Could you guys ever give up the same sex and just consider yourself straight,...

[Ebonybifemme7]

...or just consider yourself to be gay and give up the opposite sex?

I think about this all the time. I like women and would love to be in a relationship with one, but its almost impossible to meet one. Most women I know are: Either militantly gay and THEY DO NOT LIKE HAVING SEX WITH MEN AT ALL!!!! Or I meet women who are bisexual, but who are very very discreet and basically tell the world that they are straight, but who have same sex inclinations. I'm bi, but with me I want a relationship with a woman, but I still fantasize about males. I would like to be with a woman who excepts that, but most gay women DO NOT!!! I have one friend who is a lesbian ( I never told her that I am bisexual, she thinks I'm gay) and she told me she doesnt understand bisexual women. There is a division between bisexual women and gay women. Most gay women WILL NOT STAND FOR IT! It really offends them.

So lately I've kinda been thinking about 'giving up women' (I still fantasize about them) and just being with a straight man, and 'denouncing my bisexuality' and saying that I am straight. I get a better response from straight males anyways. Women do not give me the time or day! I have some lesbians and bisexual women saved as friends on facebook, but I dont get a good response from them. Plus, a lot of my friends and family ARE SO AGAINST me being bi, its crazy! Not like I officially came out, they found out.

I have some friends who are bisexual. I have a male white friend who I think is bi, but HE IS NOT MY TYPE!!! But most of my friends are in straight relationships and they've pretty I forgotten about their same sex attraction.

[Ebonybifemme7]

No to both. It's your choice if you want to do this but what would the point be? Why not find a bi friendly lesbian or another bisexual woman that's single to date if you want to be in a relationship or partnership with a woman?

Hey Top Fucker, interesting post(s) BTW.

Not very easy to find, plus I look very straight. There are a lot of politics involved with women to women hook ups and relationships. Not very easy to pursue. But this is my issue, I STILL LOVE MEN, AND I LOVE THIS WEBSITE! And most women I know aint down with that shit. Even the straight girls that I know aren't very same sex friendly, especially when it comes to just being friends with openly gay guys who like fashion, etc.

Gay women VS Bisexual Woman: Its an endless debate.

Men just have sex with eachother and they arent as complicated as women....well, let me not talk too soon. It really depends on the man.

[look4one]

Hi Ebony,

Giving up your sexuality is almost like giving up the hard fight that a lot of my darker colour kin have fought for many years. I am not black, but I do understand what you have been fighting for. I believe we are on the verge of sexuality revolution, when your orientation does not matter anymore.

Just like religion and race, I don't believe that there is such thing as right or wrong... As much as at this time, majority of the population sees sexuality as either you are straight or other. Sexuality is more than that. It is the matter of your personal view of how you see yourself. Don't let anyone else dictate who you are.

I, myself, have gone through stages of sexuality and in the past year I have come to a point of recognising my own self as liking both genders and more (transgenders, etc). I am not talking about just for sex, but also for emotional relationship. As a matter of fact, in the past weeks, I have also set in my mind that in the future, when my current relationship is no more, I might entertain the idea of having a relationship with a man or a trans.

To each, his/her own, and you are unique. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

Also, I am looking forward to the day when sexual orientation becomes something that is as normal as a hamburger and fries :)

[Realist]

The question was: "Could you guys ever give up the same sex and just consider yourself straight?"

I've been bisexual most of my life and loved both genders since I was a pre-teen.

But, on two occasions, when I was in good relationships with straight ladies, I refrained from intimacy with males for years. If those relationships had successfully continued I believe I could have remained happy and fulfilled as a straight fellow. When relationships fail, however, I have always returned to my bisexual roots.

Since that last time, I have chosen to be out and honest with my lovers of either gender....and I will probably remain bisexual for the rest of my life. .

[sailorashore]

Ebony, you have unfortunately met mostly militantly gay women who don't really believe, just as most gay men, that there's any such thing as a true bisexual--just gay folks who haven't admitted it to themselves. Personally, I think that is just as much narrow-minded bullshit as homophobia is--some people will just always believe that their way is the only way, and will make stupid generalizations about anyone who disagrees. I look at it this way--to a racist, if you have any African-American blood in you at all, you are black, period. To a homophobe, if you have ever been sexual with someone of your own gender, you are queer, period. If you are a militant separatist lesbian (and I have known quite a few) you are in denial if you say you like men, especially if you like us sexually. Nonsense.
I don't know about Wisconsin, but there are lots of people here in Washington who, like me and our other friends here on this site, have very strong sexual ties to both men and women. I have been fortunate enough to love and be loved by some truly wonderful women in my life, and I am reminded all the time of my attraction to female strangers, even though I am presently in a relationship with a gay man. Please, Ebonybifemme, don't deny your sexuality just because you've not yet met the truly bisexual, or just plain wise, woman who will love you and still be able to understand and accept your sexual attraction to us guys. We have something that no woman has, and it's the same thing that attracts us men to other men. It's a marvelous little organ, capable of producing (and experiencing) amazingly pleasurable sensations. Just 'cause you like playing with it should never cause jealousy and insecurity in someone who doesn't have one--she has many things to share with you that we do not, and often can't even comprehend. Any lesbian who challenges you to be "pure" in your sexuality is a bit like the TEA Party types who insist you can't accept anything that liberals do and still call yourself a conservative--it's "my way or the highway," just plain-old narrow-mindedness, and there's no reason you should ever have to put up with it. Be patient--she is out there somewhere. In the meantime, you GO, girl!

[tenni]

Hi
Wouldn't the point be that you still would be bisexual but chose not to act on your sexuality? You could consider yourself a hetero but you won't be that even if you never tell your guy…you will know.

I don't know about you but if you read some posts guys who have tried that have regretted it years later. I think that the advice to them was to let your partner know that you are bisexual and you can only ask for him to keep an open mind to discuss your sexuality later should it bother you. I've kind of gone to the same sex side more but I know that I have loved many women. I still think about them even though the relationships failed. Especially at this time of year I recall that it was Christmas Eve when I became engaged to my ex. I can not deny that I have loved both men and women.

[CurEUs_Male]

Ebony,
As Tenni said, it would be a choice not to act on the interest and not actually dropping that part of yourself off the radar. Realist made a comment about having the relationship he thought would make him happy for the rest of his life - admiral, but there is experiences I have seen that conflict with that.
As a member of some support groups, I have heard of men that suppressed the urges and desires (and a couple women too) toward same sex attractions. While some marriages went for several years, and quite a few reached 30 and even 40 years before it 'came out', there seems to be a consistent story line that these things do not suppress forever. It is a part of you, and while it may be less of a priority at times, it will eventually come back up to the top. Unfortunately for many, it has come up while they have tried to hide things, and lead the people to some vary bad choices with regard to the marriages they are in. I urge you, with the combined experiences of those in the the situations, do not deny who you are for another. Be true to yourself and your lover(s).
While it is difficult to find the right person, they are out there. I have spent many hours over the years looking for people 'like me'. I found so many men that lied and continue to lie to their wives, and never really felt any fulfillment because of the guilt, shame, and self-loathing. I did, finally find some good men. Willing to be out to their wives. Not always easy, but worth the effort in the long run - for both partners and the marriage. Hold true to who you are, you are a special woman that has lots to share with other women and with men.

Al

[Gearbox]

I have considered pretending to be gay or straight just so I'd not stir any worries and fears in a partner. But I'm not edging my way out of one closet just to jump in another!!
Might be stubbornness on my part, but if I were to fib with either m/f partner I'd catch myself out eventually.

I have one friend who is a lesbian ( I never told her that I am bisexual, she thinks I'm gay) and she told me she doesnt understand bisexual women.
Have you tried pretending to be gay with a female partner?
Just wondering how that would go if you did. Am not suggesting to do it.

[Long Duck Dong]

I could... but it would take something like a brain altering injury to do it.... something that has been documented in medical science

could I live a lie ? no.... I will always be more pansexual than bisexual ( not restricting myself to bi = male and female only, but embracing trans, intersexual and gender underfined ) and the idea that I would be changing my sexuality once every 3 years or so, is not something that appeals to me, specially after years of being diagnosed with differing forms of mental illness before it was finally ( and correctly ) diagnosed as dysthimia with anhedonia... something that medical science can not treat or cure, but put me with the right people and its orgies every night lol.....

I could live in a gay or heterosexual relationship but I would feel a aspect of me was missing, and its something that I would feel very acutely indeed, tho its not restricted to just sexual.....so I would be longing for a second partner to share our relationship and help me feel more settled and in balance ......

[Ebonybifemme7]

Ebony, you have unfortunately met mostly militantly gay women who don't really believe, just as most gay men, that there's any such thing as a true bisexual--just gay folks who haven't admitted it to themselves. Personally, I think that is just as much narrow-minded bullshit as homophobia is--some people will just always believe that their way is the only way, and will make stupid generalizations about anyone who disagrees. I look at it this way--to a racist, if you have any African-American blood in you at all, you are black, period. To a homophobe, if you have ever been sexual with someone of your own gender, you are queer, period. If you are a militant separatist lesbian (and I have known quite a few) you are in denial if you say you like men, especially if you like us sexually. Nonsense.
I don't know about Wisconsin, but there are lots of people here in Washington who, like me and our other friends here on this site, have very strong sexual ties to both men and women. I have been fortunate enough to love and be loved by some truly wonderful women in my life, and I am reminded all the time of my attraction to female strangers, even though I am presently in a relationship with a gay man. Please, Ebonybifemme, don't deny your sexuality just because you've not yet met the truly bisexual, or just plain wise, woman who will love you and still be able to understand and accept your sexual attraction to us guys. We have something that no woman has, and it's the same thing that attracts us men to other men. It's a marvelous little organ, capable of producing (and experiencing) amazingly pleasurable sensations. Just 'cause you like playing with it should never cause jealousy and insecurity in someone who doesn't have one--she has many things to share with you that we do not, and often can't even comprehend. Any lesbian who challenges you to be "pure" in your sexuality is a bit like the TEA Party types who insist you can't accept anything that liberals do and still call yourself a conservative--it's "my way or the highway," just plain-old narrow-mindedness, and there's no reason you should ever have to put up with it. Be patient--she is out there somewhere. In the meantime, you GO, girl!


LOL @ you Go, girl. Yes, you do have militant lesbians. Didnt know they existed until recently.

Great post, thanks!

[Ebonybifemme7]

This is not true. Most gay men and lesbians are not biphobic and do understand bisexuality, and accept us bisexuals as having a valid sexual orientation even if they're not bisexual. If you're in a relationship with a gay man why does your profile say that you're basically single and looking for a couple and random people to hook up with?

Ha! I beg to differ. Most of the gay people I've meant DO NOT PLAY THAT! LOL. Most gay women I've meant are 100% against it. Didnt realize it until recently. If I talk about bringing a man to the bedroom, they'll say its time for me to hit the door! LOL.

Bisexuals and transgenders are outcast in the gay community. You will have a famous man that will come out and admit that he is gay but not any bisexuals ones. You have a lot of famous women who come out and say that their bisexual but they are not taken very seriously; gay women are but there are still second to gay men in the LGBT community.

[Ebonybifemme7]

Great replies y'allz. Thanks.

[James1A1]

Hi Ebonybifemme7,

Yes I could, I prefer women over men, was married, etc. So this maybe painless to me.

[FunE1]

I've thought at various times in recent years that I COULD go all-straight or all-gay relationship-wise if the right person came along... but I don't think I'd consider myself to NOT be bi-sexual at that point, just not actively bi-sexual (or perhaps, "practicing bi-sexual"), much as I was each of the times when I was married.

[zigzig]

I tried to ,,be straight'' in my teens, but it never worked. I agree that people have accepted homosexuality better then bisexuality. Don't know how gays see bisexuals, because never encountered them much in my life. But many straight people I've meet had difficulty accepting bisexuality. Once I told my colleague that I kissed a girl with a tongue, and she said I'm lesbian and made jokes that I'm tempted by any girl and her even though I wasn't attracted to her in a sexual way. Luckily my husband is an open minded. He's straight, but wouldn't mind of me having a female lover, and I'm aware of him wanting to be with other women(only sexually) and would not feel threaten if he will find another woman and let me know about her.

[Bisexual Explorer]

I could be happy having sex only with men. Then, I would consider myself a bi man who has decided to have sex only with men. I am not straight; I am not gay. I'm bi.
If someone wants to have a relationship with me, then they have to accept my bisexuality. If not, then move on.
Bisexual Explorer

[Realist]

Anne Heche comes to mind. I think she had a period of being mostly gay, (Not sure of the specifics) but has since settled into a heterosexual lifestyle.

[void()]

Short reply, no thanks. If you (general you as in anyone) desire being
a hater then, move along away from me. I am a lover for the most part.

Been bisexual all forty some odd years of life. See no point changing
what the cosmos made perfect. I could have been straight or gay, but I
arrived as bisexual.

[robert4friends]

I was with a woman who knew I was bi the whole time but would not agree to me being with a man for 23 years. Never again, it is just too miserable to give up half of your sexuality to please someone no matter how much you love them. It is not that I need to be with someone other than my partner all the time. That is why I am praying for a bi-woman thinking she might be able to understand what it is about. I think it would be great for one of us to say,"That person has a great ass!" and the other person could enthusiastically agree openly, no matter if it was a woman or a man we were talking about. How much closer would those two people be in their relationship if this kind of honesty could be so natural?

[kenjacks51]

I made my switch five years ago and I like women and wouldn;t consider leaving my wife for anyone. But I have started to come to terms with the fact that I realize now that if I was to findmyslf single, I'd probably not look for a m/f relationship again. I'd be happy with just men I think and I can almost see myself in a m/m relationship. In short, I think that I'd just turn completely. But that is one of those thigs that I don't think a person can answer until they are in that situation...

[joavi]

I wish I could go back to a minute before I got rapped, and fucking hit the man in the balls so hard that he wouldn't even be concious any more,
and then I would not be writing here on a bi-site, since I never had any gay intentions before, just the oppisite

[michael51]

I know how hard it is to find what you are looking for,believe me I do.I cant find anyone close to me willing either.But to say just give up the idea,I dont know,my wife says I should pursue it and be happy about it.
So you see you are not alone with this type of problem.I must admit I never knew women were that against men if they were gay.I just learned something new,I believe there may be some men out there like that as well

[elian]

With the right person, I could certainly be happy in a monogamous relationship - but the fact that I admire the male body and what loving men can do when they reveal the more tender side of themselves is something I can't imagine giving up..the desire might always be there - but the desire to share life with a dedicated loving companion might be stronger. I can't imagine being like, 70 and still looking to "hook up" with anyone - that would be sad in my mind, because to me a romantic, loving relationship is more erotic than just sex.

With respect to same sex vs. bi - I have educated a lot of gay guys on the fact that I am just as turned on by watching a lady pleasure herself as a man..they don't believe it at first but just like with politics, if you say something long enough they start to think it is the truth.

I know some lesbians who just can't imagine themselves with a man for one reason or another (abuse, etc.) so I guess maybe they can't imagine the thought of you with one either.. I also know some that are very loving toward people..there is not one stereotype as far as I can tell - other than all ultimately all people wanting to be happy.

Like most men I would love to give you some advice rather than just listen or tell my own experience but I can't claim to understand all of the issues from a feminine perspective so I'll try to be smarter than that this time.

[void()]

I wish I could go back to a minute before I got rapped, and fucking hit the man in the balls so hard that he wouldn't even be concious any more, and then I would not be writing here on a bi-site, since I never had any gay intentions before, just the oppisite

Please understand that I know I am not the rapist. I also understand I am not all men.
That aside I do wish to apologize for the negative affect a "bad apple" had in assailing
you. No one deserves such treatment.

Hopefully on the site you can realize there are indeed friends to be had. And yes,
people can just be friends without any intention further. I was a friend with a guy
so well folks thought us brothers. He never realized I was bisexual until I flat out
revealed it to him. Even then he had trouble believing it.

His wife laughed and told him she knew I was either gay or bi in the first five
minutes of meeting me. She and I would raise his ire a bit in genuinely innocent
flirting that held no value aside from banter to pass time, irk him. Then, after I
told him as I was staying the weekend w/ them he chuckled. "Good, now I got
two bitches. Wait, oh no that's not so good! I'm in trouble now!"

He and I have drifted apart as life often causes folks to do. Never once did he
feel threatened by me. Never once did I make any illicit advances, with him or
his wife, save our innocent banter. And that banter was always in front of him.
There was no impropriety. She and I too were friends, but she was my friend's
wife.

I suppose my point lies in the adage of it taking all kinds, in all walks of life. But,
please don't ever wall yourself up in some dank cell. Been there, done that and
it's not worth the fallout which is guaranteed to happen afterward. Still muddling
with some of it myself. While sure there are arses out there, sure too there are
good people. Am sure as well you kind find some to care, befriend and love you,
simply for you.

Us hillbillies here in the great West Virginia have an expression used instead of
farewell. We say, "run 'er slow." Slow and steady, rivers flow to oceans, slowly
and gently these rivers move mountains into valleys. Nature knows the way.
Run 'er slow, friend.

[joavi]

Please understand that I know I am not the rapist. I also understand I am not all men.
That aside I do wish to apologize for the negative affect a "bad apple" had in assailing
you. No one deserves such treatment.

Hopefully on the site you can realize there are indeed friends to be had. And yes,
people can just be friends without any intention further. I was a friend with a guy
so well folks thought us brothers. He never realized I was bisexual until I flat out
revealed it to him. Even then he had trouble believing it.

His wife laughed and told him she knew I was either gay or bi in the first five
minutes of meeting me. She and I would raise his ire a bit in genuinely innocent
flirting that held no value aside from banter to pass time, irk him. Then, after I
told him as I was staying the weekend w/ them he chuckled. "Good, now I got
two bitches. Wait, oh no that's not so good! I'm in trouble now!"

He and I have drifted apart as life often causes folks to do. Never once did he
feel threatened by me. Never once did I make any illicit advances, with him or
his wife, save our innocent banter. And that banter was always in front of him.
There was no impropriety. She and I too were friends, but she was my friend's
wife.

I suppose my point lies in the adage of it taking all kinds, in all walks of life. But,
please don't ever wall yourself up in some dank cell. Been there, done that and
it's not worth the fallout which is guaranteed to happen afterward. Still muddling
with some of it myself. While sure there are arses out there, sure too there are
good people. Am sure as well you kind find some to care, befriend and love you,
simply for you.

Us hillbillies here in the great West Virginia have an expression used instead of
farewell. We say, "run 'er slow." Slow and steady, rivers flow to oceans, slowly
and gently these rivers move mountains into valleys. Nature knows the way.
Run 'er slow, friend.

I'm still new here and it's going to be hard for me to believe in people too fast but thanks for your replay(s) :) I do like it here so far (just not too many people online?)

[Annika L]

Hey Ebony,

I'm not clear on what "giving up" on the opposite sex means. I've been with a female partner for the past 27 years...exclusively. Have I "given up" on men?

Regardless, do I consider myself gay? Absolutely not. Why not? Because I'm sexually attracted to men as well as women. So would "give up on men" mean accept as a given that I'll never have sex with a man again? I suppose I could do that, although I don't see why I would...I mean I've lived long enough to know we cannot predict all ends. But let's suppose I did...would that be "giving up" on men? If so, then your question is *could* I then consider myself gay? Still no. Why not? Because I'm still friggin' sexually attracted to men! To be gay is to not have that attraction...as long as I'm attracted to both sexes, I'm bisexual, whether I like that word or not (and personally I'm fine with the word).

Similarly, I know plenty of single straight women who have "given up on men"...settled in to the fact that they'll never find "the right guy" and so choose to live alone. Does that mean they are no longer straight, but rather asexual? Certainly not according to the definitions of straight and asexual that I understand. These women still have sexual desires...they just don't have a partner and have accepted that they won't.

In short, one can choose one's behavior, but one cannot choose one's sexuality.

[void()]

I'm still new here and it's going to be hard for me to believe in people too fast but thanks for your replay(s) :) I do like it here so far (just not too many people online?)

A lot of lurker population, which is about on par with forums in general.
Or, if saying not many to trust. Can agree somewhat, be cautious for sure.
Just don't be a full clam. There is balance. We each find that, or hope to.

*chuckles* If you see me running round, tell me to wait on myself. I
often seem to misplace me. *grin* Here in a bit going to crash w/ some
pain medication. Helped with a truck load of firewood today and it tore
up my back a little bit. But family, what the heck? :)

[ErosUrge]

The question was: "Could you guys ever give up the same sex and just consider yourself straight?"

I've been bisexual most of my life and loved both genders since I was a pre-teen.

But, on two occasions, when I was in good relationships with straight ladies, I refrained from intimacy with males for years. If those relationships had successfully continued I believe I could have remained happy and fulfilled as a straight fellow. When relationships fail, however, I have always returned to my bisexual roots.

Since that last time, I have chosen to be out and honest with my lovers of either gender....and I will probably remain bisexual for the rest of my life. .

Like Realist, I've been bi all my life. There have been times when I refrained from sex with the same gender and other times where I indulged in it more with the same gender. The difference for me is whenever I've been involved in a serious relationship with the opposite sex, my indulgence with the same sex is somewhat tamed. It doesn't stop completely usually though it has on a couple of occasions. That's where I am now....I am involved deeply with a woman whom I adore. She knows I'm bi and accepts it. She hasn't put any restrictions on me and as far as I know, I have the freedom to play should I really want to. To answer the question, I really don't know for certain whether I could give up the same sex and consider myself straight. I don't think so but I'm not absolutely sure either. As strange as this might sound, if I were to have restrictions placed on me to give up the same sex or else, I probably wouldn't be able to. But if those restrictions are not placed on me, there is a greater possibility that I wouldn't....since I do love sex with both sexes, I believe it would be detrimental to my well being over all to not be able to indulge with both...oh do give me air to breathe!


She and I had a lengthy discussion 2 nights ago about inviting others (mostly men) to our bed and how would we go about doing that. There are parameters we are going to discuss more fully should we decide to go that route...she has never experienced it. I have but always as the guest to a couple. So this would be a first for me being the couple and inviting others to join us instead of being a single guest joining a couple. It's something I want but at the same time, I want to be sure that my insecurities don't take over....we will see.

[aLABiM75 & StrF51]

`


For me, sex and being in Love go hand in hand.
Though I have had to restrain myself from kissing some of my Frat Brothers with the image so vivid in my head, just prior to approaching them to shake hands.
Got to keep the several types of Love separate for Society.


`

[cuttin2dachase]

I gave up bi sex in the 10 years I was with my ultra str8 (but cheating) 2nd wife. My bi desires remained strong, but I willingly gave up mm sex for her, even though she was not particularly good in bed. I will always consider myself more str8 than bi, because I can only ever feel emotionally close to, and in love with, a woman. Sex with men has always been powerfully exciting and fulfilling, but I have no desire to ever be in anything more than a sexual relationship with a man. All the while we were together, 2nd wife had a married boyfriend on the side whom she'd been seeing off and on since several years before we met. I was totally blindsided and devastated when I found out. I left her and resumed meeting men and couples and other women within 2 weeks and never looked back. I have dated a few women since, but none who would ever accept or support my other yen for men. I am 60 now and am content to meet mostly other bi men and the occasional couple for sex while casually dating women. I will remain bi, but closeted, in my own style LOL.