Badly NEED ADVICE!

[dowmass]

I had someone respond to a post on Double list yesterday. I saw that he had previously written a couple of months back - and that went nowhere.

This guy is 58, divorced and has a room mate that lives in his own private room. Now based on what he wrote, there seems to be a match - he is a total top, looking for a sub bottom. He says he is passionate, would love for me cross dress. I do not have any sexy (or slutty_ clothes, and he's ok with going shopping with me,

As far as his replies go, they are polite and nice. He also gave me an impression that he was not pushy and would even wait for a few meetings before we get into bed.

As most times we might have exchanged 10-15 emails, some of them one liners.

Now comes the interesting part. He is keen to meet me and that is fine. Now I had sought advice before, and some here said that it would be safe to meet in a neutral place like a coffee shop, check things out. Also that once the gut instinct says it's okay to go over - go to his place.

I said that we could meet for coffee at a Starbucks, that is only half a mile from his place (he gave me his complete address). At first he said that he doesn't drink coffee, and later that he did not have the time to go over to Starbucks - because he has work at home.

Now he's firm about this - in a polite way, saying that we can always meet later if this option doesn't work for me.

I am all confused - what should I do? Maybe you can tell me what the pro's and cons of the situation might be?

[chtampa]

[QUOTE=dowmass;372673]I had someone respond to a post on Double list yesterday. I saw that he had previously written a couple of months back - and that went nowhere.

This guy is 58, divorced and has a room mate that lives in his own private room. Now based on what he wrote, there seems to be a match - he is a total top, looking for a sub bottom. He says he is passionate, would love for me cross dress. I do not have any sexy (or slutty_ clothes, and he's ok with going shopping with me,

As far as his replies go, they are polite and nice. He also gave me an impression that he was not pushy and would even wait for a few meetings before we get into bed.

As most times we might have exchanged 10-15 emails, some of them one liners.

Now comes the interesting part. He is keen to meet me and that is fine. Now I had sought advice before, and some here said that it would be safe to meet in a neutral place like a coffee shop, check things out. Also that once the gut instinct says it's okay to go over - go to his place.

I said that we could meet for coffee at a Starbucks, that is only half a mile from his place (he gave me his complete address). At first he said that he doesn't drink coffee, and later that he did not have the time to go over to Starbucks - because he has work at home.

Now he's firm about this - in a polite way, saying that we can always meet later if this option doesn't work for me.

I am all confused - what should I do? Maybe you can tell me what the pro's and cons of the situation might be?[/QUOTE


Always, trust your gut.

[Neonaught]

Maybe you should suggest a different public spot to eyeball each other before proceeding. Most reasonable prospective partners will not balk at a neutral ground first encounter. If he so busy working from home them why does he have time to fuck at home? Something is not adding up and if your instincts are telling you to be cautious I'd listen to them.

[bikurinpa]

If the respond to mine and went no where or they ghosted, I go to their reply on DL and add them to block so they can't reply no more. I don't waste time on BSers. Once and done, gets ��

[papasmurph]

If he is working from home and can't leave to meet you at Starbucks a half a block away, there is something in your gut that says - what's with that? then, accept it and let it simmer for a bit. In my opinion, if he is distracted by working from home, to the point he cannot run out for a coffee date, then he will not have time to be passionate about sex with you either. Of course, it's hard to say - but that's my knee-jerk reaction to it.
I work from home and when I can, I invite guys in during my work day - but it literally takes me less than a lunch break to do what I do with these men - in and out - no passion, no love making - just oral sex that I provide for him.
So, there is something to be said for my perspective on daytime rendezvous while working.

Is he free any other time? I think this sort of arrangement takes a little more thought and planning. But = ultimately, you know what you want out of this -

[Jozyxt]

All I can say is keep your security and meeting rules tight. If he proposes these kinds of spurious objections, perhaps he has cold feet, so try to be forthright and flexible. If he can't meet during the day, then offer to meet after work, He doesn't drink coffee? Starbucks sells caffeine free teas. If he won't work with what you need, say you're ready to meet him when he can work with you, then drop it until he is ready.

[dowmass]

If he is working from home and can't leave to meet you at Starbucks a half a block away, there is something in your gut that says - what's with that? then, accept it and let it simmer for a bit. In my opinion, if he is distracted by working from home, to the point he cannot run out for a coffee date, then he will not have time to be passionate about sex with you either. Of course, it's hard to say - but that's my knee-jerk reaction to it.
I work from home and when I can, I invite guys in during my work day - but it literally takes me less than a lunch break to do what I do with these men - in and out - no passion, no love making - just oral sex that I provide for him.
So, there is something to be said for my perspective on daytime rendezvous while working.

Is he free any other time? I think this sort of arrangement takes a little more thought and planning. But = ultimately, you know what you want out of this -

I don?t know if I gave the impression that this guy works from home. He DOES NOT work from home.
First he said he doesn?t drink coffee, and then he said he can?t go to the nearby Starbucks because he has ?stuff to do? at home.

He gave me his apartment address and suggested that I go over to his place. On one email he said that we should meet today at his place. In the next he said if you can?t make it to my place, it?s fine. We can always have great times later?.

[dowmass]

All I can say is keep your security and meeting rules tight. If he proposes these kinds of spurious objections, perhaps he has cold feet, so try to be forthright and flexible. If he can't meet during the day, then offer to meet after work, He doesn't drink coffee? Starbucks sells caffeine free teas. If he won't work with what you need, say you're ready to meet him when he can work with you, then drop it until he is ready.

Great advice. Thank you so much!!

[tenni]

Downmass
I agree with the others. I may be wrong but do you feel comfortable with his room mate at this fellow's space when you are there. Does the room mate enter and exits his own space from this guy's space or outside of this friend's space. Definitely, meet in a public space first before going to his place. Even a second meeting before going to his place. Too many red flags here.

[dowmass]

Downmass
I agree with the others. I may be wrong but do you feel comfortable with his room mate at this fellow's space when you are there. Does the room mate enter and exits his own space from this guy's space or outside of this friend's space. Definitely, meet in a public space first before going to his place. Even a second meeting before going to his place. Too many red flags here.


very practical, clear and great advice. Thanks!

[KDaddy23]

Hell, I worked from home and took "breaks" to meet guys and to have sex with them. Still, there's some "funny stuff" about what he said that would make me either (a) dig deeper or (b) say "Fuck it" because there are always other guys who aren't going to be so cryptic. It's like this: If you don't want to or can't, just tell me without the bullshit. I've met guys for coffee, and they didn't drink coffee so telling me this is, at the least, a yellow flag bordering on red because, duh, you don't have to drink coffee and I know Starbucks has other drinks that aren't coffee. I would give some thought about this "roommate" and consider that he can't go out without having to explain to his "roommate" where he's going and why so "roommate" might be code for "lover" or "boyfriend."

Still, I'd do (a) or (b) and I'd do (a) to give him a chance to come clean with his situation - I'm just a nice guy like that sometimes.

[skuz69]

Ask him if he wears an ankle monitor.....

[dowmass]

Ask him if he wears an ankle monitor.....

Clarification: This guy I met said he has a room mate. He also said that the room mate had his own room with it?s own door.

Now he also said the room mate wouldn?t care. He also said that he?d prefer meeting me the first 1 or 2 times when his room mate was away. Don?t know what to infer from all of this.

[GayGuy04]

You have to believe in your gut and know if that's a good thing to meet someone or if he's telling the truth

[csreef]

He is playing games with you.....Cut your losses, and move on!!!

[Neonaught]

He is playing games with you.....Cut your losses, and move on!!!

It's certainly starting to sound like you are right. Anyone who won't make any reasonable accommodation, at least for the first encounter, comes off to me as pushy, demanding and probably selfish. Not good qualities in even a casual sex partner.

[dowmass]

He is playing games with you.....Cut your losses, and move on!!!

I want to thank you and everyone that responded. It?s amazing how each of you was 100 percent correct.

This dude was indeed playing games. I took your advice seriously, cut myself loose from the inconsistencies , and half truths. Thanks everybody.

[Jazminedress]

Downmass
I agree with the others. I may be wrong but do you feel comfortable with his room mate at this fellow's space when you are there. Does the room mate enter and exits his own space from this guy's space or outside of this friend's space. Definitely, meet in a public space first before going to his place. Even a second meeting before going to his place. Too many red flags here.


Yeah, my own personal safety rules were flashing on all of that. Once you are in an area they control, you may be in trouble, especially if there is two of them would be my first thought. This is why I like hotels, as I know there are security cameras everywhere. I also have them go tot he desk at the lobby and have me called to "Authorize" someone coming up...............might be overkill, but, haven't had any real issues.

Of course, the other side of the coin could be he lives with mommy, wife, GF, BF and is sliding around behind their back

[wifekinky4husband]

Ask him if he wears an ankle monitor.....

No kidding. There is something off about this guy. He comments are unintelligent - even a dolt know there is more to offer than coffee at starbucks and you were hopefully going to be offering him even more than that. My husband and I have discussed if we'd ever had considered meeting someone like this as a single. The answer is no, we'd always have another person with us and meet in a public place first. Go out a few times, get to know them well. We have done this as a couple with other couples several times. That was the beginning of our group.

[Luv2bi_95020]

Something definitely is ringing alarm bells in my head about this person.

I would have to give that a hard NO FREAKING WAY!!!

It sure doesn’t sound right or add up, I personally would ALWAYS like to meet at a coffee shop, hamburger joint, even a bar before I would ever consider going to their home or worse yet having an unknown unmet person showing up at my place.

Meet first, talk first. It as far as this guy I would avoid him like the plague.

Stay safe, my friend. There’s plenty of good ones out there.

[SilkyHoseLover]

Gotta trust those 'Spidey-senses'!!

Sounds like there's been resolution to this one, so I'll just relate a potential connection that I ran away from, figuratively speaking...

Had a guy contact me on Squirt, several years ago. It was from a member with a very new profile. We exchanged several messages and it appeared that we matched-up very well. We setup a tentative first meeting at a coffee shop, and things started to veer off course before that even happened. When we were setting the time for our meeting, he mentioned that timing could be off a little because he'd be riding a bike to get there. Well, no problem there, I like to ride a bicycle for exercise, so I told him 'Cool -- I'll ride my bike there, too!' Looked like we had something else in common, and another thing to talk about!

But I learned that he was more than just a recreational rider or bike enthusiast. He doesn't drive, doesn't own a car. And he was either divorced or widowed -- I don't recall which -- and that really made me wonder. We live in the Detroit area, meaning it isn't 70 - 80 degrees all year 'round. How in hell can you function without some form of motorized transportation? Grocery shopping, doctor visits, especially when ill -- on a bicycle? I wondered, but didn't call off the meeting...

On the day of our meeting, I hopped on my bike and went to the coffee place, grabbed a cup and selected a table close to the window. I saw him arrive and we quickly recognized each other and had a great chat sitting at the table. As is usually the case at these meetings, we discussed generic things about our backgrounds before turning to discreet topics involving sex. This is where I develop a sense of compatibility that's not wholly grounded in lust. During our conversation, it appeared that our backgrounds -- meaning upbringing and work fields/histories -- were very similar, especially with regard to working in computing and technology for many years prior to computers becoming appliances in everyone's homes. Some of these things you can't fake if you didn't live through it. He seemed 100% genuine about this...

He also told me about someone who lived with him. (This is very weird/unbelievable...) I don't recall all the details, but this was a young woman somewhere around the age of 19 - 20. She wasn't his daughter or girlfriend. She was someone he knew that was being abused by somebody and he 'took her in' -- sounded like some kind of foster custody thing, but really shady-sounding to me. One thing that lent credibility to this was that he told me her name and where she worked. As it turned out, she worked at a Dunkin' Donut store that we visited nearly every day. We know who she is -- she worked the drive-thru window and gave us our coffee countless times. He was telling the truth on this, no question about it. (at least with regard to her identity...)

When we wrapped up our chat, he mentioned that he'd get back to me and let me know what her work schedule would be so that we could plan to play while she was at work. I said, 'Ok', and hopped on my bike for the ride home. As I started pedaling, I went over some of the details of our talk, initially being enthusiastic about getting together to play, and soon! Then I remembered something that he said, and it gave me a chill.

I thought about being dressed and playing with him, and having her suddenly return home for some reason -- sent home early, ill... So I pondered the 'What if...' to him in a question, and he said: "Don't worry, you'd be locked up in the back bedroom...' At first, I considered it a fairly benign answer, meaning that I'd be safely behind a closed door and away from her sight. But I thought again, and it gave me the creeps, big-time.

We followed up via email regarding a potential play date, but his demeanor changed a lot. The message or two that followed our meeting didn't have the same cordiality that the pre-meeting ones did, and there was an air of dominance that I'd not experienced in either our early messages or during our coffee chat. I wasn't liking this shift.

I 'slept on it' and checked in on Squirt again the following morning to see if he'd left me a message. I was stunned to find that he had deleted his account -- 'No such user'.

In all honesty, it was a relief. I feel like maybe I dodged a bullet...

[KDaddy23]

I learned to trust what my instincts were telling me about a guy and more so when I knew that guys will say anything they think you'd want to hear to get you naked so they can have their way with you. I learned to read body language and, yeah, something a guy would say - or the way he said it - could set off alarms in my head. I had learned from the mistakes of others that if there are alarms going off in your head, listen to them and if your instincts say, "Don't do anything with him!" then you just don't and no matter how much you want to. I know that guys on the DL tend to act... strange at times and I do take this into consideration but the moment my instincts say, "There's something not quite right about him..." I listen and... do nothing. I have had no problem calling them out on what made me change my mind about them and, yeah, they get pissed off and, yeah, what are they really pissed off about? Me saying no deal... or me "finding out" that they weren't exactly being honest about some stuff, and they got caught trying to play me?

The more I think about dowmass's situation, the more flags I see waving around in my head. I wouldn't proceed with this guy unless he could somehow allay my concerns and that wouldn't be easy for him to do. It gets me to thinking that his roommate is his lover and, if so, okay - if he's cheating on the roommate, that's on him to deal with but the message to him - after I back out of the deal - is for him to tell the truth about his situation because the last thing I want is to get caught up in some shit that I didn't know about.