Do you hide your sexual attraction to the same sex? Do your friends and family know?

[LennyC]

I don’t tell anybody about my attraction to guys, no one knows about it, I keep it completely to myself. I am a little bit ashamed, although I personally don’t have a problem with it, I know its completely normal and natural but I know there is a lot of ignorant people out there that are close-minded and wouldn’t understand it, I can’t reveal my attractions to anyone because I will immediately be labeled as a closeted gay or confused, I think society still has a huge problem dealing with sexuality and there is a lot of homophobia out there too.

[Chubbycouple]

Haven't told my family that I want to suck and fuck a big shemale. They just wouldn't get, my wife in the hand has been fucking me silly since I told her.

[pole_smoker]

Of course not. Our family and friends know that my husband and I are bisexual, and they've known this for decades since before we were in a relationship together. Life is meant for living, not hiding in a closet, and despite what people who are deeply closeted think coming out as bisexual is not going to ruin your life, career, and it's not telling people the specifics of your personal sex life. ;) :rolleyes:

[Bimmga]

Some of my closest friends know and one of my siblings. I don't tell anyone else because it isn't any of their business. But hide it? No. There's,nothing to hide. Should someone find out, I wouldn't deny it.

[Odge1]

I hide my attraction. If my family were to find out it would destroy my marriage. My kids would hate me for seeing men. I seek out male partners because they're easier to find. I wouldn't stray if my wife would just put out more.

[loftycraig]

larry i completly agree w/everything u said

[sisboy]

Only people we play with need to know or those we provide services to.People do not understand it at all.When we used to swing more you had the do gooders that had the boringest sex life and were happy with it because that is what you were supposed to do.We blew the shit out of that mold years ago.We are both much happier for it and still best friends other than man and wife.

[spencerschimdt]

Well, I feel you LennyC. My family don't know that I'm attracted to both sexes. I'm afraid to tell them as they might disown me :(

[Neonaught]

Only people we play with need to know or those we provide services to.People do not understand it at all.When we used to swing more you had the do gooders that had the boringest sex life and were happy with it because that is what you were supposed to do.We blew the shit out of that mold years ago.We are both much happier for it and still best friends other than man and wife.

We feel exactly the same way. If you are not getting naked with us then you have no need to know.

[PamelaBiPantyboy]

I am out to my friends and family, at long last . I hid it 40 years, which was sooo unhealthy.:)

[cuttin2dachase]

I hide my attraction to and desire for men from my family and str8 friends. They would be shocked and hurt if they knew about my double life as an outwardly str8 looking, str8 acting guy who is secretly just as interested in and sexually attracted to men as he is to women. I do not ever want to hurt the str8 people I love and who love me. But it won't ever happen unless I fuck up by not being cautious and selective. If I am careless or indiscreet and don't vet potential partners well enough to weed out those who are careless or indiscreet, I deserve to be discovered. Another big reason I love life in the closet is that having my naughty, delicious secret is part of the thrill and excitement for me. It's not taboo for me, but knowing it is thought of as shocking or taboo by millions of John Q and Jane Q Publics also adds to the thrill. It would take much of the excitement and thrill out of it for me if everybody and their cousins knew that I like men as much as I like women. I only advertise and reveal this side of me to the men, women and couples that I chat with online. I must feel that there is a mutual comfort level, mutual desire and mutual attraction before I'll be comfortable in meeting them in real time.

[playtoy70]

My wife knows but no one else does if my friends knew they would flip lol.

[Hypersexual11]

It's one thing to come out as gay, quite another to come out as bisexual. That term does not register in the mind of people who only see in black and white. Add to that the fact that many of us have no romantic involvement with the guys, just his junk, and see the blank stare. This is one secret best kept.

[CurEUs_Male]

I came out to my wife when I realized my sexuality was a mixture of attractions. It did not go particularly well, as she had the typical reactions of insecurity - "Is he really gay?", "will he leave me for a man?"... There are hundreds if not thousands of stories where bitter spouses divorced because of the inability to share such an important part of one self in today's society.
We are still married, and working though some other issues with communication, her having an affair with a guy that convinced her I was already cheating, and more of the bi-myths we all face. it's been about 10 years since I came out.
I have opened up to my gay brother, and he had a bit of gay-stereotypical reaction (Bi now, gay later thought process). I have not opened up to any of my other siblings, children or parents - but my wife has shared some of our challenges with her mother, which makes for some awkward moments, I think.
I have found comfort in some face to face social groups focused on bisexuality. I have to say, those groups are fantastic for those of us looking for something more than sitting in a closet, alone, wondering how to handle things. Instead, I get out once a month or so just to socialize with both men and women with this one common trait. It has been a lifesaver. I've been in sexuality discussion groups, and found a good deal of other members were also bi-identified. One person from work, straight-poly, is aware of my orientation only because we shared a couple of social meetups where bisexuality became the subject of the conversations. It's good to know I can be open with some people, those with alternative lives.

[biNshy]

I am bi on the low

[mjohn]

I am out to my wife and would like to come out to a few select friends but my wife is not ready for that yet.

[pepperjack]

It's one thing to come out as gay, quite another to come out as bisexual. That term does not register in the mind of people who only see in black and white. Add to that the fact that many of us have no romantic involvement with the guys, just his junk, and see the blank stare. This is one secret best kept.

Bingo! Proverbial nail-on-the head!

[pole_smoker]

It's one thing to come out as gay, quite another to come out as bisexual. That term does not register in the mind of people who only see in black and white. Add to that the fact that many of us have no romantic involvement with the guys, just his junk, and see the blank stare. This is one secret best kept.


Bingo! Proverbial nail-on-the head!

:rolleyes: This is all the more reason to come out and not hide in a closet about being bisexual. :rolleyes:

FYI, society and people who are not bisexual such as heterosexuals, and gay/lesbian people have known all about bisexuality and know that men can be bisexual, and accepted us for decades. :rolleyes:

It's also utterly absurd to claim that most bisexual men do not want romance or a relationship with men, while gay men do. A lot of bisexual men are fully capable of having romance and relationships with both genders, and wind up partnering and marrying men as my husband and I have done. Bisexual men who claim that they could never have an actual relationship/romance/feelings for a man and who just want a man for his cock or who want a man as a fuck buddy/FWB which is not a real relationship at all, are full of a lot of self-loathing and have a lot of internalized homophobia/biphobia about their sexuality. ;) :rolleyes: :smilies15

But "men" who are closeted/down low have way too many issues about their sexuality that they're not worth the effort to put up with their BS. ;) :rolleyes: :smilies15

[jackbirdjay]

Years ago only told my wife I was bi-curious. At first it didn't go well. She slowly came around and started to fuck me silly. Then I been tring for years to get her into a mmf 3 way no go. Now we rarely have sex and she has stop giving me blow jobs. So after all that no one knows but the people I been with

[tenni]

I'm inclined to agree with the OP and "It's one thing to come out as gay, quite another to come out as bisexual." Bisexuals are not just gay men who still want pussy.

I've noticed that men who come from a gay background and decide that they are "bisexual' often have a different perspective than men who come from believing that they are heterosexual to seeing themselves as bisexual. Men with a gay philosophical /cultural background often use terms "out of the closet" "down low".

Many bisexuals do not believe that who they have sex with gender wise is no one's business unless they are being sexual with them. I think that this is the best attitude for bisexual men. If you want to be a bisexual advocate, you can be that without disclosing your own sexual preferences. The old line about not going around telling strangers that you had a good bowel movement is really none of the stranger's business and most do not want to hear it. Same thing is true about your sexuality and your sexual behaviour.

If a person feels the need to go around disclosing their sexuality to others that is their choice. No one should put them down for doing this just as no one should put down a bisexual for not going around disclosing their sexuality to people they are not being sexual with.

On another point about men who only want dick and no emotional intimacy with other men, that is fine for them if it fulfills them. I do wonder if they have not developed their bisexuality fully though? When a man states that he only want pussy and tits and he doesn't want any other involvement with women, some refer to that type of man as immature and a few other not so complimentary words.
just a thought.

[pole_smoker]

I'm inclined to agree with the OP and "It's one thing to come out as gay, quite another to come out as bisexual." Bisexuals are not just gay men who still want pussy.

I've noticed that men who come from a gay background and decide that they are "bisexual' often have a different perspective than men who come from believing that they are heterosexual to seeing themselves as bisexual. Men with a gay philosophical /cultural background often use terms "out of the closet" "down low".

Many bisexuals do not believe that who they have sex with gender wise is no one's business unless they are being sexual with them. I think that this is the best attitude for bisexual men. If you want to be a bisexual advocate, you can be that without disclosing your own sexual preferences. The old line about not going around telling strangers that you had a good bowel movement is really none of the stranger's business and most do not want to hear it. Same thing is true about your sexuality and your sexual behaviour.

If a person feels the need to go around disclosing their sexuality to others that is their choice. No one should put them down for doing this just as no one should put down a bisexual for not going around disclosing their sexuality to people they are not being sexual with.

On another point about men who only want dick and no emotional intimacy with other men, that is fine for them if it fulfills them. I do wonder if they have not developed their bisexuality fully though? When a man states that he only want pussy and tits and he doesn't want any other involvement with women, some refer to that type of man as immature and a few other not so complimentary words.
just a thought.



All I see here are excuses for why you want to stay a deeply closeted hypocritical chickenshit coward about being bisexual. :rolleyes: :smilies15

Telling people that you're bisexual is not forcing your sexuality onto them, akin to telling some deep dark secret or something nobody wants to hear or discuss, and it's not telling them your personal sex life either. :rolleyes:

Instead of playing silly bullshit games with people and pretending to only be a wannabe phony bisexual advocate, just come out to people and tell them that you're bisexual. :rolleyes:

Using terms like "out of the closet" or "down low" has nothing to do with being gay as they're terms used by people who are not LGBT at all, and I have met heterosexuals who used the terms.

People who are deeply closeted will make up tons of excuses why they can't tell people that they're bisexual, and the worst one is that it's nobody's business, and yet these fools complain about how they believe that society does not understand or accept people who are bisexual-yet these cowards refuse to come out. :rolleyes: It's not as though they are living in various African countries, middle eastern countries, or Jamaica.


No, Jim Riley, AKA tenni it isn't. Not editing that out either... hide some more?

Pics of tenni aka Jim Riley:
http://i.imgur.com/Ihl6cZE.jpg

http://www.novacancyart.com/uploads/2/7/3/5/2735897/_1663502.jpg?178

[Tommy54]

I've told my wife I'm curious and have bi fantasies, have no need to tell anyone else.

[LennyC]

I stay in the closet about my bisexuality because I only want to have sex with men and transsexuals, it’s only a physical sexual attraction, but with women it is physical, sexual emotional and romantic attraction, I want to be in relationships with women, not with men or transsexuals, I just see them as sex objects.

[DownBoy]

I keep it to myself. My cocksucking adventures are for me only!

[Oztrich]

A very few people know. My wife does. Obviously the guy I am seeing does. A few men locally do, and a woman I know does as well. Her husband is bisexual and so is she. I also have friends in Las Vegas who know and are in marriages that are open to bisexual relationships.

I am not into "cock sucking adventures." I like steady relationships, though being naked with a bunch of guys is very nice. I do prefer one-on-one.

[Toad82]

I am pansexual and I have never hid it. My family knows as well as "friends".

[Avid_Cummer]

I am a very closeted bisexual however, I have mentioned it to my mother about having an attraction to the same sex, she just laughed! One of my 3 sisters and half-brother are aware and have no negative input, but just suggest I be sexually careful!!

[pole_smoker]

I am pansexual and I have never hid it. My family knows as well as "friends". Pansexual in the way a lot of people use it is just another term for being bisexual. If YOU were really pansexual you would be sexually attracted to animals and into illegal sex acts as that's the actual definition of the term. Now if you actually do fuck farm animals then yeah you are pansexual. :rolleyes:

[darkeyes]

Pansexuality is sexual or emotional attraction or romantic love towards people of any gender or gender identity.. it does not and never has also meant sexual attraction to or activity with other species of animals, domestic or wild except possibly in the twisted minds of the vindictive arseholes of the dimwittery!

[Toad82]

Pansexual in the way a lot of people use it is just another term for being bisexual. If YOU were really pansexual you would be sexually attracted to animals and into illegal sex acts as that's the actual definition of the term. Now if you actually do fuck farm animals then yeah you are pansexual. :rolleyes:


You need to read more.

[Toad82]

Pansexality is sexual or emotional attraction or romantic love towards people of any gender or gender identity.. it does not and never has also meant sexual attraction to or activity with other species of animals, domestic or wild except possibly in the twisted minds of the vindictive arseholes of the dimwittery!


Thank you, darkeyes. It has been a long time since I have seen you. I was a daily regular for a couple of years around 2007.

[pole_smoker]

Pansexuality is sexual or emotional attraction or romantic love towards people of any gender or gender identity.. it does not and never has also meant sexual attraction to or activity with other species of animals, domestic or wild except possibly in the twisted minds of the vindictive arseholes of the dimwittery!
You need to read more. LMAO!!! Actually, yeah it does mean that a person is sexually attracted to animals, etc. Bisexuality, if someone's actually bisexual and a Kinsey 3 as my husband and I are you will be able to fall in love with a person for who they are and not their gender...but people confuse this with being "pansexual" when actually being pansexual means someone has sex with animals, etc. http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/death/US/coleman771.htm A prison psychiatric profile found Coleman, a ninth grade dropout with an IQ on the lower edge of normal, to be ''a pansexual willing to have intercourse with any object, women, men, children, whatever.''

[Toad82]

LMAO!!! Actually, yeah it does mean that a person is sexually attracted to animals, etc. Bisexuality, if someone's actually bisexual and a Kinsey 3 as my husband and I are you will be able to fall in love with a person for who they are and not their gender...but people confuse this with being "pansexual" when actually being pansexual means someone has sex with animals, etc. http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/death/US/coleman771.htm A prison psychiatric profile found Coleman, a ninth grade dropout with an IQ on the lower edge of normal, to be ''a pansexual willing to have intercourse with any object, women, men, children, whatever.''


Read about pansexuality, not some link that has nothing to do with it beside mentioning it once. Also, ''a pansexual willing to have intercourse with any object, women, men, children, whatever.'' Is a description of the man, not the definition of pansexual.

[pole_smoker]

Read about pansexuality, not some link that has nothing to do with it beside mentioning it once. Also, ''a pansexual willing to have intercourse with any object, women, men, children, whatever.'' Is a description of the man, not the definition of pansexual. Actually yeah that is the defintion of true pansexuality. Terms like "pansexual", "Omnisexual", "heteroflexible", "homoflexible", "mosty straight", "mostly gay", etc. are all just terms people who have a lot of internalized biphobia or self loathing about being bisexual use to describe themselves to avoid coming out as bisexual, and actually calling themselves bisexual. :rolleyes: The term "pansexual" in the way you use it is just another term for being bisexual, and it basically says that people who are Trans who have transitioned are not actually women or men.

[Hammermna]

I've told no one. My wife wouldn't take it well-very straight laced.

[kerisanders3]

I'm pretty discreet about being bisexual. I've told a couple female friends and they are so supportive and encourage me to go further in really explore my gay feelings. Having always dated women my whole life but also for years have wanted Alpha men in bed so I could be there Sissy and total bottom. I love being submissive and pleasing a man's cock and body. Sometimes I think I am closeted gay but it's the thrill of being intimate with a man and becoming completely non masculine inside now and craving a man's hard cock

[BigAlNYC]

It's interesting that I've really never told anyone on the 'hetero' side of my life about my activities with other men. I've never felt like I wanted to open that particular can of worms, even though most of my family and friends are very tolerant and open minded, and many have openly gay friends and family themselves. 'I'm pretty discrete, and have been able to keep the 2 sides separate for a very long time now.

Some of the men I've been with know I'm very bi, but many more have just assumed that I'm gay (although I'm very masculine with no 'typical' gay stereotype behaviors). I've also, rather interestingly, had gay men pick up on the fact that I'm bi (and leaning to the hetero side overall) and be very turned off or even hurt by it.

[newporter4u]

From wife and family I have kept my desires hidden, have shared it with a past F play partner....

[sysper]

It's interesting that I've really never told anyone on the 'hetero' side of my life about my activities with other men. I've never felt like I wanted to open that particular can of worms, even though most of my family and friends are very tolerant and open minded, and many have openly gay friends and family themselves. 'I'm pretty discrete, and have been able to keep the 2 sides separate for a very long time now.

Some of the men I've been with know I'm very bi, but many more have just assumed that I'm gay (although I'm very masculine with no 'typical' gay stereotype behaviors). I've also, rather interestingly, had gay men pick up on the fact that I'm bi (and leaning to the hetero side overall) and be very turned off or even hurt by it.
hmm that's kinda 1 reason i would prefer to be with a bi guy than a gay guy. my attraction to women is very much a part of who i am. it will allways be in the background, couldn't turn that off even if a guy i was with was strickly dickly. also i hear lesbians can be turned off by bi women probably for different reasons tho. but it's interesting to hear this happens with gay guys/bi guys too.

[TheMaze]

So I have been quite open to my wife about my sexuality although it has not always been a very good outcome

She is very straight and I understand that

[Prosound16]

No one knows except the ones i let know

[cuttin2dachase]

I am happily closeted and my bi/gay kinky, naughty, secret double life really turns me on. I only want to be out to the men, women and couples whom I seek and who seek out bi men such as me. It's ultra exciting to me to have this secret double life and I think most of the thrill and excitement would be taken out of it if I were openly out to my family members and str8 friends. I'm not sexually attracted to men in public in that I don't feel lust when looking at men's bodies, faces and hair as I do when checking out attractive women with nice bodies, faces and hair in public. But let me connect with a nice & decent bi or gay man online and it's a whole different story. I get very excited at the prospect of meeting men when there is mutual flirting and mutual seduction while chatting online or sexting and I'm not afraid to take a calculated risk to meet them for secret mm fun, romance & sex.

[downforce]

I have told 3 friends that I trust to keep that side of me confidential. Nobody else knows that I am bi, although more and more I get the want to tell my wife at least that Ive had bisexual experiences

[bw299]

I don't believe in talking about my sexual escapades with my female partners, why should I talk about my male partners? Like Tenni said, "Many bisexuals do not believe that who they have sex with gender wise is no one's business unless they are being sexual with them. I think that this is the best attitude for bisexual men. If you want to be a bisexual advocate, you can be that without disclosing your own sexual preferences. The old line about not going around telling strangers that you had a good bowel movement is really none of the stranger's business and most do not want to hear it. Same thing is true about your sexuality and your sexual behaviour."

[DJCRT]

Actually I think a lot of bisexual guys keep it to themselves it seems it's more acceptable for women to be bi but if a man is bi people consider him gay
so a lot of guys keep it to themselves, I like it when I can tell my stores to someone I trust!

[sysper]

it's really too bad alot of people won't believe there can be guys who are bi! every sexual orientation is possible for both sexes. fortunately there are women who know men can be bi--& like it! :)

[xxxcjs]

Pole Smoker is a digerati idiot and most of us just try to ignore is ignorant remarks

[rukiddingme]

when I am out I am attracted to women, when home I get aroused for mm

[silverhair65]

Ok, for me it is the closet all the way. I hide my attraction, or try to , So very difficult sometimes, and of course out to no one.

[blatant_bi_guy]

My family, i.e. parents know (they're in their 60's) but if I had the chance to tell them again, I probably wouldn't.

Friends, some know, some don't.

My biggest view on this is that your sexuality is one of those things that intimately belongs to you. You don't NEED to tell anyone about it, unless they're being directly affected by it. My wife met me with 8" of dick up my ass...so she knows, and she's bi, so it's all good. Every partner I've ever had knows I'm bi, because they deserve to know. None of my coworkers know, because I'm an engineer...my sexuality has nothing to do with my job, so it shouldn't be a part of my job. The friends that I have that know are impacted by my relationships with women and men, so they know. Did my parents need to know? Not really. It didn't make their lives more fulfilled knowing that I take cock in the ass. Do I feel like I'm "lying to them"? No, I felt like they just didn't need to know about that part of my life, and let's be honest here, did they?

Ask yourself this when it comes to broadcasting your sexuality around. Are you doing it as a service to the people who're hearing it, or are you doing it to make yourself feel better? If it's the former, run that scenario in your mind and ask yourself, how is this revelation going to help person X to better be part of your life? If it's the latter, just don't do it. Selfishness is ugly, and on us bi folk, who already get a bad rap for "Greedy", it's particularly galling.

Your sexuality is hardwired into you. Like your hair color or your foot size. Are either of those things opportunities to crow about how awesome you are? Does broadcasting "I'm a blonde" to people at random help them to understand how your life works?

I don't have "Bi Pride"...I reserve pride for things I've worked for, and I was born bi. I don't have "Brunette Pride" or "Genetic High Cholesterol Pride"...Pride comes from accomplishment, and bisexuality isn't an accomplishment. It's a genetic pattern, and for those of us who embrace it, it's a gift. Have pride in what you do WITH it.

Once upon a time, I was screwing this single bi guy and dating this girl. I knew I wasn't going to end up with her, and as much fun as it was banging him, we weren't going to last either. One night, I ended up with him in bed when she showed up at my apartment. No 3way fantasies here, it was just an "Oh, you must be X" and we all went out for coffee afterwards. Turns out, THEY hit it off, started dating. 4 years later, they're married with a 2 year old...who's my godson. I take pride in THAT.

[rajones]

I am not out. My wife knows and a few friends and family. I joke about it a lot, (not in a bad way) and have hinted to few people. If anyone were to come out and ask I would admit I am BI.

[Fzmr9t]

I’m BI, but not “out” to anyone, and I don’t act one way at home and another way when I’m away from home. I love the way women look, move, smell and am attracted to mature women. As for guys, I don’t look at them and day dream about being with them, so I don’t have to try to act differently

I will say that if I see some guy with feminine traits, I will mention to my wife that “so and so” is gay, but that’s the extent of it

[mot_bc]

Wore panties and lingerie for years, wife was fully aware. If anything it seemed to arouse her. I recognized my bisexual side over the years and talked with my wife. I never hid anything from her, including when I realized my desire to suck cock, to get fucked, and to top a guy( in addition to my interest in her). The night we had the initial talk, we talked for three hours. Next night I came in the bedroom and she left some of her various books on blowjobs, massages, and other stuff, on my pillow. Her only condition was that she didn't want me doing a lot of anonymous men, she wanted me to have a FWB, preferably married, but no one on the DL.
What else could I ask for?

[sysper]

wow that was considerate & supportive of her! what a wife!

[foundpuppy]

My wife knows but doesn’t participate. Before summer is over I plan to inform a couple female friends. However, the only person who needs to know is who i’m with at the time.

[csreef]

For me I am only open to a very few friends, and that is it.

[Ft. Lauderdale Man]

Noone knows bout me and I keep it that way. Noone has to know. I don't feel compelled to tell anyone either. Since the first time I gave head I liked it.

[guywholikesboth]

Only 2 people related to me know one is my cousin we sucked each other off as teens The other is my wifes cousin he and I sucked each other when I was 23 he was 16