worst night ever

[Ammigoth]

ok so im typing, while being pissed/drunk outa my skull so excuse typos and so on, i will try and correct when i get the chance. im in a room with a guy i fancy to death !!!! >_< but hes totally strait and by gawd its upsetting i cried in the bath room for ages :( while he was asleep and im writing this now while hes a sleep, its so frustrating not having the right parts :( i wanted him to fuck my stupid but having a *cough* rather than a puss it maybe me almost delirious with sadness :( i want hims so bad but i know he will never accept me T_T

[MarieDelta]

Oh honey, I'm so sorry.

That really hurts, cuts right to the bone. We can look forward to the day when our gender is corrected and we are as we should have been. You should know too, that not all straight guys have an aversion to transwomen. Just depends on the guy, but be careful! OK?

Huge hugs and much love, Ammigoth...

[Ammigoth]

thanks hun *hugs* he's mega asleep and im watching a movie i want to hold him and let him hold me but... well i don't have the "attributes" hes looking for :( i hate it so much it hurts me to the very core of my existence, i know i sound like some emo gibbon spreading there 'hurt emotions' but i cant hold in my pain, i want him so badly it hurts, and i know he wont want me.

[shameless agitator]

Well sweetie, does he know you're transitioning? As Marie pointed out, not all straight guys are averse to TG women, so if he knows I don't see any harm in making a pass at him.

[Ammigoth]

as i think i said, hes dead to the world now :( i wanna molest him >_< but i know thats wrong >_< i've never been so frustrated in my life T_T!

[alaskacouple]

You have to have faith that one day you will meet the man who will love YOU - note that I said YOU and that is not the body that you are in! You are a precious individual spirit and one day the man who can see your light shining and not care what package you are wrapped in will come along and sweep you away into love...But, for now try to love yourself... when you love yourself, others will find you more attractive and appealing...try to not let negative thoughts drag you down into something ugly...you are YOU not your body...and if everyone had eyes to see the essence inside they would see that you are beautiful life...

PS - getting drunk doesn't help - it only makes you numb for awhile but in the end it leads to death...seek enlightenment instead and be free...

[mannysg]

I'm sorry to hear that. :( It's so frustrating to be attracted to someone who isn't attracted to you.
As Alaskacouple said, just be yourself and someday the right man will come along who will love you for who you are.

Hope your tomorrow is better then today. :)

[bisexualinsocal]

Don't know what to tell you. It's hard enough for people to accept themselves as is, don't be expecting the world to.

I wish I were 6ft 6 and good with a basketball. Guess I should be in tears about that?

[DiamondDog]

Find someone else who accepts you for who you are?

[The Barefoot Contess]

Don't know what to tell you. It's hard enough for people to accept themselves as is, don't be expecting the world to.

I wish I were 6ft 6 and good with a basketball. Guess I should be in tears about that?

When people are heartbroken, it is normal and healthy to cry over it for a while. Not everyone has the perspective and distance you have right away.

[The Barefoot Contess]

Find someone else who accepts you for who you are?

I don't think this is about acceptance, DD. This is about someone not being attracted to someone else, or not wanting to have a sexual relationship with someone else. I can accept someone for who they are an still not feel attracted to them, right?

[Ammigoth]

Don't know what to tell you. It's hard enough for people to accept themselves as is, don't be expecting the world to.

I wish I were 6ft 6 and good with a basketball. Guess I should be in tears about that?

Werther you think it is or not i actually find this kind of offensive how your comparing genderdysphoria to hight and being good at basketball :/

and i think some people may have missed the point i was trying to get across, i think im in love and i kinda think he likes me but my gender barrier is well stopping us, and before people say stuff like 'love knows no bounds' and so on you try it...

[Skater Boy]

Werther you think it is or not i actually find this kind of offensive how your comparing genderdysphoria to hight and being good at basketball :/

and i think some people may have missed the point i was trying to get across, i think im in love and i kinda think he likes me but my gender barrier is well stopping us, and before people say stuff like 'love knows no bounds' and so on you try it...


I hear what you're saying, Ammigoth. And I sympathize. BUT, tragic as it is, if there's really no hope of him returning your feelings, then you must try and get over it. For your own sake, if nobody else's.

Ofcourse, if you think there's even the *slightest* possibilty of him being able to do so, then by all means try your hardest to make it a reality...

:2cents:

[diB4u]

and i think some people may have missed the point i was trying to get across, i think im in love and i kinda think he likes me but my gender barrier is well stopping us, and before people say stuff like 'love knows no bounds' and so on you try it...

Ouch sweetie!!


Believe me- I know how hard it is when you like someone and that person dont like you back... Been that way forever...

Yeah i understand what your saying, If he does like you - U need to find out.... But sweetie, if he dont like you that way, then you do need to move on. I know how hard it is that no one would ever love ya and all that.

Sweetie, thats bull cause well with me, love is bounded. Sorry is that even a word?

Being in love with someone that dont love you back is soo hard to take.

However sweetie if that person only likes you as a friend theres others who do like you for who you are....


Something similar has happened to me in the past, a man has liked me, but has been to shy or embarrased to be seen in public with me just cause im fat.

So in the end of the day- I think, we'll your the shallowest person alive, and REALLY DON'T deserve me in the first place.....
You're only 20, and to have your heartbroken crying in the loo's is sooo sad.... Been there done that!

But take note in what I say- you're beautiful. Never doubt that, i know at times its hard.....

Sheesh I'll stop.

[TaylorMade]

I can understand the rough comparison... both height and gender are well set quickly and can only be undone through painful and risky surgeries.

And that's where it ends.

Anyhow, Ammi - - Like Skate said, if this fellow doesn't return your feelings, don't bother. You are young and still trying to figure out a way to transition into something resembling where your head is at. A lot is going to happen between now and then, so what you thought was love may be fleeting infatuation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence), especially if not reciprocated.

It is best to concentrate on what you can do for yourself- -ESPECIALLY in your situation- - than to chase after someone else.

If he likes you, there will most likely be a second date. Then maybe the truth can come out.

*Taylor*

[MarieDelta]

Werther you think it is or not i actually find this kind of offensive how your comparing genderdysphoria to hight and being good at basketball :/


Its not just kind of offensive, I think its pretty trans-phobic. There are othe body dysmorphic attitudes, however none of them are comparable to Gender Dysphoria. Gender Dysphoria is not a mental disorder.




and i think some people may have missed the point i was trying to get across, i think im in love and i kinda think he likes me but my gender barrier is well stopping us, and before people say stuff like 'love knows no bounds' and so on you try it...


Does he know that you are trans? Does he care that you are trans? Have you talked about it with him?

This can be an emotional minefield for you both if you don't get these issues settled. He can still be straight, hell you can be considered straight(if that is what you want), if he has more than a friendship with you. that isn't a bar to being straight. Just because you still have a somewhat male body does not negate the fact of your female mind /soul.

Just something to consider.

Oh and if he's not accepting of you ad caring for you, get the heck away from him. No sense in standing in front of a candy store when you are diabetic.

[diB4u]

Yep, I agree with Marie all the way...




bisexualinsocal- Heartbrake is bad enought to get over, Gender Dysphoria Is something completely different. I get what Ammigoth is saying.


Gender dysphoria - meaning unhappiness with one's gender - is the technical term for transsexuality and is accepted as meaning a persistent desire to belong to the "opposite" sex, hatred of one's current body, and impulses to cross-dress and otherwise express one's preference for a different gender.

IF thats the case then yeah I agree.

I agree Marie- its stinks of transphobia. But what do i know???? Maybe a darn sight more than some people THINK I DO.

My soul is twined and probably off balanced- but I understand when my fellow transgendered person is heartbroken.

:2cents:

[Skater Boy]

infatuation (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence)

Wow, thanks for that link, Taylor! I've been researching love (and infatuation, etc) for some time now and that was a new one for me...

[Ammigoth]

i still think i've not quite got my point across i know theres plenty more fish in the sea and so on. its that the situation brought back a lot of suppressed feels about my GD oh and for the record i live 24/7 as myself (female) but the nhs suck and are slow :(, it was just so frustrating i wanted to snuggle up with him and i know as a female he would have accepted that but as i am :( i just hate it. even writing this thinking over how i felt is making me upset again.

[Skater Boy]

it was just so frustrating i wanted to snuggle up with him and i know as a female he would have accepted that but as i am :( i just hate it. even writing this thinking over how i felt is making me upset again.

You mean as an MtF? It sounds really harsh, and God knows I don't mean it to at all, but for some men you never will be a woman, at least not in the BIOLOGICAL sense of the word. Does he actually know about your GD? I'm assuming that he does, but I think you should talk to him about it, and tell him how you feel... you might get a better understanding of under what conditions he might accept you.

:2cents: (and apologies if you took any offense to my words caused any offense). :)

[Ammigoth]

You mean as an MtF? It sounds really harsh, and God knows I don't mean it to at all, but for some men you never will be a woman, at least not in the BIOLOGICAL sense of the word. Does he actually know about your GD? I'm assuming that he does, but I think you should talk to him about it, and tell him how you feel... you might get a better understanding of under what conditions he might accept you.

:2cents: (and apologies if you took any offense to my words caused any offense). :)

*hugs* thanks hunni, very well said :) and i will see what i can do when im in a better state

[Skater Boy]

*Hugs Ammi back and really hopes that she gets to snuggle up with him in the end* :)

[bisexualinsocal]

Werther you think it is or not i actually find this kind of offensive how your comparing genderdysphoria to hight and being good at basketball :/


Way to strawman the argument. I made no such comparisons but if you need to fraudulently restate my position, be my guest. You're not crying about dysphoria, you're drunk, posting drunk and posting about "The world" and "Society". In other words, you're upset that you can't have life your way.

Hey I understand. But let's not hide behind science here.

[TaylorMade]

Wow, thanks for that link, Taylor! I've been researching love (and infatuation, etc) for some time now and that was a new one for me...

Limerence is an interesting phenomena. In some cases it's very close to infatuation. . .but in other ways, it's totally foreign.

Ammi: You are going to have to accept things as they are for now. Governments move slower than humans do, and that is the way things are. I know that sounds harsh, but as you grow older, I think you'll get stronger and learn to cope and grow. Yes, the wilderness sucks, but without it, you would not be able to develop your own inner strengths.

*Taylor*

[BreeIsMe]

Ammi,
that is horrible. The pain can be terrible at times but remember there is always tomorrow and progress toward being the person you are inside. We all strive to be true to ourselves but it takes time... and although many people don't understand our suffering and needs, there are many sympathetic people too (I have found). and when you get to know these types of people it makes all the other difficulties seem to be that much less important. There are others on this site who share your struggles and we are all here to support you. Keep you head up and perhaps tomorrow will bring an exciting new relationship, friend, or other important thing......


Hugs and Kisses

Bree