PLEASE HELP. MAY HAVE RUINED A GOOD THING.

[SweetCherryBombz]

Okay, so first of all, I want to thank you for reading this and hopefully taking the time to help me out on this one. Here's the situation:

I've never had "Feelings" for a female until recently. (I've been with a couple girls, but that was strictly sexual). This girl is amazing, and awesome in every way. We've become very close in the past 6 months or so. She is a lesbian that just got out of a four year relationship (when we first met, they broke up). She's been very hung up on this girl, and there's no sign of them getting back together. (Her ex has a new BOYfriend now). Anyways, so I finally came to grips with the fact that I have feelings for this girl, and last night I told her how I felt. She didn't give me any feedback on her feelings towards me at all. I felt like an idiot. But then later informed me that she's "not ready yet". She promises that it won't be weird between us, because that was my biggest concern. My problem is...I feel like an ass, and feel like I may have ruined a good friendship. I haven't spoken to her since it happend last night. But I just need someone to talk to about this. I'm totally lost.

Thank you for your time and input,
Crushed by a Crush. :(

[trip1]

Hi. Just my thoughts. Being up front and honest is the true mark of a good friendship. Your friend told you a relationship now was to soon after her break up and I can see that. When I broke up with my wife years ago the last thing I wanted was to get involved again but given time that passes. Just be a good friend and give her some time to square herself off. She now know's how you feel so wait and see what happens and don't push. Is it worth the wait for you? Only you can answer that one...

[SweetCherryBombz]

Is it worth the wait for you? Only you can answer that one...


Definatly worth the wait. :tong:

[LoveLion]

Iv been in this situation before, and in that instance, yes, it did ruin the friendship.

But that doesnt mean it will. Iv also been on the other end of your situation, where a friend I had no feelings for told me she really likes me. In that situation it didnt ruin the friendship because we didnt let it.

I think it all depends on how open minded the person is and if they are comfortable with relationships with blurred lines.

Theres a topic on here I started called "More than Friends" you should check out, it has alot of stuff about this kind of thing on it, It may help you out. You mat have to go back a few pages on the forum to find it.

Good Luck

[12voltman59]

Putting in my :2cents:, I second what trip said--give the lady time--she is wise to not want to rush into another relationship before processing the fact her last one is over---that is problem in this culture--pushed by romance novels, music and movies that erroneously put out this idea that we should just "get right back on the horse" after a relationship ends--I say that is total bunk.

Getting over a meaningful relationship is very much like experiencing a death and has the same basic steps in the process of "grieving" the end of said relationship.

For myself----I pretty much make it a rule that when a long term thing ends--I wait at least six months until I even think about doing something like going out for a cup of coffee or a movie with someone I would like to be romantically involved with. (there are some cases where this rule goes out the window when I get out of a relationship and think--"My God, what in the hell was I thinking about in being with THAT person??!!! Good thing it's over and I came back to my senses!!!--in such cases I go right back out to date again :) )

It does not sound that such is the case for her in this instance--she is hurting over the end of her relationship.

If this lady likes you and she is as awesome as you say she is--remember the old saying: "Good things come to he/she who waits!!!""

So don't rush it with her--give her the time and space she needs to grieve the loss of the relationship she had with her prior girlfriend.

I would suggest that when you talk to her again--reiterate what your feelings are for her but that you know she needs the time and space to get over the end of the relationship and that as a friend--you will offer any comfort and support she needs---and once past that stage--you both can take it one step at a time to see if more might develop between you--always stressing that you don't want to pressure her--that she means too much to you to risk pushing her away because you are pushing when she is not ready-to do that would nip in the bud any chance you might have with her.

I used to be in US Coast Guard and also have been around boats all my life--when in unfamiliar waters or coming into a dock--one rule applies--TAKE IT SLOWLY---apply that rule to the way you handle this lady and hopefully things will work out great.

Good luck and have fun!!!!-Just be patient!!!!


As I said---this is simply my :2cents:

[ancestral]

sweety dont feel like youve ruined a friendship over this, if anything the honesty you both share should help strengthen it. best thing you can do is continue to be her friend and act as you always have, there are many many people who are close friends and one or both have an attraction for the other but are unable to act on it for any number of reasons, i have a few friends like this and i think we are closer than friends without attraction would normally be, dont be embarresed for expressing your feelings, and especially for her not responding in kind, remember, she did just get through a bad breakup, be her friend, give her a shoulder to cry on and be patient, maybe she will decide your right for her, if not, continue to cherish the friendship you have, if you feel nervous around her, tell her why, and tell her what your concerns are. good luck

[GreenEyedLady(GEL)]

Hi ,
I too have been in this situation. I don't think I have ever been so caught up in one person in my life. While this woman in your life could possibly give in to you and your feelings, mine never did and never will. What I ultimately had to do was choose the friendship instead. It got to the point to where it hurt my feelings to be around her because I wanted so much more. If I was sitting by her I wanted to be affectionate, and it started to drive me insane lol I had to get a grip. So my advice to you, if this woman is not at a point in her life where she can share herself with you, choose the friendship. Otherwise in the end you will lose more than a potential lover, you'll have lost a friend. Real friends are much harder to come by. I hope it all works out for you, and I wish you well :)

[Avocado]

Well, this is where the phrase "it's better to regret what you do than what you don't do" is designed for. And look at it this way: if someone has a problem with you fancying them were they ever really your friend?

[jo69guy]

I would give it time. Sounds like she is on the rebound. Several years ago, an ex girlfriend of mine broke things off to be with women. I had a hard time accepting her sexuality at the time, as I was ducking and running from my own bi feelings back then.

She and I are still friends now, and she knows that I am bi as well. Hope all goes well, and good luck! :bipride:

[cumposer]

Okay, so first of all, I want to thank you for reading this and hopefully taking the time to help me out on this one. Here's the situation:

I've never had "Feelings" for a female until recently. (I've been with a couple girls, but that was strictly sexual). This girl is amazing, and awesome in every way. We've become very close in the past 6 months or so. She is a lesbian that just got out of a four year relationship (when we first met, they broke up). She's been very hung up on this girl, and there's no sign of them getting back together. (Her ex has a new BOYfriend now). Anyways, so I finally came to grips with the fact that I have feelings for this girl, and last night I told her how I felt. She didn't give me any feedback on her feelings towards me at all. I felt like an idiot. But then later informed me that she's "not ready yet". She promises that it won't be weird between us, because that was my biggest concern. My problem is...I feel like an ass, and feel like I may have ruined a good friendship. I haven't spoken to her since it happend last night. But I just need someone to talk to about this. I'm totally lost.

Thank you for your time and input,
Crushed by a Crush. :(


Hi,

I think the relationship between both girls was crushed by another reason, maybe because of the Boyfriend.

I´m quite sure that you are not the reason for it, because she did´nt react on your outing of your feelings.

So there´s absolutely no reason to feel guilty for their crash.

Maybe you feel down because you misestimated her feelings for you and you feel like an idiot, but we all have to live with the risk, that we could fail in trying to come together with a person we love.

You´re a very nice character that you feel so

I wish you will find a better partner than her, the world is full of good-minded people.

Good luck

your

cumposer

[rockstarvomit]

you are in the situation that is my life - every time without fail. i would say that you shouldn't freak out. I know you feel like an idiot when you let some feelings loose and they don't come flying beack but if she insists that things won't get weird, then the the only way its going to get weird is if you let it. If you can't handle kickin it with your girl the same way without freaking out about her not being able to be in a relationship with you at the moment, then things will be strange. But it doesn't seem that way from your other responses. just concetrate on being good friends, and hopefully your courage in telling her will pay off later. if not, you still have a friend.

[PolyLoveTriad]

If being a friend, and being honest with her, telling her how you truely feel, ruins your friendship, then there wasnt a friendship to begin with. But odds are, she's just dealing with things still and needs some time. Its possible that she doesnt share the same feelings with you, so be prepaired. I wish you the best of luck no matter how it turns out :)

[AubergineCow]

I had sort of the opposite thing happen to me, a lesbian told me she had feelings for me, and wanted to date me, etc., but this was only a few weeks after her break up with her girlfriend...

I should have let more time pass, I knew she was still pining heavily for the ex, but I thought that: A) she knew better than I how much time she needed to be ready to start dating again and B) the ex had abused her and was a totally wretched human being, and surely she could see that and realize how lucky it was that she got out in time. Wrong on both counts.

After 4 happy, fun and I thought successful dates, she called me up chipper, bubbly and excited one day and told me the ex had asked to come back (the ex had dumped this girl after having cheated on her) and that she'd said yes. No acknowledgement that we'd ever dated, or any realization that this might hurt me, just on and on about how she prayed and God had sent her "soul mate" back to her, wasn't that wonderful, blah blah blah...(Who me? Bitter? NAH!)

6 months later, I finally stopped reading her blog in the vain hope of finding an "Oops, sorry about that" of SOME kind, and instead finding only Vogon quality poetry about how wonderful her "soul mate" is and how deep their love is, and how true, and...you get the idea.

I was VERY pissed off for a rather long time until I realised that A) I'm in recovery, and resentment is a killer and B) I saw the red flags all OVER this thing, and dove on in anyhow.

Bottom line: Rebound romances can be very dangerous things.

:2cents:

[SweetCherryBombz]

I really appreciate everyone's input on this situation. I'm just scared that I may have ruined a good friendship. But like someone mentioned, "she's not really a friend" if she's not kewl about me telling her about how I feel. So hopefully everything will be okay. Thank you again for all of the replies. That's totally awesome. :tongue: