leave wife

[cuthwulf]

I have a problem and be interested to hear other opinions. Married for quite a few years. Had sex with male when I was 18/19. I think he had a crush on me. Then always thought I was just into women. Got divorced. Straight off
got a male around for sex. But for some reason got married again. Met a guy who I really fancied. Now all I think about is naked men and men that I have or nearly got off with. When I masturbate all I think of is naked men.Problem is my wife is very conservative and I think would not like me having other men.The only way around this is to split. Or possibly give up my need to have sex or relaitionship with men. My need seems to be getting stronger. Like to know if anybody else been in the same boat.

[krrptyc]

I am in a similar situation except that I have told my wife about my feelings. She does not like the idea of me being with another man or another man joining us. Actually she doesn't like sex much at all any more but that's another problem and I won't go into here.

As I read your post I found myselfing wondering if you really want to continue the relationship with your wife. If you do, give her the opportunity to show her love for you and tell her of your desires. You could be surprised.

If you really want out of the relationship anyway, tell her your desires as the reason you want to split up. :2cents:

Good luck,

Krrptyc

[cuthwulf]

strange my wife doesn't like sex much either. I know if we split I would go for men straight away. Anyway thanks for the input

[bisexualinsocal]

I have a problem and be interested to hear other opinions. Married for quite a few years. Had sex with male when I was 18/19. I think he had a crush on me. Then always thought I was just into women. Got divorced. Straight off
got a male around for sex. But for some reason got married again. Met a guy who I really fancied. Now all I think about is naked men and men that I have or nearly got off with. When I masturbate all I think of is naked men.Problem is my wife is very conservative and I think would not like me having other men.The only way around this is to split. Or possibly give up my need to have sex or relaitionship with men. My need seems to be getting stronger. Like to know if anybody else been in the same boat.

You're better off keeping your marriage and finding other ways to deal with your personal needs.

[rissababynta]

Ok, the answer is very simple in my opinion...you need to talk about this with your wife. If she is disgusted by this, then you guys will split up anyway so it isn't too far off from what you are prepared to do anyway. Also, you can't just stop feeling the way you feel for men. It's not like you wake up thinking "hmm, i think i'll be attracted to a penis today". If you try to get around having your wife knowledgable about it, then you are taking the chance that she will find out and not only be mad enough to leave you, but leave resentment behind as well.

I also suggest that when you speak to her, keep an open mind to counseling. If you really love your wife (which it sounds like you love her, but don't fully want to commit if you are willing to even THINK about leaving her) and want to be with her but her feelings are too strong about the subject, some couples counseling might be able to help you two come to terms with things. It might help open her eyes to your feelings and urges so instead of her being angry at you or feeling disgusted because this is what you feel, she might become more understanding than you would ever believe. An outsiders view and opinion on things is usually quite helpful when it comes to eye openers.

[cliffml]

For me i was in 2 serious relationships with women and never told them, luckily i guess for me the relationships ended. Like you cuthwolf, my desire for men grows stronger, now to the point i don't even look for women.

I think you should come clean with your wife, if she loves you she might be able to accept it, if not she will leave and you'll be free to be just with men, if that's really what you desire.

[cuthwulf]

Thanks for the input guys. To carry on. I had lent my wife one of my old computers and she found a picture of a naked man which did not please her.
It looks as if we'll probably split but not right now since if we sell our house we will get a very low price. We will sleep in seperate rooms and carry on with our own lives. In some ways sad but in others less of a strain for me as long term I will be able to live a more open life being bi. Theres a certain thrill about the situation. So in many ways I'm glad she came across the picture.

[*pan*]

well kinda had that problem but just came out and told the wife about it guess she loved me enough to understand. one can never say what another should do in a case that involves their marrage, i mean this is a personal thing the risks of loosing what you have are yours and yours alone. only you know how important your relationship is to you. life is full of chances and risks that we must decide and react on and our choices make the difference between a happy marrage or life as opposed to a miserable one. i personaly would never suggest something to someone to say to their wife for the reason that if that person dosent react as expected then i am at fault for sticking my nose where it didn't belong in the first place. sorry but thats just me.

[srladysmith]

I realize a female opinion is not really what anyone is after but please take it for what it is. Any deception is cheating. (In my humble opinion). How sad for a partner to find out through gossip, computer images or other outside source. In the past that is how I have found out many things about a former spouse. This only makes it harder on everyone. I truly believe that a marriage build on and/or supported by lies is bound to crumble and the collateral costs too high.

We are all struggling to be honest with ourselves, finding that you do not fit in the label you always believed you did is scary, and can rock the core of who you think you are it is important to share those truths with those you share your life with.

Please understand this all said in a spirit of love and a need to be true to myself and others, I make no judgments on what others do or believe. Take from this what you need and leave the rest. I hope there is something in what I have said is of use to someone.

[Dagni]

Well in that case if she doesn't understand you, i think it's best way to leave her.
I am in similar situation so i decided to split with my wife, with no drama, tears or anything patetic, i just simply left cause she is pure lesbian and i am bi.
So, we leave seperated lifes now completely, and i somehow expecting from her that she is ready at least to try with males. Until then i wont get any divorce or whatever, i'll be just patient and wait to see what will happend next.

[cuthwulf]

Thanks for the input srladysmith and dagni. I was glad to get a female point of view. Srladysmith"We are all struggling to be honest with ourselves, finding that you do not fit in the label you always believed you did is scary, and can rock the core of who you think you are " brought home the fear I have of other people knowing your bi and the fear i had of accepting myself for what I am. It worries me what my grown up children may think of me. Anyway lets see what happens.