I need your Help

[cineman]

Hi All:

I have been researching Bisexual issues in males and the studies are few and incomplete/inadequate.

I have a question you may be able to help by your comments in the thread.

I have a life long friend (male) that I experimented with 3 or 4 times. We had been involved with somewhat extreme sex during the 70's and 80's but not directly with each other, but same room, multiple partners, etc.

I experimented with him during the time I was involved in a 9 year relationship with my live-in girlfriend. I have had no other desire to be with any other man since and I am not generally attracted to men, or really even notice them. I believe if it weren't for the closeness and similar sexual experiences we shared indirectly, I would have never begun this experiment in the first place. Since that time I was with one couple and the man part of the experience wasn't comfortable at all. Based on your knowledge, which apparently far exceeds the written literature/studies on Bi-Sexuality, do you think I am Bi-sexual? ie he had never been with a man before either, except early adolescense, which is fairly normal.

[shameless agitator]

Only you can really answer your question cineman, but based on the fact that you say you're not generally attracted to men, I'd say no. You're not bisexual.

[b_fab115]

I would have to agree....you say you weren't comfortable the past few times, so I would say no you aren't bi. But you just have to take the time and think about all of it. No one can really answer that here for you. Good luck in whatever you come up with. :female:

[proseros]

Now you have raised with this point of an apparent lack of evaluative research being available or conducted, quite an interesting need for observation of the otherwise elusively real manifestation of what we refer to as 'bisexuality'-since I might say for this instance, at this point, that the short answer would be, no.

Not conventionally at least for all our conventions (inventions we con ourselves in to adapting so we can get along in spite of ourselves) are worth.

"A good friend is like good wine." The Bible says.
And I think that he is your good friend who has been beside you, and that you simply love him, and that no part of you is closed to loving your friend.
Here a very pure, and beautiful expression of conditional bisexuality fostered through unconditional love, which is helpful for the rest of the world because it actually shows us the "grey" area at work; we can safely do away with label and orientation until we've explained something more mysterious going on that perhaps should not so easily be argued is or is not bisexuality-And we don't want to argue about anything.

And then there are distinctions. And then there are discoveries.
I have myself persistently argued something for the matter that proves beyond debauch some other factor that accepts loving between men rather than wanting for its own pleasure. Damned habits!

A guy fucks a guy and won't want to be any other than straight. A sub-orientation of social discretion explodes. Not "gay" or "bi", but just on the DL.
"I enjoy a fellow now and then!" And how do we "right" this into our sociology books as other than habits of deviance? Well a brother's bum serves just as well as warm pussy. Us fellows are only horndogs for any nut we can get, for the most part.

But we discriminate amongst ourselves too, when we should. Whatever are we all gathering here for?

Many of us recall having had such a friend in our adolescence and young adulthood, without knowing either way. What a tortuous time that was for many of us back then-kids today have made room for just about anything, and a pretty good job making sense about it. I applaud their courage to chisel things in singing stones, something I believe our generations lacked.

So we have to pin ourselves down somewhere.
"Are you gay?"
"No I am bisexual. And in fact detest the sodomites."

Follows the next inquiry-
"Are you bisexual?"
"No. I just, love you."

[BreeIsMe]

as has been discussed on this site numerous times, don't try to label yourself. You are who you are. If you have one sexually satisfying expereince with a man and never have one again, is that bisexual??????? Who cares, bisexual is only a label that people try to conveniently place on others. Personally, I wouldn't even worry about it. If you find yourself interested in other men in the futrue....then great. If not, then good too. You are an individual not a label...


Bree

[truelove201]

I agree with not trying to label urself. Live...:female:

[FerociousFeline]

Nice Prose...ros

: )

Um. I'd like to try something equally as submersive, yet still more easily sub..verse...ive.


Cineman:

This question is a industrial strength costco sized can of invertibrates.

It's deceptively simple, yet the overall implications of the shades of meaning become so magnified, that the smallest adjustment in interpretation yields starbursts of new meaning and implication. Like light reflected off the face of a cut diamond.


First of all: Clarity is needed to focus a sharper laser of discrimination.

When you stated that you had been "with" this other male, do you mean to indicate that you have actually experienced sexual relations of direct intimacy with this male? Or do you mean to express that you merely experienced sex in this males presence? At first you mentioned that you had "never with each other" but then your subsequent statement regarding "this experiment" leaves the reader in question regarding whether you HAD later experienced sex with this male.


Sometimes it's easier to get to the point of a perspective by not looking at the details of the picture, and look instead at the broader strokes of our own behavior. Therefore, it becomes important for us to sometimes artificially extend a hypothetical argument further, not to examine the point of fact, but rather to make the "brushstroke" bigger and easier to see. We do this by examining the emotional states BEHIND the details. For example;

What would you LIKE to find out from your question? Would you LIKE to find out that what you have personally experienced sexually has given you an indication of what category of sexuality you HAVE? Or, .....What if you would LIKE to find out that you've already been bisexual and just didn't really think of it as such until you found a different interpretation of what being bisexual really means? A new perspective which felt more.....true, to your experience? OR......Would you LIKE to find out that what you have experienced is NOT an indication of any confusion regarding matters of the heart.....and matters of the balls? You see? This question reflects many aspects of both questions and answers based on the interpretation or INFLECTION of meaning used when making the argument.

Good stuff this.

Now. Based on what you have said, it can easily be witnessed that if you meant to indicate that you have had brotherly experiences with another male which "bonded" you without the physical bonding being part of the situation, that no.....you are not in fact exhibiting behavior which could logically be argued as being bisexual.

However, it should be noted that you have come to us here, in the heart of online bisexuality discussion groups....(well, to me anyway)....to present your question. That in and of itself presents to me that you have a high possibility of being open minded and sensitive enough to be CAPABLE ......of being bisexual. Remember beyond anything else here.....that your sexuality is nothing more than what YOU decide to EXPRESS. Therefore, you can be bisexual in mind/spirit/body or in any combination thereof. There is no right answer to each persons self query regarding "WHAT" sexuality that they "are". Or, to say it more precisely, What sexuality they "will BE".

Are you catching my drift here?

To WILL what you WILL BE. This in and of itself is the most demonstrative aspect that all sexuality is in fact, a choice. (yes I know, many of you out there will disagree with this, and I don't care : P lol and it's okay!)

But the short version of all of that Cineman is this:

Are you looking for the clues of how you behave to describe to you what you ...in "fact"....are?

OR....are you looking for the clues of how you behave to describe to you what you in "fact" could BE?

The first statement indicates judgment by comparison and contrast to EXternal data.

The second statement indicates judgment by comparison of INternal data.

ALL of this data is balanced upon a single piece of data which is this.

When it comes to your sexual expression, which source of data will you use?
Internal? or External?

Internal requires no external validation.
External requires external validation.


An Internal source of data means that you will be coming from the centermost part of your being ...and doing what you do in front of the world.....and just trusting that it's okay to do whatever you are moved to do. It does not care about or require what the attitudes and opinions of the world are reflecting back.

An External source of data means that you will be looking outside of yourself. Doing what you do in accordance with what other people think and feel is right for you. It is absolutely critical to maintain the behavior which the attitudes and opinions of the world are reflecting back.


These are the finest tools for making your mind up. I would merely offer that to "be who you are" means taking your data PURELY from an internal source without regard to external validation.

whoops. Got a little technical there, but yall are bright.

Hope this helps.

I am honored to be able to assist you in any way I can btw. Thanks for trusting us with your question.


FF:bigrin: