Your not homosexual are you?

[robbie09]

I have been asked this question by my best friend and my wife in years gone by. What a terrible question, it is laden with negativity.

I interpret this question as a statement "I hope you are not homosexual". It is almost a retohical question or am I being overly sensitive?

The question does not entertain the possibility of some middle ground between being hetrosexual and homosexual.

When I have been asked this question I have always responded no of course not. The framing of the question and my response helped faciliate years of denial of my bisexuality. Had the question been framed differently I might have come to an earlier realisation.

How would you respond to this question?

[Apleasureseeker]

Might be heretical, but more & more I find that there are very few bisexuals. Most sexual orientationis more a matter of degrees, and I think plenty of people are heterosexual, but engage in occasional homosex, or homosexual but enjoy a little hetero-deviance on occasion. I think it has more to do with which genrder you connect with on an emotional level. Every human has hands, a mouth and genitals, so they can all please and enjoy each other, regardless of gender. Physical doesn't mean that much.

[evilpanda]

the only person i've had to correct on the subject is my mother. but, to be fair to her, english is her second language and she is quite a church-goer, so she didn't know the difference between the terms 'homosexual' and 'gay', 'bi,' 'lgbt', 'queer,' etc.

i explained (in english) that the word 'homosexual', even though it is technically a correct term, it normally does not show up in polite vernacular conversation anymore. using it to describe a gay person is kind of outdated and the only people who use it in a non-scientific way are being derogatory. like it or not, it has become a pejorative term.

the best comparison i came up with is when someone calls us 'oriental'. technically true, perhaps not intended as an insult, but there are better words to choose from.

My mother, interestingly enough, had learned about bisexuality and the kinsey scale and understands the concept of sexual fluidity, even before she knew i fit the description. when she learned she had gay friends, she had to reevaluate her opinions. she learned from a lot of talking (i bloody HOPE it was TALKING) that sexuality has a big middle ground.

i'm only using her as an example of how opinions on the subject can change when people realize that 'homosexual' and 'heterosexual' are just labels that have gotten increasingly inapplicable. okay, so she's not keith olbermann, but it's a step in the right direction.

[Hephaestion]

Dear Evil,

I would have thought oriental to be a flattering term. I have never heard of a use where it is derogatory. To me it does more than give impression of a morphotype but also that of cultural background and thus all sorts of positive attributes.

I have sneeked a look at your profile and declare you a handsome young devil and apparently an erudite one at that. Should you encounter the term here please, please, please, take it as a term of endearment.

Regards
H


As regards the thread. When I am with a female I am practicing heterosexuality when I am with a male I am practicing homosexuality.

When I am with both a male and a female simultaneously I don't know which way to turn next - but it's fun if not confusing.

In having a fondness for both genders I am thus bisexual. I see no problem and it doesn't need to be shouted about or justified. The quantificaiton on a scale of interest is almost irrelevant. More important are things such as what colour the carpet and curtains should be and which drink to choose with one's meal.

.

[GalacticiaActual]

I was not asked, but told in high school that I was gay. Relentlessly.
I also responded with denial, and by surpressing who I was. I built up a huge wall from my feelings, and it has effected who I am to this day.
I don't even think I knew what bisexual was at that time, I just knew that I had an attraction to both girls and guys.
My not being able to admit to people that I am bisexual today, is a direct result if being labled homosexual way back then...

[DeShawn2]

That was beautifully written, GalacticiaActual!

I definitely feel the same way. I've honestly never met people that truly validate who I am, except for a deformed handful of people. It's funny. I get so used to not being able to ever talk about something that i don't feel like I deserve to at a point.

But I digress.

I've been "told" that I'm gay, very often, so I've never had the "luxury" of being asked this question.

[Laken]

The smart ass in me can never help but respond to this question with a wink, smile and "Only half."

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol I had one lady look at me and ask "OMG! your not one of those lesbian things are you!?"
I laughed and said "Hell no, I love cock wayyy too much"
So after that, I wasnt a "lezzy" I was then a slut. Go figger..lol Had any of them known that I Was Bisexual I would have probably lost my job.
Nobody needs to know ones sexual orientation anyway..:}
Cat

[Lonewolf76]

I've been asked that question often myself. I usually turn to the idiot who asked the question and smile, place my hand gently on their arm and say "No, but I'm working on it"... as I walk away. I've seen a lot of chins hit the floor! LOL LW

[diB4u]

You know its rather funny, because this week- 3 people have enquired if i was either a lesbian or bisexual.

Personally I dont go by any terms but I have refered to myself as pansexual or simply someone looking for love.

The thing that really makes me smile is that does it show in what i say and do, cause sometimes I like to say things just to see a persons reaction.

Meh! :tong:

[bisexualman]

Actually I have never been asked that way. They assume I am heterosexual because I am married to a woman. However I have been given questioning looks when I speak out about LGBT issues. One particular irritation is people saying 'Oh that's so gay.' I use to try and ignore it but now I speak up every time. I have explained to one or two people when they ask if I am gay, that that is not the correct term. Of course bi doesn't work for me because it has so many societal connotations. I prefer two spirited, but that is a whole other thread.

[meteast chick]

In my case, I am gay.

When I say it, I get "What? No way. You don't LOOK gay."

So what does gay look like?
For that matter, what does bi or straight look like?

That's what I wonder.

love and kisses,
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
meteast

[Robert C]

I have been asked this question by my best friend and my wife in years gone by. What a terrible question, it is laden with negativity.

I interpret this question as a statement "I hope you are not homosexual". It is almost a retohical question or am I being overly sensitive?

The question does not entertain the possibility of some middle ground between being hetrosexual and homosexual.

First off, I'd insist on being asked if I was gay, not homosexual, which is a term that right wingers love to use.

Secondly, if you're attracted to people of both genders, then you'e bi. If you're attracted to just your gender, you're gay.

Personally, I think that almost everyone is bi to some extent.

Lastly, I'd tell them my orientation's none of their biz.

This is my first post. Just joined tonight. I'm a bi male from MA who'd love to meet other bi and especially young gay guys.

Robert

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Welcome Robert.
I had something funny happen a few minutes ago...lol One of my fiends ran up to me in the store and gave me a big hug and kiss and this snooty chick sneered and says,
OMG are you Queer??"

I leered at her and said, "No just uniquely odd. Why? Jealous?":tongue:
Funny, she shut up and moved on..:rolleyes:
What?? Something I said??? lol
Silly Cat

[codybear3]

lol I had one lady look at me and ask "OMG! your not one of those lesbian things are you!?"
I laughed and said "Hell no, I love cock wayyy too much"
So after that, I wasnt a "lezzy" I was then a slut. Go figger..lol Had any of them known that I Was Bisexual I would have probably lost my job.
Nobody needs to know ones sexual orientation anyway..:}
Cat

LOL... Ya, go figger... I actually answered something like this a good while back... When asked if I am gay/homosexual, my response is:

No... But the str-8 community calls me a fag and the gay community insists I'm in the closet...:paw::paw:

[void()]

Reminds me of a time a co-worker asked me, "you suck cock?" I didn't miss a beat, "jealous, or need some?" He shut up rather quickly. Everyone there laughed at him.

Laken has a good reply too, and I'm quite fond of using it at times. Although my wife laughs, "you're only like 37% queer honey." Have always thought I was more moderate, some say the scale changes.

[Robert C]

Welcome Robert.
I had something funny happen a few minutes ago...lol One of my fiends ran up to me in the store and gave me a big hug and kiss and this snooty chick sneered and says,
OMG are you Queer??"

That's sad because, being very physically demonstrative, if I was madly in love with you, I'd think nothing about running up to you and hugging and kissing you in public. I've always been a very warm, loving and sexual person and I can't stand it when people try to compromise that with their bigotry and ignorance.

[evilpanda]

Dear Evil,

I would have thought oriental to be a flattering term. I have never heard of a use where it is derogatory. To me it does more than give impression of a morphotype but also that of cultural background and thus all sorts of positive attributes.

I have sneeked a look at your profile and declare you a handsome young devil and apparently an erudite one at that. Should you encounter the term here please, please, please, take it as a term of endearment.

.

Cheers, mate. :)

[barejerr]

I have been asked this question by my best friend and my wife in years gone by. What a terrible question, it is laden with negativity.

I interpret this question as a statement "I hope you are not homosexual". It is almost a retohical question or am I being overly sensitive?

The question does not entertain the possibility of some middle ground between being hetrosexual and homosexual.

When I have been asked this question I have always responded no of course not. The framing of the question and my response helped faciliate years of denial of my bisexuality. Had the question been framed differently I might have come to an earlier realisation.

How would you respond to this question?

The whole bisexual term is subjective to whatever group or person, you happen to be with at that time. I lot of so called liberal swingers, say that bi is ok with females.... but not so with males... I have been asked to leave swing clubs, because I partaked (partook)...in a deviate sexual behavior with another man..(behind closed doors) But while being escorted out the door, I saw 2 women at the bar ....69ing each other on the floor... in front of 20 people.... Think about it... last time you were in a bar and saw two woman kiss goodbye... and the last time you were in the bar and saw two men kiss goodbye...

Why can;t we all just play nice.... I don;t pass judgement if someone... why do people pass it on others?

It comes down to that old saying... A man can paint a 1000 pictures and never be an artist.... He can write a 100 stories and never be an author... But go ahead and suck one cock and your a GAY forever.

[Georgie_Girl]

No one asks me anything, they just assume I'm a lesbian. I live in a small city, very fond of it's gender roles, and I've got a 'boy haircut' [Mohawk] and a love for jeans and t-shirts. I get stares when out alone, with my husband, or with female friends. Not a lot of people get that there is a middle ground, a lesbian friend of mine thinks bisexuals don't know what they want. That's mostly why I joined this site, to meet other bi people. :bigrin::flag4:

[rissababynta]

No one asks me anything, they just assume I'm a lesbian. I live in a small city, very fond of it's gender roles, and I've got a 'boy haircut' [Mohawk] and a love for jeans and t-shirts. I get stares when out alone, with my husband, or with female friends. Not a lot of people get that there is a middle ground, a lesbian friend of mine thinks bisexuals don't know what they want. That's mostly why I joined this site, to meet other bi people. :bigrin::flag4:

I grew up in PA too, the small towns and cities can be the worst :-P

[darkeyes]

No one asks me anything, they just assume I'm a lesbian. I live in a small city, very fond of it's gender roles, and I've got a 'boy haircut' [Mohawk] and a love for jeans and t-shirts. I get stares when out alone, with my husband, or with female friends. Not a lot of people get that there is a middle ground, a lesbian friend of mine thinks bisexuals don't know what they want. That's mostly why I joined this site, to meet other bi people. :bigrin::flag4:
Am very girlie..like 2 look an dress nice an spend a fortune in the process..and am a lesbian.. ther r so many diff types a human beins, gay bi str8 an all sorts in b tween.. me partner is bi an also v girlie an she 2 likes 2 look yummie.. tho she laks me vanity.. many, not all by any means, lesbians an gay guys think bi's dunno wot they wont an don even accept bisexuality exists.. wich is bollox.. humanity has so many diff strains we cant cova them all.. nor shud we think we kno betta than the peeps who claim 2 b wot they r... thats an arrogance wich shud b stamped on..:)

[PaulWaul]

I've been asked that question often myself. I usually turn to the idiot who asked the question and smile, place my hand gently on their arm and say "No, but I'm working on it"... as I walk away. I've seen a lot of chins hit the floor! LOL LW


The smart ass in me can never help but respond to this question with a wink, smile and "Only half."

In my opinion, these are two of the best answers to the question: Are you gay? being asked to a bisexual.

How you chose to answer the question is up to you. I personally use the same answer as Laken, although I've only been asked the question twice ><

[MikeW]

I've only been asked that question by gay men in a gay bar. They usually think I'm there in suport of a gay friend. I've had arguments trying to convince them I'm gay. (I've offered to prove it to a few of the cute guys questioning me)

[darkeyes]

A young very feminine student teacher this very morning had to put an end to an argument between two pupils arguing about one of them's sexuality.. "Yer a fukkin poof" says no 1. "No I'm no.. I'll kill ye efter school u..I'm nae mair gay than Miss here..!!":eek:

The young feminine student teacher had the most God awful job trying not to laugh..:)

[robbie09]

Thanks for all the posts.

I think "only half" is the best response for its simplicity and accuracy.

[darkeyes]

A young very feminine student teacher this very morning had to put an end to an argument between two pupils arguing about one of them's sexuality.. "Yer a fukkin poof" says no 1. "No I'm no.. I'll kill ye efter school u..I'm nae mair gay than Miss here..!!":eek:

The young feminine student teacher had the most God awful job trying not to laugh..:)
Tsk tsk tsk.. saw same 2 daft lil boys in corridor this mornin wiv not a few bumps an bruises an cuts an scratches covrin face an knuckles.. odd thing..they wer dead pally... wonda if they kissed an made up?? tee hee:tong: Didn hav the heart or brass neck 2 ask...:bigrin:

.. but do hav the lil toerags for a dubble period tomoz...:tong:

[csrakate]

Tsk tsk tsk.. saw same 2 daft lil boys in corridor this mornin wiv not a few bumps an bruises an cuts an scratches covrin face an knuckles.. odd thing..they wer dead pally... wonda if they kissed an made up?? tee hee:tong: Didn hav the heart or brass neck 2 ask...:bigrin:

.. but do hav the lil toerags for a dubble period tomoz...:tong:
That very young and feminine student teacher sure is refining her skills of observation!! LOL!! I can imagine that this very young and feminine student teacher is going to have her radar tuned in during that double period....sassy lil' tart that she is!!! hehe:bigrin: (Methinks said tart loves to observe people just as much as her Mumsie does!!!)

[darkeyes]

That very young and feminine student teacher sure is refining her skills of observation!! LOL!! I can imagine that this very young and feminine student teacher is going to have her radar tuned in during that double period....sassy lil' tart that she is!!! hehe:bigrin: (Methinks said tart loves to observe people just as much as her Mumsie does!!!)

Me thinks its luffly that they so pally afta yesterday..wetha they kissed an made up or woteva...:)

[csrakate]

Me thinks its luffly that they so pally afta yesterday..wetha they kissed an made up or woteva...:)

Just goes to show you that intolerance must be a learned behavior when two so young can move beyond such a scrape. I agree that it is very luffly indeed!

[Lonewolf76]

Not everyone that is bisexual is 'only half' homosexual/gay.

I certainly would not describe my sexuality as being half heterosexual/homosexual.

When people react negatively to being questioned if they are homosexual this is their homophobic self loathing that is coming up from inside them.

When I am questioned about my sexuality I tell the truth, as there's no sense in lying about it.

I just have to say that I agree with 90% of what you are saying... But I don't agree with --
When people react negatively to being questioned if they are homosexual this is their homophobic self loathing that is coming up from inside them.

It's not always about their own homophobic self loathing at all - Using myself as an example. I am quite comfortable with who I am - but sometimes I just get sick and tired about being asked over and over again. I don't go running around meeting new people and when I see a very obvious hetero - say OMG - you're not heterosexual are you???!!! If they were asked that all the time because they weren't fitting into the "normal" mold - I'd eventually expect them to start reacting negatively as well. No self-loathing - just tired of double standards!! Just my :2cents: LW