Cheating: follow-up

[The Barefoot Contess]

This was suggested by another thread about cheating. I know there is no one answer to this question, but still, or precisely because of that, it is worth asking: what constitutes cheating? Is flirting cheating (even if it never gets physical)? Is kissing cheating?...
I know each case is different, and it depends on the kind of "arrangement" people have, but if you were to draw the line, at what point would you consider that your partner (let's assume you are in a monogamous relationship) is cheating on you?
And a very specific question: you have cybersex with someone. Are you a cheater?

(Sorry if this topic has been brought up already)

[the mage]

It varies with each couple......like sex;)

[rider0660]

If I am denying my partner something they desire for the sake of someone else outside of the mutually agreed relationship, that is cheating. This may be financial, emotional or physical but not sexual. How about a partner that spends more time with a friend then their partner? There doesnt have to be anything sexual but one is denying time from the other. If on epartner does not desire sex and the other does, then is that cheating? Only if they get caught?

[RockGardener]

This is a hard topic. What constitutes cheating for one partner may not feel like cheating to the other partner.
Until recently, I felt that if I had sex with another guy, that would be cheating on my husband, but I could play with girls all I wanted because that wouldn't be cheating.

In fact, I missed out on a relationship with a girl that was very special to me, because she was flirting with me, and suggested a 3sum with my husband. I wanted her more than anything, but turned her down because I didn't want my husband involved.What I didn't know was, she didn't want him involved either, but was afraid to proprosition me alone.

But the point is... my thinking then and until recently was, I couldn't have a second person of the same sex as the one I was having a relationship with, but could have other gender, because "that's not cheating".

Someone I love dearly opened my eyes to the truth. If I am committed to a relationship, and things have been agreed on, then anything else is cheating.
We have an agreement, we will not have any relations with anyone w/o the other one present. I would like an MMF with him, but still in the back of my mind, I don't want an FFM because that would mean he was touching another girl, and that would feel like cheating.
I would like to share a man with my loved one, but not a woman. I want the woman for myself.

Well, that's my :2cents::2cents:

Rock

[welickit]

Obviously you think this is a good question. Each person here knows where the line is drawn and when they cross it. Based on the number of cheating husbands here we doubt you will get many honest answers. What does a cheat have to offer? More cheating and lies?

[Sapphrodite]

If you look at the definition of the word "Cheating", it helps make it a bit more obejctive. The notion of going back to the etymology (the history/true sense of a word) may seem a bit dry, but more often than not, it allows for a clearer understanding of the intend of the word...

cheat (cht)
verb; cheat·ed, cheat·ing, cheats

verb; transitive (requires an object).
1. To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.
2. To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.
3. To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye.
4. To elude; escape: cheat death.

verb; intransitive (doesnt not take an object).
1. To act dishonestly; practice fraud.
2. To violate rules deliberately, as in a game: was accused of cheating at cards.
3. Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.


The intransitive version of 'cheat' (the second grouping) suits the purpose of defining infidelity, especially when you look at all three definitions as a whole. Basically 'cheating' is being dishonest and/or to violate the rules intentionally, regardless of what those 'rules' might be.

So by this definition of terms (and in agreeance with my own personal views), if you do anything that your spouse or partner may disapprove of because you haven't discussed it with them first (be they actions emotional or physical actions), then technically it's considered cheating.

By all definitions allows for anyone's lifestyle variances that include or gain approval by one's significant other but excludes any behind-the-other's-back activities. I guess the simplest defnition is true: if one of you think's it's cheating, then it is.

~Sapphy~