i can use advice

[footlady]

seriously, i have sharing living arrangements with my roommate, who is gay. me on the other hand, have fallen in love with him (he may or may not know). i've not pushed any boundaries with him, trying to be respectful. i am 50 and he is 22. thats the first problem, very transgenerational to say the least. i'm ok, indulging in my fantasies, but i am breaking down, i love being with him. i don't think it's the reverse; he's set in his way as being gay; i also love it when he is with another male; i love the gay culture, their passions, the intimacy, their openness. i would love to be with him and another male, but again, bridging that gap is so frustrating. i don't even know how to broach the subject with him without sounding crazy and afraid of being judged, let alone loosing him as a friend and roomie!!! These thoughts pervade my brain all day long and bring me down, because i wonder what ladies like me do, do we crawl up and die? I'm new to all this, and as much as i read, i've not come across this situation. i like this website, it seems to be my only outlet. i find myself abnormal to feel this way, and i so want to experience this love that i have never felt before. I am afraid of the rejection, so for now, i just love watching him sleep, talk, etc. but dang it i know i can't wait forever, i want to experience...'is it enough to love, i'd rather be anything than ordinary, please'..avril lavigne.

[DeShawn2]

Well, don't feel abnormal. If a guy's attractive, then he's attractive! That's totally fine.

Whatever happens, I think you have to understand that it's fair to your roommate to move out.

A friendship CAN come from this, but you both need your boundaries. As for a relationship, it doesn't sound likely if h's gay. If he's possibly bisexual, and interested in a relationship, then you two still need space/two different residences, finances or not.

I think that the two things that are most important here are honesty and realism.

Good luck!

[Realist]

I can't advise in affairs of the heart. I can tell you that I once had an amazing relationship with a much older woman, when I was 21. (she was 60) I loved her and the feeling was mutual, so I do know that romances occur like this and the age difference does not seem to be an obstacle.

In my case, we both were bisexual. However, so you may be setting yourself up for a fall.............if he's solidly gay, you will probably NOT make any headway. If he's a decent fellow, he will recognize that you are having difficulty and try to let you down easy. I wouldn't bank on it, though.

I don't agree that you should move out, unless it's just too painful for you to see him on a daily basis and not be able to be intimate with him.

[jem_is_bi]

I can understand living with a wonderful and desirable young man would promote feelings of love. I hope all works out for you and him and that you remain friends. But, it seems unlikely that you will ever be lovers. While a big difference in age is likely going to be a problem it is probably less of a problem that his gay orientation. But, if all does not go as you would like it to, remember, there are a lot of men closer to you age who are not gay that can make you smile too and be more than happy for the privilege to do so. My male lover is my age and definitely keeps me very happy and occasionally has one of his female friends desperate for sex and more from him. But, he is bisexual and needs me too. So, I know there are men like my lover who need women like you, who are more than happy to share them and recognize their need and ability to love both men and women. He has not found one that is not totally possessive and intolerant of me.

[hotmagma]

I feel your pain I had a best friend that I lived with for a long time. I would lay in her bed and masturbate to her scent, I would pick up her clothes, any article and inhale her fragrances. I even seduced her boyfriend right after she fucked him so I could taste her pussy on his shaft.. Now that's hardcore!!! he was drunk.. but I got to taste her.. I eventually got her, only to find out she was the flavor of the year not my lifesong. I moved on emotionally but the time that it took to get to that point was agonizing.. my end result was good I got the girl but was it what I Needed or just wanted. For a fleeting emotional bandage for a lil while?.... If we connected on a deeper level she would be my wife today. but instead we just bonded sexually and differently but oh what fun I had pleasing her and making her smile seeing her eyes glow. You will be fine in whatever decision you make you did not get this far in your life by poor decision making. good luck be careful. get laid. :)Maggs

[veganbigmac]

How close are you to his boyfriend? If you can bring up how you feel with him, he might be able to test the waters and let you know if anything is possible. In my experience some of the most outspoken gay people I've met will blur the line in the bedroom. Don't give up all hope until you've tried all avenues. If you're not close with his boyfriend, then I would just be honest and open about how you feel. Don't worry about the age factor, I'd love to get with a cougar myself and I'm 22, so don't worry we do exist!

I would suggest writing a letter so that you're clear about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Practice in front of a mirror, and revise the letter. I know it sounds obsessive, but it really works! If you do this you will avoid saying something emotionally charged that might Kibosh the whole situation. Best of luck, my heart goes out to you.

[elian]

Hmm, well so far I've heard good advice - if he is mature and you have a goood friendly relationship with him then he might at least talk it through with you.

If he really is 100% gay then I would be prepared for the idea that he simply may just not be physically attracted to you. Don't take it personally, it may just be the way he is.

If he has a boyfriend, and they are very serious then he also may not want to chance that relationship.

Yeah, I don't know what this would do with your status as roommates, hopefully not much as long as you both can keep the peace.

Unrequited love (or lust?) can be frustrating, but it is at times part of the human experience.