Married life is difficult

[ConfusedTom]

I?m just so upset today and in general. I have three teenage daughters, the oldest being 16 came out and said she was dating her ?girl friend? and declared herself bisexual. I thought great, my wife know how I feel and now my
Daughter feels comfortable enough to come out. Win win, wrong

Fast forward about a month after her declaration, I come home from work and bend over to put
something down and my lacy underwear was out, naturally my 14 year old daughter sees it and snaps it. My wife was standing there to witness and was appalled.

then this morning my wife states how it bothers her how in wear feminine underwear and dress (in private byself) said she doesn?t find me attractive anymore and I need to be more masculine. Also said she doesn?t like how I?m parenting and let my kids know it?s ok to be a little different. Keep in mind, I do CrossFit 4-5 days a week and am I pretty good shape for a 45 year old. I?m trying to hear her but she?s not hearing me?.just feel upset, embarrassed and defeated.

I apologize for the Debbie downer post but I have no where to turn and needed to write something.

thanks for reading and be kind out there

[Jazminedress]

That sucks.............I mean, I see both sides. SHe is entitled to her opinion, and in a marriage,people should talk. But to say it like that is wrong, you sit down and have a conversation. The other thing, it's great you are teaching your kids it's okay to be whoever they really are, as long as it's their choice.

As an outsider, it sounds like something else is going on. If you have been together for a while, and suddenly this, and she has known, could there be something at work or with a family member or something and she is taking it out on you ?

Besides, if that is your manhood in the pic, I question if you are doing cross fit or smacking softballs with that thing

[ConfusedTom]

Thank you for the kind words! She apologized for her actions yesterday but it doesn't make if feel any better. Shes had a lot thrown at her lately, bi sexual daughter, daughter diagnosed with RA and overall navigation of being a parent. Shes known about me for about 5 years, nothing new there, she still doesn't like it or really accept it.

And yes, that is my manhood in the picture. One of my favorite outlets was dressing up and showing other guys.....that unfortunately has stopped.

[Neonaught]

Maybe it is time to reevaluate your relationship? Life is too short not to be happy.

[mnjack]

You should ask her if she would be willing to engage in couples therapy. Her attitude is understandable since you say that she has never really accepted your bi side and she did not know of it when you married. That kind of revelation can lead to all kinds of uncertainty on her part and lead to some severe insecurity on her part. Therapy, honest discussion and reassurance can go a long way to allay any of her fears. If she is unwilling to work on this then, as Neonaught says, you need to determine what your next actions are.

In my opinion, the 14 year old's snapping of your underwear is inappropriate and I hope you told her so. It was probably a playful action, but it did cross a line.

[ConfusedTom]

Maybe it is time to reevaluate your relationship? Life is too short not to be happy.

Man, I know that could be a reality....I'm trying to work with her and not be unfaithful in the process. My buddy just got a divorce and its not pretty with kids involved.

[ConfusedTom]

You should ask her if she would be willing to engage in couples therapy. Her attitude is understandable since you say that she has never really accepted your bi side and she did not know of it when you married. That kind of revelation can lead to all kinds of uncertainty on her part and lead to some severe insecurity on her part. Therapy, honest discussion and reassurance can go a long way to allay any of her fears. If she is unwilling to work on this then, as Neonaught says, you need to determine what your next actions are.

In my opinion, the 14 year old's snapping of your underwear is inappropriate and I hope you told her so. It was probably a playful action, but it did cross a line.

We were in couples therapy for a while when she found out about my dressing and bi feelings. Went well and we moved on with life, she just wanted me to stop dressing on line. I agreed but its not been easy.....

I agree about the underwear snapping, but was shocked and didn't say much when it happened. Wanted to craw in a hole in the moment. I really just want to be normal and don't need to hide my feelings or true self. Hell, at this point I don't even know what that looks like anymore.

[NJwood]

We were in couples therapy for a while when she found out about my dressing and bi feelings. Went well and we moved on with life, she just wanted me to stop dressing on line. I agreed but its not been easy.....

I agree about the underwear snapping, but was shocked and didn't say much when it happened. Wanted to craw in a hole in the moment. I really just want to be normal and don't need to hide my feelings or true self. Hell, at this point I don't even know what that looks like anymore.
You and your wife have only begun to delve into your own issues and how they play out in the relationship. That it was revealed and moved in from suggests that it was left truly unresolved for her. With the revelation of your daughter and the other’s health issues, it’s bringing your wife’s world to a precipice. Too often parents look harshly at themselves when their kids aren’t following the norm. So much going on and that she admits is overwhelming that it is bringing your desires back into her thoughts as another failing.
There’s just too much to discuss and process without some professional assistance.

As for your daughter’s actions, it’s time to sit down and have a conversation. What did she think when she noticed your “whale tail”? Why did she snap it? Without any judgement, just listen to understand where she was coming from. She’s at the age where she’s testing the boundaries and redefining relationships with family and friends. She’s coming into her own sexuality. She may wonder why you wear them? Is it your choice or her mom’s? She may think nothing of it more than it’s your thing and who is she to judge. You can then explain to her how it makes her mom feel and that it’s something that is in need of working out.

I have 5 daughters, adopted, biological, step and foster. All now adults, I don’t even discuss their intimate lives unless they bring it up, and they have. My sexuality isn’t of any importance to them so it’s not part of the conversation. Your’s however has come into the open and will need some discussion if only due to your wife’s reaction.

Sincerely, good luck.

[ConfusedTom]

You and your wife have only begun to delve into your own issues and how they play out in the relationship. That it was revealed and moved in from suggests that it was left truly unresolved for her. With the revelation of your daughter and the other’s health issues, it’s bringing your wife’s world to a precipice. Too often parents look harshly at themselves when their kids aren’t following the norm. So much going on and that she admits is overwhelming that it is bringing your desires back into her thoughts as another failing.
There’s just too much to discuss and process without some professional assistance.

As for your daughter’s actions, it’s time to sit down and have a conversation. What did she think when she noticed your “whale tail”? Why did she snap it? Without any judgement, just listen to understand where she was coming from. She’s at the age where she’s testing the boundaries and redefining relationships with family and friends. She’s coming into her own sexuality. She may wonder why you wear them? Is it your choice or her mom’s? She may think nothing of it more than it’s your thing and who is she to judge. You can then explain to her how it makes her mom feel and that it’s something that is in need of working out.

I have 5 daughters, adopted, biological, step and foster. All now adults, I don’t even discuss their intimate lives unless they bring it up, and they have. My sexuality isn’t of any importance to them so it’s not part of the conversation. Your’s however has come into the open and will need some discussion if only due to your wife’s reaction.

Sincerely, good luck.

Thank you and I agree. My wife is going to consoling this week, I am as well. Next step might be going back to couples therapy. My 14 is a jokester and love to test everything. You're right, I will need to talk with her. For now, I'm not allowing anything associated with dressing around the house. I'm going to dial myself back for the greater good of the household.

[NJwood]

Thank you and I agree. My wife is going to consoling this week, I am as well. Next step might be going back to couples therapy. My 14 is a jokester and love to test everything. You're right, I will need to talk with her. For now, I'm not allowing anything associated with dressing around the house. I'm going to dial myself back for the greater good of the household.good idea. Since my daughters moved out I’ve been able to up the ante. I often walk around naked, play with my toys in various rooms, dress in my g-strings. It helps that I serve my wife her morning coffee in bed , naked.

[Jazminedress]

Thank you for the kind words! She apologized for her actions yesterday but it doesn't make if feel any better. Shes had a lot thrown at her lately, bi sexual daughter, daughter diagnosed with RA and overall navigation of being a parent. Shes known about me for about 5 years, nothing new there, she still doesn't like it or really accept it.

And yes, that is my manhood in the picture. One of my favorite outlets was dressing up and showing other guys.....that unfortunately has stopped.

Damn, with that thing, you should be in court charged with murdering pantys.....lol

Sorry about the RA, especially in someone so young. I got diagnosed about 6 or 7 months ago, but, I am middle aged. Being a guitar player, I had a one week period I could not move my hands at all. At walamrt, there is a cream called Voltaran (sp), they also have their generic version, it really takes the edge of pain, used to be prescription only.

Also, green leafy vegetables are a huge help. I try to limit the amount of drugs I take and use natural. I cook cactus into my eggs, will toss some into chili and such, best wishes for her

[ConfusedTom]

Damn, with that thing, you should be in court charged with murdering pantys.....lol

Sorry about the RA, especially in someone so young. I got diagnosed about 6 or 7 months ago, but, I am middle aged. Being a guitar player, I had a one week period I could not move my hands at all. At walamrt, there is a cream called Voltaran (sp), they also have their generic version, it really takes the edge of pain, used to be prescription only.

Also, green leafy vegetables are a huge help. I try to limit the amount of drugs I take and use natural. I cook cactus into my eggs, will toss some into chili and such, best wishes for her

Thank you, I will look into the Voltaran, as shes in a lot of pain now. I have her on CBD as will as Methotrexate and folic acid. We're slowly cutting a gluten out of the house diet....the other kids are thrilled. I appreciate your best wishes

[Alex_rose]

i feel for you I wore sexy underwear around this guy I hooked up with but was worried how I would be viewed if I wore something lacey if he would not be turned on by it or look down on me.
Hope it works out for you.

[ConfusedTom]

i feel for you I wore sexy underwear around this guy I hooked up with but was worried how I would be viewed if I wore something lacey if he would not be turned on by it or look down on me.
Hope it works out for you.

Thanks! Maybe I'll be able to post some pictures eventually!

[redngoldpride]

Keep the communication open and going , do not dismiss her feelings or thoughts , I have and do know many couples where he dresses some accept while others do not some times I will meet with the ones whose wife/gf is not accepting so they can dress to their hearts content ......... Would love to see in something sexy

[Alex_rose]

Thanks! Maybe I'll be able to post some pictures eventually!
That's cool. You ever try camming? that might be a good outlet.

[ConfusedTom]

That's cool. You ever try camming? that might be a good outlet.

that?s what I did before; I told her about it and she freaked out, considered it cheating so I quit. I really used to love doing it though!

[ConfusedTom]

Keep the communication open and going , do not dismiss her feelings or thoughts , I have and do know many couples where he dresses some accept while others do not some times I will meet with the ones whose wife/gf is not accepting so they can dress to their hearts content ......... Would love to see in something sexy

definitely trying to listen and be Sympathetic but it feels like her way or the highway. The camming helped. Dressing in something sexy, then stripping while guys pleasured themselves always was hot for me. Is still come home and pleasure my wife but to her it’s cheating

[KDaddy23]

If married life was easy, everyone could do it. I remember well the day my daughter confessed to having sex with her girlfriends and since she told me about it - and she wasn't telling me something that I didn't already know (I had my sources) - it did my heart good that she could talk to me about it all. At one point, she became very concerned about what her mother was going to say about it and all I said was, "Go talk to her about it; you may find that she's not going to be as pissed off as you think." Of course, I knew my wife was bisexual so what I said was... a kind of hint more than anything else; whether she caught on to that or not wasn't the point; I had said that if she was brave enough to tell me this, she should be brave enough to tell her mom as well. Again, the thing she didn't know is that we both knew she was having sex with girls (and guys) and we had already decided that it served no purpose to cut her head off and be hypocritical because both of us were bisexual.

It's just one of those things that, as parents, we might have to deal with. After she talked to her mom, she came back to me and said, "You know, you could have told me that you're bisexual!" I laughed and said, "Yeah, I could have told you but if you really wanted to know, all you had to do was ask and I would have told you - because that's what adults do when they want to know something: If you don't ask, you won't ever know." I guess I can consider myself fortunate that sexuality wasn't an "end of the world" thing in our household but for many, yeah - it can be and disturbingly so and the only thing that can be done is to work through it. I think if my wife caught me wearing women's underwear, she would have laughed her ass off while asking what possessed me to do that... and I would have told her because, if nothing else, it was the level of rapport we had with each other... but the level of rapport a lot of couples don't have with each other and more so when their individual views about sexuality-related things are usually very different and having them come out in the open can be... interesting, to be polite.

Got a daughter who's into girls? Okay, that's one thing. Your hubby is wearing lacy panties? Oh, what the fuck! A whole different thing that usually won't be taken well at all and being able to sit and talk it all out usually isn't going to go well and if the conversation happens at all. And it's just part of the clusterfuck that makes being bisexual and married one of the worst situations to be in and more so if you're with someone who doesn't believe in such things. Communication is always the key and usually the thing that tends to fail a lot but, yeah, once the cat is out of the bag, talking about it and coming to terms with it becomes important and more so when you have children, they will pick up on the disharmony and it may affect them to "see" their parents arguing.

Yeah... as difficult as anything I know about.

[redngoldpride]

definitely trying to listen and be Sympathetic but it feels like her way or the highway. The camming helped. Dressing in something sexy, then stripping while guys pleasured themselves always was hot for me. Is still come home and pleasure my wife but to her it’s cheating

You can dress fo me anytime and we can both get off as many times as we want

[DD788Snipe]

Damn, with that thing, you should be in court charged with murdering pantys.....lol

Sorry about the RA, especially in someone so young. I got diagnosed about 6 or 7 months ago, but, I am middle aged. Being a guitar player, I had a one week period I could not move my hands at all. At walamrt, there is a cream called Voltaran (sp), they also have their generic version, it really takes the edge of pain, used to be prescription only.

Also, green leafy vegetables are a huge help. I try to limit the amount of drugs I take and use natural. I cook cactus into my eggs, will toss some into chili and such, best wishes for her
Jazmine my dad had RA. You are smart to be careful with the RA drugs. NSAIDs are risky drugs and make you susceptible to heart attack and or stroke. My dad was on a powerful one and a stroke took his life and he spent the last 5 years of his life in a convalescent home. Take care of yourself.
Sorry for being off topic Tom and sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis. Tell her to educate herself on RA. It's a nasty autoimmune disorder. Education is the key for sure. Really sounds like you have your plate full. Hopefully it'll all work out. I have 3 daughters too. All grown. They have no clue I'm bi unless wife has said something but I doubt it. She won't even talk to me about it.

[ConfusedTom]

You can dress fo me anytime and we can both get off as many times as we want I would definitely if I could; just don't want to go against my word to her.

[ConfusedTom]

Jazmine my dad had RA. You are smart to be careful with the RA drugs. NSAIDs are risky drugs and make you susceptible to heart attack and or stroke. My dad was on a powerful one and a stroke took his life and he spent the last 5 years of his life in a convalescent home. Take care of yourself.
Sorry for being off topic Tom and sorry to hear about your daughter's diagnosis. Tell her to educate herself on RA. It's a nasty autoimmune disorder. Education is the key for sure. Really sounds like you have your plate full. Hopefully it'll all work out. I have 3 daughters too. All grown. They have no clue I'm bi unless wife has said something but I doubt it. She won't even talk to me about it.

Its OK, I like talking about the RA as well. Its been really difficult to navigate for everyone in the house! The medication really makes me nervous for her! Trying to clean up her diet, keep her moving and I've even recently started her on CBD. AS for me being bi, I mentioned to my oldest that I could of been but not now as I'm in a committed relationship and dont pursue anything.

I don't know what to do! I feel very misunderstood and just want to be happy with who I am!

[ConfusedTom]

If married life was easy, everyone could do it. I remember well the day my daughter confessed to having sex with her girlfriends and since she told me about it - and she wasn't telling me something that I didn't already know (I had my sources) - it did my heart good that she could talk to me about it all. At one point, she became very concerned about what her mother was going to say about it and all I said was, "Go talk to her about it; you may find that she's not going to be as pissed off as you think." Of course, I knew my wife was bisexual so what I said was... a kind of hint more than anything else; whether she caught on to that or not wasn't the point; I had said that if she was brave enough to tell me this, she should be brave enough to tell her mom as well. Again, the thing she didn't know is that we both knew she was having sex with girls (and guys) and we had already decided that it served no purpose to cut her head off and be hypocritical because both of us were bisexual.



It's just one of those things that, as parents, we might have to deal with. After she talked to her mom, she came back to me and said, "You know, you could have told me that you're bisexual!" I laughed and said, "Yeah, I could have told you but if you really wanted to know, all you had to do was ask and I would have told you - because that's what adults do when they want to know something: If you don't ask, you won't ever know." I guess I can consider myself fortunate that sexuality wasn't an "end of the world" thing in our household but for many, yeah - it can be and disturbingly so and the only thing that can be done is to work through it. I think if my wife caught me wearing women's underwear, she would have laughed her ass off while asking what possessed me to do that... and I would have told her because, if nothing else, it was the level of rapport we had with each other... but the level of rapport a lot of couples don't have with each other and more so when their individual views about sexuality-related things are usually very different and having them come out in the open can be... interesting, to be polite.

Got a daughter who's into girls? Okay, that's one thing. Your hubby is wearing lacy panties? Oh, what the fuck! A whole different thing that usually won't be taken well at all and being able to sit and talk it all out usually isn't going to go well and if the conversation happens at all. And it's just part of the clusterfuck that makes being bisexual and married one of the worst situations to be in and more so if you're with someone who doesn't believe in such things. Communication is always the key and usually the thing that tends to fail a lot but, yeah, once the cat is out of the bag, talking about it and coming to terms with it becomes important and more so when you have children, they will pick up on the disharmony and it may affect them to "see" their parents arguing.

Yeah... as difficult as anything I know about.

Agreed, thank you for the words! I've thrown my wife for a loop for sure. They don't see us auguring as it really doesn't happen very often. NOW, last week when the kids were at school my wife screamed at me; it was devastating for me. We've talked a lot after, had some make up sex, which is a step in the right direction!

[chtampa]

I?m just so upset today and in general. I have three teenage daughters, the oldest being 16 came out and said she was dating her ?girl friend? and declared herself bisexual. I thought great, my wife know how I feel and now my
Daughter feels comfortable enough to come out. Win win, wrong

Fast forward about a month after her declaration, I come home from work and bend over to put
something down and my lacy underwear was out, naturally my 14 year old daughter sees it and snaps it. My wife was standing there to witness and was appalled.

then this morning my wife states how it bothers her how in wear feminine underwear and dress (in private byself) said she doesn?t find me attractive anymore and I need to be more masculine. Also said she doesn?t like how I?m parenting and let my kids know it?s ok to be a little different. Keep in mind, I do CrossFit 4-5 days a week and am I pretty good shape for a 45 year old. I?m trying to hear her but she?s not hearing me?.just feel upset, embarrassed and defeated.

I apologize for the Debbie downer post but I have no where to turn and needed to write something.

thanks for reading and be kind out there
I believe that anyone that sees a need to "come out" has a need to be accepted by others and possibly has some insecurities with themselves. Perfect example is, how many people have "come out" that they are straight to you?

[ConfusedTom]

I believe that anyone that sees a need to "come out" has a need to be accepted by others and possibly has some insecurities with themselves. Perfect example is, how many people have "come out" that they are straight to you?

I agree with you. There has been something missing with me and I'm still working through it. Lets just say its been an interesting year!

[KDaddy23]

@chtampa: Probably more uncertainties than insecurities. What we all know, even by inference, is that if you tell someone that you're not straight, there could be backlash... maybe. Possibly. You think you know how they're going to react - and depending on how long and well you know them - but will they react the way you think they will... and hope they do? You don't know for sure until you do it and take the measure of their reaction and response.

How many people have come out as straight to me? Quite a few, actually - and I think it's funny as hell because I could care less. I've talked to a lot of people who - and usually if we get to talking about gay folks - seem to make it a point to let me know that they're straight and, often, empathically so. Are they insecure? I dunno - it's possible but to give them the benefit of the doubt, by them telling me they're straight, they're really either disagreeing with my neutral position about sexuality or agreeing but feel the need to let me know. It's hilarious.

Now, the need to come out is strangely powerful. I've seen that when someone accepts that they're bisexual they get compelled to tell someone and probably because bisexuality is such an eye-opening revelation that they need to share the news. Or, if they're in a relationship, it's kinda the same but some want to come out just to be honest with their partner about what's going on with them. I know parents who had children who "came out" as not being straight... and they were okay with the child's decision about their sexuality... but those same parents would have a major hissy fit if of them were to come out as bi and the one who'd pitch a bitch would now get into feeling shocked, betrayed, lied to, and a whole lot of other things. You'd think that if they didn't shit themselves having a bisexual child, they'd be able to accept one of them being bi.

I don't know about anyone else but if I had some insecurities about my sexuality, the last thing I'm going to do is tell someone that I'm bisexual. If anything, not coming out is more of a CYA thing than an insecurity thing or you never give someone a stick to beat you with and, again, there are too many stories of someone coming out - giving the other person a stick - and they've been beaten with it and badly, you know, metaphorically speaking. This situation is often seen as being very different when it shouldn't be.

[DD788Snipe]

Believe me I understand. At least your wife is willing to have a conversation about it. Mine knows and won't acknowledge it much less talk about it. I wish she would but I seriously doubt she ever will. I've put my bi side back in the closet for the time being. None of my friends know and I'm keeping it that way for the time being. I'm not saying if a situation presented itself I won't go for it but it would have to be on my terms and absolutely no chance of it getting back to her. As far as my daughter's go I don't think that would be in my best interest if they found out. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you and yours.

[chtampa]

@chtampa: Probably more uncertainties than insecurities. What we all know, even by inference, is that if you tell someone that you're not straight, there could be backlash... maybe. Possibly. You think you know how they're going to react - and depending on how long and well you know them - but will they react the way you think they will... and hope they do? You don't know for sure until you do it and take the measure of their reaction and response.

How many people have come out as straight to me? Quite a few, actually - and I think it's funny as hell because I could care less. I've talked to a lot of people who - and usually if we get to talking about gay folks - seem to make it a point to let me know that they're straight and, often, empathically so. Are they insecure? I dunno - it's possible but to give them the benefit of the doubt, by them telling me they're straight, they're really either disagreeing with my neutral position about sexuality or agreeing but feel the need to let me know. It's hilarious.

Now, the need to come out is strangely powerful. I've seen that when someone accepts that they're bisexual they get compelled to tell someone and probably because bisexuality is such an eye-opening revelation that they need to share the news. Or, if they're in a relationship, it's kinda the same but some want to come out just to be honest with their partner about what's going on with them. I know parents who had children who "came out" as not being straight... and they were okay with the child's decision about their sexuality... but those same parents would have a major hissy fit if of them were to come out as bi and the one who'd pitch a bitch would now get into feeling shocked, betrayed, lied to, and a whole lot of other things. You'd think that if they didn't shit themselves having a bisexual child, they'd be able to accept one of them being bi.

I don't know about anyone else but if I had some insecurities about my sexuality, the last thing I'm going to do is tell someone that I'm bisexual. If anything, not coming out is more of a CYA thing than an insecurity thing or you never give someone a stick to beat you with and, again, there are too many stories of someone coming out - giving the other person a stick - and they've been beaten with it and badly, you know, metaphorically speaking. This situation is often seen as being very different when it shouldn't be.

The point that I am making is sexuality is only important to the person declaring it. The rest of the world is indifferent. Trying to work around this is what causes issues. Nobody really cares until you force the issue. Why do people see the need to not keep private things private. The only reason I can figure is that they need acceptance. A confident person would carry on with their lives and not care about others.

[ConfusedTom]

The point that I am making is sexuality is only important to the person declaring it. The rest of the world is indifferent. Trying to work around this is what causes issues. Nobody really cares until you force the issue. Why do people see the need to not keep private things private. The only reason I can figure is that they need acceptance. A confident person would carry on with their lives and not care about others.

Im a confident person and this revelation is just between my wife and I. I would still consider that private. I?d keep it in the closet but felt like I was betraying her! Really just would love to share this openness with her but I don?t think that?s happening.

[KDaddy23]

"I?d keep it in the closet but felt like I was betraying her!"

@ConfusedTom: Yeah, that's what it feels like; this is something so important about you that it just feels wrong not to talk to her about it. It's a very weird thing because there are a lot of other things we don't tell our partner; they don't need to know, it's not all that important as far as you're concerned, etc., but if it's this, we just get that strange compulsion to tell them... or anyone else we know and if we don't - and we think we should - we feel some guilt for what's a lack of total honesty with them. If there's a partial conversation and it doesn't go well, obviously, that's not good and now one is stuck between a rock and hard place because they need to talk about this openly but based on how poorly the initial and partial conversation went, nope - not gonna happen and now you're just not sure what to do. The bad news is that there's no sure and certain way I know of to resolve this issue and worse, I've seen it way too many times over the decades. You can hope they'll be more open to discuss things and you understand that forcing the conversation might make things worst. So now what?

If she "knows" - and absent all of the details - then she knows. Unless she happens to bring it up again, just leave it alone and don't let this situation bother you and get in the way of the things you have to do every day.

[ConfusedTom]

"I?d keep it in the closet but felt like I was betraying her!"

@ConfusedTom: Yeah, that's what it feels like; this is something so important about you that it just feels wrong not to talk to her about it. It's a very weird thing because there are a lot of other things we don't tell our partner; they don't need to know, it's not all that important as far as you're concerned, etc., but if it's this, we just get that strange compulsion to tell them... or anyone else we know and if we don't - and we think we should - we feel some guilt for what's a lack of total honesty with them. If there's a partial conversation and it doesn't go well, obviously, that's not good and now one is stuck between a rock and hard place because they need to talk about this openly but based on how poorly the initial and partial conversation went, nope - not gonna happen and now you're just not sure what to do. The bad news is that there's no sure and certain way I know of to resolve this issue and worse, I've seen it way too many times over the decades. You can hope they'll be more open to discuss things and you understand that forcing the conversation might make things worst. So now what?

If she "knows" - and absent all of the details - then she knows. Unless she happens to bring it up again, just leave it alone and don't let this situation bother you and get in the way of the things you have to do every day.

this is great advise and your right! It was important for me to be honest but not it?s time to lwt
life move on. I will be honest, it?s been kind of obsessing me lately! Thank you for the advise!

[biguy7.5]

Making married life more difficult, the other day I realized I suck cock much better than she ever did. Any others with that situation ?
Funny and sad at the same time.

[ConfusedTom]

Making married life more difficult, the other day I realized I suck cock much better than she ever did. Any others with that situation ?
Funny and sad at the same time.

I’ve never had the opportunity to suck a real cock but have a “real” dildo that I go to town on. My wife is good, but I sure I’d give her a run for the money!!

[KDaddy23]

Making married life more difficult, the other day I realized I suck cock much better than she ever did. Any others with that situation ?
Funny and sad at the same time.

Methinks a lot of guys tend to discover this and I don't find this to be all that unusual. I don't think this should ever be a "bad reflection" on the wife and there's a difference between being sucked and sucking that I think isn't really subject to comparison since everyone, male or female, sucks cock the same way and for a lot of differing reasons and too many to make a "big deal" out of. Shit, my ex told me that I am amazing at eating her... but her girlfriends did it better. Okay. Didn't bother me all that much. Just was what it was for her. I know I'm more... vigorous when it comes to sucking dick that most women I know... and that, too, is what it is. They can be master cocksuckers but their level of skill and mine - and the motivation that drives sucking dick - is different. It just is what it is but, yeah, if you notice it, you just do and now it's on you to decide if that means something. And, yeah, I've known guys to mention this to their wife... and it did not go well for them at all; some women don't have a sense of humor or appreciation to be told that they're not good at sucking dick...

[biguy7.5]

That is a land mine I will not step on :yikes2:

[NJwood]

Im a confident person and this revelation is just between my wife and I. I would still consider that private. I?d keep it in the closet but felt like I was betraying her! Really just would love to share this openness with her but I don?t think that?s happening.
I?m just conjecturing here but, could it be that by telling her without any context prior to your declaration it leaves her wondering why you?re telling her. That it?s a topic related to sex would leave most spouses disconcerted. Oh and you?re still bi even if you?re in a committed relationship, 😉