Having trouble accepting my bisexuality...

[CamStar94]

Hi all, basically to summarize, I'm feeling pretty trapped right now where I'm at, sexual orientation wise.

A few years ago is when I first started noticing some sexual fantasies involving with men, but I always too afraid to pursue them. Fast forward a few years later and I'm starting to feel like it's okay to fantasize about them and that I can't deny myself what I find sexy. But what makes it difficult are my surroundings.

Many of the people in my life are homophobic, or biphobic, I should say. For example, my neighbor in college is an open bisexual man, as is a woman who lives a few doors down from me, and they are both comfortable with who they are but I always hear people talking about how it's just a phase. It's just frustrating to me that people think bisexuality is not a legit thing. After all, they're not me.

I'm pretty grateful that I found this site. Like some of the people here, I find my bisexuality flows and ebbs. Some days I get so turned on by the gay fantasies and cum very hard and wonder if I'm gay, but I find that I often get bored of them and resort back to my straight fantasies in some way, although right now it's kind of a mess because I am addicted to porn....which is embarrassing to admit but I also find this interesting as before I started watching porn so excessively I never even had this problem? It also frightens me that SO many people believe bisexuality to be a phase. How do I know it won't be for me? Will my feelings for women dissipate or always remain? I don't like the thought of never laying with a woman again, but I also don't like the thought of never having a sexual fantasy involving a male again either.

I just feel like societal stereotypes make many men feel like that if they are turned on by sexual stuff involving men means they are completely gay. This makes it hard for me to accept, as I feel like every time I indulge in these fantasies, I'm going to somehow wake up gay. Yet at the same time, I have been in love with a woman before, and had sexual experiences with them. I dated a girl for 8 months and recently broke things off with her due to drama and arguing (not over my bisexuality). I know I'm not completely gay or else I wouldn't be missing her as much as I am, being jealous of other men talking with her, craving her touch, etc. Last night too a pretty woman came over to my friends house to smoke hookah with us and I kept finding myself checking her out accidentally. And I have had crushes on women at university too, but yet I never find myself checking out men?

I just have so many questions. Do a lot of you have this too? I can't imagine myself going on a date with a man, so why do these fantasies turn me on online but in real life I have little to no interest in experiencing them? Why do I only feel inclined to chase women? Does masturbation not always correlate to real life? I feel like porn addiction has got me not seeing straight. I tried to watch gay porn today and had a semi-erection but I just thought it looked kinda weird. Do you think all these questions come from the porn addiction and being surrounded by biphobic people? Why do I keep doubting myself? Am I being paranoid, or are these genuine questions? I just feel like since my initial conclusion that I'm most likely bisexual a few years ago when I was 17, my tastes have been the same. But I'm just so confused right now. I'm glad to see some other individuals on this forum feel this way. The other night I had a dream about sex with a woman, then sex with a man after that. I just need guidance and clarity.

[CamStar94]

I just can't see straight and I'm tired of it

[sssssss]

My problem is I am getting so desensitized with porn that I don't even get turned on any more, at least you know how you feel about your self. Men really dont do anything for me but I like sucking dick once in a while, but at the same time I like looking at women but I cant handle the protocol with women that you have have an emotional relationship with them just to have sex with them. Maybe Im insentive I just use men to get there rocks and my rocks off.

[CamStar94]

Well I kind of do. Porn just made this more complicated than this had to be. On some forums I see members posting that without the porn there's a chance I will find these urges will go away, but I don't personally believe that, although I do think porn needs to be removed from this equation for me to think straight.

[tenni]

I think that the environment can impact our self acceptance of our sexuality. The first and most important thing is to accept yourself and believe genuinly that your sexuality is not a negative aspect or that you are a bad person because you are attracted to both men and women.

With regard to your perception of not being able to date another man, that is fine. Can you see yourself as friends with another man that may have a sexual aspect to it? We are socialized to connect “dating” with the opposite sex. As a bisexual there is no reason for you to look at hanging out with a guy friend as a date. There just may be an aspect of your friendship involves naked sex with your friend. Over time, you attitude may change but no problem with not seeing hang’n with a guy as a date.

You seem to be a guy in his early 20’s? Confusion about life can happen even without a sexuality that in your community is not accepted. The ebb and flow fluid aspect of bisexuality seems to be impacting you now? Maybe, if you cut down on the porn viewing it may help you? Certainly, porn wanking does not necessarily match up to real life in person sex with another person.


Eventually, you will accept the ebb and flow and just go with it. Remember that you are an ok guy. Being bisexual is ok. Walking down the street and admiring an attractive woman one minute and then noticing a hot guy within the next minute is kewl as far as being bi. :) Relax and enjoy that you can enjoy both women and men. Twice as much to like..lol

[CurEUs_Male]

Cam,
I think you have gotten some good comments so far, I have a couple things to add.

Sexuality is fluid. Some more fluid than others. Some may never recognize a change, or accept it when they have a feeling of a change, others change slowly over years, some almost hourly! It is part of being human. Look at it as an adventure. Do not doubt yourself, do not fall prey to those spouting hate against bisexuals. In fact, if you can muster up the courage, consider questioning those that call it a phase.

It is unfortunate that there have been so many supposed studies that looked at bisexuality as a phase to being gay. In the 70's my older brother learned "bi now, gay later" and I suspect many bi men probably lived a gay life because it was more accepted. Times are changing. A study that stated bi's do not exist was recently discredited with a similar study that shows we do exist. Same University conducted both studies - go figure.

You have two neighbors that are open about their bisexuality?!?! Fantastic! GO talk with them. Ask them if you can have a private, honest discussion about sexuality. If they have actually gone through anything to come to the conclusion that they are bisexual, I would bet they would be happy to talk with you about it. Maybe not, but probably will. It is friends like them that can make your life something you can be more comfortable with yourself. Perhaps your sexuality will slide one way or another after the conversation, but remember we are all fluid on our orientations. Time will alter our perceptions.

Good luck,

Al

[CamStar94]

Even if you personally stopped looking at all porn, and had sex with a woman or only women for the rest of your life you'd still be bisexual. Think about it, if you were straight or heterosexual you would not get turned on by the same gender at all.

Haha well I do agree with this, even though I was faithful to my previous girlfriend and I loved her I still felt the urges sometimes, but I never acted on them. Regardless I thank you for your helpful input.

[CamStar94]

I think that the environment can impact our self acceptance of our sexuality. The first and most important thing is to accept yourself and believe genuinly that your sexuality is not a negative aspect or that you are a bad person because you are attracted to both men and women.

With regard to your perception of not being able to date another man, that is fine. Can you see yourself as friends with another man that may have a sexual aspect to it? We are socialized to connect “dating” with the opposite sex. As a bisexual there is no reason for you to look at hanging out with a guy friend as a date. There just may be an aspect of your friendship involves naked sex with your friend. Over time, you attitude may change but no problem with not seeing hang’n with a guy as a date.

You seem to be a guy in his early 20’s? Confusion about life can happen even without a sexuality that in your community is not accepted. The ebb and flow fluid aspect of bisexuality seems to be impacting you now? Maybe, if you cut down on the porn viewing it may help you? Certainly, porn wanking does not necessarily match up to real life in person sex with another person.


Eventually, you will accept the ebb and flow and just go with it. Remember that you are an ok guy. Being bisexual is ok. Walking down the street and admiring an attractive woman one minute and then noticing a hot guy within the next minute is kewl as far as being bi. :) Relax and enjoy that you can enjoy both women and men. Twice as much to like..lol

Thanks so much man. I go through phases where I'm like hey I'm gay! Hey I'm straight! And it's starting to make more and more sense that this battle is simple: because I'm both, a bisexual man. It's just society makes it hard for a man to see through that as everything is portrayed as one-sided, black or white. This site is helping. Thank you good sir.

[CamStar94]

Cam,
I think you have gotten some good comments so far, I have a couple things to add.

Sexuality is fluid. Some more fluid than others. Some may never recognize a change, or accept it when they have a feeling of a change, others change slowly over years, some almost hourly! It is part of being human. Look at it as an adventure. Do not doubt yourself, do not fall prey to those spouting hate against bisexuals. In fact, if you can muster up the courage, consider questioning those that call it a phase.

It is unfortunate that there have been so many supposed studies that looked at bisexuality as a phase to being gay. In the 70's my older brother learned "bi now, gay later" and I suspect many bi men probably lived a gay life because it was more accepted. Times are changing. A study that stated bi's do not exist was recently discredited with a similar study that shows we do exist. Same University conducted both studies - go figure.

You have two neighbors that are open about their bisexuality?!?! Fantastic! GO talk with them. Ask them if you can have a private, honest discussion about sexuality. If they have actually gone through anything to come to the conclusion that they are bisexual, I would bet they would be happy to talk with you about it. Maybe not, but probably will. It is friends like them that can make your life something you can be more comfortable with yourself. Perhaps your sexuality will slide one way or another after the conversation, but remember we are all fluid on our orientations. Time will alter our perceptions.

Good luck,

Al

Thank you so much Al, I appreciate the wishing of good luck. Like the first poster who replied to my initial OP said, time is really the answer. For now, I'm gonna enjoy life and work on accepting myself as a bisexual man - it's already better than it used to be. And meet women and maybe men if I feel ready for that (I don't in real life yet, but I know at some point I need to act on it to further progress).

I believe what makes this more difficult for me is, realistically, I can't see many of my friends accepting me aside from a select few, and this realization makes me realize I can't run away from these thoughts forever - they're already catching up with me - but this site is helping me feel at peace. I also notice on straight and gay forums I joined I felt out of place, but here I feel like people actually understand my thoughts!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Cam, sweetie..Have you actually ever had sex with a man before? I hope you get to try. Its the one way you'll find out if you Are Bi or Bi-Curious. :}
Good Luck, and welcome to Bisex..and yourself..:}
Everybody's Cat.

[tenni]

Hey Cam
You're welcome. I look at it as I am not both hetero and gay. I'm bisexual. Gays and heterosexuals are monosexuals. I am not them. Bisexuals are not them or a mix. We are our own. I agree with Cat that you should explore with another man but it may take a month or so before you are ready. We don't really know you but we have all been where you are. I think that striking up a discreet (if you want) friendship with the bi guy and bi girl down the hall is an excellent idea. Meeting and talking to another bisexual man in person can bring you to a calming peace. Definitely, before you enter a serious relationship with a woman, you should explore your same sex attraction on at least a physical level though.

[CamStar94]

Hey Cam
You're welcome. I look at it as I am not both hetero and gay. I'm bisexual. Gays and heterosexuals are monosexuals. I am not them. Bisexuals are not them or a mix. We are our own. I agree with Cat that you should explore with another man but it may take a month or so before you are ready. We don't really know you but we have all been where you are. I think that striking up a discreet (if you want) friendship with the bi guy and bi girl down the hall is an excellent idea. Meeting and talking to another bisexual man in person can bring you to a calming peace. Definitely, before you enter a serious relationship with a woman, you should explore your same sex attraction on at least a physical level though.

I somewhat agree. I honestly have no idea when I will feel ready to do it in real life. I had a gay man flirt with me really hard when I was drunk once (which usually makes me horny) but I didn't feel any inclination toward him, just the woman he was with, but I also know I won't be attracted to every man I interact with, just like women. Like the lady who responded after me said, doing it in real life is the only way I will ever know for sure. However, even though I am more sexually experienced with woman, I would like to have fun and more casual sex with them first before I try anything with a man if that makes sense? I used to be really shy around girls when I was younger (another sign I know I'm bi) and would like to experiment more with them before the actual man thing. I have found myself becoming more confident with women lately and I have been really enjoying that lately. Regardless , I appreciate all the advice in this thread. This site is useful because it helps that I get to type my thoughts out.

[dm330]

I had trouble with my sexuality since I was a little kid. I'm not sure why, but I've always been fascinated with the male body, especially the penis. I always fantasized what it would be like to suck a dick, and I even did to my best friend at the time when we were 8. Maybe it was finding my dad's pornos (str8 porn, not gay) that did it. In my teens, I thought I had outgrown my desire to want guys for any form of sex and I was drawn to women. But then came the procreation videos we watched in health class and having to change our clothes in the locker room for gym and I found myself attracted to both sexes again, although I hadn't done anything with a dude again till I was 23 when I got a blowjob from the first guy.

At 26 I sucked my first dick to completion and I've been active since then. I don't get to do this as often as I want, and although I want it, after I do it I always wonder why I do it. So I guess you could say I want it, but I don't want it. It doesn't make sense. After a while I want to do it, I want it bad, and I'm passionate about how I do it, but after I'm done, the guilt sets in and I hate what I did for a while afterwards. It's mixed up and I don't know why or how to explain it really. The temptation comes back eventually, till I give in all over again.

[semibi]

As you can see, many of us can relate to what you're saying. I have not had sex with a male, although I am confident I would like it. In my case, acting on my bisexuality would not be practical, as I am married and prefer to remain monogamous. After many years struggling to make sense of things, I am finally comfortable with the reality that I am bisexual.

Your sexuality is what it is. You may see fluctuations in your preferences and you may see changes in your behavior. But, I believe that your true nature is what it is. If you're bi, you're bi.

I first knew that I am bisexual from my experience with porn, although I didn't have a word for it then. I understand your concern about porn and its impact on sexuality. And, our bodies' reaction to porn can be confusing. I am convinced porn does affect sexuality. That said, I don't have any facts or figures to support that. I don't think porn makes you gay, straight or bi. But, it probably can reveal what you are. And, it may certainly affect your preferences and your interests and willingness to pursue certain things. It can seem scary to feel the impact of porn. I gave up porn completely for several years. Not surprisingly, that move did not make me 100% hetero.

I would suggest that you make careful decisions about how to experience your sexuality. Talking with your neighbors seems like a great start in the process.

[jem_is_bi]

How much of your like do you want to pass by without experiencing life as you know it should be? All of it? Worse, how much of your life do you want to pass by feeling guilty about what you want to do and even though never do?

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

LOl Thank you for calling me a Lady, Sweetie. Find someone that you Are attracted to, and if he is wiling, give it a shot. You may hate it..or you may adore it. Only way to find out is by Actually doing it..:}
Cat

[sailorashore]

Cam, you are hearing it already above--but if I may I will add my 2 cents' worth. Your sexuality is yours alone, and no one has the right to define it but you. "Gay" and "straight" are labels, as is "bisexual" for that matter, and YOU are the only one who gets to decide what label you will wear. I was hammered hard as a young man (13-14) for fiddlin' around with other boys. I repressed all that for years. In my 30's I discovered (rediscovered, I should say) my attraction to men. Over the course of my life I have had great love affairs with wonderful women, adored them, and had terrific sex with them. I enjoyed making love with them, and would again if I had the chance. I am now seeing a man, and the sex is fantastic. He is a gay man, and has never been sexually attracted to a woman in his life (though, bless his heart, he would do a three-way with me and a woman if he thought it would please me!). He worries that I will revert to my 'heterosexual nature' if the right female beckons, though I try to explain to him that I am neither straight nor gay. Many gay men I've met insist that if you've ever touched a cock other than your own (or thought about doing so), you are gay, period. Nonsense. The best explanation I ever heard--consider the sexual spectrum as a clock. If all the straight folks are at straight-up twelve o'clock (more than half, perhaps) and all the gay folks are at six (somewhere between twelve and eighteen percent, maybe) that leaves a lot of room for the rest of us. Don't let anyone tell you what you are, Cam. And don't ever let someone box you in with some label, just because he or she wants to put you in a convenient pigeon-hole. Me, I hang out with the three o'clock crowd

[wrbi01]

Im going to answer for me of course....

"1. Do a lot of you have this too? I can't imagine myself going on a date with a man, so why do these fantasies turn me on online but in real life I have little to no interest in experiencing them?"

My history involves experiences with a male friend when I was 12 and also, I have just come to accept this, I was taken advantage of by a female cousin when I was only 8 and she was 15. I was shown way to early about sexuallity. Hell, I have to admit even today I still have thoughts of those days. Now... did that make me Bisexual... dont know.... kinda doubt it. I became what I am because I was looking for pleasure and still find that pleasure with both women and men. Lately its been with men more than women only because my wifes sex drive is not like mine but thats a WHOLE other story.

"2. Why do I only feel inclined to chase women?"

Its what you want at that moment. I have to go with what others have said above... Have you ever had any relations with a guy before? Getting to where I am now I remember the excitement of being with another guy. How nervious I was... and i think that growing up in the 70's and 80's didnt help either. The anti-same sex movement made me nervious. I was always told that pleasure can only come from relationships with someone of the opisite sex. Pleasure is pleasure no matter how you find it. When I am doing anything with anyone I concern myself with making sure that we BOTH obtain the maxium pleasure possable during the experience man -or women. Sex is a very selfish act all in all. We do it for our feelings. You sound like you like the physical interactions with a woman but find it rather normal and want some excitement and change from the "normal" on some level. Thing of it is you have to accept that your feelings ARE normal.

"3.Does masturbation not always correlate to real life?"

Nope.... some find the excitement in REALLY strange ways. IE Some LOVE to watch and get off to watching other types of animals have sex. Do they want to go screw a horse because they watched two horses having sex, prob. not but the act of sexual encounters and watching them triggers things in us to want the fun of doing it themselves and thats what trips their trigger. You do what you can to obtain the pleasure.

"4.I feel like porn addiction has got me not seeing straight. I tried to watch gay porn today and had a semi-erection but I just thought it looked kinda weird. Do you think all these questions come from the porn addiction and being surrounded by biphobic people?"

If you feel you are addicted to porn there is therapy for that. Its a way to explore just why you feel you have a NEED to watch porn and find ways of dealing with it. In saying that Im not talking about a religious therapy as much as just a social therapy to help you beat the addiction. Addiction is only addiction if it is something you HAVE to do to find good feelings. Whats going to get that maxium dopamine flowing to the brain so we can feel great, even if its just for a moment. As for the Biphobic.... I read a study once that a group of straight men were shown both straight and gay porn. The ones who claimed to HATE the idea of same sex became arroused when watching the porn while the men who were ok with the same sex comunity were not aroused at all. I personally belive that this study is correct in basicly say that those who are the most afraid of activities with the same sex actually are afraid that they might just become "fully" gay if they obtained pleasure from it as well as it going completely aginst what THEY were taught growing up and to fight what they feel is the only "right" way to be is in fact wrong and rebelious.

"5.Why do I keep doubting myself? Am I being paranoid, or are these genuine questions?"

I have always said that the only bad questions are the ones that are never asked. Your arguing with yourself because there is something internal you are fighting with. Weather that be the way you were raised and what you were taught is right and wrong or its just something passed to you through DNA and genetics, yes... some fears and dislikes we inherit from our ancestors just like likes and wants, You are the only one who can decide what is "right" for you. If you get excitement from the thoughts of being with men and it gives you a rush of pleasure then I say ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF IT!!! It may very well grow into new feelings or it may subside someday. What is good about what you are doing is one you are asking the questions.... but also the fact is that you wont be judgemental as those who just live with their ignorance.

"I just feel like since my initial conclusion that I'm most likely bisexual a few years ago when I was 17, my tastes have been the same. But I'm just so confused right now. I'm glad to see some other individuals on this forum feel this way. The other night I had a dream about sex with a woman, then sex with a man after that. I just need guidance and clarity."

I hope you find the answers you are looking for which im sure you will. Take time to experience things in life. Am I saying run out and find a guy to be with..... no....Im saying that if you are truly drawn to it dont deny the feeling and if the opertunity comes and you feel comfortable with trying it... go for it. If not... its still ok. You are who you are. Be who you are. Live life to its fullest and enjoy the fun times and dont hold on to the bad ones. We all have very little time on this planet and there is really no reason to waste it.

I know... I was a little wordy... sorry about that... but I have, like others on this site, been where you are and just want to help ease the pains a little.

[CamStar94]

Many gay men I've met insist that if you've ever touched a cock other than your own (or thought about doing so), you are gay, period. Nonsense. The best explanation I ever heard--consider the sexual spectrum as a clock. If all the straight folks are at straight-up twelve o'clock (more than half, perhaps) and all the gay folks are at six (somewhere between twelve and eighteen percent, maybe) that leaves a lot of room for the rest of us. Don't let anyone tell you what you are, Cam. And don't ever let someone box you in with some label, just because he or she wants to put you in a convenient pigeon-hole.

I needed this so bad, thank you so much good sir. Very clear explanation and it put made a smile on my face and gave me hope about one day finding happiness in this world!

[CamStar94]

Im going to answer for me of course....

"1. Do a lot of you have this too? I can't imagine myself going on a date with a man, so why do these fantasies turn me on online but in real life I have little to no interest in experiencing them?"

My history involves experiences with a male friend when I was 12 and also, I have just come to accept this, I was taken advantage of by a female cousin when I was only 8 and she was 15. I was shown way to early about sexuallity. Hell, I have to admit even today I still have thoughts of those days. Now... did that make me Bisexual... dont know.... kinda doubt it. I became what I am because I was looking for pleasure and still find that pleasure with both women and men. Lately its been with men more than women only because my wifes sex drive is not like mine but thats a WHOLE other story.

"2. Why do I only feel inclined to chase women?"

Its what you want at that moment. I have to go with what others have said above... Have you ever had any relations with a guy before? Getting to where I am now I remember the excitement of being with another guy. How nervious I was... and i think that growing up in the 70's and 80's didnt help either. The anti-same sex movement made me nervious. I was always told that pleasure can only come from relationships with someone of the opisite sex. Pleasure is pleasure no matter how you find it. When I am doing anything with anyone I concern myself with making sure that we BOTH obtain the maxium pleasure possable during the experience man -or women. Sex is a very selfish act all in all. We do it for our feelings. You sound like you like the physical interactions with a woman but find it rather normal and want some excitement and change from the "normal" on some level. Thing of it is you have to accept that your feelings ARE normal.

"3.Does masturbation not always correlate to real life?"

Nope.... some find the excitement in REALLY strange ways. IE Some LOVE to watch and get off to watching other types of animals have sex. Do they want to go screw a horse because they watched two horses having sex, prob. not but the act of sexual encounters and watching them triggers things in us to want the fun of doing it themselves and thats what trips their trigger. You do what you can to obtain the pleasure.

"4.I feel like porn addiction has got me not seeing straight. I tried to watch gay porn today and had a semi-erection but I just thought it looked kinda weird. Do you think all these questions come from the porn addiction and being surrounded by biphobic people?"

If you feel you are addicted to porn there is therapy for that. Its a way to explore just why you feel you have a NEED to watch porn and find ways of dealing with it. In saying that Im not talking about a religious therapy as much as just a social therapy to help you beat the addiction. Addiction is only addiction if it is something you HAVE to do to find good feelings. Whats going to get that maxium dopamine flowing to the brain so we can feel great, even if its just for a moment. As for the Biphobic.... I read a study once that a group of straight men were shown both straight and gay porn. The ones who claimed to HATE the idea of same sex became arroused when watching the porn while the men who were ok with the same sex comunity were not aroused at all. I personally belive that this study is correct in basicly say that those who are the most afraid of activities with the same sex actually are afraid that they might just become "fully" gay if they obtained pleasure from it as well as it going completely aginst what THEY were taught growing up and to fight what they feel is the only "right" way to be is in fact wrong and rebelious.

"5.Why do I keep doubting myself? Am I being paranoid, or are these genuine questions?"

I have always said that the only bad questions are the ones that are never asked. Your arguing with yourself because there is something internal you are fighting with. Weather that be the way you were raised and what you were taught is right and wrong or its just something passed to you through DNA and genetics, yes... some fears and dislikes we inherit from our ancestors just like likes and wants, You are the only one who can decide what is "right" for you. If you get excitement from the thoughts of being with men and it gives you a rush of pleasure then I say ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF IT!!! It may very well grow into new feelings or it may subside someday. What is good about what you are doing is one you are asking the questions.... but also the fact is that you wont be judgemental as those who just live with their ignorance.

"I just feel like since my initial conclusion that I'm most likely bisexual a few years ago when I was 17, my tastes have been the same. But I'm just so confused right now. I'm glad to see some other individuals on this forum feel this way. The other night I had a dream about sex with a woman, then sex with a man after that. I just need guidance and clarity."

I hope you find the answers you are looking for which im sure you will. Take time to experience things in life. Am I saying run out and find a guy to be with..... no....Im saying that if you are truly drawn to it dont deny the feeling and if the opertunity comes and you feel comfortable with trying it... go for it. If not... its still ok. You are who you are. Be who you are. Live life to its fullest and enjoy the fun times and dont hold on to the bad ones. We all have very little time on this planet and there is really no reason to waste it.

I know... I was a little wordy... sorry about that... but I have, like others on this site, been where you are and just want to help ease the pains a little.

God bless you man. This thread has helped me so much tonight with feeling better and drawing conclusions. I especially liked the part about don't run out and do it if I don't feel comfortable. That's very true. The first time I had heterosexual sex with a woman I was drunk and she was very easy and horny - I thought at the time it would be great, and even though it was fun, the sex I rushed into didn't compare to the sex I had with the last woman I dated for many months, as it was based on feelings, not the rush. I thank you. Have a wonderful and safe New Year's Eve!

[tensy]

Interesting reading about peoples experiences being bisexual. I've always felt that I was gay and straight in a way. My preference for males and females seem to be separate in my head, not really together. When I am in a "woman head" I can't really relate to the side of me that likes guys sexually in that moment. And the same when I am in a guy head. I can switch between these heads somewhat rapidly, but they do not seem to coexist at the same time. I do feel emotionally closer and connected to guys just in general, and perhaps slightly more sexually excited by women, if I were comparing emotional and sex turn on states. So if I am in a guy mood/head, I just have almost no interest in women sexually and it's almost a turnoff and the same with guys when I am in a woman head. I can with an act of will (basically focusing on the opposite sex to that I'm currently interested in) flip between these "heads" pretty quickly (otherwise it will happen on its own naturally at its own pace) as I stated earlier, but in the moment, it's only "one sexuality". I think if I could choose one sexuality 24/7 it would be gay, as it seems to be an easier lifestyle in many ways. I do find that many gay people, not all of course, seem to hold the view that bisexuality is not real, it's just being in the closet, not being able to deal with being gay or being a bottom or whatever, often with a disdainful judgmental sneer.

That I find very annoying and ironic, especially since many gay people have dealt with prejudice and lack of acceptance and you would think would be the last to dish it out, as well as bi people are not saying they don't like having sex with the same sex or having whatever orientation in that regard, we are just saying that we enjoy sex (and love) with both genders. Saying you are bi is not saying you are straight and most of the time the few times I have shared my sexuality with someone I get that look like yeah right. It's not exactly a "pass", its more an invitation for misunderstanding from both polar sexualities. It's a terrible thing when you share who you are with someone and you can see (based on their behavior or what they say) that they don't believe you or think you don't know yourself or think you are lying or think that only their experience is valid and what is real. These days I don't even share it and many people think I am gay which I am fine with. I'll let them deal with any confusion if they see me doing something that doesn't fit that mold lol.

[wrbi01]

Actually it's not true that you have to be sexually experienced with one or even both genders in order to be bisexual. People who are virgins who are straight or gay are not "straight curious" or "gay curious" before they have sex with the person of their sexual preference.

I totally agree. I didnt even know it was an option until that one event when I was 12. I found pleasure in doing it and thats what drove me to wanting more. In fact after that time my friend and I tried to do other things that we thought would feel good such as kissing and anal. Not being educated and young, the kissing went ok.... the anal... well... not so much. Eventually he had internal conflict with what he was doing with me and we stopped. Didnt talk to each other for years. Then we saw one another when we were both in college and he was more straight than bi. He eventually decided he was bi. I havent seen or talked with him in a long time. I found him once on the internet. He added me as a friend on Facebook but we never made contact. I think its because he still has some inner conflict with what happened between us. Maybe some day.

I am a firm believer in balance in life. You have good and bad, left and right, male and female and you cant have one without the other in some form. Life is all about balance. Personally for me I think that Bisexuallity is a form of balance. I see both sides of the street. I find pleasure in both so why not do both :)

On another note.... Top Fucker..... Anyday... ANYDAY ;)

[ErosUrge]

Since I don't have a lot of time to reply to this thread, I am hoping that I don't repeat what's already been said by others but if I do, so be it. And for those who have read my posts through the years, you all already have read much of what I'm going to touch on here.

I understand so well what it's like about accepting that you're bisexual. When I was in my teens, I didn't know then there was a word or label for it; I was simply who I was and just happened to love sex with both sexes. It was only in later years when David Bowie announced to the world that he was bisexual that I realized it pertained to me as well. At that time I accepted it but as the years moved forward, I found it difficult to function based on my own fears about my sexuality. I was still having sex with both sexes but labored over the fact that I was sexual with the same sex. I thought it a detriment to the relationships I had with the women I was with and in love with. So I then tried to deny it and thought I would do away with being sexual with men; hahaha...the more I tried to push the desire away the more I wanted it and the more intense it became. After years of feeling guilty for being sexual with men after the indulgence of playing (because I didn't feel guilty until after I'd cum), I decided to accept and embrace the fact that I loved sex with men. Even though I've never been both sexual and emotionally involved with a man, I loved the sex in and of itself and always have. I accepted that it was with women I enjoyed everything-emotionally, sexually, spiritually, etc...I accepted that the male friends I was closest too didn't interest me sexually and those I was sexual with were for that reason only....

I told you my story in detail as to perhaps give you a boost in making a decision for yourself. It can be very confusing when you're confronting this for the first time within yourself. So much of the conflict comes from what society....i.e. religion, family, friends, have defined how we're "supposed" to be when it comes to our sexuality. All of that is an imposition that we shouldn't allow to affect us. Our sexuality is our own and no one else's; it's a sacred trust that is ours only and no one has the right to determine that for us. It's what you choose for yourself that determines your joy and happiness. Let no one anywhere dictate how you should be....I'll close by saying that being bisexual is a very wonderful experience....best to you.