So confused!

[cwatt1]

I've been going back and forth, back and forth about my sexuality. I've tried being with guys a few times with less than satisfactory experiences, and ultimately decided it wasn't for me. But I'm still bi-curious, I guess, and can't seem to shake the desire to keep trying. Anyone else have these feelings, and if so, what did you do about them? To make matters even more complicated, I'm married and wouldn't hurt my wife for the world, but I can't stop fantasizing and vacillating as to whether to try it again. My wife had no clue, and I really thought I would no longer pursue this, but...

[IllinoisGuy]

Maybe you are going about all this the wrong way. You say you have tried being with guys a few times and had less than satisfactory experiences. It almost sounds like you were rushing things and things just didn't "click"-even though you wanted them to. It's like being in a vanilla relationship-you have to take your time. Make sure you are comfortable with your partner and they with you before you take things to the "next level". Like being on the vanilla side, you need to ask yourself-you want to be with a man, what are you looking for in that prospective partner? Are you looking for someone older? Younger? Hairy? Smooth? Facial hair/No Facial hair? Top? Bottom? Dominant? Submissive? Then from there, I would start to see who is out there for you-and are they interested in you as well?

I know it seems like alot-but this is at least a starting point for you to take things into consideration. If you find yourself needing to talk to someone-feel free to send me a message and I will try to help talk you through this.

[Ja&Ve]

Take a lot of time and really reflect on this. Do you want to lose everything you love in this life for maybes? Only you know that answer. Finding yourself isn't easy, but it's even worse when you hurt people along the way.

[tenni]

Hi cwatt1
If this has been on your mind for a long time and you have tried it to less than successful experience, it probably is not going away no matter how much you try.

I agree that you need some time to understand clearer what is going on.

What was not satisfactory as far as the experiences that you have had?
Did you feel guilt after the experiences and that clouded any "good" feelings?
As Illinois states there may have been something about the person that made it less than satisfactory or other factors as location.

I suspect that you need to realize that this is not going away..the urge or need. You probably will benefit coming to terms with your sexuality..cuz you are not straight it seems. You may repress it and try to bury it. Lots of guys have tried that and failed.

You first need to find self acceptance of your sexuality. You may want to seek some counselling but if you do make sure that it is with a bisexual positive therapist.

Then decisions on what route to take.

Discussing this with your wife is an option(minus disclosing that you have tried it probably). She may surprise you and after some tears and anger she may accept you and these feelings that you have (often as long as you do not act on it..that probably won't work). It is a long road and the temptation to go behind her back has worked for some guys. Only you can decide all of these issues. Depression and suicide thoughts can arise if you try to suppress this as a frequent result. Whatever route you take you do not want these consequences of suppressing your feelings on this subject.

Good fortune on this self discovery journey.

[jamieknyc]

Going back and forth is normal. Don't worry about it if you sometimes feel you have no interest in same-sex activity and if you sometimes feel the desire for it. That sort of fluctuation is normal.