Are Bisexuals and Homosexuals compatable?

[Promising Galahad]

I mentioned this in another thread but thought I would ask the question seperately here. I have discussed before that there is a sense of biphobia in the gay community but am just curious what everyone thinks of gay men and bisexual men actually becoming a couple.

There is a friend of mine whom I am attracted to who is gay. One night we at a freidns house and the subject of bisexuality came up.Alot of nasty things were said and my friend then said he could never see himself with a bisexual. I had to hear once again how us bisexuals are afraid to come out, how we will screw anything that moves and we would never be faithful. It really made me sad and he knows my feelings were hurt.

What bothers me is he believes this 100% and never did appologize. I don't want him to if he doesn't think he is wrong but I really feel sad he thinks like this. Theres no use in trying to convince him otherwise and I think, even though I still like him and want him as a friend, I don't think we're gonna be as close as we were after this. I can't be friends with someone who actually thinks I am this type of person. Any thoughts?

[Azrael]

Depends on who you ask. I think my bi-ness is why my old b/f got all serious with a gay freshman @ USF right after me and him went back on for a while. Took him years to acknowledge I was bi. Now he's a flat out dick to me.

On the other hand, a bi girl tore my heart to peices. As I said, I suppose it's relative to the people involved.

[LoveLion]

As for compatibility: I think potentially gays and bis are compatible in a relationship, AT LEAST just as much as straights and bis are, if not more. Really it would come down to trust. The only reason I could see it not working is if one of the members did not trust the other to be loyal, and really loyalty has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Just because I am attracted to both men and women, do that make me twice as likely to cheat? Of course not, but I think this is a belief alot have. Actually I can think of one other issue that can complicate the gay/bi relationship, and that is that the gay member may feel that they are not 100% sufficient of accommodate the Bi's needs (sexually or romantically). But again this is a misconception. Alot of gays and straights believe that because I am bi I need men AND women, when in reality bi means men OR women. There is also a fear that many partners have in a relationship that the other might find someone more attractive (sexually, and personality wise) then themselves. I suppose that when in a relationship with a bi, that fear also stretches to "I fear that they might find a gender more attractive then mine." In the end though I think gay/bi relation ships are just as compatible as straight/bi relationships, and as this site proves there are many happy bi/straight relationships out there.

As for your friend, I dont think there is much you can do to change his mind. Usually when a person is dead set on believing something, there is really no hope of changing that.

[elian]

It's amazing how being discriminated against doesn't necessarily automatically teach a person how not to be a prejudicial bigot. I know some gay folks who are hostile to women - esp. Lesbians. For the life of me I don't know why - I mean if anyone would know what it feels like to not be accepted for who you are I figure it would be gay folks...and yet...there they are being nasty.

I for one consider myself to be an androgynous male. I do not "fuck anything that moves" - and it has been a source of contention in my personal relationships within the "gay culture" .. so much so that it makes me wonder if I could bury my head and pretend to be happy being straight?

I have figured out that I want a friendship/romantic relationship with men first, sex later - most men apparently do not work that way - but after being treated badly by so many men in the past it still fascinates me that some of them can be sooo loving...like a moth to the flame I'm drawn back to them.

I know that sounds shallow, ultimately I would love to find a companion and a best friend, get tired of being alone. This person would be valued as a whole person - regardless of what sex is between their legs. Because of my OWN past I may be more immature than a straight person in terms of relationships but I still think that BI in a way is MORE mature than another orientation - to realize that we all are whole individuals with what society would consider both M/F attributes. The trick is reconciling that inner self image in harmony with society and not thinking less of yourself because of it - tricky sometimes.

Funny that, women are always looked upon to be 'virtuous" but the general population of men appear to be rather promiscuous .. sorry - I just don't think that's fair - whether society condones it or not.

Of course this entire post is based on sweeping general accusations and has absolutely no verifiable fact to back it up..

[Azrael]

Funny that, women are always looked upon to be 'virtuous" but the general population of men appear to be rather promiscuous .. sorry - I just don't think that's fair - whether society condones it or not.


Double standards are EVERYWHERE, dood. My ex fiancee's mom put in her head repeatedly that because I was also into guys, that I was going to leave her for a man. Ironically, SHE cheated on me with my best friend at the time, also a woman. Ain't that some shit, after all that browbeating I get the proverbial stiletto through the heart. Life is funny. Not always ha ha funny, but funny for sure.

[DiamondDog]

I'd say that they are.
I relate very well to gay men and they relate well to me.

[TaylorMade]

I dated a lesbian. It was her drug use that caused me to call it quits, not her sexuality. I would date a lesbian again if I found one that I liked alot.

*Taylor*

[shameless agitator]

As for compatibility: I think potentially gays and bis are compatible in a relationship, AT LEAST just as much as straights and bis are, if not more. Really it would come down to trust. The only reason I could see it not working is if one of the members did not trust the other to be loyal, and really loyalty has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Just because I am attracted to both men and women, do that make me twice as likely to cheat? Of course not, but I think this is a belief alot have. Actually I can think of one other issue that can complicate the gay/bi relationship, and that is that the gay member may feel that they are not 100% sufficient of accommodate the Bi's needs (sexually or romantically). But again this is a misconception. Alot of gays and straights believe that because I am bi I need men AND women, when in reality bi means men OR women. There is also a fear that many partners have in a relationship that the other might find someone more attractive (sexually, and personality wise) then themselves. I suppose that when in a relationship with a bi, that fear also stretches to "I fear that they might find a gender more attractive then mine." In the end though I think gay/bi relation ships are just as compatible as straight/bi relationships, and as this site proves there are many happy bi/straight relationships out there.

As for your friend, I dont think there is much you can do to change his mind. Usually when a person is dead set on believing something, there is really no hope of changing that.Couldn't have said it better myself. We just have to realize that bigots come in all orientations.

[ohbimale]

I think it is possible for bisexuals and homosexuals to be compatible, date each other, live together and love each other. a bi-gay relationship is one that would require understanding, compassion, trust, honesty, and lots of love combined with inner strength from both partners. Homosexuals and heterosxuals alike tend to stereotype bisexuals into the unfaithfull category, which is not true for those of us who desire a committed relationship with the one we love. You just have to find that special person - stright or gay - who can accept you as a bisexual loving person. Believe that is what you deserve, live your life as if you have it already and it will come to you. :bipride::male::male:

[jo69guy]

It is definately possible. I have been in a relationship with a gay male for 6 years or so. There is a bit of friction, when my hetero desires get to screaming, but for the last 5 years, I have had no other sexual partners. I believe he feels that I am really "gay", and just don't want to admit it to myself. I know better than that however........:2cents:

[darkeyes]

Sometimes they are sometimes not. It depends on their attitudes, belief and personal feelings. We all know about many gays not believing we exist as a sexuality, but not all. People.... Gay, Str8, Transgendered, Bisexual or whatever are people after all, with their own prejudices and beliefs. This means that people, being people, are compatible with some and not with others. A sad fact of life which we have to live with and accept.

So the anwer is simple.. considering that we are human beings.. yes.. and no.:female:

[warmpuppy]

This is a difficult question to answer, and I don't think it can be easily answered by either group.

People who define themselves by their sexuality are probably more inclined to be hostile to the other group. In other words, gays who carry their gayness on their sleeve regard bi people as gays who won't admit their sexuality. Bi's whose sexuality is the most important factor in who they are dislike gays because they are too judgmental.

These are generalizations to be sure, but I think they have some validity.

My bi-ness is only a small part of who I am, so I don't think badly of gay men. In fact, I prefer sex with gay men because they're generally more romantic, and I like kissing and hugging.

[Promising Galahad]

Let me ask this. What about two bisexual men in a relationship? Sometimes I think that would be the easiest.Who better than another bisexual to understand bisexuality?

[LoveLion]

Yes I think a bisexual/bisexual relationship would be the most compatible. Whether its bi m/m, bi f/f or bi m/f, I think there is just already a natural level of understanding that must be worked to achieve in other kinds of relationships. I know I would love to be in a bi/bi relationship :tong:

[dafydd]

It's amazing how being discriminated against doesn't necessarily automatically teach a person how not to be a prejudicial bigot. I know some gay folks who are hostile to women - esp. Lesbians. For the life of me I don't know why - I mean if anyone would know what it feels like to not be accepted for who you are I figure it would be gay folks...and yet...there they are being nasty.

Prob, for the same reasons some bigoted straight men dislike lesbians. They think they have rejected men, do not need them, have rejected 'the cock', emasculated men in their sexual desire.
It really irks me when I hear anti-lesbian comments by some gay men. Interestingly these gay men are the most obsessed with sex and 'cock' and the Platonic image of 'the cock' and as the holy grail of their exploits. Lesbians just don't seem to make sense in that universe, for them.

d

[DiamondDog]

Prob, for the same reasons some bigoted straight men dislike lesbians. They think they have rejected men, do not need them, have rejected 'the cock', emasculated men in their sexual desire.
It really irks me when I hear anti-lesbian comments by some gay men. Interestingly these gay men are the most obsessed with sex and 'cock' and the Platonic image of 'the cock' and as the holy grail of their exploits. Lesbians just don't seem to make sense in that universe, for them.

d

yes I have met gay/bi men who are afraid/threataned by lesbians and I really don't get it at all?

[Promising Galahad]

I have found lesbians to be the ones who have understood and been there for me more than my hetero or gay guy friends.I think I'd be a total wreck if it were not for the lesbians in my life and various other message boards.

[Azrael]

I have found lesbians to be the ones who have understood and been there for me more than my hetero or gay guy friends.I think I'd be a total wreck if it were not for the lesbians in my life and various other message boards.

Ya, I love my lesbian friends. Most nurturing people I know.

[the sacred night]

I don't think it's an issue of bisexuals and homosexuals in general being compatible, but of you and this guy being compatible. If I happen to have a crush on a black girl, I don't say "Are black girls and white girls compatible?" I say "Am I compatible with this girl herself?" There are undoubtedly black girls out there I am compatible with and some I'm not, and there are undoubtedly gay men out there that you're compatible with and some you're not. There's no reason to generalize it to the whole population and pin all of your hopes for every gay man on the planet on this one guy.

I have exactly this problem with a lesbian I'm attracted to, actually. I personally think it's a self-respect thing. I refuse to be with someone who has such opinions of me. It does make me sad that she feels that way, but I'm not going to swear off lesbians entirely just because of her.

[jedinudist]

My next best friend (after my wife) is a homosexual guy. He and I get along pretty well, but he seems to definitely be one of the exceptions to the rule! Many (not all, some are very understanding and accepting) of the homosexual guys I know are pretty stupid when it comes to understanding that I AM BISEXUAL. I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL WITH A FEAR OF ACCEPTING IT. I AM BISEXUAL... PERIOD.

They honestly go on to say how they just don't understand (or believe) that I could be equally attracted to both genders.

We do "get along" but only on a very shallow-surface level.

[LoveLion]

I AM BISEXUAL. I AM NOT A HOMOSEXUAL WITH A FEAR OF ACCEPTING IT. I AM BISEXUAL... PERIOD.



This is something I just cant understand for the life of me. The idea that someone would come out as bi because they are afraid to admit they are gay?!? It makes no sense what so ever. What is it easier to come out as bi then it is gay? If anything wouldn't it be harder? At least gays have a large supportive community (at least for each other). And If I was afraid of my sexuality, then wouldnt I just hide as Straight? If someone is willing to admit they like both men and women then why wouldnt they be just as willing to admit they like just men or just women if that were the case. I mean Im saying I like men, Im saying I would sleep with a man, Im saying I would be in a relationship with a man, how does exclusivity make it any harder to accept?

[speedofan]

Ironically, SHE cheated on me with my best friend at the time, also a woman. Ain't that some shit, after all that browbeating I get the proverbial stiletto through the heart. Life is funny. Not always ha ha funny, but funny for sure.

Same here exactly. Now, with a Zoloft 'script and a weekly date with a therapist, I'm still trying to make sense of my feelings.

Looks to me like the ones who are caught up in their labels are the ones who have the chip on their shoulders. But, two of my closest friends are lesbian, a couple, and I know their hearts are full and loving. To me it's not a societal problem, it's a personal one.

Mark
Human