

3. Openness to transexuality. For a time I confess to not understanding or being open to transexuality and the transgender identity. I have come to understand and accept it as a real state for some people. Over the last few years I have come to see a connection between the fight for acceptance of bisexuality and the fight for acceptance of transexuality. The moment of change for me on this one was going to the bisexual conferences and seeing and meeting so many transgendered folks.

- Drew :paw:

ps. I really do love this question. It forces us to be introspective and think about our stereotypes, past and present.

I find myself attracted to male to females both pre and post op 99% as much as I am to females although there are quite a few men I'm attracted to aswell (the other day I counted it at about 2 or 3 in one day, just counting men I saw for real as opposed to on the net, telly or whatever). Not seen that many pics of female to males and haven't seen any I fancy yet, if anyone knows of any galleries I'd be most grateful :tong:

[gentlepen9]

Generalizations?
Well...
-bisexuals are just confused. You can only be straight or gay.
-bisexuals are loose bed-hoppers and can't be monogamous (guess I should get a divorce huh :tong: )
-bisexuals are sexually greedy and will do anyone if given the chance.
-bisexuality is legitamate only if you're having sex will both men and women.
-bisexuals are psychologically disturbed (blame that on Basic Instinct)
-it's just a phase
lastly
-everyone is bisexual, only a few of us are willing to admit it ;)

[AndrogynousLuv]

Another great topic indeed. I hope I don't write an essay on this as I have a tendency to get carried away about sexuality...but what can I say, I simply love the honest of expression here. All my life I've been bisexual but didn't completely embrace it until just 8 years ago. My first encounters were with boys my own age; the usual curiousity when our parents would put us altogether in the bath tub and we'd fondle one another getting caught on ocassion and told "don't do that". First shades of guilt....as I became a teen, I had these urges for other guys and they with me...so, I explored with them if the opportunity presented itself. And then of course the girls of the time were a whole other world and sharing in a kiss was the most sensual experience I'd ever had. It was all carried to a new height. With guys, it was just the sexual part of it but with women it was that a so very much more. And what was even more confusing was when a good male friend of mine had gotten stimulated with me and after I finished giving him a blow job, all of a sudden he started saying "we've got to stop this, only queers do this"....that confused me. So typical of so many males.... In the years that followed it was a back and forth movement between "I'm bisexual" and the denying when I would be involved with a woman " I'm not bisexual"....But every time I was with a woman, I could never get around the urges to be with a man...to be quite blunt, it was just simply sexual...I wanted a cock. My appetites never ceased for the women in my life, I just couldn't resist the urge for sex with males. There were some women that accepted this part of me and allowed it, but most were completely against it stating that they should be plenty for me. I kept it a secret from many of them but this only led to guilt feelings and a self hatred for being bi and for being secretive. I wanted to be out in the open about it. Anyhow, I'm getting into much too much detail about my personal life here but it's to make a point. To cut all the way into the present and on looking back I learned so much that the voices I heard about all these things were others and I wasn't listening to that voice from within...whatever you want to call that. I finally faced me and embraced my sexuality. When I decided to come forward about being bi I was in school and did a research paper on bisexuality using the book "Vice Versa" for most of my references....great book by the way. I learned so much about the dynamics of sexuality all the way around regardless of what your gender. People are going to discriminate no matter what....the best one can do is to make peace with it within yourself. Most everyone I know Knows about me now as I decided to let most know. I did this gradually and carefully. Of course there are still some that don't know and I sometimes ask myself how honest am I? But no point in raising up information with those who don't get it and just aren't going to get it...it's a waste of time and energy. Even here at bisexual.com I am afraid to post pics of my face publically though I want to so badly. But, since I am in the field of education I can't afford to as it could compromise my employment or I believe it could. Now for the generalizations....I knew there was the standard heterosexual male/female situations, the gay world which never appealed to me but I did relate to....some males to fem for me and some females too butch....no disrespect to those this way....and then the bisexual which I was afraid to admit to knowing full well that this best described my own sexuality....transgender was something I knew nothing of...now I am fascinated by it...another topic for another time....thanks for reading this. I love the forum.

[Nara_lovely]

Nah AndrogynousLuv...not an essay....*grins*


(stirring a bit, but I did read your response too!)

[littlerayofsunshine]

ok, I'll lay some truth out about me.

I started having bisexual feelings as young as 8 years old. I grew up in the bible belt with parents that were strict and void of caring and loving emotion. I never received nurturing as a child. I had no one to talk to about my feelings and so I never expressed them. My older brother was a bully and would pick on me by beating the shit out of me for one, but another thing he did alot was call me faggot. I didn't know what faggot was at such a young age and asked him to explain it to me. He says explained it in his not so nice way of it being boys who liked boys and girls who liked girls. And that they all deserved to die. I was religeous as a child, only because I knew god loved me and my parents wouldn't, but in church I was tought that those who liked the same sex were going to hell. So as a child, my preconcieved notion was that I was a faggot and I was going to hell.
It was later on that I learned God would love me no matter what. But only after years of supressing crushes and feelings and scared of being near girls because I didn't want them to see that I looked at their bodies or know that I had a crush on them. So I had a very lonely existance, I would not keep any friend-girls, as soon as I felt a stirring I would run away and give lame reasons why we couldn't hang out as much. As a teenager I got surrounded by boys, I was a tomboy, I could talk to boys and such and not have crushes so much. It was easier to deal with emotionally I guess. I have had some experiences with girls when I was younger, some wanted a relationship with me, but I was scared that everyone would call me faggot (I lived in a very small town and everyone knows everyone and almost everyone is related type town) So I never pursued it.
I haven't been with a woman in 5 years, during these years I have realized how unfair I was to myself (in my younger years) and to the girls I have been with or could of been with. I embrace myself now. I am no longer carrying my innerchild so closely to the surface anymore. I am ready for a relationship with another female that involves feelings and caring and understanding. Its not just the sex for me. Never has, never will be. If I am totally off the topic I'm sorry.. This got very emotional for me.