Coming out to a friend in confidential

[Oborokybiman]

I’m in this situation that I need advice. I’m in my mid 50’s but my friends say I’m young for my age. I have salt and pepper beard and a bald head! Anyway, I’m a Steelworker and have been for over 22 years. I’ve only ever spoke to one guy who is bisexual here and he brought it up in conversation! So in all of the masculinity of close to 600 men who work in the 2 plants combined, it’s hard to find a guy to be candid with. Until I met a 22 yrs my junior, hot guy! When I visit his plant with some product he always get a huge grin on his face and practically runs over to talk to me. We’ve spoken probably 15 times over a yrs time frame. It’s always like he is excited to see me!

I’m unable to go to his workplace as my job changed. But just friended him on Facebook messenger. We have been catching up on life and such....but my main goal is to see if he is bi or curious or even not freaked out by the idea of getting intimate! Wow!! Can’t believe I just said that! Anyway, I would hate to screw up our friendship but he is one of those guys that are a needle in a haystack! One that I’m comfortable in talking to without reservations!

How do I mention to him without bringing it up straight forward???

[Fred_Brice]

I’m in this situation that I need advice. I’m in my mid 50’s but my friends say I’m young for my age. I have salt and pepper beard and a bald head! Anyway, I’m a Steelworker and have been for over 22 years. I’ve only ever spoke to one guy who is bisexual here and he brought it up in conversation! So in all of the masculinity of close to 600 men who work in the 2 plants combined, it’s hard to find a guy to be candid with. Until I met a 22 yrs my junior, hot guy! When I visit his plant with some product he always get a huge grin on his face and practically runs over to talk to me. We’ve spoken probably 15 times over a yrs time frame. It’s always like he is excited to see me!

I’m unable to go to his workplace as my job changed. But just friended him on Facebook messenger. We have been catching up on life and such....but my main goal is to see if he is bi or curious or even not freaked out by the idea of getting intimate! Wow!! Can’t believe I just said that! Anyway, I would hate to screw up our friendship but he is one of those guys that are a needle in a haystack! One that I’m comfortable in talking to without reservations!

How do I mention to him without bringing it up straight forward???

Maybe you both, should meet-up socially, for maybe a coffee or a drink together. Spend some time trying to get to know each a little better. Try to find some common interest and maybe you may learn something about each others personal life. You did not indicate if you were married or not, find out if he is married, tell him that you were interested in expanding your social life and seeking a better friendship.

[KDaddy23]

Tough one. If you don't want to be straight-forward, you might have to play the waiting game and see if there will be a moment to be... candid. There are way too many "variables" to be considered to make doing this an easy thing to do since, if you guess wrongly about him, it could mess things up. If you're chatting on Facebook messenger, well, just talk to him as you've been doing and just be prepared if/when that moment arrives - while being aware that it might not. Sometimes - and depending on what you learn about someone, you just gotta be the one to bring the topic up even if only to get a more "general" feel of where his head might be where things M2M are concerned and not reading too much into whatever he may have to say - if anything at all.

Jeez... I "hate" being in this situation! Like I said, there's no easy way to do this and other than what I've offered, you usually wind up playing it by ear and on the fly since, unless you're the one to bring up the subject, you just never know if - or when - he might say something about it. So play it cool; be patient and soak up all the "information" you can about him and wait for the moment to confide in him to present itself. Let me/us know how you're doing with this - and good luck!

[Leo Rabbit]

Can you see yourself being friends with him even if it never got physical/sexual? If so, then just start by building the friendship. Having a friend in itself will be a good thing. Over the course of the friendship questions about dating, sex, partners, etc will come up and that would be the place to learn more about him and possibly share where you are too.

Worse case scenario...he's not into it. But by that time you're friends and he would hopefully be cool with who you are.

[Oborokybiman]

Thank you all for the comments each of you have helped me to think out of my box of wanting to jump his bones! Lol. But seriously, we have been talking the last couple of hours on messenger getting to know each other. By the way I am married and she knows my bi side. She just won’t talk candid about it. She is a wonderful person who follows the rules. Always has my best interest at heart! He is divorced and has a gf with severe trust issues!! She won’t let him have a fb acct. darn women!

[Jazminedress]

Well, one thing about men, many many many of them will give you the same hints reactions as women do ( yes, reality not all women react the same, neither do men)

What I mean by this, oh, and women's, you cant read the rest because we need to discuss some super secret men tricks passed down through the generations to the great prophet, Charlie Sheen, then to the rest of us.

Men, you know when dating, we test the waters. We do little things like when opening a door for a woman, we place a hand high on her back as she walks through the door. This is an area that isn't too forward, but, if she doesn't pull away, tells us to to go to the next step. We do things like when talking, if her hands are on the table, we will touch them when accentuating a point. If she doesn't pull back, or even better moves them more forward, we then will let our hands linger.

Lets be real, when is a shoulder / back rub really only a shoulder / back rub. This is more like prime opportunity to reach further and further out until we touch boobies.

We have many little things like this, heck, so do women, anything from twirling her hair to slowly crossing her legs..............it's all part of the dating game

Now, I am not saying give him a back rub, but, grab a coffee, excuse yourself to the bathroom, or grab an extra sugar pack, doesn't matter, as long as you can leave the table. When you come back , a little bro clap/touch on the back, linger for a second, see how he reacts. Does he tense up or relax more ?

Afterwards, look at his eyes, you already mentioned you have been with women, look for the same type of reactions from him, maybe a little blushing, or eye contact. Later one if things seem to progress, over a beer or two you can simply say

" Hey, listen, I like hanging out with you, been a long time since I had a guy friend I could kick back with and get away from the nagging. ( Not claiming ladies nag, but, between guys it's a good ice breaker, even if they have the sweetest women in the world at home). Anyways, you know, I want you to hear to hear it from me, as I don't want some blabbermouth saying something stupid and screwing up a good friendship.............I am bi"

Guage his reaction, if he smiles or leans in....................don't say another word, let him speak, sales 101, who ever speaks first looses.

If he seems nervous or taken aback, you switch gears to "I just wanted to be straight with you as I have lost friends because of this and don't need to lose another"

You can test the waters, but also leave a tactful retreat

[Leo Rabbit]

If he seems nervous or taken aback, you switch gears to "I just wanted to be straight with you as I have lost friends because of this and don't need to lose another"

You can test the waters, but also leave a tactful retreat

Lots of gold here by Jazminedress! And I don't know if it was intentional but I love how you suggest he tell his new bud that he's bi and if he's taken aback you recommend he follow up with, "I just want to be straight with you...!" Meaning if the new friend isn't interested that MildmanneredBi can still be a straight friend?

[Jazminedress]

Lots of gold here by Jazminedress! And I don't know if it was intentional but I love how you suggest he tell his new bud that he's bi and if he's taken aback you recommend he follow up with, "I just want to be straight with you...!" Meaning if the new friend isn't interested that MildmanneredBi can still be a straight friend?

Damn, good one, I wish it had actually been intentional,.............that would have been great

[JordanCD]

Get him out for a beer, you know, two guys hanging out after a hard day at work. Ask about his personal life, see what he says. If he says, “Yeah, broke up with my girlfriend, I’m single these days, or my wife/girlfriend won’t put out” or something along those lines, you can follow up with “Yeah, women are tough. Sometimes I think guys who like guys have it easier.” See where that leads. If he gets quiet it it means he’s not up for anything, or maybe shy or not ready to go there.

If he agrees with your comment in some way, you can continue the subject, say something like “I know this guy who’s married, family and everything, but sometimes he gets with another guy, just to relieve some stress. I say, hey whatever floats your boat, I don’t judge. Life’s hard enough, you gotta enjoy what you can.” See how he responds.

Either way, ask questions about him, get him to talk. He’ll drop a hint that he’s “available” if he has the opportunity. Let the conversation progress naturally, don’t just drop a bomb on him. If he gets uncomfortable with the topic or changes the subject just take the hint and drop it.

And remember, there is always next time. It probably won’t go anywhere the first time. Steel worker man shit, you know. It’s not easy to break through that right away. But at the end of the night see if he wants to grab a beer again, “Hey man, nice hanging out. Let’s do it again.” If he’s interested he’ll say yes. Give it a week, and text him, “Hey man, wanna stop by my place for a beer?” That will be the clincher. If no, drop it. If yes, that means he’s ready to form a deeper connection of some sort. When he comes over, play it cool. Make him comfortable, shoot the shit. Don’t rush. Once he’s relaxed ask about his dating life, and tell him how you haven’t gotten laid lately. If he feels safe, it’s an intimate environment, no prying ears, and he’ll let you know if he’s interested.

[SlowNEZ]

I suggest while you guys are chatting over beers, casually bring-up the “bucket list” conversation. Ask about the things on his bucket list, he will mention some, then naturally he will ask about your list. Mention a few items like travel, fish, etc ... then say: “This may sound kinda weird to you, and I’m straight as an arrow, but I’ve always wanted to see what it feels like to suck a guys cock.” ... “I am a little embarrassed to admit that, but that’s one of those ‘unmentionables’ on my list.” See where the conversation goes from there.

[Oborokybiman]

Thank you that’s a great ice breaker idea! I think that would work out well!

[csreef]

i would see if he would like to meet for lunch or a cup of coffee. Just take things in small steps, and see where it leads to....