Shifting Desires

[whatevs]

After about a decade of pursuing men, I've realized that over the past couple of years, my desires have shifted towards women. My hetero side currently feels like a girl-crazy teenager, my homo side feels sleepy and content to do without for awhile. To put it crudely, my penis mostly gets hard for women now. Not just specific women, but also women in general.

Here's one problem. Women have tended to read me as gay most of my life. (Gay men, oddly enough, tend not to make the same assumption, and I have a history of having little chemistry with them as a group). How do you persuade a woman that you actually are interested in her romantically if she assumes you are interested in men? And if your sexual/romantic history is male-dominated (but, honestly, you just don't care anymore, and would rather be with women)?

[welickit]

You probably won't like this reply but you sure need to think about it. If the women you know see you as being gay, they very probably also see you as a carrier of something they don't want. Gay men have a not so great reputation and regardless of your status, if they see you as gay, the seed for thought has been planted in their minds. Perhaps new friends would bring a change.:2cents:

[the sacred night]

As far as that goes, bisexuals have that reputation too, welickit.

Personally, though, I don't think it has to do with AIDS. I think if you're talking about women you have yet to meet, think about where you're meeting them. Go to a straight bar instead of a gay bar or other "gay" space. If it's not your surroundings leading to the assumption that you're gay, I'd say rather than change your appearance or anything like that, just come out and say you're not gay, you're bi. If they don't believe you, point out that you are hitting on them, not their brothers.

[izzfan]

Yeah, I kind of go through gay and straight phases. I always seem to find that the gay phases tend to be based more on an emotional, romantic and sensual kind of attraction whereas the straight phases tend to be based more on pure lust.

As for attracting women who might think that you are gay. I;d have to agree with what "the sacred night" says about this - if they ask you if you're gay, just point out that you're bi.

[DiamondDog]

You probably won't like this reply but you sure need to think about it. If the women you know see you as being gay, they very probably also see you as a carrier of something they don't want. Gay men have a not so great reputation and regardless of your status, if they see you as gay, the seed for thought has been planted in their minds. Perhaps new friends would bring a change.:2cents:

You're better off without ignorant hetero women who think that HIV is something that only bi/gay men and IV drug users get, when in reality everyone is at risk and HIV/other STDs don't care about your gender/sexual orientation.

If you look up the numbers for HIV more heterosexuals (both men and women), have HIV worldwide than male bisexuals/homosexuals.

Just meet new people and tell them the truth about yourself, or have sex with them and date them for a bit and then tell them about yourself before things get serious.

Or if these women do read you as gay, why does it matter? Would their opinion of you change if you had sex with them or just told them about yourself? Do you even want to surround yourself with ignorant people like them?

[someotherguy]

Try doing what I did: Get so old nobody cares what you want anymore anyway.

[csrakate]

You probably won't like this reply but you sure need to think about it. If the women you know see you as being gay, they very probably also see you as a carrier of something they don't want. Gay men have a not so great reputation and regardless of your status, if they see you as gay, the seed for thought has been planted in their minds. Perhaps new friends would bring a change.:2cents:

Now I don't see how you can jump the gun to automatically assume it is a fear of disease that will turn women off. How about the very real fear of his fluctuating sexuality? Many women would be put off knowing that a man might be interested in them for NOW...but could very well change their minds tomorrow. I don't think it's fair for anyone to judge another by virtue of their sexuality, but sometimes it goes a bit deeper than the simple fear of disease and for this to be your knee jerk reaction shows how little you may regard gay men yourselves.

[jem_is_bi]

You're better off without ignorant hetero women who think that HIV is something that only bi/gay men and IV drug users get, when in reality everyone is at risk and HIV/other STDs don't care about your gender/sexual orientation.

If you look up the numbers for HIV more heterosexuals (both men and women), have HIV worldwide than male bisexuals/homosexuals.

Just meet new people and tell them the truth about yourself, or have sex with them and date them for a bit and then tell them about yourself before things get serious.

Or if these women do read you as gay, why does it matter? Would their opinion of you change if you had sex with them or just told them about yourself? Do you even want to surround yourself with ignorant people like them?


I definitely agree with that. You can not get away from who you are just becuause your sexual identity now is more heterosexual. Do you really expect that you will never desire men again? Why should you expect women to believe that? Get a woman that will be ok with you as you are, ALL OF WHO YOU ARE!

By the way, as someotherguy said: I am now so old nobody cares!!
Except, for one, well, ..., maybe two, well, ..., maybe three that I care for too.
Well, ..., maybe there are a few more.:)

[Realist]

In my case, I have always loved women...that's never waned. However, my interest in being with guys has fluctuated, depending on the availability of those rare ones that I was attracted to.