How to Signal That You Are Bi

[erosbydesign]

The idea of being open with the outside world that I'm Bi is something that I've thought about for long time. I know that there are risks. At some point, being honest and open is going to trump my fear of being misunderstood, judged, ostracized and rejected.

My close friends know that I'm a bit different as I'm not afraid to look at things from a different perspective. My intelligence signals through my language/ action that I fully support Gay and Lesbian causes and freedoms. Being Bi is very different than Gay and as most of us have encountered, it's hard to fit into either the completely straight world or Gay world.

I've seen the logos for Bi and don't feel like that really works. I'm not willing to just blurt out or wear a sign on my forehead that I like both. Perhaps there is a more subtle signal, logo, pin, shirt... something that we can use to help identify one another. My hope is that we stop living in the shadows. We could really be a support to one another if we are more open.

This site could be a great platform to bring this idea back around. I know it's not as active as it once was but we can change that. What if...

1. We got more active here?
2. We invited people to join the conversation?
3. We brought more people here?
4. Started active groups around our area?

Looking forward to hearing what you think. How can we help one another more?

[pole_smoker]

Just come out as bisexual and stop living in fear. It's that simple.

[tenni]

I think that eros raises some key issues for bisexuals. First we need to understand ourselves as much as we can. Communicating with other bisexuals comparing notes on our attractions, swing fluidity of our attractions makes us not only confusing to ourselves but monosexuals. The fact that your friends know that you are slightly different is interesting. Why you are different may or may not be due to your sexuality. That is for you to decide.

I think that it is more important to draw other bisexuals to the site. i don't believe that we need monosexuals in the conversation until and when we have our act /beliefs clear. Communicating with other bisexuals will help us come to terms as to who we are. Eros is correct that belonging to a bisexual in person group is probably better than internet.

Whether a person feels the need to be out like gays seems to vary from person to person. As bisexuals our commonality is not consistent but our main feature seems our fluidity of attraction. I think that when you have some confidence in understanding yourself compared to a monosexual, speak on that issue. There is no need to announce that are a bisexual. I am inclined to think once you know yourself and comfortable discuss the issues or points of bisexuality. You don't need to attach an announcement that you are bisexual as much as clarifying misinformation. Your friends will figure it out or ask if you discuss the issues. There are still bigots who will try to use what you say against you but most people are becoming accepting to sexuality differences. They know less about bisexuality than monosexuality though. Educate them when you are feeling more competent on your sexuality. Let that be your signal to the world.

[erosbydesign]

Thank you for that short response. Yeah, that clears everything up for me. I understand that some are more comfortable than me. I have many things to consider and will probably get there.

[bi4asplay]

Just come out as bisexual and stop living in fear. It's that simple.

It is too bad that what you say is not what works for us all. If it were only for my lady or those I see it would be no problem. There are those that are bi that could lose many things even as far as businesses. So is no option. I have been BI for many years, since long before it was cool and there are very few that know.

[erosbydesign]

I think that eros raises some key issues for bisexuals. First we need to understand ourselves as much as we can. Communicating with other bisexuals comparing notes on our attractions, swing fluidity of our attractions makes us not only confusing to ourselves but monosexuals. The fact that your friends know that you are slightly different is interesting. Why you are different may or may not be due to your sexuality. That is for you to decide.

I think that it is more important to draw other bisexuals to the site. i don't believe that we need monosexuals in the conversation until and when we have our act /beliefs clear. Communicating with other bisexuals will help us come to terms as to who we are. Eros is correct that belonging to a bisexual in person group is probably better than internet.

Whether a person feels the need to be out like gays seems to vary from person to person. As bisexuals our commonality is not consistent but our main feature seems our fluidity of attraction. I think that when you have some confidence in understanding yourself compared to a monosexual, speak on that issue. There is no need to announce that are a bisexual. I am inclined to think once you know yourself and comfortable discuss the issues or points of bisexuality. You don't need to attach an announcement that you are bisexual as much as clarifying misinformation. Your friends will figure it out or ask if you discuss the issues. There are still bigots who will try to use what you say against you but most people are becoming accepting to sexuality differences. They know less about bisexuality than monosexuality though. Educate them when you are feeling more competent on your sexuality. Let that be your signal to the world.

Thank you.

[pole_smoker]

I think that eros raises some key issues for bisexuals. First we need to understand ourselves as much as we can. Communicating with other bisexuals comparing notes on our attractions, swing fluidity of our attractions makes us not only confusing to ourselves but monosexuals. The fact that your friends know that you are slightly different is interesting. Why you are different may or may not be due to your sexuality. That is for you to decide.

I think that it is more important to draw other bisexuals to the site. i don't believe that we need monosexuals in the conversation until and when we have our act /beliefs clear. Communicating with other bisexuals will help us come to terms as to who we are. Eros is correct that belonging to a bisexual in person group is probably better than internet.

Whether a person feels the need to be out like gays seems to vary from person to person. As bisexuals our commonality is not consistent but our main feature seems our fluidity of attraction. I think that when you have some confidence in understanding yourself compared to a monosexual, speak on that issue. There is no need to announce that are a bisexual. I am inclined to think once you know yourself and comfortable discuss the issues or points of bisexuality. You don't need to attach an announcement that you are bisexual as much as clarifying misinformation. Your friends will figure it out or ask if you discuss the issues. There are still bigots who will try to use what you say against you but most people are becoming accepting to sexuality differences. They know less about bisexuality than monosexuality though. Educate them when you are feeling more competent on your sexuality. Let that be your signal to the world.
*yawn* There goes this site's troll again about how much he's homophobic and heterophobic, and hates anyone that's "monosexual" or not bisexual. :rolleyes:

This fool isn't any sort of "leader" or "voice" to bisexuals or the bisexual community, he's just a closeted troll that posts rants on this site.

People have known about bisexuality for decades and it's 2015 not 1965.

Your old-fashioned and outdated perspective is of a deeply closeted bisexual man who lives in fear.

eros-If these people are actually your friends they'll accept you for who you are no matter what. Just come out to them as bisexual.

[charles-smythe]

The idea of being open with the outside world that I'm Bi is something that I've thought about for long time. I know that there are risks. At some point, being honest and open is going to trump my fear of being misunderstood, judged, ostracized and rejected.

My close friends know that I'm a bit different as I'm not afraid to look at things from a different perspective. My intelligence signals through my language/ action that I fully support Gay and Lesbian causes and freedoms. Being Bi is very different than Gay and as most of us have encountered, it's hard to fit into either the completely straight world or Gay world.

I've seen the logos for Bi and don't feel like that really works. I'm not willing to just blurt out or wear a sign on my forehead that I like both. Perhaps there is a more subtle signal, logo, pin, shirt... something that we can use to help identify one another. My hope is that we stop living in the shadows. We could really be a support to one another if we are more open.

This site could be a great platform to bring this idea back around. I know it's not as active as it once was but we can change that. What if...

1. We got more active here?
2. We invited people to join the conversation?
3. We brought more people here?
4. Started active groups around our area?

Looking forward to hearing what you think. How can we help one another more?...I'm confused...were you asking advice about how to signal you're bi...or was it a back door attempt to bitch abut the way people are posting..

[elian]

Hi pole_smoker, how are you this evening? (hugs)

[erosbydesign]

I can say that being angry with someone's perspective isn't about the post. I'm finding this helpful on my journey. I'm grateful to those who choose to comment with the intention of helping.

[fredtyg]

I understand the desire to be open with people. I like to be open about myself to some extent, but I feel no obligation to out myself to anyone. My sexual business is just that: mine.

Yes, it might be nice if we were more easily recognizable, but I have a couple problems with that: First, I wouldn't want most guys hitting on (soliciting) me if they recognize I'm queer. Second, if there were more subtle signs you could use it wouldn't take long for everyone to know them and that would have using those signs subject to mischief.

What I do is I'm fairly out online. I use my regular e-mail address username for all these queer sites like this one, along with my real location. Plus I have my interests on Facebook listed as in both Men and Women (nobody has ever asked me about that). The only place I'm not too open about it is my personal blog as that would be akin to having it in the front page news.

In person, the wife knows along with the few I've told for often frivolous reasons. There's also many more that know because of indiscretions I've made over the years. I wouldn't be surprised if hundreds of people know, if only through the rumor mill.

I'd like to think if someone asks me up front if I'm bisexual I would admit it. I won't commit myself to saying I could be honest with everybody as there are some people I'd really rather not know. I know I got really nervous some years ago at a meeting with old military friends when I thought for a minute the question might come up. What would I say? At that point, I wasn't sure.

Also, I'm self employed. My biggest account is a guy and his wife who are very conservative and christian. I don't think it would be a problem if he heard rumors, but if I outed myself in the local paper where he couldn't ignore it, well...let's hope that doesn't happen. There's also a guy who responded to a Craigslist ad I posted. I had no idea about him. He was a friend, but I didn't want to go there with him at all. I didn't reply to his e-mail.

Then there's a gay friend of mine. I'm kinda dying to tell him, but the time never seems right and I kinda like the relationship as it is, anyway.

But, if they find out, oh well. I'm not that worried about it for the most part.

[fredtyg]

Oh, and something I'd forgot when writing the above. Years ago one of the reasons I wanted to be more widely recognized as bi/homosexual was in the hopes I'd have more guys solicit me. I found it didn't work that way. If you're widely recognized as queer, a lot of people will avoid you lest everyone else think they're queer, too.

I personally had it happen via an indiscretion I'd made. After that, the guy I'd been seeing wouldn't come by anymore because then everybody would think he was queer. So many bi guys are scared to death of being found out, it's best to be very subtle about yourself so as to not scare them away.

[tenni]

Good points fred.

What comes to my mind is we are bisexual. If you are comfortable with your bisexuality inside yourself, it may help to look at this as how do you let a woman know that you are interested in them? Would some very similar approaches work with a same gender person? I suspect the flirting is a little more subtle but some approaches like touch and compliments may work? It may be tricky ..I mean I would not give a guy flowers as a come on..nor would I be comfortable if another guy gave me flowers...lol I might give a small gift directly connected to something the other guy wants. Still tricky but maybe worth exploring. Somewhere along the line of touch, hugs and touching in slightly more personal areas will expose you as interested...rather than announcing that you are bisexual and hoping to get hit on. Fred's point is well taken about announcing your sexuality.

[pole_smoker]

Oh, and something I'd forgot when writing the above. Years ago one of the reasons I wanted to be more widely recognized as bi/homosexual was in the hopes I'd have more guys solicit me. I found it didn't work that way. If you're widely recognized as queer, a lot of people will avoid you lest everyone else think they're queer, too.

I personally had it happen via an indiscretion I'd made. After that, the guy I'd been seeing wouldn't come by anymore because then everybody would think he was queer. So many bi guys are scared to death of being found out, it's best to be very subtle about yourself so as to not scare them away.
It doesn't matter if you're out or not. There are a lot of very desperate gay and even bi men who hit on any man they meet, and who think that if a man talks to them in public or at all that this means he wants to have sex with them. :rolleyes: Or that it means that you want a partnership with them when you don't even know the other man.

This is especially true in the bar and club scene, in public places that are not gay/bisexual/LGBT spaces, and online as well.

[fredtyg]

Thanx. As far as hinting to someone you're interested in, I'm sure you've read what I suggested elsewhere.

I actually suggest letting a guy know you're bi. Keep in mind, this is just one guy and not a whole group of people. If you're talking to some cutie pie, just let it drop that you're bisexual, assuming you can work it into the context of the conversation. Don't do it in a way he thinks you're hitting on him. Just drop it as in passing in a way he can act like he didn't hear it if it makes him uncomfortable. He could be uncomfortable if he feels put on the spot even if he is bisexual. Let him make the next move.

[tenni]

Thanx. As far as hinting to someone you're interested in, I'm sure you've read what I suggested elsewhere.

I actually suggest letting a guy know you're bi. Keep in mind, this is just one guy and not a whole group of people. If you're talking to some cutie pie, just let it drop that you're bisexual, assuming you can work it into the context of the conversation. Don't do it in a way he thinks you're hitting on him. Just drop it as in passing in a way he can act like he didn't hear it if it makes him uncomfortable. He could be uncomfortable if he feels put on the spot even if he is bisexual. Let him make the next move.

That makes sense fred. Especially, if you are comfortable with your sexuality and would not be upset if he went around announcing for you that you are a bisexual etc. If you are bit uncomfortable about him being a big mouth I guess you could add that you would like him to keep it discreet. Then again, I guess you would be back at step one about not telling everyone unless you plan to have sex with same sex. lol I would still suggest testing the waters with him by showing behavioural interest..and then let him say what his choice is. :) I guess it is personal whether you come out to him and hope that he hit on you or have the balls to hit on him...;)

[charles-smythe]

I understand the desire to be open with people. I like to be open about myself to some extent, but I feel no obligation to out myself to anyone. My sexual business is just that: mine.

Yes, it might be nice if we were more easily recognizable, but I have a couple problems with that: First, I wouldn't want most guys hitting on (soliciting) me if they recognize I'm queer. Second, if there were more subtle signs you could use it wouldn't take long for everyone to know them and that would have using those signs subject to mischief.

What I do is I'm fairly out online. I use my regular e-mail address username for all these queer sites like this one, along with my real location. Plus I have my interests on Facebook listed as in both Men and Women (nobody has ever asked me about that). The only place I'm not too open about it is my personal blog as that would be akin to having it in the front page news.

In person, the wife knows along with the few I've told for often frivolous reasons. There's also many more that know because of indiscretions I've made over the years. I wouldn't be surprised if hundreds of people know, if only through the rumor mill.

I'd like to think if someone asks me up front if I'm bisexual I would admit it. I won't commit myself to saying I could be honest with everybody as there are some people I'd really rather not know. I know I got really nervous some years ago at a meeting with old military friends when I thought for a minute the question might come up. What would I say? At that point, I wasn't sure.

Also, I'm self employed. My biggest account is a guy and his wife who are very conservative and christian. I don't think it would be a problem if he heard rumors, but if I outed myself in the local paper where he couldn't ignore it, well...let's hope that doesn't happen. There's also a guy who responded to a Craigslist ad I posted. I had no idea about him. He was a friend, but I didn't want to go there with him at all. I didn't reply to his e-mail.

Then there's a gay friend of mine. I'm kinda dying to tell him, but the time never seems right and I kinda like the relationship as it is, anyway.

But, if they find out, oh well. I'm not that worried about it for the most part....well said...

[charles-smythe]

Good points fred.

What comes to my mind is we are bisexual. If you are comfortable with your bisexuality inside yourself, it may help to look at this as how do you let a woman know that you are interested in them? Would some very similar approaches work with a same gender person? I suspect the flirting is a little more subtle but some approaches like touch and compliments may work? It may be tricky ..I mean I would not give a guy flowers as a come on..nor would I be comfortable if another guy gave me flowers...lol I might give a small gift directly connected to something the other guy wants. Still tricky but maybe worth exploring. Somewhere along the line of touch, hugs and touching in slightly more personal areas will expose you as interested...rather than announcing that you are bisexual and hoping to get hit on. Fred's point is well taken about announcing your sexuality....nix the touching pat...even bi guys wouldn't like unsolicited touching...

[charles-smythe]

*yawn* There goes this site's troll again about how much he's homophobic and heterophobic, and hates anyone that's "monosexual" or not bisexual. :rolleyes:

This fool isn't any sort of "leader" or "voice" to bisexuals or the bisexual community, he's just a closeted troll that posts rants on this site.

People have known about bisexuality for decades and it's 2015 not 1965.

Your old-fashioned and outdated perspective is of a deeply closeted bisexual man who lives in fear.

eros-If these people are actually your friends they'll accept you for who you are no matter what. Just come out to them as bisexual....oh come on smoke...whether he says anything or not...he sure talks pretty...just like a college prof...

[pole_smoker]

...oh come on smoke...whether he says anything or not...he sure talks pretty...just like a college prof...
LOL yes he is rather flowery, and queenie. ;)

[tenni]

...nix the touching pat...even bi guys wouldn't like unsolicited touching...

Yes..that can be tricky but the touch part is key just as it is key with a woman...lol Touch comes after mimicking movement as I recall in our unconscious biological mating behaviour. People will begin to mimic each other unconsciously...mimicking his movement subtly may come before physical touch on the arm or shoulder. If he is not interested, he will let you know by his movement and face if he is comfortable. Even proximity of where you are sitting comes in to play. I agree very tricky and most of my seduction with men comes from bi beginners who know that I'm bi...still I usually end up making the first move..some discussion is happening along the line as well...lol

[pole_smoker]

...nix the touching pat...even bi guys wouldn't like unsolicited touching...
Exactly.

I can't tell you the number of times I've been in bars or dance clubs both while partnered and married and random gay dudes and even bi men who I've never met before will come up and grab my crotch, ass, face, muscles, nipples, dick, try to kiss me, or touch me inappropriately.

They (the gay and bi men that touch strangers like this) think they're giving you a compliment but it's annoying and not cool.

[fredtyg]

If you are bit uncomfortable about him being a big mouth I guess you could add that you would like him to keep it discreet. Then again, I guess you would be back at step one about not telling everyone unless you plan to have sex with same sex. lol I would still suggest testing the waters with him by showing behavioural interest..and then let him say what his choice is. :) I guess it is personal whether you come out to him and hope that he hit on you or have the balls to hit on him...;)

Probably best not to tell a big mouth at all, unless you're really smitten with him. Sometimes you just gotta take a chance. In fact, that was one of the "indiscretions" I mentioned earlier on. Decades ago I told a guy I had the hots for I was queer and was interested in him. I knew he was a big mouth but thought I'd take the chance (beer always helps). Yep, he told all kinds of people. I feel safe in saying that must have gone out to 100 people or more. Oh well. No harm done in the end.

I do like the idea of getting one of those sex tests (Kinsey, etc) I've seen here and elsewhere and having the guy take it to see how he reacts. Certainly not perfect as it would be easy for someone uncomfortable with his sexuality to fake straight answers.

If nothing else, act like you just stumbled on to the test and tell him you want to take it. When you score bi or homo, see how he reacts and if he'll take it. If he's comfortable doing that at least you'd know he's not worried about you being queer. If he scores bi or higher, you could probably easily talk to him about it after that.

[cuttin2dachase]

There is one faction of LGBT people who have the attitude that gay and bi guys who choose to stay closeted are somehow betraying openly LGBT people who are vocal and active in promoting their lifestyle and their social cause. They we believe we ALL should become card carrying, flag-waving LGBT activists and march in lockstep until everyone else in the world is forced to accept all LGBT people. The other faction has the attitude that their sexual lives, sexual desires and sexual orientation are their own business to be shared only with other gay or bi people of their choosing. You may include me in the latter faction. My attitude is that I won't be preached to concerning the way/s in which I go about being a bisexual man. I have no desire to be part of the openly bi/gay community. I want to remain closeted, outwardly straight and flying under the radar (and gaydar) as a secret member of the underground bisexual subculture who uses the internet to find male partners/lovers. I suppose if there were a subtle signal recognized only by gay and bi men, I would not be inclined to transmit it to others in public, but I would be more inclined to approach other men who transmit it LOL

[pole_smoker]

There is one faction of LGBT people who have the attitude that gay and bi guys who choose to stay closeted are somehow betraying openly LGBT people who are vocal and active in promoting their lifestyle and their social cause. They we believe we ALL should become card carrying, flag-waving LGBT activists and march in lockstep until everyone else in the world is forced to accept all LGBT people. The other faction has the attitude that their sexual lives, sexual desires and sexual orientation are their own business to be shared only with other gay or bi people of their choosing. You may include me in the latter faction. My attitude is that I won't be preached to concerning the way/s in which I go about being a bisexual man. I have no desire to be part of the openly bi/gay community. I want to remain closeted, outwardly straight and flying under the radar (and gaydar) as a secret member of the underground bisexual subculture who uses the internet to find male partners/lovers. I suppose if there were a subtle signal recognized only by gay and bi men, I would not be inclined to transmit it to others in public, but I would be more inclined to approach other men who transmit it LOL
There is no longer an "underground bisexual subculture" and there hasn't been one for about 50+ years, and even in most countries LGBT people including bisexuals are coming out more and more which is a good thing.

If you think that you're doing things "in secret" or being "discreet" on the internet, or in your personal life think again.

Men who are deeply closeted are for sure the easiest to tell and stick out more like a sore thumb than guys who are out-even men who are feminine/queenie.

[erosbydesign]

I understand the desire to be open with people. I like to be open about myself to some extent, but I feel no obligation to out myself to anyone. My sexual business is just that: mine.
...
What I do is I'm fairly out online. I use my regular e-mail address username for all these queer sites like this one, along with my real location. Plus I have my interests on Facebook listed as in both Men and Women (nobody has ever asked me about that). The only place I'm not too open about it is my personal blog as that would be akin to having it in the front page news.

In person, the wife knows along with the few I've told for often frivolous reasons...

I'd like to think if someone asks me up front if I'm bisexual I would admit it. I won't commit myself to saying I could be honest with everybody as there are some people I'd really rather not know...

...
But, if they find out, oh well. I'm not that worried about it for the most part.

Thank you for sharing your journey/ story. This helps me in being even more comfortable with the inevitable reveal to those who care to know.

This is indeed a balancing act as it is not everyone's business to know what I like/ don't like. Just as I don't want to know their predilections.

I've told someone in a very broad sense that I include myself in the understanding that most of us have at least some bi (non-mono sexual attraction) side to us. It just kind of came out during a conversation and there really was no reaction to speak of.

Your reply resonates with me. I'm clearer now as to what I've already started and committed to– being more open and honest.

[tenni]

There is one faction of LGBT people who have the attitude that gay and bi guys who choose to stay closeted are somehow betraying openly LGBT people who are vocal and active in promoting their lifestyle and their social cause. They we believe we ALL should become card carrying, flag-waving LGBT activists and march in lockstep until everyone else in the world is forced to accept all LGBT people. The other faction has the attitude that their sexual lives, sexual desires and sexual orientation are their own business to be shared only with other gay or bi people of their choosing. You may include me in the latter faction. My attitude is that I won't be preached to concerning the way/s in which I go about being a bisexual man. I have no desire to be part of the openly bi/gay community. I want to remain closeted, outwardly straight and flying under the radar (and gaydar) as a secret member of the underground bisexual subculture who uses the internet to find male partners/lovers. I suppose if there were a subtle signal recognized only by gay and bi men, I would not be inclined to transmit it to others in public, but I would be more inclined to approach other men who transmit it LOL

Good points cutting
I agree about the biphobia expressed by some G &L that you must be out publicly and be card carrying LGBT rainbow flag waving. It just doesn't really work for many bisexuals. G&L are trying to get into gay pants for action and relationships. They have only one gender that they want to be intimate with. Bisexuals have two. If they chose one gender frequently the other gender options close. Some bisexuals are even labelled gay if they are with same gender. Add to this the bigotry is expressed stronger against bimen than biwomen or gays, you get bisexual men being more discreet than out...gays don't get it...at all...lol

The down side is that possibly bisexuals are too passive and secretive to defend bisexual rights publicly.

Eros You seem like a great guy.

[pole_smoker]

Good points cutting
I agree about the biphobia expressed by some G &L that you must be out publicly and be card carrying LGBT rainbow flag waving. It just doesn't really work for many bisexuals. G&L are trying to get into gay pants for action and relationships. They have only one gender that they want to be intimate with. Bisexuals have two. If they chose one gender frequently the other gender options close. Some bisexuals are even labelled gay if they are with same gender. Add to this the bigotry is expressed stronger against bimen than biwomen or gays, you get bisexual men being more discreet than out...gays don't get it...at all...lol

The down side is that possibly bisexuals are too passive and secretive to defend bisexual rights publicly.

Eros You seem like a great guy.
*yawn* more of the same homophobia and gay/lesbian hate by this site's bigoted troll who is out of touch with reality.

Gay men and lesbian women are not all the way the troll Tenni describes, and not all of them think you have to be out or all into the LGBT rainbow flag, and no the majority are not biphobic either, and yes they do understand bisexuality even if they're not bisexual.

[erosbydesign]

Some bisexuals are even labelled gay if they are with same gender. Add to this the bigotry is expressed stronger against bimen than biwomen or gays, you get bisexual men being more discreet than out...gays don't get it...at all...lol

The down side is that possibly bisexuals are too passive and secretive to defend bisexual rights publicly.

Eros You seem like a great guy.

Thank you. I'm being more expressive with my desire to understand what I like. The challenge here starts with being comfortable saying to yourself that you are Bi. Who we choose to tell is a very personal risk/ reward decision. If it harms more than it helps then...

Some of us may be in a position to help others not be afraid to say that we understand ourselves as having non-mono sexual attractions. We haven't really stretched the idea of being Bi comfortable in society or culture. I'm processing how active I want/ need to be with this. What I know is being fractured/ deceitful and destructive is NOT a good path to be on.

The constructive parts of this thread is allowing me space in my head to connect what my body feels when I see both sides of sensuality/ sexual desire and attraction.

Perhaps it is time to be more active in signalling that of course, there are those of us who just like what we like and are liking that we like what we like.

[pole_smoker]

Perhaps it is time to be more active in signalling that of course, there are those of us who just like what we like and are liking that we like what we like.
Or better yet, just come out as bisexual, and stop living in fear.

[Hypersexual11]

Something bisexuals sometimes fail to realize is that we don't really understand how the straight or gay mind works. Monosexual people probably see sexual orientation as black and white. Outing oneself as bisexual to people that can't comprehend the term, is pointless. We are 'confused' 'going thru a stage', 'gay',' no self control', 'oversexed', the list is exhausting.

Take advantage of the time we live. Tout your bisexuality to everyone using the internet, where you can choose how discreet you want to be and to find people who think like you.

[charles-smythe]

Something bisexuals sometimes fail to realize is that we don't really understand how the straight or gay mind works. Monosexual people probably see sexual orientation as black and white. Outing oneself as bisexual to people that can't comprehend the term, is pointless. We are 'confused' 'going thru a stage', 'gay',' no self control', 'oversexed', the list is exhausting.

Take advantage of the time we live. Tout your bisexuality to everyone using the internet, where you can choose how discreet you want to be and to find people who think like you....well said...

[pole_smoker]

Monosexual people probably see sexual orientation as black and white. Outing oneself as bisexual to people that can't comprehend the term, is pointless. We are 'confused' 'going thru a stage', 'gay',' no self control', 'oversexed', the list is exhausting.

Take advantage of the time we live. Tout your bisexuality to everyone using the internet, where you can choose how discreet you want to be and to find people who think like you.
That's not true at all that people who are not bisexual or who are gay, lesbian, or heterosexual simply don't understand or can't comprehend bisexuality despite how they are not bisexual.

I agree with you how the internet can be used as a tool for people to come out.

[elian]

For a long time I thought of myself as gay - it wasn't until I saw this site that I started to consider bisexuality as a real alternative..there were people talking about everything - their sexual likes and dislikes, their relationships, everything and I said to myself, "You know what? These are real people, and they are talking about a whole range of both physical and emotional desires."

That got me thinking about it, and eventually to accept that I really did have a certain level of attraction toward both sexes. It used to drive me crazy that I would obsess over sausage, be all about the sausage and then one day see a fish sandwich and all of the sudden think to myself, "Wow, I am sexually excited watching that woman climb up a wall because she feels reaally good."

I think what might frighten "monosexuals" is a perceived lack of commitment on the part of the bisexual. Regardless of how committed a bisexual person might vow there's always that chance they could be aroused by another partner.

Of course, traditional relationships have all the same problems, I'm not sure why it's really any different with bisexuals.. it's a good point Hyper... because I am bisexual maybe I don't see the problem.

[charles-smythe]

For a long time I thought of myself as gay - it wasn't until I saw this site that I started to consider bisexuality as a real alternative..there were people talking about everything - their sexual likes and dislikes, their relationships, everything and I said to myself, "You know what? These are real people, and they are talking about a whole range of both physical and emotional desires."

That got me thinking about it, and eventually to accept that I really did have a certain level of attraction toward both sexes. It used to drive me crazy that I would obsess over sausage, be all about the sausage and then one day see a fish sandwich and all of the sudden think to myself, "Wow, I am sexually excited watching that woman climb up a wall because she feels reaally good."

I think what might frighten "monosexuals" is a perceived lack of commitment on the part of the bisexual. Regardless of how committed a bisexual person might vow there's always that chance they could be aroused by another partner.

Of course, traditional relationships have all the same problems, I'm not sure why it's really any different with bisexuals.. it's a good point Hyper... because I am bisexual maybe I don't see the problem....sounds bi to me...

[robert4friends]

"Monosexual", that's a good one and I am going to use it. I can't help but agree with your post for my personal choice. But...

Putting yourself out there is difficult and we need to make room for those for whom it is not the right thing to do. Invisibility is comfortable and much more safe. It is true that no one will know us unless they know who they are talking to. Just the same it is easy for me, I have little to lose compared to many men. Every person needs to evaluate and choose for themselves how much "out" is good for them and where that might happen.

Change is happening. Talk to children or young adults and you will find that they are very accepting of those like us who are different than the "norm", whatever that is. From the young people I know, I am glad to leave this world in their hands. If I could have lived in their world my life would have been so much different, and I expect better, as a bi man.

[Long Duck Dong]

Something bisexuals sometimes fail to realize is that we don't really understand how the straight or gay mind works. Monosexual people probably see sexual orientation as black and white. Outing oneself as bisexual to people that can't comprehend the term, is pointless. We are 'confused' 'going thru a stage', 'gay',' no self control', 'oversexed', the list is exhausting.


its going to always be a point of contention.... and its one of the things that annoyed be about this site........

the people that would post how monosexuals do not understand bisexuals and bisexuality but as a bisexual person, the people were experts on how monosexuals think and understand things....

personally, for me there is a difference between do not understand and can not relate..... most people can understand attraction to males and females but can not relate to a need and desire to be with or have sex with males and females.....

I can understand a gay persons or hetero persons attraction to males and females..... I am attracted to them as well, I can not relate to their * world * where they may have a dislike or lack of interest in the opposite or same gender, tho I can understand it from the point of view that there are some people of the same and opposite gender that I have zero interest in

lol lets be honest, bisexuals can be as contradictory as hell

1) I can commit to a relationship and a partner.... but I want / need to have sex with other people....
2) I am attracted to males and females... but I have no interest or attractions to males, only their cocks....
3) heterosexuals do not have to come out, only bisexuals.... but heterosexuals can need to * come * out as heterosexuals in situations where they do not want to be seen as bisexual or homosexual ( LGBT events )

its constantly come at, from the angle that heterosexual females can not handle bisexual males..... so I guess heterosexual males, gays, lesbians and other bisexuals are all immune to a lack of interest in a open relationship or partners that have a interest in sex with other people......

its not really a case of we do not understand, but just at times we can not relate.... so we try to shape others into the roles that we can relate to... a bit like the person that tries to shape their partner into a monogamous or open minded person because that fits our requirements and the idea of confirming to others attempts to shape us into something they can relate to.... well immediately they are wrong, selfish, controlling, insecure, neurotic and definately monosexual because no bisexual person would try to shape their people into anything other than what they are..... just read posts and threads on this site and avoid / ignore the ones that are contradiction to your stance lol....

any ways.... back to the original topic......

I wear a rainbow shirt... not because I am pan / bi... but because I like the bloody thing.... and so do some of my friends that are not lgbt and also wear rainbow stuff..... and thats why I agree with pole smoker...... unless a person knows who you are and what you are interested in, then its a fucking quessing game.....
tho I am not saying that everybody should be out... some out people would be better in the closet because some of their out spoken bisexual statements are not really helping anybody... but I am saying that any hand signals and stuff, it only works if the other person knows what you are trying to convey.....

its why most people do not post secret hook up messages on a church message board......and WBC members do not come here to arrange their church outings.....

[erosbydesign]

Take advantage of the time we live. Tout your bisexuality to everyone using the internet, where you can choose how discreet you want to be and to find people who think like you.

That is happening more and more. I really appreciate the encouragement here. Thank you

[erosbydesign]

Putting yourself out there is difficult and we need to make room for those for whom it is not the right thing to do.

Change is happening... I expect better, as a bi man.

Powerful and helpful- I really appreciate that understanding. I don't really feel pressure to be anything that I'm not. Who I am, what I like and how to 'signal' is becoming a fuller picture. I will be open when it helps, not afraid of judgement but there are still areas I am figuring out. New relationships- of course be open-- it's denying, hiding from yourself that causes hurt.

This is a new place for me as far as being open about it all- not going to broadcast it to everyone but to those who ask-- here goes everything.

[pole_smoker]

It's a great idea to have a support group where to share your feelings as a bi. I'm totally into it! But as tenni pointed out, there's no need to come out as bi or something alike. Just enjoy life and sexuality and when you browse BESTPAYPORNSITES.NET (http://bestpaypornsites.net/) pick whatever attracts you at that moment, man or woman.
LOL I love it! A spam bot agreeing with a troll like tenni.

[SlowNEZ]

See more recent thread: “How do you know if he is interested”

[SlowNEZ]

As self-appointed ‘director of cummunications’ (I have input in 2 threads here in order to inform everyone who is interested in advertising their interest and availability
How to display your Bisexual availability
Use the “bi signal” hand position ... (I am not tech savvy-enough to post it in this thread) ... the position showing bisexual interest and availability is: your hand in your front pocket, with the thumb outside the pocket. In this position, the thumb “points” toward your cock. If you see that signal and are interested in striking up a conversation with the fellow, you mention his hand, his pocket, his watch, etc ... something that calls attention to his hand position. A bi-conversation may soon follow.
Good luck.

[imariver]

I've been Bi most of my adult life, actually I feel that i'm more on the Gay side. Not too sure what the fuss is, it's my business what I am and nobody else's. I just don't see the need or desire to tell anyone else. And besides, Bi, Gay . . . . . they're just labels anyway and everybody's got their own definition of these labels. I love women, but, (other than my wife) I only have sex with men, so what kind of label would YOU pin on me?

[Birob67]

I think that eros raises some key issues for bisexuals. First we need to understand ourselves as much as we can. Communicating with other bisexuals comparing notes on our attractions, swing fluidity of our attractions makes us not only confusing to ourselves but monosexuals. The fact that your friends know that you are slightly different is interesting. Why you are different may or may not be due to your sexuality. That is for you to decide.

I think that it is more important to draw other bisexuals to the site. i don't believe that we need monosexuals in the conversation until and when we have our act /beliefs clear. Communicating with other bisexuals will help us come to terms as to who we are. Eros is correct that belonging to a bisexual in person group is probably better than internet.

Whether a person feels the need to be out like gays seems to vary from person to person. As bisexuals our commonality is not consistent but our main feature seems our fluidity of attraction. I think that when you have some confidence in understanding yourself compared to a monosexual, speak on that issue. There is no need to announce that are a bisexual. I am inclined to think once you know yourself and comfortable discuss the issues or points of bisexuality. You don't need to attach an announcement that you are bisexual as much as clarifying misinformation. Your friends will figure it out or ask if you discuss the issues. There are still bigots who will try to use what you say against you but most people are becoming accepting to sexuality differences. They know less about bisexuality than monosexuality though. Educate them when you are feeling more competent on your sexuality. Let that be your signal to the world.

Well said, i agree with your reasoning.

[Birob67]

5381053810
The pin i wear, those who know the colors get the message. Those who ask i tell, i never deny, but i dont tell everyone, because sadly, too many biphopes still out there.

[Grant_Norman]

Amazon has a bunch of bi flags...I've been thinking of getting this small one and going to a fairly popular cruising spot in state park, parking, then hang out my window...anyone driving by and looking should get the message.

53811

[Grant_Norman]

Also, recently,m up at gym in locker room guy was complaining to me about head of his cock...I looked at it said it looks fine to me....then went over to him and quietly said (in his ear) that I'd be happy to take care of it for him (I was thinking we might meet outside the gym somewhere). I then got in the shower and within a few seconds he was in the shower with me grabbing my cock...he took off his pants and we played in shower for about 20 minutes....hope to see him again someday

[sysper]

As self-appointed ‘director of cummunications’ (I have input in 2 threads here in order to inform everyone who is interested in advertising their interest and availability
How to display your Bisexual availability
Use the “bi signal” hand position ... (I am not tech savvy-enough to post it in this thread) ... the position showing bisexual interest and availability is: your hand in your front pocket, with the thumb outside the pocket. In this position, the thumb “points” toward your cock. If you see that signal and are interested in striking up a conversation with the fellow, you mention his hand, his pocket, his watch, etc ... something that calls attention to his hand position. A bi-conversation may soon follow.
Good luck.i thought the hand position for bi was fingerguns lol

[bikurinpa]

Also, recently,m up at gym in locker room guy was complaining to me about head of his cock...I looked at it said it looks fine to me....then went over to him and quietly said (in his ear) that I'd be happy to take care of it for him (I was thinking we might meet outside the gym somewhere). I then got in the shower and within a few seconds he was in the shower with me grabbing my cock...he took off his pants and we played in shower for about 20 minutes....hope to see him again someday
I notice a lot of guys seem to detect bi guys in gyms, I am thinking of joining a YMCA for the pool and hot tub, and hoping to blunder into like minded guys. Hope I not be wasting my money!

[KDaddy23]

I don't even bother trying to give signals and more so since I tend to run into guys who just somehow know that I'd be interested.

[Roxxi]

The old "Hanky Code" (flagging) seems to work well at the construction sites. I keep light blue, and navy blue bandanas hanging from my right rear pocket all of the time now at work :tongue:

[SlowNEZ]

OK, here’s the deal:
(We are all on the lookout for those guys who are open to a bisexual relationships, and most of us have no place to identify those guys with a common interest.)
I propose that we designate the Plumbing section (get it?) of the local Home Depot, Lowes, Walmart, Ace, etc, as an area where bi’s may find a guy with similar interests as you.
Spread the word: When you are in the mood and looking, meander through the plumbing section of the hardware/home store and keep an eye out for other guys that may want a guy-guy experience. Strike up a conversation and off you go ...
... if this word gets out, this location would be better for those of us with no gym, spa, club, etc to meet guys.
Thoughts?

[Neonaught]

5381053810
The pin i wear, those who know the colors get the message. Those who ask i tell, i never deny, but i dont tell everyone, because sadly, too many biphopes still out there.

Interesting. Could you please explain the meaning to me?

[Birob67]

Interesting. Could you please explain the meaning to me?

The colors are the ones from the bisexual pride flag: pink, violet and blue, and the heart shows whats on my heart

[bobby63114]

Where does one get such a pin?

[SlowNEZ]

That pin is cool. Then you can always have a bisexual heart-on.

[delpark]

A pewter pin of a swallow that I found on ebay is what I wear to indicate that I do. One of these days I expect to find a pin or patch to go along with the swallow, something such as an eye.

[Grant_Norman]

I notice a lot of guys seem to detect bi guys in gyms, I am thinking of joining a YMCA for the pool and hot tub, and hoping to blunder into like minded guys. Hope I not be wasting my money!

I wish we had an inexpensive pool but all ours are university or part of a monthly club...I'd join immediately....hope it works for you

[Birob67]

Where does one get such a pin?

I got it from Etsy, seller tamed raven..

[CurEUs_Male]

I picked up this little pin to wear on my coats, a little dressy I guess.
So far no one has asked me about it, I wear it once a week or so.

53825

available at https://www.etsy.com/listing/684801014/bisexual-rod-pin-subtle-pride-accessory?ref=search_srv-5&frs=1