To have sex or not to have sex that is the question?

[The gentle one]

To have sex or not to have sex that is the question.
Am I wrong in needing attraction or chemistry to have sex with others? I am common-law married and we are both honest and open with one another about everything. We decided to swing this year to experience our Bi-sexual sides of ourselves.
We are not Ken and Barbie and we do not expect anyone else to be like that but we have found in our exploration of swinging that we may be too picky or have too high expectations. I have been a Nurse for 24 years and love being around all people with no judgement or bias. In my sexuality though all I expect to make it fun is there to be some chemistry first. That chemistry comes from alot of different avenues. Do I connect and feel comfortable in conversation? Do I smile when I see faces of people making me want to meet them? Do I feel there is interest among us all to get naked and have fun?
I guess it is harder to have it work out when there are two couples involved and not one on one.

OK Next question.......Am I expecting too much?????????????

The gentle one. aka Cindy

[bigirl_inwv]

My fiance and I also swing and have been doing so for about 7 months. We have had many good experiences, but also a few not so good experiences. Let me just say, that there is no such thing as being too picky. You are in the lifestyle for your own personal pleasure. Don't settle for just anything. There has to be attraction among all parties involved. As far as chemistry coming from many different venues, this is how my fiance and I handle it. If we are both attracted to a person (even if its only slightly attracted) we will meet them. I recommend meeting at a resturaunt or bar, somewhere that you can sit and talk. Sometimes personality can go a long way in the attraction department. If things go well and everyone is comfortable, then we might play. If not, then we met some new people and possibly made some new friends. You just have to be straight forward and blunt, with others and also with yourself. I recommend www.swinglifestyle.com Its a great site to meet others in the lifestyle and in your area. You can start a free profile there, you just have some restrictions. Good luck with the lifestyle!

[DiamondDog]

There's nothing wrong with being picky about who you have sex with. Same thing with making a connection and having chemistry.

I'm personally not into swinging; but I don't see anything wrong if anyone is.

I don't really "get" why people equate bisexuality with swinging or consider both to be a "lifestyle".

[mrplayfuluk]

I am with you Diamond, bi is a state of mind and being not some lifestyle thing that is a side perk for swingers if they choose to indulge...

[yoyo4u]

The few weeks since I am a member, I read many intros and self-descriptions.
I think many of us here might be just -what I call "drop-bisexual"- plain kinky, bored of their regular sexlife and choose to live out their fantasies, thus establishing an exciting lifestyle.

Nothing wrong with the above, however, I found my comment fitting.
Actually I've posed this question previously in another topic, and despite the many views nobody replied.

What do you think?

yoyo :cool:

[jedinudist]

I am with you Diamond, bi is a state of mind and being not some lifestyle thing that is a side perk for swingers if they choose to indulge...


Make that 3 of us that agree. Sure I might find a boyfriend, but we don't swing. And Im not even sure I'll get sexual if I do find a boyfriend!

Bisexuality is a part of who I am, not what I do!

[Aleksandra]

I have to react here.
Yes, there is bunch of morons all around who just asking for sex and nothing, absolutely nothing else.

Isn't that hulmiliated to personality itself?
I think it is.
Going around and having sex, swinging, being friend with someone just because of sex...it is really humiliated.

Sex is something sacred, something Higher, much Higher than any lust in itself can have a clue, and i would never allow to anyone to look at me just like a sexual object.

[Diane54]

I have to agreee that sex is something you DO with someone you can get along with and like, even if it is just a one-night-stand.
I would never make plans with someone i had never met just to meet to have sex. and to expect more out of a relationship than just sex is part of being human. It is hard to have a sexual relationship without some form of attachment.

[Herbwoman39]

I've got to agree with the others. You can't be too picky about who you have sex with. Diseases aside, I think you should at least LIKE the person you're being intimate with. If you're not enjoying it, then why do it at all?

For goodness sake, this is your body. You call the shots in who gets to fiddle with it. No, you're not expecting too much and no you should most DEFINITELY NOT settle.

[her hubby]

If you have to ask the question, then it should be no! When or if the moment occurs you should have no doubts whatsoever.

As far as being picky; never set aside your standards.

Though we have an open relationship, I would not really consider us swingers in that we don't go to "swing parties" , we simply have a few close friends that we are comfortable enough to enjoy sharing sex with. At the same time we are equally comfortable when we see these same friends whithout sex involved, if we can't enjoy a persons company in the dining or living room, there is no chance we'd enjoy them in the bedroom.

Bob

[innaminka]

Not being involved in a swing scene, I cannot comment, tho it does seem there may be chance of it being just a "meat market" at times; again I don't know.
As to being picky with whom one has sex with - that's a no-brainer. Its my body and as was written above, I will get to choose who fiddles with it on my terms: and just because I want a quick shag is not (anymore :rolleyes: ) an option.

If I intend to share my bodily fluids with another person - yes I want to have some chemistry. She or he must be sexy between the ears first. If not - there will be no progression.

[bigirl_inwv]

Going around and having sex, swinging, being friend with someone just because of sex...it is really humiliated.

Bisexuality is something that many people struggle with. They struggle to find acceptance from others despite the sex that they choose to be with. In my opinion, this site is for that purpose. Bisexuality and swinging do not go hand in hand. There are many swingers who are straight, as well as many bisexual people who aren't into swinging. Swingers struggle for that same acceptance. Not everyone views sex the same. There is a huge difference between making love to someone you care about and spicing up your sex life with some casual safe sex. There is nothing humiliating about that at all. Many people; straight, gay, bisexual, and otherwise, have friends with benifits. What is the difference there? She posted in order to get some help and advice with her situation. Not to be put down by people who just dont think the same way that she does.

[twodelta]

First, to answer Your questions - There is nothing wrong with being picky about who You have sexual relations with. You SHOULD be highly selective! Cat(my wife) and I have been in "The Lifestyle" for about seven years now. We only have six or seven "playdates" a year. It could be many times that, but we are highly selective. Many of the people we have met have become dear friends as well as ocasional sexual partners. For me, I believe that being Bi-sexual and in the lifestyle has more meaning than for straights. For a straight person, they are only having sex with someone other than their spouce/life partner. For myself and my wife, it's about letting the other experience sexuality in a way that we cannot provide for each other.Their is no way that I can give her the same experience that she gets while with another woman, and vice versa. I hope this helps some :three: :flag3: - Dave