Lying Poisons Everything

[veronica_mn]

I went out last night with a bi guy I’ve been seeing and we were talking about how lying poisons everything good in a relationship. We’re both comfortable with who we are and being open with/about our other partners. But it reminded me of a girl I was with a while ago who lied all the time about everything. I was forthcoming about my other partners, except for a couple at the very beginning and at the end, but she hid so many things from so many people I think she’d completely lost touch with reality.

I suspected some things at the time, but didn’t want to believe she was that devious. I didn’t know how deep it went until months later when someone revealed some unexpected information to me. I was stunned.

She had an online thing with a bi girl for a couple of years and after she had sex with me, she’d tell this girl what we did and they’d make up fantasies, look at porn and masturbate together. She ditched me at my birthday party to have sex with someone else then said it was my fault she left (not knowing all the details at the time, I even apologized). I still can’t believe she did that! She had an ongoing relationship with someone who traveled to the area, which she always denied. She invited a bi guy she liked to meet us out one night, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell me she’d arranged it or that I was part of the deal. She went on a trip and said it was family business, but she really went away with a girl. Anytime we fought or I was away, she’d hookup with strangers. And there were her secret trips a gay club to meet bi guys, things she did after she left my place, hookups when she traveled, couples/groups, webcam stuff, stories she made up about her life, and more. She lied about all of it.

I’m only telling this story because I’ve never known anyone that toxic and I haven’t shared this with anyone. She was totally out of control and impervious to the damage. I thought I was being supportive about her sexuality and the whole time she was deceiving me. I offered her a safe place to be herself and she completely abused my trust and affection.

Fortunately that is the past. I’m now involved with a really cool girl and a bi guy, and we all know how to be kind to each other and play nice together. It’s made life interesting in a really good way.

Does anyone else have a story about secrets or lies you want to rid yourself of?

[jem_is_bi]

For some people telling a lie or the truth is completely interchangeable. They do not see that as a problem for others and only as a benefit for themselves. I have had to work with such an individual. As soon as I discovered how they have no respect for truthfullness, I found it rather easy to accommodate their lies and theft of others ideas and property and actually use them instead of them using me. When nothing they say is credible, you use their reply (truthful or otherwise) only to determine that they understand what you want or expect of them. What they actually do is discovered by other means.

[FalconAngel]

I went out last night with a bi guy I’ve been seeing and we were talking about how lying poisons everything good in a relationship. We’re both comfortable with who we are and being open with/about our other partners. But it reminded me of a girl I was with a while ago who lied all the time about everything. I was forthcoming about my other partners, except for a couple at the very beginning and at the end, but she hid so many things from so many people I think she’d completely lost touch with reality.

I suspected some things at the time, but didn’t want to believe she was that devious. I didn’t know how deep it went until months later when someone revealed some unexpected information to me. I was stunned.

She had an online thing with a bi girl for a couple of years and after she had sex with me, she’d tell this girl what we did and they’d make up fantasies, look at porn and masturbate together. She ditched me at my birthday party to have sex with someone else then said it was my fault she left (not knowing all the details at the time, I even apologized). I still can’t believe she did that! She had an ongoing relationship with someone who traveled to the area, which she always denied. She invited a bi guy she liked to meet us out one night, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell me she’d arranged it or that I was part of the deal. She went on a trip and said it was family business, but she really went away with a girl. Anytime we fought or I was away, she’d hookup with strangers. And there were her secret trips a gay club to meet bi guys, things she did after she left my place, hookups when she traveled, couples/groups, webcam stuff, stories she made up about her life, and more. She lied about all of it.

I’m only telling this story because I’ve never known anyone that toxic and I haven’t shared this with anyone. She was totally out of control and impervious to the damage. I thought I was being supportive about her sexuality and the whole time she was deceiving me. I offered her a safe place to be herself and she completely abused my trust and affection.

Fortunately that is the past. I’m now involved with a really cool girl and a bi guy, and we all know how to be kind to each other and play nice together. It’s made life interesting in a really good way.

Does anyone else have a story about secrets or lies you want to rid yourself of?

Then you have never had the misfortune of meeting my son's mother. Her philosophy is to lie, cheat, steal; do whatever it takes to get whatever you want.

Your situation was not a far cry from her. I caught her cheating on me, red-handed in a hotel room with the married guy from her job and she had the nerve to blame me for her infidelity.

[wikskul]

i have always thought that honesty was the best thing.... but some people i have dated thought otherwise.
cheating, lying, stealing, abusive behavior... i have been through it all... but i consider it a lesson learned.. and luckly it makes all stronger if we look at it like this. :)
like my ex husband... he would lie.. and spend the money he made on strippers and booz.... then go and cheat on me with other women.... who looked worse then me ( i have no idea why lol he was messed up in the head i guess) but i had finally had enough and left him cold.... but atleast i am no longer that nieve lol i like to think :tong:

[paddington]

Hi,i ended a affair with a woman this year.i'm married,had been faithful for over 20 years untill i got into this and up till that point felt i was straight.things had really broken down with my husband,he's a good man but we were so far apart not helped because all my efforts were being put into my other relationship.
i thought i'd found something wonderful with her,i was sooo wrong.i was very lonely when i met her,she be friended me,i thought i'd found the best friend in the world but i know she had other ideas from the start now.i'd had odd niggles with things she said that didn't add up.she was very manipulative and seemed very kind on the surface but with hindsight i see the kindness was a very calculated,manipulative mask. i've seen her hang her head and turn tears on and then with the flick of a switch they're gone-i've never seen such manipulative behaviour before,it's shocking to observe,shocking to realise how she's played me!
things came to a head because she wanted me to "be a wife","keep him happy"for another 5mths when she'd have a tennant out of a house she owned and then just drop my husband out of the blue and move in with her.i was absolutly devastated,i couldn't believe she could ask me to do such a cold,cruel thing.
she told me that she had told her husband all about our relationship and they were getting divorced(he lives and works over in another part of the country so she was able to keep the 2 relationships very seperate)but she kept going over there,supposidly to "help him look for a new property& to get him settled".she was telling local people here me & her weren't seeing each other when we were,telling her husband she was having no contact with me when she was,obviously playing him along too.
she was telling me she wanted me and her husband she wanted him.the lies ranged from small silly things to whoppers! she had a posh Merc car,the services were £500 plus,one time she said she had to keep him sweet so he'd pay for it,she has fleeced him with credit cards etc.
she's driven on the wrong side of the road to block my car turning to go home because she wanted me to go to her house,she scared me to death.she's sent shady emails,things disguised in the post by printing lables,followed me and my husband,spread lies about us. i've reacted by just stepping away from everything i went to and had contact with her at as a way of avoiding her. i don't want to get into telling my side,i'm a private person.
i thought i was the only one for her,that's what she told me.she has recently told me she'd joined lesbian dating groups and has been dating other women.i thought i was getting into a faithful relationship with her.i was wrong.
she said knew she was a lesbian when she got married,she's had other experiences,she says she isn't bi.she wanted me to marry her,i'm so GLAD i didn't!!!!i've had a lucky escape even though it's been hard and she's really made things difficult for me with local people-gossip etc,i feel sorry for her husband,she's busy working out how much she can squeeze out of him in a divorce settlement now.
my husband has put up with so much,he's been so kind and loving.he accepts that i am bi.he's prepared to explore that and support me.we want to stay together and have made great progress.
i fell in love with someone who wasn't what i thought she was.it feels as though none of it was real,it was all based on lies. i can't begin to list all the things she'd done,some of the lies and manipulation were very subtle,they could be dismissed as my "being oversensitive",i know i wasn't.a few people locally have told me she is domineering,obsessive,manipulative,controlling. i've had a lucky escape and i'm thanking my lucky stars that my lovely husbands given me a another chance.the reason we've made it through is because i was totally 100% honest, down to the smallest detail about everything that i'd done.she tried telling him things but i'd already told him myself so it all backfired on her. she's pushed very hard to try and split us up,i'm sure she''d then want me to go to her-i'd have no where to stay,no one to go to.
i've had a lucky escape.

[Germanicus]

I would agree that lying poisons things. Of course, some of this depends upon how you yourself reacts to lies, e.g. take it personally or shrug it off, but it also depeneds on what is being lied about. But I, along with many people, would say that if you cannot be honest in a relationship, then you shouldnt behaving relationships.

I remember asking someone I was in a relationship with if they had met anyone on a night out and they replied "my conscience is clear". Of course, it all depends on what your conscience is, but a simple "yes" or "no" would have sufficed. I did take it personally (I was in that frame of mind at the time), and it did begin to poison things. Again, part of that was my reaction to that person's statement, but when people supply ambiguous answers to direct questions, what does one expect?

Be honest with others, be honest with yourself

[DiamondDog]

Does anyone else have a story about secrets or lies you want to rid yourself of?

Nope. I can easily tell if someone is a liar, and I'll cut them out of my life.

[darkeyes]

Nope. I can easily tell if someone is a liar, and I'll cut them out of my life.
Wow DD.. no wonda ya plays so much onya own.. tee hee..muah...:tong:

[BrotherJack]

I went out last night with a bi guy I’ve been seeing and we were talking about how lying poisons everything good in a relationship. We’re both comfortable with who we are and being open with/about our other partners. But it reminded me of a girl I was with a while ago who lied all the time about everything. I was forthcoming about my other partners, except for a couple at the very beginning and at the end, but she hid so many things from so many people I think she’d completely lost touch with reality.

I suspected some things at the time, but didn’t want to believe she was that devious. I didn’t know how deep it went until months later when someone revealed some unexpected information to me. I was stunned.

She had an online thing with a bi girl for a couple of years and after she had sex with me, she’d tell this girl what we did and they’d make up fantasies, look at porn and masturbate together. She ditched me at my birthday party to have sex with someone else then said it was my fault she left (not knowing all the details at the time, I even apologized). I still can’t believe she did that! She had an ongoing relationship with someone who traveled to the area, which she always denied. She invited a bi guy she liked to meet us out one night, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell me she’d arranged it or that I was part of the deal. She went on a trip and said it was family business, but she really went away with a girl. Anytime we fought or I was away, she’d hookup with strangers. And there were her secret trips a gay club to meet bi guys, things she did after she left my place, hookups when she traveled, couples/groups, webcam stuff, stories she made up about her life, and more. She lied about all of it.

I’m only telling this story because I’ve never known anyone that toxic and I haven’t shared this with anyone. She was totally out of control and impervious to the damage. I thought I was being supportive about her sexuality and the whole time she was deceiving me. I offered her a safe place to be herself and she completely abused my trust and affection.

Fortunately that is the past. I’m now involved with a really cool girl and a bi guy, and we all know how to be kind to each other and play nice together. It’s made life interesting in a really good way.

Does anyone else have a story about secrets or lies you want to rid yourself of?

It is very true, lying does poison a relationship. If one is lied to from the very beginning and the only way these lies are found out, are when one accidentally finds that the loved one is visiting a certain web site, or when one is told certain things, they don't ring true and so one has to try and investigate the matter, this causes untold damage.

When you know you have been a good friend, more than a good friend and you also know that no lies have been told on your own behalf, the poison dart strikes home and it embeds itself very, very deep within the heart.

If over a year and a half of friendship, is battered in this way and the liar does not even have the guts to face one and do some explaining, confusion sets in. Add on to this a year of near silence, when the wrongdoer has still managed to carry on with their web surfing, trying to impress and only when they want, call on one to be a lstening ear, the poison dart releases all of it's vile concoction and exits the body, ready to find more victims.

Of course the liar, is not to blame. The liar is the victim, everyone else is to blame. To the liar, the needs of the one, out weigh the needs of the many. Totally selfish and self absorbed, the liar finds no problem with dreaming up fantasy stories for a forum and has conscience. The liar despises anyone he/she comes into contact with, for no one is as intelligent or as knwledgeable. The liar has all the answers and yet the liar does not. For the liar lives in a lonely, friendless real life, encased within a whisky haze.

No shame. No apologies. No caring about the false persona presented to the loved one or to the myriad of on line contacts.

Yes, lying does poison. It hurts. It causes tears to flow. It breaks.

[BrotherJack]

I went out last night with a bi guy I’ve been seeing and we were talking about how lying poisons everything good in a relationship. We’re both comfortable with who we are and being open with/about our other partners. But it reminded me of a girl I was with a while ago who lied all the time about everything. I was forthcoming about my other partners, except for a couple at the very beginning and at the end, but she hid so many things from so many people I think she’d completely lost touch with reality.

I suspected some things at the time, but didn’t want to believe she was that devious. I didn’t know how deep it went until months later when someone revealed some unexpected information to me. I was stunned.

She had an online thing with a bi girl for a couple of years and after she had sex with me, she’d tell this girl what we did and they’d make up fantasies, look at porn and masturbate together. She ditched me at my birthday party to have sex with someone else then said it was my fault she left (not knowing all the details at the time, I even apologized). I still can’t believe she did that! She had an ongoing relationship with someone who traveled to the area, which she always denied. She invited a bi guy she liked to meet us out one night, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell me she’d arranged it or that I was part of the deal. She went on a trip and said it was family business, but she really went away with a girl. Anytime we fought or I was away, she’d hookup with strangers. And there were her secret trips a gay club to meet bi guys, things she did after she left my place, hookups when she traveled, couples/groups, webcam stuff, stories she made up about her life, and more. She lied about all of it.

I’m only telling this story because I’ve never known anyone that toxic and I haven’t shared this with anyone. She was totally out of control and impervious to the damage. I thought I was being supportive about her sexuality and the whole time she was deceiving me. I offered her a safe place to be herself and she completely abused my trust and affection.

Fortunately that is the past. I’m now involved with a really cool girl and a bi guy, and we all know how to be kind to each other and play nice together. It’s made life interesting in a really good way.

Does anyone else have a story about secrets or lies you want to rid yourself of?

It is very true, lying does poison a relationship. If one is lied to from the very beginning and the only way these lies are found out, are when one accidentally finds that the loved one is visiting a certain web site, or when one is told certain things, they don't ring true and so one has to try and investigate the matter, this causes untold damage.

When you know you have been a good friend, more than a good friend and you also know that no lies have been told on your own behalf, the poison dart strikes home and it embeds itself very, very deep within the heart.

If over a year and a half of friendship, is battered in this way and the liar does not even have the guts to face one and do some explaining, confusion sets in. Add on to this a year of near silence, when the wrongdoer has still managed to carry on with their web surfing, trying to impress and only when they want, call on one to be a lstening ear, the poison dart releases all of it's vile concoction and exits the body, ready to find more victims.

Of course the liar, is not to blame. The liar is the victim, everyone else is to blame. To the liar, the needs of the one, out weigh the needs of the many. Totally selfish and self absorbed, the liar finds no problem with dreaming up fantasy stories for a forum and has conscience. The liar despises anyone he/she comes into contact with, for no one is as intelligent or as knwledgeable. The liar has all the answers and yet the liar does not. For the liar lives in a lonely, friendless real life, encased within a whisky haze.

No shame. No apologies. No caring about the false persona presented to the loved one or to the myriad of on line contacts.

Yes, lying does poison. It hurts. It causes tears to flow. It breaks.

[jem_is_bi]

Wow! I am so lucky to never have had a relationship with a liar. I am not particularly adapt at recognizing liars, but I do not fall in love or even "friendship" easily and very analytic about everything, including my relationships. That does not mean I only consider "what is in it for me". It does mean I value good character above all else. So, I have always had enough time to sort the liars from those that value the respect of others.

[BrotherJack]

It is very true, lying does poison a relationship. If one is lied to from the very beginning and the only way these lies are found out, are when one accidentally finds that the loved one is visiting a certain web site, or when one is told certain things, they don't ring true and so one has to try and investigate the matter, this causes untold damage.

When you know you have been a good friend, more than a good friend and you also know that no lies have been told on your own behalf, the poison dart strikes home and it embeds itself very, very deep within the heart.

If over a year and a half of friendship, is battered in this way and the liar does not even have the guts to face one and do some explaining, confusion sets in. Add on to this a year of near silence, when the wrongdoer has still managed to carry on with their web surfing, trying to impress and only when they want, call on one to be a lstening ear, the poison dart releases all of it's vile concoction and exits the body, ready to find more victims.

Of course the liar, is not to blame. The liar is the victim, everyone else is to blame. To the liar, the needs of the one, out weigh the needs of the many. Totally selfish and self absorbed, the liar finds no problem with dreaming up fantasy stories for a forum and has conscience. The liar despises anyone he/she comes into contact with, for no one is as intelligent or as knwledgeable. The liar has all the answers and yet the liar does not. For the liar lives in a lonely, friendless real life, encased within a whisky haze.

No shame. No apologies. No caring about the false persona presented to the loved one or to the myriad of on line contacts.

Yes, lying does poison. It hurts. It causes tears to flow. It breaks.

Of course...that should have been ''no conscience''....apologies for the poor English.....I'm beginning to fall asleep.

[DiamondDog]

Wow DD.. no wonda ya plays so much onya own.. tee hee..muah...:tong:

I'm not sure where you got that idea from? I'm not nearly as promiscuous as I seem. I also don't "play" with people.

[paddington]

You are right,the liar does live a lonely life,she appears happy on the outside,it is a mask,no one can be allowed too close unless they might discover the deception,the half truths.so, she/he is really quite alone. i realise now how little i knew about her.
my husband say's the truth will always come out eventually.
liar's need a very,very good memory,my ex was making slip ups over time,contradicting herself on things she'd said at a previous date,not only to me but to other people too.
i thought i was a good judge of character!this one got under my radar,that shook me.
we all make mistakes.i've learnt not to judge,that has been a big lesson.

[Pixiedust]

hi everyone i'm new here and read this post and thought it was sad. i have been in a situation like this.

i had a bi boyfriend who was cheating on me. we would fight, and he would throw me out of the house. while i was gone, he would find guys to cheat on me with and not even tell me about it all the while saying that he would never cheat on me. he even made classified on craigslist looking for women only, telling them how honest he is and how he's single and looking for other honest women and we would be still dating! he went so far to make a myspace page looking for women not even mentioning me in the profile, at the same time trying to tell evryone how honest he is. he cheated on me with a guy. when we made up, the phone rang one night and he ran to the phone like a lunatic to turn the ringer off acting like i didnt notice.

so yes, lying does poison good relationships, and all his lies makes me not believe a word he says anymore. i dont trust him at all, and even though he apologized, i think i may leave his dumb ass.

[Realist]

You MAY leave him?

Listen, Honey, I'm not one to dictate to anyone what they should do, but If I were you, I would cut my losses and run!

Once you begin to lie, you have to create more lies to cover them, then more to cover them...get my drift? He is selfish, self-centered and a parasite draining you of your love, with nothing in return but sorrow.

There are those who can and will cherish you, love you for yourself, and give you a reason to wake up smiling. One thing's for sure, it's not the loser you're with right now!

As long as you have the anchor of this foul relationship around your neck, you will never grow and blossom, as you should.

It may take a little time, but you can find a better life, a better lover, once you dump this asshole. Set yourself free and begin searching for what and who you need, to fill your needs. He, or she, or they are out there, believe me!

'nuff said!

[darkeyes]

I'm not sure where you got that idea from? I'm not nearly as promiscuous as I seem. I also don't "play" with people.

*Bangs head on desk three times hard*:eek:

Sumtimes me wondas wetha me on same planet as otha peeps..an if me is.. am beginnin 2 wond wetha me sensa humour is transatlantic...:(

[PearlGirl]

Hi I'm new here and wanted to chime in:-)

It sounds like she could have a sex addiction. True sex addicts are often incapable of honesty. I have a friend who is recovering from a sex addiction. She lost her job, her friends... everything. Lying really does poison a relationship because honesty and trust are the cornerstone of ANY relationship. Glad you've survived this it must have been very hard on you. No matter how smart we are sometimes we can all be deceived and betrayed. Just remember none of it was your fault. She sounds like a person who needs professional help.

Here's some info. from the Sex Addicts Anonymous website and a self quiz that could point to a potential sex addiction:


What is Sexual Addiction?

Sex Addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. A large number of sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors.


The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The addict may wish to stop --- yet repeatedly fails to do so. The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem and despair.

Sexual preoccupation takes up tremendous amounts of energy. As this increases for the sex addict, a pattern of behavior (or rituals) follows, which usually leads to acting out (for some it is flirting, searching the net for pornography, or driving to the park.) When the acting out happens, there is a denial of feelings usually followed by despair and shame or a feeling of hopelessness and confusion.

Are You a Sex Addict?

A Useful Tool for Self-Assessment

Answer these twelve questions to assess whether you may have a problem with sexual addiction.

1. Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?

2. Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?

3. Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?

4. Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems?

5. Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?

6. Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?

7. Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns which prompted you to leave the last relationship?

8. Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief?

9. Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.?

10. Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development?

11. Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?

12. Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?

[bi_Jazzy]

Lying truly does ruin everything. My close friend is going through a situation like that. Before her and her guy started dating she made it very clear that she did not want to date another bi guy, that she knew she couldn't handle it and wanted to avoid the heartache of it. Instead of backing off (she didn't know then that he was bi) he kept trying to date her and eventually she gave in. One day she had to go through his email to find a password for a joint online account of thiers and she came across emails from other guys to him. When confronted about it he denied it completly and because she loved him she pushed it to the back of her mind. Eventually his odd behavior kept prompting her to think and dwell on it. it really did poison the good relationship they had. They broke up for 3 months and got back together 3 years ago. He admitted then that he was bi and she agreed to try to accept it but that she couldn't promise, but she really did try.
Over the past year he's slowly stopped having sex with her and is looking at guys more and more, sometimes not even coming home at night. She thinks he's cheating on her but has no proof. He denies anything is going wrong but... yeah, lying poisons relationships. I just wish people could be honest with each other.

[GalacticiaActual]

Sounds like my daughters mother.
The most irresponsible person I think I've ever met.
She would spin a web of lies so tight that she would have me questioning what I knew were lies!