So I'm Bi.....

[I_am_alone]

Nice. I've always "known", and at one time (20-21) I started to face my attraction towards both sexes. I lived in florida at the time, went to all the raves.... did all the hard drugs (fun) and ended up going away for a few years because of my drug habits.

I though once I was clean that the "fog" would clear and I would not be so confused, lost as to my own identity and sexuality.

WRONG.

I have always been able to push it back of my mind, not act on what I once felt so strongly. Know what? It's back....

Let me explain; My g/f recently talked me into going to a "gay" club. Hell, with no rave culture here in Oklahoma it's the only place that plays my favorite types of music, techno & trance.

Being around attractive BI guys and girls awakened something in me I thought was long dead....a faze from the past that, i thought, was the direct result of too many drugs and some sort of chemical imbalance. Minimize it all I like, but what I felt then, and feel now is real...and once again, at 29 I must deal with it.

Ive only came out to 2 people in my life. My parents, friends and old lovers would NEVER believe I was Bi...no way. I'm that attractive guy that simply loves women, you know?

I'm soo torn. I'm old enough now to "know" that personal happiness is dependant on self-honesty, above all. I, like anyone, want to be happy, but I feel more than a little silly just now dealing with this at 29. My g/f, who is also Bi, doesn't know... not that she would judge me for it... I know it will be quiet the opposite, she will be supportive like I need her to be. Least until I want to be with someone of the same sex.

Has anyone else gone through this at the same age as I? I guess I need, for some odd reason, assurance that I am not the first to wait till 30 to deal with this.....

[DiamondDog]

Come out to your girlfriend, friends, and parents.

It doesn't matter that they wouldn't believe that you're not hetero, as you know that you're not and who you really are.

Be thankful that you came out at 30 when you're still single instead of when you're 45 or 50 and have a husband/wife/kids/or are heavily settled into life.

This isn't something to "get over" and it's not just going to one day up and "go away" so just embrace it and accept yourself.

[AlaskanGirl]

i dont think im one to assure you. I was raised around it my grandmother is a lesbian came to out us after i was about 9-10 ish. It seems so long ago. i can only really remember her with women. she had taken her fair share of abuse from her family, but she lived on to be the strongest lesbian i know. My mother is also a bisexual, she came out shortly after we went to live with my grandmother (in states custody). When i came out it was very very very scary for me. Not because of my friends or family (because as you read, we're all apart of a family LMAO)or even my social status. but because of the fact that i didnt want to be like my mom. We were so oppoisit that iwas afraid that this was going to bring us closer together. There is a distance between my mother and i that will never be closed. But thats fine because i have friends and a deep friendship with so many people here its like i dont need to worry about doubt and self pity. The people here are what makes a community. We are a family all of our own. But I for one knows how scary it can be to face the fear of confusion. The first time i was with a girl i was 12 everyone thought it was a phase. Even me. But when i came home from school one day, and fantasized about a girl at school. It wasnt a phase it was something that grew and grew becomeing a piece of whom i had become from the age of twelve to sixteen. Now i cant picture my life ever being the same, with out being able to stand up and say YES IM BISEXUAL WANNA SEE MY FLAG? :flag3: i have had shirts made in these colors and necklaces and bracletes. Im a true Bisexual. But after my failed marriage i wondered about that too... but you know what. You can only be who you are. Its not a switch you can turn on or off like a lot of people believe. Its a part of you that you can never change. Yes it might have taken you a little longer to figure it out but doesnt everyone have the right to be a late bloomer? (example girls from training bra's to bra's) your just kickin off your training bra baby. But before i write you a novel, i just want you to know. that the people here will stand behind you! You are apart of our family now! So be welcome and dont fear what you are. Accept it and be over joyed that there are people like arana, micheal, Gel, quiet, Champ, dogwood, eveningwood, and us others that would or will help you stand up be praise for what you are and whom you will become. The Fog is gone you need to see thru it, and wipe it clean. Start your new life and be honest and proud.
XOXOXOXOOXOXOXXO
Ag

[AlaskanGirl]

Sorry that the last msg was so long.

[Herbwoman39]

30? You're 8 years ahead of me. Two days before my 38th birthday was when I was bulldozed by the realization that it wasn't just an aesthetic attraction I have to women. You're lucky to be dealing with it when you are. Don't feel silly. This is just another phase in your life.

As DD said, it doesn't matter if others believe you. What matters is that *you* know who you are.

You're going to be just fine.

[I_am_alone]

Alaskan Girl; Thanks sweetie.

I know that being bi is something that I can not control, turn off or even ignore (ive tried). This will take some time to really work through, I guess most of all I am confused as to how I see myself, being bi, in all my future relationships.

Think I'm going to take this at face value and not make it more complicated than it already is.... this is just a small part of "who" I am.

Now, coming out. Hmmm... this one will be interesting.

My g/f: Likely wont be too suprised...probably already suspects to some degree. Although the shock on her face from hearing the words come out of my mouth really will be priceless. :rolleyes:

Father: Nadda... nope... not going there. My father is OLD fashion...redneck and the ultimate "Alpha Male" type. At 54 he still gets more ass than a toilette seat. I don't see him being very supportive of this... it's wasn't until a few years ago that we actually became close. I just don't see how this could benefit our long strained relationship...although I wouldn't be surprised if he "suspected" I was gay/bi.

Mother: No big deal there I guess.... she likely wouldn't be too surprised. My sister, who is one of the 2 people I ever came out to likely already told her.


Friends: This one should be easy enough. Everyone I know is Bisexual. Funny, to hear them talk about being bi/gay and inside I secretly feel the same turmoil as them...yet I remain silent out of fear. Not sure what I am afraid of... guess I care too much what people think. :eek:

Maybe I am more afraid of what "I" think.

[shameless agitator]

Contrary to your screen name, you are not aolne. Most of us have been there in one fashion or another. I was 32 when I came to grips with my sexuality. My bro was 38. My ex was in her 40s when she finally came out as a lesbian. I know a lot of people who came out in their 50s and even 60s. There are also people out there who spend their whole lives in the closet. It sounds to me like, in a way you're better off cming to this realization now. Knowing first hand how badly drugs fuck your head up, it's probably better you didn't try dealing with this issue while you were strung out.

[naive]

My g/f: Likely wont be too suprised...probably already suspects to some degree. Although the shock on her face from hearing the words come out of my mouth really will be priceless. :rolleyes:

Father: Nadda... nope... not going there. My father is OLD fashion...redneck and the ultimate "Alpha Male" type. At 54 he still gets more ass than a toilette seat. I don't see him being very supportive of this... it's wasn't until a few years ago that we actually became close. I just don't see how this could benefit our long strained relationship...although I wouldn't be surprised if he "suspected" I was gay/bi.

Mother: No big deal there I guess.... she likely wouldn't be too surprised. My sister, who is one of the 2 people I ever came out to likely already told her.


Friends: This one should be easy enough. Everyone I know is Bisexual. Funny, to hear them talk about being bi/gay and inside I secretly feel the same turmoil as them...yet I remain silent out of fear. Not sure what I am afraid of... guess I care too much what people think. :eek:

Maybe I am more afraid of what "I" think.

it looks like you have a really diverse support network. i would love to have that many people who already had an inkling of my bisexuality or who were glbt themselves. u have it pretty easy imo (compared to me anyway).

[kitten]

I was around thirty when I faced my bisexuality and nearly 15 years later have finally accepted adn begun to come out to friends.

It was me that I was scared of. Having accepted myself and learning so much from my friends here - life is very good.

hugs and welcome to the site!

[folk2punk]

1. definitely come out to your girl, if no one else. if she is bi, then she will at least have a clue. i'm sure everyone who has replied has their own notions about their sexuality. and though you and your girl's might not be an exact match, you will be able to learn from each other. And being that your not up to engaged or married, its better to get it out in the open now, than have to deal with it later.

2. I understand your fears with family and friends. Especially the traditional masculine father. It took me years to tell my father, and b/c it wasnt till after i married a woman, I wonder how seriously he took it. Also being the alcoholic he was, I dont even know if he remembered that i did. But the rest of the family has been respectful. He passed away 3 years ago, and i'm glad i was honest with him. Its hard for these old guys to be ok with "non-straight" sons, but sometimes they surprise you.

3. Tell your friends now! If they are truly friends, they will stand by you, and you never know, one of them might have a secret to share. Sounds silly, but it happened to me when i told my best friend at 16, "I think i'm bi, maybe gay..." and she said "me too!!" over the years, we've both had relationships with both sexes (never eachother, always been like siblings) and i dont know what i would have done without her in those early years.

4. Yes sexuality is only a part of who we are, but its an important part, and it does spill into other aspects of our lives. "Know thyself, and to thine own self be true." You are far from alone.

[womenandmen]

This situation sounds similar to mine, but I should've been a bit more accepting of myself earlier when I was visiting a shrink. She told me that I should be proud of being Bi... but I just didn't know what to think at the time, now I have it pretty much clear, I have an attraction when I look at guys.

[I_am_alone]

One down! Wo0T!

We went out to the club last night, waiting for the club to open I told my g/f. Not too bad at all... said she has had that "suspicion" for some time. haha

Although being a little taken back by hearing it from me, she was most supportive and accepting. Sooo cute the way her head cocked to the side while her pretty little mind tried to process the words "I'm Bi". Truly priceless.

Nothing is different between us, aside from me feeling a lot better. Nothing worse than keeping a deep/dark secret from someone that you love. Much better. No doubt this answers some of the questions that likely have been bugging her for some time.

I was thinking; I know that I have an occasional attraction towards men. I see it for what it is, BUT I have never actually had a bisexual experience as an "adult". Would that just make me bi-curious? :rolleyes:

Thank you all, your all really great. Glad I had the courage to finally seek out advice after keeping it to myself for so long.

[kitten]

Awesome! Congrats!
Glad step one went so well!

[shameless agitator]

Mazaltov! Keep it going

[gfofbiguy]

Congratulations on telling your girlfriend. My b/f actually told me before we even met in person...so I would have an "out" he said. But even if he had waited to tell me after we were already seeing each other, I would not have left him and I would be just as supportive, I think. I'm glad your girlfriend was and is supportive when you told her - and with her being bi as well, she probably understands it more and help you to understand yourself better as well. Definitely keep talking about it with her, keeping the lines of communication open and the trust going so your relationship stays strong as well.

[folk2punk]

Yeay !!! That's great it went so well !! Now keep going.

On the label: Bi-curious: I have to say that labels are odd things. It's all up to what you feel comfortable with. The snob in me says, that Curious is diff. but that's ok. I think since you've had this on your mind so long, that you might be past the "curious" stage.

Whatever you want to call it, be proud that you are you. Anyone else have thoughts on the "curious" or is that another forum i havent seen yet?

[phoenix11664]

Be good and kind and gentle with yourself as you go through this, bro. Congratulations on coming out to your girlfriend and to yourself.

[AlaskanGirl]

Well im proud of you and you can rid yourself of that nick name. because your not alone any more. :tong: I have come to care for you ever since you started this thread. I really am proud of you. I am gonna go out on a limb and say others are too.
BIG HUGS brother, take this as a time for peace and relax because others may not be so accepting. But remember even if they arnt we are here for you. :bibounce:

[I_am_alone]

I think since you've had this on your mind so long, that you might be past the "curious" stage.

yea.... likely so. :tong:

Like I said, at one time being bi is just something I knew about myself and I was just starting to really face it... and I was on the verge of coming out. I had only told one person, my sister, but around the same time drugs, and their consequences, had caught up to me.

Funny, since I have begun dealing with this again.... I dunno... it's almost like I am being introduced to myself... like there has been apart of me even I didnt know...ignored. Funny how we can hide the pieces of ourselves, the ones we dont want to deal with.. or are afraid to.... and why? These pieces are what makes us unique and whole.

Fear? I think now i'm more afraid to be stuck living a lie inside my own mind.... What is the worst that can result from people knowing... hate me/us? haha.. too late for that one... stand in line fawkers.

Who really matters more than the one person I have to live with throughout each day... myself? People that don't accept me/us for who we are are simply living a lie themselves, the lie of believing that somehow they are "better" for their upright "morals" or standards. People like that are the ones that are truly sad. I am thankful I have found the courage to no longer be like that, I can now be honest with myself and begin to live my life as myself...however that may be.

You all kick ass btw.... dont feel quiet so "odd" and out of place now... I know that I am not alone and there really are people like myself... god knows you all probably have gone through many things I could not even imagine... I hope to have people around me on a personal level ( and on here:) when I must face hard times. Thank you all for the encouragement... you have helped alot. :tongue:


I'm done ranting.... anyone want vodka shots ????? Wo0t!

[I_am_alone]

Well im proud of you and you can rid yourself of that nick name. because your not alone any more. :tong: I have come to care for you ever since you started this thread. I really am proud of you. I am gonna go out on a limb and say others are too.
BIG HUGS brother, take this as a time for peace and relax because others may not be so accepting. But remember even if they arnt we are here for you. :bibounce:

awwwwww... that is sooo sweet of you hun, really. Thank you :bibounce: