Out On The Job?

[biblaqman]

First things first. I've been comfortable with my Bisexuality for over 20 yrs now. I am from a large black family (5th of 10 kids) and I have come out to a few siblings. I'm sure word has spread to the others. I was raised in the south and was told by my perennially victimized mother that I was a "Christian" while growing up. I never knew what that meant since our childhood was mired by physical and mental abuse. (that's another topic altogether)

Before I had my first homosexual experience, in my early 20's, female friends used to tell me that they like me because I was not afraid to show my feminine side. Naive me never knew what they meant. I was just me being me. I've always had this tough guy persona soley based on my appearance. Looks are definitely deceiving. Once people got to know me, they realized I was not some big dumb brute.

My physical appearance comes in handy on my job. I am a Corrections Officer. Although it is racially diverse in my dept.the stereotypes still exist. We have plenty of openly Gay CO's in my dept. No openly Bisexual CO's that I know of.

I am closeted on the job. The thing is, I've never really felt a need to come out to my co-workers. Not that I am afraid of being rejected. My job is not my life. Meaning, I don't need to bring my personal life to the job. The closest I've come to discussing my sexual preference was when a supervisor said that she heard a rumor about me. I didn't follow up on it. My attitude was let them believe what they want to believe. I did dodge the question another time when I had lunch with a co-worker.

Whenever I've had religious or political discussions, on the job, (not a good thing-too many narrow minded people in my profession) my views are generally to the left on most subjects. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to think I may have an alternative existence. Mid-forties, never married, no kids, no current wife or girlfriend, defender of gay rights etc...

I guess what I am asking in a long-winded kind of way is, should I come out to my co-workers even though I don't feel as if I need to?

I hesitate to come out because I don't want to "educate" people on bisexuality. Especially the narrow minded. I don't need to plead my case about my sexual preference. As I stated earlier, the rumors are there, which I don't entertain.

Maybe I should casually come out so some of these people can see that Bisexuals come in all shapes ages and colors?

Give me some feedback:)

[the mage]

There is NEVER a NEED to come out to co-workers.
Let them guess as they please.

It will cause you more problems than it solves for sure.
Homophobia is rampant. To "them" Bi equals Queer.

[Tingly_Tickles]

I say do what you feel like you want to do if you want to spend time and energy
to educate the people that are not willing to believe in bi-sexuality then I say
don't waste your time if you really want to then eh do it after all it's your choice
and your right to do what you please on your own time.

I also have to agree with mage that some people tend to think that bi ='s gay
to a lot of people that I've encountered this is so true but to each his or her
own I say.

[Nick_bi]

I wouldn't bother. The only people that should know are the people you care about. Anyone else is optional to my mind.

[onewhocares]

I personally see little need for you to come out to your co-workers. I happen to be a proponent of not dating people one works with. It can cause many difficult situations. I know this first hand as two of my employees were dating and it created ill feelings. The better of the two has left and the loss to the company has been hard to cope with.

You appear to be a most level headed young man and I know the decision that you make will be appropriate to you and your situation.

Belle

[DeleteAccount1234]

The only people that need to know your sexually is those that YOU WANT to know. Only people you care about and trust should know.

I don't tell people Im a lesbian.... My co-workers don't know.
I have a couple on Facebook so Im sure they have seen the groups Im in and that I have "interested in" women shown. But they never asked me about it in person and I don't tell them.
Now if they asked me, and they are on my facebook, I'll tell them.... if not, then its none of their business :)

Co-Workers don't need to know that bit.... this is something you tell to those you want to tell.
Beside, LOTS of people still think Bisexual doesn't exist so maybe that info is better left to those that know bisexual DOES exist.... there is no point telling someone who'll just go "No your not, theres no such thing." and start a argument. If thats what they think, you're not gonna change their mind.
Trust me, my mom's like that but now we "agreed to disagree" lol

Like I said, only people I really care about know Im a lesbian... the rest I don't bother to tell since its no ones business really. If they want to know for some reason (like seeing my facebook page) then I'll say "yes I am."
If they want to keep talking to me, thats great.... if not, oh well... not my problem. lol

(BEFORE anyone askes... I DID come to this site thinking I might be bisexual but I have since realized Im not... Im a lesbian :) )

[DeleteAccount1234]

I personally see little need for you to come out to your co-workers. I happen to be a proponent of not dating people one works with. It can cause many difficult situations. I know this first hand as two of my employees were dating and it created ill feelings. The better of the two has left and the loss to the company has been hard to cope with.

You appear to be a most level headed young man and I know the decision that you make will be appropriate to you and your situation.

Belle

Ya, I have a "no dating co-workers" rule :)
I'll just feel uncomfortable. Especially since I know if the breakup was bad, I'll still have to see that person every day at work.
Im not being strict, I could change my mind but for now, its "No thanks"

[allbimyself]

I don't believe this BS about having to out yourself or you are living a lie. It's a crock made up by people that politicize sexuality. I tell those that I want to tell. I also have a rule that I will NEVER have sex with someone without telling them. If I don't trust them enough to tell them, I probably shouldn't be fucking them. But, again, that's my rule.

You tell whomever you want, and don't tell whomever you want. It's your life, your choice. Anyone who tells you different is floating their own agenda and isn't looking out for your interests.

[MarieDelta]

Someone once told me that coming out was for me, not for the other person.
Some questions to consider:

Is it going to offer you some peace of mind to be out to your co-workers?

Will it free you to be yourself a bit more perhaps?

What are you going to gain by coming out at work?

I can't answer these questions, only you can answer them. IMO unless it directly affects the work that you do, then your employer and coworkers should mind their own business.


*Disclaimer, I am not out at work as transgendered or bisexual and will not be in the near future.*

[DiamondDog]

To "them" Bi equals Queer.

But this is true.

[TaylorMade]

This is what I find is my creed of being bi: You don't have to if you don't want to.

At the job I currently have, I'm not out. I could be if I wanted to- - there are plenty of openly bisexual and gay personnel and a resource group for me to get access to if I need them. But- - I just want to collect my paycheck and go home. This job is not my home. Maybe that's a factor that you can consider. Is this job "home" for you?

But... I may work for a company that allows for it, and I just may come out because... meh, it's time.

*Taylor*

[jamiehue]

im out no big deal.

[jem_is_bi]

Be “out” if it is to your advantage. Otherwise, you are just creating another problem to deal with that may or may not be a big deal. Your situation is unique to you and requires your best judgement.

JEM

[canuckotter]

Let me join the chorus... If you don't feel the need to come out, don't come out. And that's coming from someone who is very definitely out in pretty much every aspect of my life. (Although admittedly I cause confusion because I'm monogamous and married to a woman... :tong: )

[pasco_lol_cpl]

There is NEVER a NEED to come out to co-workers.
Let them guess as they please.
To take that a step further, there is never a need for anyone (Gay, Straight, Bi) to share their personal lives with their co-workers. Thats why its your personal life. Its for you and you alone and not subject to the scrutiny of your co-workers.

[FalconAngel]

Unless you are already sharing a large part of your personal life with your co-workers, then why bother to come out at all to them. Quite frankly, it's not really any of their business.

The biggest thing that you mentioned is the having to educate the closed minded. You will never educate the closed-minded. One cannot learn with a closed mind.

I am a Vet, so I understand about the sexual paranoia in that kind of situation. If they ask, then tell them or not as you feel comfortable doing. It is all really up to you.

To quote Michael Ironsides from "Starship Troopers"
-- "Decide for yourself. That's the only real freedom we have."

[redheadhoneycat]

I really think you should only come out if that is truly what you want otherwise it is nobodies business. Good luck. :2cents: :bipride:

[kitten]

I agree with "the work and personal are separate" idea. It is none of their business. I am out to very few in real time but I find a place and an acceptance here that is unparalleled.
The few that I am out to are very close and became so after lots of time.

Best wishes to you and thank you for sharing!

[wanderingrichard]

ditto the foregoing sentiments. don't unless you really really feel the need. it's no ones' business but your own. especially in your line of work, where it could be used aganst you by both the inmates and your employer or co workers as a way of additional discrimination.

allbi's point about telling your partners is very valid too. it's an absolute must in this day and age.