OK: You've Heard It ALL Before

[OralBiGuy]

I am not even certain if this is even the appropriate avenue to express myself. If not: we'll find out soon enough.

I've been part of this website now for a couple of days. It's quite interesting and very ... VERY REFRESHING ... as I find myself feeling a bit 'at home' although very inexperienced.

I won't deny my naivity and inexperience. But I will not deny my feelings and emotions regarding so much of what I've been feeling for more than 20 years. Sad eh? Absolutely!

OK: you well seasoned and experienced Bisexual Men & Women, you've seen it all before; heard the stories; offered up a hundred 'tried & true' suggestions. Yet, some of us simply need to get in here and express ourselves, for what it's worth.

That would be ME.

For more than 20 years, I have had male-to-male contact. Fine! But honestly, for more than those 20 years, I have always fantasized and dreamnt of a time where the contacts would be Male-Female oriented. Really!

I cannot immediately recall 'why' I feel the way I do, or why I have had this shift within the last year or so.

I've made attempts at entertaining 'Bisexuality', but found that my desires were quicky dismissed and ignored. Zero Support!

For many years, even way back.....I found straight porn, highly stimulating. Gay porn: rarely! But straight porn/magazines, did it for me. But of course, found the 'gay' community as I knew it (or my circle of so-called friends) unfavourable. So there I was, feeling 'odd' and again 'out-of-place'.

I've had a couple of decades of same-sex SEX. But I cannot say that I've felt 100% fulfilled. I've fantasized about having sex with women, but given my experiences post 1982/83 - male oriented. It served its purpose at the time, but I have never felt 100%.

Eventually, I started asking men that I encountered, if they were Bisexual or maybe even 'straight'. It took some time, but eventually I managed to secure some interesting contacts on-line that encouraged me to: "GO4IT" and these were individuals that were *BI* themselves.

What a breath of fresh air, 20+ years later.

My male-female contact way back then was not pleasant. Sure I had feelings for men, but I did too for women. Just wasn't sure then, where to channel my feelings/thoughts.

YES....you well experienced ones, have heard it all before!

Sorry to bore the snot out of most of you.

I know the importance of sharing - and sure perhaps (well I'm doing it now) with strangers. But experienced strangers - all the more better. Objectivity for sure. Or at least I hope so.

There'll always be someone who'll be on my ass about something non-sequitor. But that's how it goes.

I'm 43, decent looking man whom has basically started to come to terms with his sexuality. I've had it all wrong all these years.

Gay? Me? I have claimed it, but never full heartedly. No closets here. My face/pic is OUT there! But as far as how I REALLY FEEL: I have to admit, my goodness....what I wouldn't do to have Male to Female contact. I crave it, fantasize about it.....and desire it so much.

Forgive me in-advance, but if and when I see the word 'cunt' I go nuts. I love straight porn and enjoy seeing women, nude and showing us, how incredibly beautiful and gorgeous that they always are/were.

I'm just merely posting this because I feel like I need to say 'something' somewhere.

I hope that this has not insulted or put-off the women participants on this forum; I should also add the male participants here too.

I'm NEW here; New to my self-discovery of "Bisexuality". I really do want to embrace it...wholeheartedly. I think this has been the place for me. No more 'trying', just 'being'. That's what I truly desire and want.

Darts & Laurels - well...we'll see how this on-line confession manifests itself.

Thanks for reading this far; this is NOT unique. But it is how I feel, albeit a bit all over the place, but I hope you folks whom are 'tried & true' will cut me some slack.

Any suggestions and/or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Respectfully yours,
RAY (Toronto)

[Nara_lovely]

Firstly, G'day (OK yes and Aussie!)

Your post was very honest, and I doubt many in here would say anything other than WELCOME!

The journey of discovery is fascinating, and it should never end. So glad you shared your thoughts. Your feelings are valid and should never be treated as anything other than what you feel. So...look forward to hearing how you are, share your thoughts, and so glad you found some people who respect you for YOU!

[glantern954]

That was wonderful. Thank you for sharing it with us. Was there a "final straw" that made you finally accept that you were attracted to women too?

[mrplayfuluk]

I was absolutely fascinated by your revelations when so many here are coming to terms or enjoying bisexuality involving partners of the same sex! In England of course the gay former pop singer Tom Robinson made a Top Ten with 'Glad To Be Gay' then went on to marry and have kids. So I realise it can happen in any direction. Here people are openminded so enjoy this site as I do and many others as well!!!

[littlerayofsunshine]

Ray,
Welcome and glad that you are here. You are from a new spectrum of sexuality that I never thought of before. only because of my own ingnorance and nothing else.. I just signed up a couple of months ago haven't yet made it through all the archives and old forums.
You sound so honest and sincere, You have opened my eyes to another spectrum of the rainbow. I'm glad you have found this place to have an at home feeling, as do I and many others.. I am glad to have you here. I hope that you get to express and love to your hearts content.


ok.. I have to admit, I only sound coherant after two cups of coffee. and I haven't finished my 1st.

[Azrael]

Hello Ray-
You can be quite proud of yourself for the point of self awareness you've reached. Also, sometimes its a lot easier to spill to total strangers, then, say people you know. That being said, you don't have to figure it all out now. I first realized I was into boys in middle school, thought I was gay a few years, then thought it was all a phase and had girlfriends until my ex got me more comfortable with the idea of just being bi. I don't know why, but for many years I viewed sexuality in terms of polarity, but like most things, at least for me it just isn't that simple. I'm just now finally on a truly even keel with who I am and what I like to do after only 12 years or so of deliberation. Point being, I can relate, as well as many others here. Welcome.

[JohnnyV]

Oral Bi Guy,

I saw your post and had to respond, even though I am technically forbidden from posting on the forums (a self-imposed rule, because I work at home and can easily get so swept away by this wondeful site that I do none of my professional work :)).

I didn't have as long a gay life as you, but I was essentially identified as gay from age 19/20 to 27. I am now married and have a child at age 35.

There are many people like you and you're not alone. No, I don't think people on this forum have really heard YOUR story that often. You and I are the reverse of most people, because we went from gay to bi instead of from straight to bi.

Feel free to drop me a line if you want to talk. I found the transition very strange, but ultimately rewarding. Luckily you are not in your 20s, because the women you'll meet in that younger range are often totally grossed out by a gay past. Available women in their 30s and 40s tend, in my experience at least, to be more seasoned and savvy. They also tend to focus on the important aspects of a possible relationship with you and won't eliminate you simply for being bisexual (largely because lots of them have had horror stories of "straight" assholes.)

One article in the New York Times by Katy Butler reported that many women enjoy having relationships with men who once identified as gay. Gay/bi males tend to be more helpful, understanding, and forgiving in their romantic relationships with women.

The sexual side will work itself out. Don't be discouraged if something malfunctions on your first few tries -- there is a lot of stress and self-doubt repressed in your system.

You may find that you differ from other people on the forum in terms of how you react to biphobia or prejudice in general. Because of your experience, you may be confronted with more hostility from gays than from straights. I found that gay men were (and continue to be) miffed and angry about my change in orientation, on an abstract level, even though they continue to be my best and most supportive friends when it comes to personal things. Other people on the forum are understandably more worried about heterosexuals' homophobia, because that is the source of most of the prejudice that they will encounter.

Welcome and I wish you the best on your journey. If I can be of any help, don't hesitate to contact me. I'm also Canadian-loving, since I live 5 minutes from the Peace Bridge and the QEW!

J

PS. This doesn't really count as me coming on the forums, does it? I'm still on my hiatus, really. Blink and you won't see me. Poof! I'm gone -- I told you.

[Brian]

I saw your post and had to respond, even though I am technically forbidden from posting on the forums (a self-imposed rule, because I work at home and can easily get so swept away by this wondeful site that I do none of my professional work :)). Tell me about it brother! I created this site when I should have been working on real work! :bigrin:

Seriously, it's so good to see your name pop up on the front page! I rarely miss reading one of your posts. Visit when you can!

- Drew :paw:

[Herbwoman39]

Ray;

Welcome! It's nice to see another new face who's just starting out on the journey. I'm pretty new, too. I was supposedly straight for the first 37 years of my life until I was shoved out of the denial that I was admiring women on an artistic level. Bah! Denial.

I'm a monogamous married mom of 2 teenage boys and I'm still trying to work my way out of the closet. I've learned that it takes time to figure things out. Heck, for the first year I was out to myself I felt like I was going though puberty all over again. I got excited every time I SAW a good looking woman!

Take your time. Figure out what's right for you. There is absolutely no rush. Once you figure out what you need, the rest will start falling into place. And if you run into something that scares you, come back here. The folks on this site are wonderful and supportive.

[LouiseBrookslover]

We all have our initial moment sof denial, Herbwoman. My first bisexual feelings were for a fellow player on my high school's football team. I started to let myself open my eyes to his beauty.....I rationalized that it was okay because he looked so much like his sister, a pretty cheerleader who incidentally I was NEVER going to see naked. He had such a curvy, hairless butt....just like I imagined she did.....but that delicious cock with the downy pubic hair between his legs, I'm pretty sure she didn't have one of those. :bigrin:

[OralBiGuy]

First off, THANK YOU ALL!

I was not entirely certain what type of replies I'd garner, but I was most impressed, as you've all been supportive thus far.

Geez...where do I begin? Here's a brief historical rendition of "OralBiGuy".

Originally raised in Atlantic Canada, moved to Ontario in the early 1980s when I was 20. Prior to my moving to this region (Great Lakes Region), I was engaged to be married to a woman. Yes! But I was 18 at the time and it was a real nightmare. Again, I looked at everything in 'black & white' terms. I had feelings for my then fiancee, but also knew deep down that I liked men. Something snapped, I called off the engagement/wedding...well it was a nightmare. My then fiancee did not take it too well. Yes, I fell terribly for this, but I got scared...and just became somewhat of a recluse.

A couple of years later, I had a 'girlfriend' again, but it was so frustrating. Honestly, this woman was incredible. She was definitely the first woman I really had 'feelings' for. But then again, that did not work out too well as her family were just constantly in our faces. But even then, the 'gay' feelings were there. I figured you either had to be one or the other. I kept thinking that if I got involved further, I'd be misleading her, lying and well...I just basically moved away. We kept in contact. Eventually she married someone and we were out of contact for many years.

The 'last straw' so to speak was just my perpetual wasting of time. I was so angry at myself. I am watching straight porn, images. Gay porn, seldom if ever rocked for me. But straight porn and images: WELL! My goodness! It was like: "Ta Da!" I've been looking at straight porn forever; enjoyed it immensely and always wanted to be IN the pictures. I realized that I had to change my perspective and shift my thought processes.

Having a few friends (mostly straight) that I confided in, they were not surprised. In fact it's like the old story of family/friends know someone is gay, even though you have not come out to them. I think that's how it has been with my straight friends whom I've confided in about my: bisexuality.

That shift in thought - has been interesting, because I am now more aware of the opposite sex. Being comfortable with that, I notice that women have been quite receptive to me, in fact I've had compliments and gestures made towards me, which I did not mind one bit. Loved it! It did not scare me anymore...it did not put me off...it did not seem foreign to me. IT FELT RIGHT!

The only animosity that I have encountered: gay friends. Although I'm not living vicariously through them, so I may not like their reactions, but hey...this is MY LIFE. That being said, it will be interesting to see how many stick around and how many disappear. That's fine! The real true friends remain, and many still do.

It's also nice to read that my encounters that I hope to have with the opposite sex may not go 'textbook', but to be patient. That's all I can do is take my time, no rush and let things happen naturally, not force them. I hope things start to improve from here on in. It's been great to with my other on-line buds that have been supportive, even one who is bisexual himself. He's been 100% supportive!

Thanks for the follow-ups and feel free to message me. I'm generally known for my friendliness.

I'm am really and truly enjoying this feeling. It's been there all along, but I suppressed it for so long, yet when I was alone, it reared its head everytime.

OK...enough of my ramblings for one day.

Thanks to everyone that responded on this thread. It is greatly appreciated.

CHEERS!
RAY

[galileo]

Well, I also would like to express myself here, although as OralBi said, you've heard it ALL before :)

The more I have the opportunity to read about the experiences shared in this forum, I feel encouraged to continue my journey towards self awareness.

Coming out to myself as a bisexual person is still an ongoing process.

I have learned here that many other people, like me, have found themselves struggling between 'all-straight' and 'all-gay' paradigms, never feeling really at home and, worst of all, thinking of themselves as traitors towards whichever side they happen to be momentarily on.

Well, I am still learning. But life is soooo short..! This is why a forum like this is so important. I just imagine how difficult it was in former times, when the opportunity to share thoughts and feelings via internet was not available!

AAAnyways: 'you've heard it all before'... :-)

[onewhocares]

Hi Ray,

First, I too would like to welcome you to this site. I hope that you will find what we have found here- a group of people who are willing to accept a new member and welcome them into our group with an open mind and a warm heart. I have found this site to be a sourse of inspiration, understanding and compassion as we all have been in your shoes.

The road to self awareness is not always an easy journey, but rather a long road through life where each new person, and each new experiance make you a better person, one traveling in the right direction for YOU.

Look forward to more posts from you and chatting in the room.

Belle