A dilema...

[Judas Imok]

Alright, I have only been here a couple days and have felt so at home here.
I have considered myself bisexual since I was 15, and am now almost 28. I have had relationship from both sexes, but mostly women. I was married and have a son, and I still am attracted to women, but.... without fail, I ALWAYS want a man more than a woman. I want to love a man, sleep with a man, "marry" a man and when it comes to extracurricular activities such as what erotica I read, I always prefer gay stories.
Now please, don't be too critical... I know this may sound like a silly question, but I am honestly unsure of the answer...

Would you REALLY consider me bisexual, or would you say I was gay?

I have asked some close bisexual friends of mine (and they consider themselves bisexual), and they think I may actually be gay, but was merely trying to do what I felt I needed to, to be accepted by my family. (Who btw, I just came out to them a couple days ago.)

Keep in mind, I have no problem with the term bisexual applied to me, I had considered it as a part of who I was for YEARS. But recently this has become a major issue for me. Not because I don't want to be bi or gay, but because I am no longer sure that I am really not just gay... ugh. I hope this makes sense.

Please help! :confused:

[flexuality]

I would say you're a human being attracted to other human beings.

But that's just me....I hate labels....and I wonder why it matters and just what the labels determine anyway....

I'm also feeling really down and stressed right now....so take my reply with a grain of salt....

[Judas Imok]

Generally I hate labels as well... I merely use them to help explain certain things/features about myself and the world around me as a convenience.

However I do completely hear what you are saying and I appreciate the honesty in which it was given.

And I am sorry to hear you are feeling down and stressed. :(

*hugs*

[biwords]

Since you note that you're still attracted to women -- I assume that means physically -- the term 'bi' seems appropriate. That may change or it may not...

[Judas Imok]

Yeah, I am still attracted to women... but nowhere near as much as I am to men. You know, like Flexuality said, I am a human being attracted to other human brings... but for some reason I would just like to be sure about this silly issue. I really have no issue with being bi, it was just something that came up and has been on my mind.

I wish this didn't seem so odd and seemingly obvious. For some reason, I am not sure if it is so obvious.

*sigh*

Forgive my sense of confusion

[dancechic17]

I totally understand what you're saying. I consider myself bisexual but I have a much stronger attraction to men than I do to women. When it comes to women, I usually just have a crush or a physical/sexual attraction. I have never been in a relationship with a woman and don't really have a strong urge to have a girlfriend. But I can't ignore my attraction to women so I still consider myself bi. I think being bi doesn't mean you have an equal attraction to both males and females. It definitely varies but you still are attracted to both. At the same time labels sometimes limit you. If you label yourself as gay and then become interested in a woman, you might feel bad or confused because you think you're not supposed to have those feelings. So just go with the flow, be yourself, and feel whatever you want.

I hope this makes sense and that you can find some inner peace on the subject!! :)

[flexuality]

I wish this didn't seem so odd and seemingly obvious. For some reason, I am not sure if it is so obvious.

*sigh*

Forgive my sense of confusion

It's not odd at all....at least I don't thinks it is.

Hey, for as much as I spout off about labels, I am still trying to figure me out too. This whole "gender/sex" thing confuses the shit outta me...I don't "get" how people can sense a difference....and then decide on one or the other simply on that.

Maybe I'm dense or something, I dunno...it just really puzzles me to realize that I don't seem to fall so easily into these labels....and it brings up a whole slew of questions for myself.....

bout right now I wish I could get "shitfaced" cept I'd end up with another friggen migraine......gawd life sucks some days.

[TaylorMade]

You're bi. If you're attracted to both (As dancechic) said. . .irregardless of the degree of attraction, you are bisexual. Some people like to specify - - bi leaning gay, bi leaning straight. . .but that's often too much for a 3 second breakdown.

*Taylor*

[jem_is_bi]

I am much more sexually attracted to men than women and never have sexual fantasies about women. I presently have a male partner and fantastic sex. However, my “most favorite person in the whole world for the last 10 years is a woman”. I could easily see myself married, sexually satisfied by her and faithful to her. She is not beautiful, just wonderful. Unfortunately, she has no sexual interest in me, so this will never happen. However, I am now comfortable with the duality. Therefore, I am bisexual.
Just be comfortable with your self.

JEM

[Herbwoman39]

Sexuality ebbs and flows throughout your life. Today you feel this way. Next week, next month or next year it may be totally different. I firmly believe that people should find their own definitions of self. No one but you can tell you who you are. Only you know for certain. Allow yourself to listen to that inner voice.

When I first came out to myself a little over 2 years ago, I knew once I got past the initial fear, that I am bisexual.

It just occurred to me, something that really helped me was filling out the Klein Grid survey. That's located at http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/kleingrid.php

It really helped me a great deal when I was working on defining myself.

[Judas Imok]

Once again, thank you for everyone's input on this issue. I believe I have come to a satisfactory resolution.

Thank you Herbwoman39 for the link... for some reason I had difficulty finding that very thing...

Anyhow, again... thank you all. I know it may have seemed like a silly or obvious thing, but it has been on my mind the last few days.

As a new person here, and loving every moment of it...

You are all wonderful.

*hugs and kisses* :)

[DiamondDog]

I'm the same way that you are.

I've never been married to a woman or had kids, had a girlfriend or even really a relationship with a woman. But I enjoyed the one woman I did have sex with, even if we didn't go "all the way" in heterosexual terms. Even then while I enjoyed giving a woman dominant oral sex, masturbating her, and using a rider's crop on her, I knew that I'd ultimately want sex and relationships with men.

I've had a lot more sex/relationships with men and dated more men.

Sometimes, to me a woman's body can be kind of "alien" or like I don't know it as well as a man's body and I'll sometimes get totally turned off and grossed out by the idea of vaginal intercourse, oral sex with a woman, or seeing women naked.

During this time I'm not sexually attracted to women at all and I don't want anything to do with a woman.

I suppose I am probably more on the "homosexual" side since my attractions to men don't really go away and for the reasons I touched on in the above paragraph. I also relate VERY well to gay and bi men, even better than heterosexual men. As far as women go I relate a lot better to and I'm drawn more towards bi/queer women than heterosexual women.

I do know that if I were to ever get deeply involved with a woman that I'd want an open relationship so I could have male partners as well, as the idea of just having sex with one person/one gender for the rest of my life is one that would be like chopping off my right arm. I especially think this about being partnered to a woman and only having sex with her and only her for the rest of my life. I wouldn't cheat on anyone I was involved in a closed/exclusive relationship with but I wouldn't be happy either. I do know if I were to be partnered to a man I probably wouldn't want an open relationship; but if I were with a woman I'd need one.

I identify as bisexual since I'm at least sexually attracted to both men and women and I've fallen in love with both too. I certainly wouldn't be heterosexual since I am not soley attracted to women only and I'm probably not homosexual since I'm not that into men at all times, and when I was younger I was, or I thought I was REALLY into women to the point where I thought I was hetero; but I'm not that way now that I'm older, and looking back I can remember when I would get crushes on men and women as young as elementary school. I still do get sexually aroused/attracted to women. I'll get crushes/infatuated/fall in love with them but that's out of left field, and I'd enjoy a MMF 3 way but I don't seek out relationships/sex with women.

I'm either equally attracted to both genders or I'm so into men that I wonder if I'm really homosexual or that I was always homosexual but just didn't know it. But I know I'm not homosexual based on my past and how I will go back to being equally attracted. I guess I'd technically be somewhere in between "bisexual" and "homosexual" but there's not a word/label for that so I just use queer or bisexual.

I can fall in love with both genders and I'm sexually attracted to both genders, but I think for the most part I lean a bit more towards men. Personally I NEED all the communication, feelings, romance, cuddling, and foreplay when I have sex with a man. I know lots of guys who don't need any/all of this when they have sex with men but I'm not that way. I don't need all/any of this with women and I know women don't like that I'm this way but that's too bad.

Sex with a woman leaves me cold and emotionally/sexually unsatisfied in certain ways. But sex with men is amazing and I can get REALLY infatuated with men even if we've never had sex/never will or the only sex acts we do are making out and mutual jerk off.