Double standards

[Realist]

At 68, I've been around the block a time, or two. I've been bisexual all of my life.......long before I understood what a bisexual was. I am and will remain basically in the closet about my bisexuality and only a few very close friends know.

Given a graph, I'd draw the scale to indicate that I feel I'm about 90% heterosexual and 10% gay. Married three times and recently divorced, I am a an amalgamation of opposites, contradictions and interests. I have had 8 LTRs with males and many more with females.

I have never had sex with anyone, who I did not know well and trust before being intimate, other than one woman .......who I paid for sex when I was 18. Only a few females have known I was bi and even fewer were OK with it.

One of the biggest dilemmas of my life was created by my first wife, who was also the love of my life.

As we were discussing plans of getting married, she came clean to me about being bisexual. She fessed up that there were times when she felt itches that only another woman could scratch.

I was very excited, as I felt the same; on occasions, I had also felt drawn to interact sexually with an occasional male.

I listened to her telling me of being seduced at an early age by an older lady friend of her family's and about one other long-term relationship with another girl her age. I made no comments, other than letting her know that I loved her and accepted her for herself, then let her continue.

I awaited some equal time to confess that I, too, was bi. I'd had similar experiences, that I had NOT shared with her, and was delighted to have met someone, who I thought would understand my own sexual propensities. As she explained her past and present interests, I began planning how I'd tell her about my parallels to her story.

However, she began telling me something that stopped me dead in my tracks.

They were: She felt that it was natural for females to gravitate toward sexual relationships with each other, because (in her mind) they were more cerebral and "spirtitual" in their needs and desires. Women were also prettier, smoother, smelled better and more sensuous to touch.

She then stated that she thought it was "gross" for man to want to do whatever they do, because in her mind, whatever they wanted from another man, she could do better!

At that moment, I pushed any inclination I had of telling her I was bisexual, back to the darkest regions of my mental file. I would NEVER tell her! At the time, I loved her more than life itself and I would do nothing to create doubt.

We married and, for the most part, it was the most fulfilling and happiest time of my life. She was a wonderful wife and we shared many interests. Sex with her was the best ever and during that time I did not feel the urge to be with any males. It was a small sacrifice to make.

She, however, took little breaks. Two, or three times, within the first 5 years, she went to spend a few days with with an previous female lover. One time she spent a few days with a married neighbor, who was bi-curious. I did not know of any other times she was with another woman.

Although, I was informed of what she was going to do, I was never asked to share lovers with her. I had known from the beginning that that might occur, was prepared for it. I never bugged her about it and she always returned as loving and caring as before, with no indication that she wanted more than a same-sex break from time-to-time. She did not discuss what they did and I did not ask.

Later, over events not related to sexual issues, we divorced. To this day, she was never informed of my bisexuality. I have often wondered if I should have told her and if she would have accepted me as I accepted her.

I sometimes regret not telling her. But, looking back, I knew that I had not been honest and open with her, because of barriers she placed for revealing the truth.

During my 2nd marriage, to a woman I never really loved, I held the secrets, while cheating numerous times with both sexes. I disliked the lies and dark lifestyle and swore I'd never conduct my life like that again.

I was open and told my last wife, but that information came back to bite me. What she said she could accept, later came back as an issue that finally drove us apart. Even though I had no sexual contact with anyone, male, or female, during that marriage, she became paranoid that I had become unfaithful. She knew I had bi friends and discussed relationships and sexual subjects with them. However, was never intimate with any of them.

I was wondering if anyone else had ever experienced a similar situation and how did you handle it?

[TaurusBeresford]

yeah my last wife knew somthing was fishy soon after she began talking about marriage and I refused for many months. I did not tell her until she pressed it out of me about it cause I seemed to generally like the idea of looking at the guys in the porns we occasionally watched. Eventually, I had to tell her, after we were married, cause she asked. To start with she was leary about the idea, but continued to talk about it, and how she thought it was hot to see two guys together. Over the course of many months, I waited to see what she would do, occasionally talking with her about how I had always wanted a trio relationship with a female and a male mate together for me. She was not very happy about that, so I promised that I'd never seek to have that happen with her. After our first kid was born, she began to talk a lot more about it, and even encouraged me to talk about hot guys with her, and going out to the alternative bar here on the coast. I'd tell her which guys I'd like to do, and she told me which guys she'd like to do.

One day while we were at the bar, a guy came over and stood by me occasionally taking looks at my body and such. I was being non-chalant, not wanting to push it with her and maybe cause us to break up. She asked me why I wasn't responding to the appearent attention of the guy, and I said I don't know, I just don't think it's a good idea. Well, she pushed me to talk to the guy, and maybe I got a little too heavily involved with it, but I made the guy really want to be with me (us). At some point she disappeared for too long going to the bathroom, and when I went to find her, she was sitting outside alone. I talked to her about it, and she was very upset, seems she wasn't ready to accept what was happening. We went home after I told the guy that we were leaving, and sorry that I could not continue. We pretty much left the guy hot and bothered at the bar (which I have a big problem with doing), so we went to bed and I gave her a wonderful few hours of love. She said it was great, but I resented having to leave the guy at the bar.

Over time a rift developed between us after that where she became very possessive and jealous over any time I spent away from her. At one point, I felt like her nitpicking and jealousy was being designed to push me away. So I broke down, and feeling it was over, I went out and had an encounter with a guy. I guess I should have followed through and ended right then, but I did not, and she found out about the guy, and we had a big arguement about it. I told her why it happened, and chose to stay, perhaps I shouldn't have, but I did love her, and thought that maybe now it would begin to get better.

It never did, and one year later as I was managing the build of the new house, she accused me of sleeping with one of the workers on the house, and I got very angry as I tried my best to spend as much time at home as I could, not really seeking time for myself other than on the computer at home. Well this blame ate me up inside, after everything I had done, and tried to appease her with, whe had to go and do that. It took me a few days, but I said we were through, and I moved out to the cabin beside the new house.

I have been living here with just my kid ever since, occasionally finding someone to be with, but not really finding anything long term. After a few months I made the decision; I was done with all females in as a mate. So here I am waiting for a good man that I can consider for a possible long term relationship, and let me tell you from my person experience--The pickings are a long way from plentiful.

Loven hugs to all you alternative people out there,
I'll be sitting here trying to enjoy what I have by myself as much as I can,

Taurus

[Starra]

Realist i hear ya. I am part of a bi women's forum and whenever the subject of bi men comes up in the threads, i prepare myself to defend the men they are discussing. I have never seen such double standards. This, from a bunch of fellow bisexuals, in a site which also has a 'brother' site for bisexual men. I was, at first, astounded to read the atrocious things some of these women said about bi men. Here are some of the most annoying (and - i might add - completely untrue) comments made about bi men on the forum i am part of:

1/ Bi men are "on-the-way-to-gay". This suggests that men who identify as bi are only doing so as a stop-gap to homosexuality. Question whether we bi women are doing the same and the response is often "women are different" :rolleyes:

2/ Bi men will cheat on their partner. I mean...what?! This is often said by the bi women who claim they would never date a bi man because they fear they would cheat on them with a man. When reminded that they, themselves, are bisexual...do they cheat? Answer is usually some sexist remark about how men can't keep it in their pants. Tch.

3/ Bi men spread diseases. :eek:This is possibly the comment i get most angry with. The notion is that bi men sleep around with all and sundry, without protection, and thus spread STI's. Hmmph.

4/ Bi men will always need a man in their life. EH?! So just because they're male and bisexual, they NEED the homosexual aspect of their attractions to be satisfied. So by that token, aren't bi women the same? Don't we always need a woman in our lives? The response is (surprise surprise) "women are different" :rolleyes:

5/ Male/male sex is "gross" and "un-natural". Grrrr :mad: No matter HOW many times i note that any form of same gendered sexual activity was once considered "gross and un-natural", but thankfully society has moved on since that backward notion, well, the bi women on this forum argue that male/male sex is just "ewww". Personally, i think that even if they think that, it should not mean that they would not accept bi men. It's bi-phobia regardless of whether they are bi themselves.


My husband is bisexual. He is not 'out' to many people. I guess it's no surprise as to why. Those damned double standards mean that he cannot be true to himself, not as openly as i can as a bi woman. I feel that this is wrong on so many levels. I know that i am not the only bi woman, or woman of any sexuality, whom accepts bi men without double standards. Sadly, there are still various forms of prejudice around. It is an ignorance, and so we should treat it as such and attempt to educate those whom are so intolerant to something they clearly do not understand. I truly believe that male bisexuality will eventually be free of prejudice, but personally i wonder if that will only happen when the media begins to embrace it as 'acceptable'. For that is really when bi women became acceptable in society. As it is, society is nothing if not a sheep...led by the media. When the media accepts male bisexuality in an open and positive light, i honestly think the masses will follow. Until then, i feel for you Realist. Just be true to yourself. :flag2:

[Realist]

Thanks for both of your responses...... Starra, especially. I appreciate your insight from the feminine side.

I really had no problem allowing my first wife to express her bi needs, as I was totally in love and totally satisfied with her as a wife and sexual partner.

I had relationships with guys before and after our marriage, but found it easy to abstain during the marriage. I have often wondered, however, if I had met a fellow that I was extremely intrigued by, if I would have gone against her wishes to be with him. I assume, because of her attitude, that there would have been trouble over that.

I admit that I felt there was a one-sided set of rules set down by her from the onset, but it never did become a problem...........but could have.

I used to cringe when I'd overhear her discuss her theories of bisexual conduct, regarding her different standards for males and females. For all of her wonderful qualities, her lack of tolerance for the opposite sex was disappointing.

Those feelings are not uncommon, as you stated in your country. When I was in Germany, in the army of the late '50s, I knew a beautiful bisexual girl who also had the same opposition to male gay/bi men. So, it was not the first time I'd heard that theory.

Oh well, I've made it this far and have had a few wonderful, enlightening relationships with guys. I am better for knowing most of them and enjoyed them.

At my age, I can't perform as well as in my youth and I have decided that being bisexual is mostly a young person's game. At least I've got some good memories to relive.

I've also had a few wonderful relationships with some of the most intelligent and beautiful women. So, my life is filled with a great experiences. I don't fret over the less-than-perfect times, as they all made me aware of the different flavors of life.

I hope there is such a thing as reincarnation, because I'd really love to do it all, just one more time!

[TaurusBeresford]

*begins to smile as he starts reading the latest response, and half way through begins to chuckle. He is full out laughing by the end of it.*

[csrakate]

It's just the troll..ignore him/her/it!

[izzfan]

Yeah, there is definately a double standard about male and female bisexuality. I can't really talk about how this affects relationships (as I have not yet been in a proper relationship). But you can definately see this double standard in many aspects of our culture.

I mean, recently I typed "Bisexual" into facebook out of curiousity to see how many bisexual groups turned up, I saw some interesting ones (but haven't joined them as I haven't really "come out" on facebook) but I also saw one entitled "A straight girl is just a sober bisexual". I'm sure it is merely a joke/over-generalisation but it makes a point about how people view male and female bisexuality.

I mean, if two women kiss each other when out drinking/ clubbing etc... it's seen as something pretty funny, sexy etc... Straight (and bi) guys really like to watch it. But if two men kissed in the middle of a nightclub then, chances are, that it would be treated with ridicule, insults etc...( except if it was in a gay bar/club).

It's the same with television and the media in general, I mean there were over 200 complaints to the BBC when two men kissed in an episode of "eastenders" recently. However, many other programs/films/"Lads mags" have shown two women kissing and there hasn't been a single complaint. I guess same-sex behaviour between men is viewed a lot more negatively than same-sex behaviour between women.

Then there are all the comments a guy will get if he says that he is bi. I think the worst of these is "bi now, gay later" - I've had this said to me several times by various gay men. So it isn't just straight people who have critical opinions about male bisexuality.

I'm sure I'm just stating the obvious in this post or making sweeping genralisations (I'm sure there are a lot of problems female bisexuals experience which I'm not fully aware of). Nevertheless, I feel that I have to give my :2cents: on this topic.

[jem_is_bi]

I am fortunate (or maybe not) to not have female problems.
But, I do have family and other usual social problems that keep me and my male partner from being open about us.
Nevertheless, I still enjoy life very much!
So, no complaints from me about my relationships and sex.

But, I hope you get to a higher level of satisfaction with your sex/relationships than even me.

[FalconAngel]

Fact of the matter is, unfortunately, us men have only ourselves to blame for it. We have, in a sense, idolized the acts of female to female intimacy; eroticized it to a degree that no other culture has. And now, we pay the price for it.

Of course, puritanical influence in this country hasn't helped matters, either. Women are given a bit more leeway by men, and more often than not by women, than men are given by men or women.

Let's face it; most men fantasize over the idea of having a Bi girlfriend or wife that brings other women home for them to play with, but how many women, even amongst Bi women, are really into the idea of their guy bringing home another guy for both him and her to play with?

Very few. Most women hate the idea and that particular scenario is not popular enough to make it "mainstream", even amongst Bisexual women.

[Realist]

Thank you all for responding! I guess I thought I was the only one who had dealt with things like this and now I don't feel so alone.

I do have to say that I was the happiest I've ever been when I was married to my first wife, who was bi. I dreamed of being involved with her and her lover, but that was an exclusive relationship I was not invited into. It was not a big problem, though, as our own relationship and sexual activity were never threatened.

As I stated above, I did not have, nor did I feel that I wanted to have sex with a guy during that time. I was fulfilled both emotionally and physically. She was virile enough to satisfy us both and have us coming back for more.

One other relationship, before that marriage, was with a friend and his wife. For about 2 years, we shared a home like a husband-husband and a wife. I'm here to tell you that one woman can easily keep two men satisfied both sexually and emotionally. We were in the Army and transfers broke us up, but damn, it was fun while it lasted!

Ah, youth!

[vittoria]

What makes it weird is that those "double standards" are only based on superficial facts, that are extra generalized, or perhaps due to some people's personal experiences they feel the way they do. I have a very tongue in cheek way of looking at these double standards through a psychological lense ( the lens cap IS off). My comedic viewpoint is purely THAT... comedic. EVERYTHING is funny to me, think Paul Mooney or Carlin. Here goes! For instance:




1/ Bi men are "on-the-way-to-gay". This suggests that men who identify as bi are only doing so as a stop-gap to homosexuality. Question whether we bi women are doing the same and the response is often "women are different" :rolleyes:

We rarely hear of bisexual MEN on tv do we? Its ALWAYS the women... and if the man DOES claim to be bisexual (cue Elton John, David Bowie, Mick Jagger) the ONLY vision we have of them is what it would look like if they were to bang another dOOd (cue David Bowie and Mick Jagger). Or they try marrying a female to break any partiality that they may receive from the general public ( cue ALL THE ABOVE), and then, after a while make their orientation decision based on whether the marriage fails or succeeds (Elton after he got married for a SHORT time, decides to be "gay", David Bowie is married to Iman and has a child or two, and Mick... marriage problems galore).

Its that whole "male bisexuality isnt accepted" mentality, and the draw is the going behind closed doors "without getting caught"... man's adrenaline rush to do something "naughty". So quite naturally, people would think that men are doing some form of pit stop---like how going to strip clubs after work everyday would be a pit stop to cheating on their wives/girlfriends, I suppose the "meeting in the parking lot at an undisclosed location" getting a BJ would be considered one too. ("keep it discreet" or "make sure my wife doesnt find out")


2/ Bi men will cheat on their partner. I mean...what?! This is often said by the bi women who claim they would never date a bi man because they fear they would cheat on them with a man. When reminded that they, themselves, are bisexual...do they cheat? Answer is usually some sexist remark about how men can't keep it in their pants. Tch.

Sadly, men can blame themselves for this one... Stereotypically, men cheat. For some reason, their eyes are usually drawn to a womans chest or ass when they are out in public with their significant others--BALLSY!! They have proven themselves unfaithful in even keeping their eyes to themselves when it comes to other women, so the logic ( even if faulty) would be "if they would look at other women they would look at other men". And it may seem like a sexist remark, but we have such male models of faithfullness like Charlie Sheen ( ever see Two and A Half Men?) and the endless Michael Douglas is banging some chick movies, and blah blah blah. Hell, I was in a bar the other day when some guys were getting off of work and the one guy wouldnt even answer the phone to his wife, while he was hitting on the barmaid with his other cronies and she was giving them a free show of boobs and giving them free drinks. A whole in the wall bar? NO. Did they need holes in the head? YES. Men for some reason are hot wired for mischief. But on the flip side of that same coin... let a woman see a bunch of hard bodied military, or construction workers and they are ALL taking turns wanking off in the ladies room! However, chicks dont usually tell other hot chicks "I wanna bang you" when they are at the grocery stores either. :bigrin: The "why does Sharon Stone wear clothes to the Academy Awards when we already know what she lloks like when she's naked" thought dont help us much, either.

For another example, in the chat room here... how often do you see a WOMAN instant messaging another WOMAN for "cyber" or "kinky phone sex"?? NEVER. How many men IM BOTH women AND men for "cyber" or "kinky phone sex"? Most of them. Men are to blame for their own stereotype, which is unfortunate.


3/ Bi men spread diseases. :eek:This is possibly the comment i get most angry with. The notion is that bi men sleep around with all and sundry, without protection, and thus spread STI's. Hmmph.

The Bi man spread diseases thing..... COMPLETE BOLLOX!!!!


4/ Bi men will always need a man in their life. EH?! So just because they're male and bisexual, they NEED the homosexual aspect of their attractions to be satisfied. So by that token, aren't bi women the same? Don't we always need a woman in our lives? The response is (surprise surprise) "women are different" :rolleyes:

:cutelaugh That's rather funny. I'll get to the "women are different" part in a minute.


5/ Male/male sex is "gross" and "un-natural". Grrrr :mad: No matter HOW many times i note that any form of same gendered sexual activity was once considered "gross and un-natural", but thankfully society has moved on since that backward notion, well, the bi women on this forum argue that male/male sex is just "ewww". Personally, i think that even if they think that, it should not mean that they would not accept bi men. It's bi-phobia regardless of whether they are bi themselves.

To be honest, I really cant stand most bi women. And lesbians. I said MOST, not ALL. MOST bi women want to do other women but cant stand the idea of a man doing the same. MOST lesbians engage in daily man bashing, but what do MOST lesbian women look like? MEN. Walk like them, talk like them, dress like them, hair like them. But they dont like them or want to have sex with them. (Makes as much sense as a KKK member "getting jiggy with it" at a Puff Daddy afterparty!! :cutelaugh)

Just because I'm bi, doesnt mean I'm supposed to like everybody who is bi or lesbian, just like the notion of just because I'm American, doesnt mean I'm supposed to like everything and everyone here. So here's THAT disclaimer. I get real fkkn sick and tired of trying to find a girlfriend for myself, and when I let them know I'm one half of a bi couple the chicks get all stupid and retarded like I have the "croupe" and go running screaming into the night. I get the "ewwww that's gross" shit, I get the "o. that's kewl" and never hear from the 'broad' again. Is it "bi-phobia"? Fkk yeah. But we are all part of the same society that has the notion that "girl on girl" sex is the best thing to watch and man on man sex is gross. Its that same mentality that overreaches all. And if I hear one more fkkn gay man call me a "bleeder" I'm punching him in the face.

This "community" is FULL OF IT. There are VERY FEW people that are willing to realize that we all need to be respected, regardless of likes or dislikes, but they let "Society" dictate terms and "norms" while at the same time try to say "We wont let Society dictate terms and norms!!!"

I mean what the fuck.

And BTW... Women ARE different. We have breasts, vaginas, the ability to have children. We have PMS, we have a higher percentage of estrogen, or else we wouldnt grow beards and mustaches when we go through menopause. Women are nuturers by nature; have an odd tendency, when in the company of many women at the same time, will all have their periods within WEEKS of each other ( nothing funnier than having a whole restaurant of waitresses start their periods in the same week... nothing more interesting than 'best friends' having their periods withing days of each other... IT HAPPENS--ITS A FACT). We only have TWO dangly parts. And men like to stare at them. We have stalls in the bathroom. Men dont. They see each other's penises on a daily basis. We would rather have privacy. Women stereotypically are "we can take it or leave it" when it comes to sex, whereas stereotypically men are alleged to eat, drink sleep and shit SEX... think about it, women dont get morning wood. And the source of our orgasms are NOT in our asses--regardless of what the movies say; those bitches are gettting PAID to get LAID some reall $$$$$.. they are PAID to go "oooo yeah baby more more more just like that with your big cock" half the time hopped up on coke and every thing else ( look at their eyes) especially when they are getting it in the ass.

WOMEN ARE DIFFERENT. Doesnt make us less human, but we are different. We have emotions, we have intuition on our side, we have care as a main point of character.

Men sometimes need to get beat over the head with a rolling pin. And "THATS A FACT JACK!" ('Stripes')

However, to say that we dont need some "girl time" or to say that theres NO chance of saying "fkk it i'll be gay the rest of my days" just because we're women and supposedly different is BOLLOCKS! Hell yeah we need girl time, and if our husbands/boyfriends continue to be asshole bastard fucks (:cutelaugh) then hell yeah, we'll leave the man part of the population alone!!
Women that bust out the "eww thats gross" have let Society dictate that shit, they believe that the "I'm drunk so I'm now bi" mentality of the "Girls Gone Wild" commercials are completely OK, and are possibly douchenozzles in their day jobs. Fkk em, no wait, DONT fkk em. Might catch something! :tong:


In the immortal words of George Carlin, "one standard will suffice".

[csrakate]

One double standard that will never change is the one that applauds men for sexual aggressiveness and label women as "sluts" for the same behavior. I am just as guilty of this as the next person. While in chat, if a man comes into the room asking for phone sex, cyber or a "hot time with a hard cock", I do tend to laugh, whereas a female coming in proclaiming to have a "wet pussy that needs attention" seems to evoke a sigh, an eye roll and a shake of my head. LOL! But I must admit that many times I am merely assuming that the owner of said "wet pussy" is just another male attempting to get off with whomever may respond! LOL...I know...Guilty as charged for having a stereotypical mind! LOL!

As the wife of a bisexual male, I am very tired of the assumptions made about bisexual males. They are every bit as capable of being loving, monogamous, disease free people and they are not on every street corner and vacant lot looking for a way to get off. As for the acceptance of bisexual females in our society, we can certainly thank the media as well as this new trend of "young women trying bisexuality" as a means to evoke interest in themselves as sexual beings. It's not fair to anyone, primarily the true bisexual females they "use" to garner such attention.

[void()]

My wife accepts as is. She is told when and who I go out with. I'm told the same from her, if and when she desires that.

We always come home to one another.

There is no 'cheating' involved because we communicate honestly. She is the only woman in my life, much as my present boyfriend is the only man. Yes, I could see other men. Will I? No. Do I ask my boyfriend not to see others? No.

However, I hope both my wife and boyfriend have common sense and respect enough to keep communication open and to be safe. I think they both do. All of us are mature and responsible adults, despite our childish ways. :)

I give blood, too. Hi, I'm a bisexual man. Of course, I'm an exception as far as sex goes. See Kallmann's Syndrome or KS means (for me at least) it's difficult to get aroused, and then actually get the rocks off. When I am horny, don't like to waste it with masturbation. Yes, I love myself. But I love my boyfriend and wife too. They enjoy me being horny. And they enjoy helping, or having fun.

Sometimes I go three months without morning wood, other times it's every day. Got to love fluctuating testosterone levels. So in essence, I can manage keeping it in my pants, and often have a take it or leave it regard for sex. Love sex, it's great! Don't get me wrong. But there's so much more to life.

Reading the boyfriend's 'day in the life of' writing exercise, and going "wow!" Comes to mind. Helping my wife fix dinner by staying out of _HER_ kitchen does too. One of these days I'll show her my deed to the kitchen. You'd think a man showing a woman how to whip eggs properly to attain either solid yellow or white, would do it. Oh no, she insists that is just poppycock parlor trickery. *sigh* Button sewn back on by hand? "Sure, I'll get it for you wifey."

Also love just watching my guy. He's cute to watch. :) The point being there is more than sex in life.

Double standards --- bah, a pox on them.

[csrakate]

gee....you'd think that you would realize that repeating the phrase "nasty fishy cunt" twice in one night and in the same thread might get you recognized, dear troll.....no one is fooled by you changing your name from WhipHandleInTheAss to BlackAngryBitch...time to step it up a bit....you are getting lazy and repeating yourself....but what can we expect from someone who's mind doesn't get much exercise beyond insulting people on a website. Get that whip out of your ass and come up with some new material!

[Lienda]

Ah Realist, :( that's just not fair to you. Your ex was selfish, and sexist! Now, I understand that some people feel annoyed that one only tell them after marrege, but you had honest reasons for not telling. I agree with the idea that one should share their orientation before hand, though. For one thing, it lets you deturmine their attitude about Bisexuality.

[Realist]

Fair, or not, it worked pretty well for us. I accepted her for who she was, even though I was not given the same space to interact with others. Truly, she was a dynamic and extremely sensual girl with a remarkable capacity for loving me and our sexual life was prolific, to say the least. I was young, in the military and in very good shape, but she often exhausted me. I welcomed the short breaks I got when she went to visit her female lover. She always returned, as loving as ever, renewed, and in good spirits.

However, if I'd been married to someone I didn't love as much, I 'm not sure of what the out-come would have been.

[writes at night]

I must confess that my first "confession" my bisexuality to the partner that became my husband led to my crawling so far back in the closet that I began denying my true nature to myself.

I confessed that I was bisexual, and had a limited amount of experience prior to our relationship. This was accepted with what seemed as no negative ramifications. As the relationship progressed, natural curiousity seemed to bring about questions, and I answered them openly and honestly. These questions became almost obsessive, and it was finally suggested that I was denying HIM some benefit because I wasn't bringing other women into our bed.

It was at the point that he brought home a stranger, under the guise that "Since you are bi, I thought that you would like her." that I realized that MY sexual identity was no longer my own. I made the choice to bury my feelings, and doing all that I could to forget any sexuality, let alone one outside the traditional binary.That was almost a decade ago.

Yes, we are still legally married, but the relationship is permanantly scarred. To this day, I keep my sexual identity to myself and doubt that I will ever "out" myself. There are some very close friends that know "the real me", and some family members were told in a power play by a third party, yet I still haven't confirmed or denied.

[nc_wsbi101]

I am the straight wife of a bi-male. I'm learning so much, just reading about the experiences of others. DH just found this site a few days ago and signed us on, but he has been too busy with work, of late, to visit here much.

He only admitted to me a few years ago about his feelings of bi-ness. Up until that time, our marriage suffered greatly. I love him desparately, and when I finally learned the truth, it was a relief. I know he loves me too, he just has a need that I can't fulfill. He has had only a couple of experiences, in my presence, and he really loved it. It's been a long dry spell since we had to relocate.

I need to back up, got ahead of myself TEEHEE.

Our sexlife has never came back, because I shut down during the time before I knew the whole truth......he shut me out and refused to make love, giving me sorry assed excuses like he was tired and had a crappy day at work, blah, blah, blah instead of telling me the truth.

Since reading here for a few days, I'm starting to feel like I could come back to life again. I haven't had any cock for nearly 4 years....when I'm feeling "needy" I just get my little toy out and pleasure myself in privacy. I assume he does the same. I have almost forgotten what it feels like to feel sexy!!! Isn't that terrible?? I'm only 53!!! I know he hasn't been cheating on me with anyone, he wants to be open and honest with me, at last. We are very happy now, in every respect, except the bedroom. We are like "best friends".
I hope we will be able to find the right bi-friend or couple for the two of us, eventually, and we can get our life together whole again.

These kind of secrets can destroy the other person, it nearly did me in.

dorie

[ziggybabie]

The "bisexual" women who say bi/gay men are "different" and "gross" often just believe that because they have been fed that crap like tools.

Same reason many buy into religion, in my opinion, or being elitist over shit as stupid as fashion trends or tastes in shitty mainstream rap music. It's a big game of follow the leader.

If there were more masculine imagery of bisexual men promoted in the "right way", it might help to combat this. Take rap music mentioned above, which is very popular. Even though blatantly joking, Bizarre (from D12, Eminem's group) calls himself a "fag" constantly, with lyrics like "only three things to keep me from being a Nazi. I'm black, a fag and my dad's Liberace".....lmao. Seems less "weak" or "unmanly" and more humorous/freaky but in a pseudo masculine sort of way. Or more lyrics like this: http://www.songmeanings.net/lyric.php?lid=3530822107858581190


Granted some would still be insulted by that image of male bisexuality, but the average fickle macho straight males are likely to find that type of stuff funny or amusing. Maybe more of THAT type of media imagery would draw away from the "weak" image of male bi/homosexuals, and "man up" the image of bisexual males in mainstream media. It would be no more insulting than the drunk "bi" girl image.

[ziggybabie]

I'm dog fucking tired, so excuse me if I wasn't 100% clear.