Has anyone else felt this way?

[Realist]

I was discussing this with a friend, yesterday:

I have sometimes found that a person, (who I may not have been initially attracted to, in the beginning) began to look better, later. I've found that when they had a decent personality, mutual interests, and intellectual compatibility, their physical properties began to be more appealing. Chance meetings, blind dates, and maybe correspondents have, on several occasions, looked better after I experienced the above.


Conversely, I can remember a couple of potential lovers/FWB, who I was initially attracted to by their looks, began not to look so good to me....... after I knew them better!



Am I the only one who has experienced this?

[semibi]

Certainly not.

[void()]

You are not alone in such feelings.

[lookn4fun64]

No you are not "the only one" with those findings. Learning more about anything takes time and experience, be it a new car, a family pet, or the people we become involved with socially and/or sexually. It's tough to read the book from the cover only. Humans HAVE to be the most complex beings on the earth. And that is so confounding to me when I see people I thought I knew so well, only to have them pull some boner.

I have fallen for people only to discover later that their beauty has dissolved after I came to know them better. As to the opposite (people disliked first and later appreciated) it happened to me today with two people I made a judgement call on deciding to stay away from but today discovered I liked them a great deal. Humans are damn hard judge - but we are mammals and make such abrupt judgements constantly. I hate it when I do it. I'm not perfect either.

[jem_is_bi]

If someone is arrogant, self-centered and intolerant, their appearance will not inspire me to be interested in them at all

[elian]

You mean sort of like how a meal "tastes" better when you're having it with good friends?

[Realist]

Some of your comments really hit home!

One especially comes to mind: I've tried not to judge anyone, before I knew more about them, but have "fallen off the wagon" a few times. Not being the best judge of a person, from just looking at them, I know better.

I was sent a new employee from the head office, one time. From my windowed office, I could see the guy when he came in the back door of the building. The guy looked disheveled and sloppy; he had just arrived from a trip of half way around the world.

I told my assistant that the fellow didn't look like he had much potential. We both agreed. However, within a year, the new guy had the respect of all his peers and no one was more professional, or as good at his job.

When I retired, I made a point of telling him of my first impression, and that I had certainly been wrong. He laughed and said I wasn't the first one to think that...........so he knew he had to work harder to prove me wrong!

I had a short, chubby, little buddy, when I was young. Looking at him, no one would ever guess that he was the most sensual, most loving, person you could imagine. Remembering him, I don't think I was ever with any male who I loved, or enjoyed, more! Looks are certainly deceiving!

[onewhocares]

Realist,

I, too, have experienced this. I have always believed in getting to know someone from the inside out. I guess not being the prettiest peach on the tree made me accentuate my positive attributes and create a relationship based on a solid foundation of common interests, intellectual compatibility, and mutual respect. I guess I equate a relationship to say a tarnished piece of silver that with each use becomes less tarnished and a bit brighter. Without even noticing, the gleam becomes apparent an it can make a relationship shine.

On the other hand, being attracted to someone just for their looks, can lead to disappointment if there is nothing between the ears.

Belle in Boston

[12voltyV2.0]

I have experienced this on a number of occasions. I would suspect that it is actually a rather common experience.

[Annika L]

I experience this frequently. People I like become physically attractive, and people I learn to dislike become less attractive. The world is so much what we make of it.

This is just a piece of my reaction to our recent injunction to recognize that the internet is not the real world...there is no such thing as a real world. There is only this world, inside my head. You have another inside yours...maybe. (Of course it occurs to me that a Realist might find such notions troubling *smile*...but to me they are the ultimate in realism.)

[innaminka]

My present partner.
We were business acquaintances for about 5 years - she was the acct manager for my business at "THE BANK." During that whole time there was not one glimmer of anything but professional interaction. I didn't think a lot of her personality; I certainly didn't look at her in any sexual way at all! She was just damn good at what we did and had us set up to survive the GFC.
She moved away (another branch) and it wasn't until about 3 years later, after my separation, that we met socially at the local amateur theater. (we were doing Annie and her daughter was in the chorus of orphans) that I began to see her differently.
Very differently. :love::love:
It only took one cup of coffee together for both of us to see beneath the veneer of the business person we both were.

Yes, it happens

[DuckiesDarling]

Realist,

I think most everyone, if they were honest, has experienced one of the scenarios at least once in life. People's better traits are sometimes hidden behind a mask and other times it's proven that all that glitters isn't gold.

[donttellnehismy]

No you are not alone

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I think this has happens to all of us at one time or another, Hon. I've seen some absolutely Gorgeous women be the biggest Bitches in the world, and some of the most Handsome men be the biggest snobs. But I've seen some of the plain, seemingly unattractive men in work worn jeans and boots be the most sexy men on the planet. And I've seem what men called "Plain Janes" be the most vibrant, sensual, women alive. :}

I've seen a big girl come into a room of swingers, and be paid more attention to than the stuck up, conceited Super Model over on the couch simply because she was Real. She had no pretenses to her, she needed none. She was just a beauty in her own right because she was natural, fun-loving, and wonderful to those who knew her. Miss Model was shocked when Big Girl took two men and one woman into the "Dark Room" and had a wonderful time. :} (Shup Rich:)

What you have to do is look Beyond the norm, and see the person inSide. Peel back those layers to find the prize within..:}
Cat.

[Long Duck Dong]

yeah there have been people in my life that I have ended up as being more than friends with.... glad I did with a couple of them... couple of others were not the best move... most of us are still friends and that is awesome......

[GirlyBoi4U]

While physical appearance does have a lot to do with initial attraction, it is all the other things that combine to either fuel the attraction or put the fire out.

At least that's how I feel about it.

[Realist]

Annika wrote........" (Of course it occurs to me that a Realist might find such notions troubling *smile*...but to me they are the ultimate in realism.)"

Nope, nothing you've ever said has been troubling to me.........your reality may be different than mine, but as long as you're happy with yours and allow me the freedom to deal with my own strange world, we're good!

[Meliss]

I always find it interesting that guys who only like manly men are so angry towards cross dressers and bisexuals who like men in female attire or persona. Such anger must have some underlying fear.

Honestly if the lights were of an you as a male were getting a great BJ would you really care what was under the lipstick? ; )

Glad they don't like girly guys,as that leave them with more tie to ineract with me.

[tenni]

I always find it interesting that guys who only like manly men are so angry towards cross dressers and bisexuals who like men in female attire or persona. Such anger must have some underlying fear.

Honestly if the lights were of an you as a male were getting a great BJ would you really care what was under the lipstick? ; )

Glad they don't like girly guys,as that leave them with more tie to ineract with me.

Hi Meliss
You raise an interesting question. As a bisexual man who is attracted to feminine women and masculine men, let me try to address your thought. Basically, it is because as I have just stated that there is no blending in what I am attracted to. I am attracted to a woman who has feminine traits both visually and behaviour. Similarly it is the masculine presentation of the man that attracts me. That includes body(chest etc.) hair in a man but not in a woman. Body hair is a secondary sex attribute mostly connected to masculinity and not feminity.

I'm not angry towards cross dressers but I am not sexually turned on by a man with body hair, dick and wearing tertiary sex traits such as feminine clothing, make up etc. I don't know about guys who are angry because of a cross dresser but it might have something to do with how strongly they are repulsed by cross dressers. I'm hoping that you respect their feelings without ridicule?

A guy getting a blow job from another guy wearing lipstick along with a hairy chest and dick is a visual conflict. It is a turn off for some men. It is enough to make their dick go soft and maybe that angers them? Although any guy who has reached the point of having his dick out and then the other guy puts lipstick on may do it? I have heard even CD state that they are not "passable". They know that they are not a female turn on for their partner.

Let's face it, they cross dress because it sexually turns them on not the partner in many cases. It makes the CD feel good and not the other person necessarily. Some bisexuals seem to be aroused by the other guy wearing female clothes and others are not. Those not turned on may be sexually repulsed just as a heterosexual male may be repulsed by another man trying to seduce them while some heterosexual men are amused. I don't think that it make one man better. It just is.

As far as your whimsical thought about leaving more CD men for you to interact with (have sex with?), there seems to be competition enough to keep you on your tippy toes high heels. ;) :)


just a thought.

As far as the OP, I can understand that just as every divorced person can understand that physical and emotional attraction can change over time. Similarly, friends can become lovers. Even those who clash personality wise can evolve to being attracted but I would expect that to happen less frequently than those who are initially attracted to change their mind once they get to know the person's personality.

[jem_is_bi]

Hi Meliss

A few bisexuals that are not attracted to cross dressers disrespect them.
But, I have the impression that is not the norm among bisexual men.
As a group, bisexual men have diverse sexual appetites.
We know that we need that diversity to have a reasonable chance to achieve our own personal fulfillment.