WHAT WRONG WITH NOT NEEDING A SUPPORT GROUP??

[vittoria]

I'm copying something I thought was interesting (and something that a lot of people on here whole heartedly concur with) from a previous post (NOT MY OWN).. it was L.D.D.'s, and its the best line I've seen all weekend.

And BELIEVE ME... my weekend was mild at best... LOL:

"the world needs the under trodded, the victims, the survivors etc... to justify the existance of the * experts, the professionals, the support groups....*... and yes they are needed by some people....there are people that need help and support, guidance and understanding.....

and there are people that don't....I am one of them"

I tried to explain this to someone, and they didnt seem to get it...it was like i was talking to brick. Completely lost. Not everyone needs a support group.
Granted, there are those that do. But just because I dont, DONT ACT LIKE I"M BORDERLINE CRAZY.

Some people live in situations where they cant express themselves. Some people were raised in families where they could be disowned for 'coming out' --and they need all the help that they can get.

Just because I say that I dont need a support group, doesnt mean I'm putting it down. It only means that I belong to a small (but unfortunately fortunate) group that dont need to cry on someone's shoulder for liking men and women, that dont feel the inane desire to tell my family in a Public Service Announcement "I"M BI Y'ALL!!".

O yes, I have my experience with 'support groups'. This tale is interesting.

I was married once. Had an alcoholic husband.

He thought he was going to throw me down some stairs. I promptly kicked his ass, especially since he thought it would be a good idea to rip the phone out of the wall.

He went to jail. Had to do community service. Had to be on probation for a year.

Woohoo.

Meanwhile,

I got sentenced to Victims Assistance.

My mentality was.... I'm not a victim of shit. He was going to hurt me. Tried. Failed. I dealt with him. Yay me. I'm not a victim, I'm "Victor". There's a difference.

They (at the support group) kept trying to convince me that I was a victim.

They didnt like it when I said..." I dont need it. I empowered myself. I'm NOT a victim of anything..the only victim around is himself... he is the victim of his own stupidity."

By stating that my situation was different, and that I handled my affair ( and YES it WAS in that stereotypical AA type intro-speak we all know and love so well), the INTERNS there were trying to STILL convince me that i was a victim...just so that the rest of the class could continue. ( It seemed more of a case of 'o darn... we got someone in here who can take care of herself... who let HER in???')

I dont mind if people need help and support. Go get it if its something you need.

But if it isnt my cup of tea... dont treat me like crap for not being "needy", for standing on my own two feet, for seeing life how it really is for ME. I'm the only one that can look at my life... NO ONE ELSE. And there isnt an intern on this planet that can be more professional at looking at MY life than ME.

Granted, there are people who are not self sufficient. No one said they have to be me, or that I HAVE to be like them. Everyone is different, and everything is NOT for EVERYONE.

I refuse to be the justification of someone else's BS.

This is just a personal experience. Not expected to be shared by everyone, so respect it, as something that doesnt belong to you.

Who knows... it may be enough to put a figurative "fire" underneath a few wishy washy asses.

Nuff said.

[darkeyes]

Me don need 1 V..is nice 2 know its ther jus in case tho...

[mannysg]

You are so right!
So many people in support groups think they know better then everyone else.
I have a problem drinking, I consider myself alcoholc for many reasons, but mostly because I can't dring just 1 beer. If I drink 1, I will continue to drink until I am extremely drunk. ANd for over 4 years, I couldn't go a single day without drinking. I went to AA meetings, and yes AA helped to quit drinking and to stay quit. But after about 6 months I no longer felt the need to go to meetings every week or to continue to "work the steps". I felt that I had "kicked" my problem with aclohol as long as I didn't take a single drink. But there are those who condemn me for my decision to no longer attend, saying shit like I am making a mistake, that I will soon be drinking again, etc. etc. etc. In other words, if I didn't do things THEIR way, they told me that I would fail.

Well, it's been over 3 years now and I still haven't drank, and I still don't do things "THEIR WAY".

So, to add to your belief:
Not everone needs a support group, and there are some who only need the support for a short time while others need the group for many years.

[brunette]

i suffered from postpartum depression, and a psychiatrist put me on medication and prescribed counseling for me. when i got over it, they continued to pressure me into group therapy and medication. i told them that i was done and for several months afterward, they sent me letters threatening to stop treatment if i didn't return.

i didn't return.

one whole session (45 minutes) was spent with my therapist attempting to convince me that god exists by saying over and over: "you know he's around." and "can't you feel his presence in this room?"

some women needed to continue the counseling afterward, i just wasn't one of them.

[FalconAngel]

I used to go, from time to time, to my friend's AA/NA meetings on Sundays, so that we could take off from there to go riding, then she moved out of town with her girlfriend. I found the meetings to be interesting, but a little too much like church (without all of the pomp and circumstance).
But, every once in a while, I would see or hear something there that would touch a chord with me and I learned something. I never felt that I needed a support group either, even though my wife was screwing around on me and my marriage was going down in flames, no matter what I did to try to save it.
I still don't believe that I needed a support group, but I did learn some things from the other folks that were there at those meetings.

Now I go to the local BI group meeting as often as I can. My current wife would go, but her hours don't let her. She works evenings.
I don't consider that a support group so much as a chance to just talk about doing things and learn a little. And although there is some support group stuff there, I think it is more for the folks who are just discovering their bisexuality (I've known what I am since I was a kid) and don't know how to deal with it yet.
For many, it is a support group, but for me it is social networking and a chance to help others who are coming from places that I have been.

[Sarasvati]

I'm copying something I thought was interesting (and something that a lot of people on here whole heartedly concur with) from a previous post (NOT MY OWN).. it was L.D.D.'s, and its the best line I've seen all weekend.

And BELIEVE ME... my weekend was mild at best... LOL:

"the world needs the under trodded, the victims, the survivors etc... to justify the existance of the * experts, the professionals, the support groups....*... and yes they are needed by some people....there are people that need help and support, guidance and understanding.....

and there are people that don't....I am one of them"

I tried to explain this to someone, and they didnt seem to get it...it was like i was talking to brick. Completely lost. Not everyone needs a support group.
Granted, there are those that do. But just because I dont, DONT ACT LIKE I"M BORDERLINE CRAZY.

Some people live in situations where they cant express themselves. Some people were raised in families where they could be disowned for 'coming out' --and they need all the help that they can get.

Just because I say that I dont need a support group, doesnt mean I'm putting it down. It only means that I belong to a small (but unfortunately fortunate) group that dont need to cry on someone's shoulder for liking men and women, that dont feel the inane desire to tell my family in a Public Service Announcement "I"M BI Y'ALL!!".

O yes, I have my experience with 'support groups'. This tale is interesting.

I was married once. Had an alcoholic husband.

He thought he was going to throw me down some stairs. I promptly kicked his ass, especially since he thought it would be a good idea to rip the phone out of the wall.

He went to jail. Had to do community service. Had to be on probation for a year.

Woohoo.

Meanwhile,

I got sentenced to Victims Assistance.

My mentality was.... I'm not a victim of shit. He was going to hurt me. Tried. Failed. I dealt with him. Yay me. I'm not a victim, I'm "Victor". There's a difference.

They (at the support group) kept trying to convince me that I was a victim.

They didnt like it when I said..." I dont need it. I empowered myself. I'm NOT a victim of anything..the only victim around is himself... he is the victim of his own stupidity."

By stating that my situation was different, and that I handled my affair ( and YES it WAS in that stereotypical AA type intro-speak we all know and love so well), the INTERNS there were trying to STILL convince me that i was a victim...just so that the rest of the class could continue. ( It seemed more of a case of 'o darn... we got someone in here who can take care of herself... who let HER in???')

I dont mind if people need help and support. Go get it if its something you need.

But if it isnt my cup of tea... dont treat me like crap for not being "needy", for standing on my own two feet, for seeing life how it really is for ME. I'm the only one that can look at my life... NO ONE ELSE. And there isnt an intern on this planet that can be more professional at looking at MY life than ME.

Granted, there are people who are not self sufficient. No one said they have to be me, or that I HAVE to be like them. Everyone is different, and everything is NOT for EVERYONE.

I refuse to be the justification of someone else's BS.

This is just a personal experience. Not expected to be shared by everyone, so respect it, as something that doesnt belong to you.

Who knows... it may be enough to put a figurative "fire" underneath a few wishy washy asses.

Nuff said.

So why do you have such a desperate need to tell all of us all this? For enlightenment around these parts I'm sticking with Belle.

[shameless agitator]

I have to agree. Support groups are great for those who need them, while they need them. We don't all need to be in groups though, or if we do, sometimes it's just a short term expedient. I used to go to NA meetings when I was giving up meth. I went fairly regularly for about a year & then quit because I didn't need it any more. People are always giving me shit for the fact that I don't attend any more & I never had a sponsor or worked the steps. Well, ya know what? I've been clean for 17 years doing it my way.

[glantern954]

There are plenty of people who just don't know that they could benefit from a support group.

[jamiehue]

support groups for me were a good place to start.Still show up one in a while to hear the newcomers and to offer support.Many groups have lifers that need a support group to recover from support groups!

[Doggie_Wood]

Hi all - most of you know me, some of you don't -
My name is JD and I am an addict -
Why do i say that? This isn't an AA or NA or any other kind of support group meeting. It's a bisexual forum.
That is exactly correct - a forum that is a part of a site comprised of bisexual inteties from all walk of life. Yet more will be revealed to you later.

Yes, at first I needed the support groups of a 12 step program, and not just one but several, because I was slowly killing myself. I was in a downward spiraling self destructive obsession.
It helped me at first to attend meetings and get what I so desperatly needed to stay clean and sober.
I took what was offered, kept what I could use and left the rest on the table.
I did the things that were suggested of me, some eagerly and others not as.
But I did them anyway.

Some of you have stated that you too had attended support groups or meeting but no longer feel you need them or not nearly as often.
To you, I extend much kudos.
I too, attended many meetings in many different cities and states.
I built a foundation, not unlike an infant first learning to walk, for a new life.
Over a period of time, I became confident enough in my program (yes, I still have a program - the principles of what I learned are how I my life force flows) to be able to accept a position in a new career that took me farther than I had ever imagined. And with only a few years of "support groups or meetings" under my belt, I landed in the big middle of an area where what had almost killed me, was legal and being offered openly to me. Without the previous "support groups or meetings" that some people would want to flame or shoot down, I can most assuredly tell you that I would not be sharing this with you now.

I thoroughly agree that not everyone needs a support group, or meetings, or to share there experiences, strength and hope with others. Then again, there are those who do.

There is nothing wrong with not needing a support group. Nothing at all.
What is wrong, is needing one and not seeking the help that one might need.

Now - like Vittoria, who shared a small segment of her life and explained why she felt she did not need a support structure - I shared a small segment of mine, to give validity to why I did need a support structure, and why now I don't utilize that structure as often.

This is the essence of what we and this site are about. Sharing, debating, objecting and accepting the different views and opinions that we all have. Those who choose too, have found a family, a community, a place to go where they have formulated friendships, and yet dare I say, a few that have found love and a partner(s).

And how many threads have been started by someone who needs or seeks advice, opinions or .... <should I say it?> yes .... support! Be it moral support given in writing or even verbaly on the phone as a number of those on this site have done.
So - I guess - in a sense, we too, at times, are a support group - like it or not.:rolleyes:

:2cents:
:doggie:

[Long Duck Dong]

lol in a way I have a support group.... its called bisexual.com

I come in here and I rant and rave and all that stuff........and I sit back and read what I wrote the next day and notice that people are not laughing at me or telling me I need help or counseling etc

for a person like me,.... thats rare... and hard to find.......

lets be honest... I need a major repair job..... drugs and alcohol and violence, has damaged me....car accidents, the loss of good friends and family has hurt me.... broken hearts etc......

but thats life..... I am not gonna get better.... I am not gonna attend counselling or get therapy etc and * come right *.....or * be a good person *

some things in me are natural and can't be fixed....I was born that way..... and I wanna die that way... as for the rest..... thats my life... and as good or bad as it was..... its still my life.. my memories....

so when the day comes that I drop dead.... I can look back as my life ebbs away and smile and think " i may have not been a model citizen...I may have not brought about world peace.... but I have lived...... and not in a counsellors room or in a therapy session or on a psychs couch....... and nor will I judge people that have......

hugs

[void()]

I have something to say on this subject. Please allow me to return and post, I'm not quite able to do so as of yet due to technical issues. Bloody Vista is a real piece of slime at times. Apologies, I'm writing it up in another text editor, and Vista doesn't play well.

Ben wanders along armed with a bigger hammer.

[citystyleguy]

They didnt like it when I said..." I dont need it. I empowered myself. I'm NOT a victim of anything..the only victim around is himself... he is the victim of his own stupidity."

very good! there are many who can survive without being a victim; a hard concept it seems for so many to understand. solely defining yourself as a victim before you move on is just ridiculous; some have inner strengths that are far better to draw on then falling to victimization. your's is a tale for the success others can build on for their own future and growth!

[void()]

Ben wanders back after having beaten an operating system into nothing more than a slide rule.

Allow me to elucidate upon my views of family a bit, as it has been posited within this post we are family. Many years I've wandered afar by opening a window out into the world through wires. Granted learning from Logos (Greek for the written word) is not the same as heralding a life full of experiences, but one may indeed learn a vast deal.

In my wanderings to gather bits of knowledge here and there, a meaning of family came into view. It was the meaning given by the ancient Druids which caught my fancy. A rune named Tues represents family, clan, tribe; People belonging to a common group.

We're all human beings here. At least I hope we are, because I'm now going to reveal a quite human tale. Welcome to the ever coiled serpent within this shell. Enjoy the journey, but please ask no quarter, nor refund.

My father left my mom and me when I was two years old. He couldn't handle the responsibility of a kid. We met again when I reached age seventeen. Hindsight is always perfectly clear. I needed to learn this lesson. No one does anything beyond their natures.

That includes my dad. He couldn't handle responsibility no mater the age of his son. I don't judge him, but merely know and point out the obvious truth. My dad does not equate to responsibility.

Meanwhile, mom had married a smooth talking long haul truck driver. He was smooth talking in the sense that he could beat mom into a bloody pulp, then at the hospital tell the nurse, "she fell down the stairs." And the absolute most crazy thing, a nurse would believe him, even with a young boy beaten to much the same pulpy mass right beside him.

"Good morning America, how are ya?" Sorry, it just seems pretty apt albeit ironic.

As a young boy I kept my mother from completing suicide on at least thirteen occasions. There were a few when I literally wrestled pill bottles from her steely grip. Other times, I lay with her in her bed, holding her. No there was nothing sexual about it. I was merely there and strong enough to be a companion, without being threatening.

Other times I walked her all night, and some times I called friends, family and got them into it. I did what felt needed. I loved my mom, my two little brothers. They had a daddy, I didn't. I knew how it felt to be without, they didn't need that. No, they didn't need to be without a mother either.

I found out a few years ago, in a spur of the moment confession. My step dad had actually raped my mom all those times, preceding the suicide attempts. Then mom proceeded to ask me, "did he ever touch you, maybe that's why you .."

I cut her off. "No mom, I was bisexual without his help. And you think if he had touched me, he'd still be living?" Because, to escape from him beating me and her, I would visit my grandmother on weekends. I'd go to her house when my step-father had vacation time. I grew up learning everything about army infantry.

My grandfather and uncle were both Army. Grandfather served in WII, my uncle in 'Nam. I was taught lots of dirty and nasty things with regards to surviving, 'just in case'. By the time I was seven, there were known to me about twenty different methods to kill a man silently. But, by age seven, mom had began her drinking binge.

She would lace coffee with vodka. It worked out well to stand up against beatings. While drunk you roll with punches lots easier. She drank coffee from Thursday evening until Tuesday morning, passing the mug along to me. Step-dad was only home on weekends. We were fine without him during the rest of the week, really weren't sure why he bothered coming in.

I handled getting in firewood, working with my other grandfather on a dairy farm, learning carpentry. I learned the basics, none of the fancy crap. I can build a pole barn or structure, can mend fence, paint tin roofs and the practical things. I did this out of love for family, and to help myself.

I also reached an age where I realized, there was no changing. I needed to get away before serious hurt came. So, I enlisted in the Navy. Two from the Army, a Marine for a dad, and viola you get a sailor! Not sure exactly why I chose Navy, but I'm glad I did. It taught me I could be worth more than the, "pile of shit drawing flies, creating niggers that I hate", that my step-father said I'd be.

I'm no longer in the service. Some days I miss it, others I don't. The point being it kept me away from killing or being killed by my step-dad. And then I came back, it didn't change. I bolted again, found a wife and moved out of state for about ten years.

Now, my step-dad is dead. I had nothing to do with it. They suspect it was colon cancer, or a heart attack. No one wanted to know bad enough to grant an autopsy. He died in his sleep. Mom found him the next morning, as she and he had long before started sleeping in different rooms.

Now, I'm back 'home', my wife too. Mom felt that she'd be alright with or without company, but somewhat hinted that it'd be nice to have the company. And it works out for my wife and I. I now have a steady job. I didn't where we lived.

The point to a life's story? We're family. And now you understand, after all that in my life, why I don't feel compelled to have a group session. I survived. There's others who don't. Help them if you can, before it gets too bad. I'm fine.

Did I have help along the way? Yes, the schools had to keep my interests and teach me to use the rage, passions for creative good. I was on a self destruct sequence. I would fight anyone for any reason, and I didn't care if I kicked ass or had mine kicked. In fact I loved getting mine kicked at times. It felt 'homey'. But, that's a darker colored horse best left for further elucidation with the proper lover and behind closed doors.

Ben, you enjoy getting a little pain? "Don't we all?"

Seriously, allow it to be respected that it's something for private times. Even in families there is a reason doors get shut. I guess seeing both sides to the argument makes me biased, but in such a way that I can not decided the best course.

Some do need help, agreed. Others don't, agreed.

If I can survive, others can also. But, then again others aren't me.

I'll go back to being a gentle stream now, thank you for reading.

[darkeyes]

Jus a lil thot... we hav all of us needed at 1 time or otha in our lives support..mayb not from a support group for compulsive arse kissers, boozy billies, dopey dickies or ne otha thing peeps hav probs wiv in ther lives... many of us go through life not needin a group 2 support woteva shit hits us ... but don matta howeva strong y r..wen shit hits the fan for all of us an ther r times wen we all need sum kinda support... me pretty strong gal... support groups neva been my thing..but a few times in me life things hav happened wen me wos glad sum 1 wos ther 2 help me get through.. an a few times in me life hav been ther 2 help othas get through ther crap... me elder sister an me m8 a case in point as we speak...

Don matta who we r..times will b wen we need otha peeps 2 gather round an support as 2 help us get through life's lil stresses n strains... sum of us betta at copin than othas... thats wy support groups exist.. an wy ther will always b a need for em...

Ne of us that say me needs no 1 is eitha a liar or a bloody fool an deceivin themselves... nun of us know jus wen shit will pour at us in such quantities that that support group will prove necessary an mayb even a life saver... every 1 ere talkin bout not needin support groups an dunno jus how much that is bravado an how much is real.. we all needs..wetha its ya family ya m8s or a formal support group of sum kind..we all need.. an ratha than jus go on bout how strong we r, an by doin so show up so much of our own weakness, betta jus 2 say..we all human.. we all need... an at times we all need help.. an wen othas need our help wetha as a formalised support group or jus cos we luff em or hav simple human compassion.. we will b ther 2 try an help them through the mire of ther lives..

[vittoria]

I so love Fran's signature.

"Do not think so little of me as to grant me your tolerance. Allow me your acceptance and understanding of who and what I am with the love, respect and dignity with which I do you."

Thanks to all :)

[the mage]

Well, any time a person goes thru a traumatic experience it is a good idea to have relevant professionals look them over. If a support session is needed or offered it should not be rejected offhandedly.
If an individual is functional, mentally and physically stable the the decision to attend should be theirs. Some like being around people in time of crisis, some don't. Forced attendance is always resented however meeting people in real life skin to interact and talk about common issues is a learning tool for the victims as well as the victors, who, ideally become the teachers....