Truth or Lies?

[fredtyg]

Got to thinking about this and came up with an offshoot of the Liarsexual thread:

A slightly different question: If someone you know (or even didn't know) approached you today and asked if you were bi or gay, how would you answer?

Would you say, "Of course not. I've been happily married for ...."? Or would you tell them the truth? And, yes, I know that just because someone might be happily married heterosexually doesn't mean they're not bi.

As I mentioned on the other Liar thread, I don't know that I've ever really been asked my sexuality, although I've had a few people over the years tell me they thought I was some form of homo or bi. I never responded to those suggestions, as best I recall.

But now, as more and more people know I'm bi/homo, I would think there would be more of a chance someone might actually confront me with the question, if only out of curiosity.

While I consider myself relatively open about my sexuality, there are some people I'd just as soon didn't know. Not sure why. Certainly I know among the wife's family it might be a problem, although some of them do know.

I'd like to think- and I'm pretty sure about this- if I was talking to some of these folks and one of them something along the line of, "Is it true that you're gay?", I'd like to think I'd tell them that I was.

Do you think you'd be able to answer honestly if someone you knew came up and asked you directly about it?

[_Joe_]

I think if I got asked, I would put on the gayest voice I could, have my arm up and hand waved down, and with the heaviest lisp reply "Oh My Gawd, why would you athk thuck a perthunal quethtion huuuuh?"

Then you could gauge their reponsive if telling the truth may get you punched or suprise buttseks.

If you're fast enough, and jump high enough, a punch can also be surprise buttseks.

[Donkey_burger]

I think I would tell people I was bi, since I don't want to explain pansexuality.

DB :bipride:

[fredtyg]

Then you could gauge their reponsive if telling the truth may get you punched or suprise buttseks.


I'm not sure that I could lie about it, even if I thought there might be a negative response. I think the vast majority of people would just let it go. That said, I think if some people asked me directly I think I'd try to qualify my answer so as to make it seem not so much a big deal.

Something like this:

"Joy" is the actual name of a person who I know and would rather not have her know of my sexuality, if only because she knows a lot of big name people in our town and, because she knows all those people, I don't know if she'd be capable of keeping it to herself:

Joy: "So, Fred; Is it true what I've been hearing that you're gay?"

Me: "Well, Joy, I think I'd call myself (almost laughing while saying it) asexual since I can't remember the last time that I had sex with anyone but, yes, I'm bisexual. I've had sex with both men and women and enjoy them both to this day."

If she were to let it drop right then and there I think I'd go no further. If she asked if the wife knew (she's good friends with my wife), I'd say that she does but is in a bit of denial about it.

If she asked me if I still fool around with guys, that would be where I might tend to be untruthful. I don't know that I'd deny it but since it has been a few years I'd just tell her that I have fooled around since I've been married but the last time was some years ago. I'd also have to tell her I don't really feel all that guilty about wanting to be with guys now as I'm 54 years old and life's too short to not do what you want to do and that it wouldn't put the wife at risk as we haven't had sex for probably 5 years.

~ ~ ~
The thing is, most folks I know that have found out I'm queer haven't said anything to me about it. I would guess at least some of the people I worry about finding out about it probably already know, or have heard rumors.

Funny thing is, I almost wish some of those people I worry about would ask me. It would be a relief to get it off my chest and explain my sexuality to them, but they'll probably never ask.

[fredtyg]

I think I would tell people I was bi, since I don't want to explain pansexuality.
DB :bipride:

How would you explain pansexuality as being different from bisexuality?

[Fire Lotus]

I don't wear a huge sign on me that says, "I'm queer". But if I were asked if I was queer/bi, I'd be honest and tell them, I am. I'm very rarely asked about my sexuality though.

[rissababynta]

I have had people ask me before, and I never really hesitated to tell them the truth. I have never hid my sexuality from anyone.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol If asked nowdays I'd give the asker a horribly naughty grin and leer and reply, "Yes, I'm Bi. What'chu got in mind, Big Boy/Pretty Girl?"
lol
Bad Cat

[eddy10]

Being as I was a career military man, I grew up with the "don't ask, don't tell" mentality. However, since I have never been able to lie very well, if asked, I do tell.

[roy m cox]

i know my mom knew i was bi cuzz,, cuzz when we was at the mall i looking at some girls and then i mentioned how cute a guy was and for got i was with my mom but she was cool with it but she told me never tell my dad , and if you knew my dad you would never tell him too :eek:

so yeah some people can handle it but others can't

[Lisa (va)]

I don't have the need to lie about it, it is no secret, my family and friends - they know. I don't often get asked that anyway ( in real life ) , I don't walk around town carrying a sign, more often than not folks ask me how tall I am (or not in my case),

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[delpark]

I have given that some thought lately and decided I would ask:
"Why, is that a proposition?"

[Donkey_burger]

How would you explain pansexuality as being different from bisexuality?

First, I think I need to define "gender binary". If you are 100% within the gender binary, you are either 100% male or 100% female.

A bisexual is somebody who either believes that everyone fits within the gender binary (this would include people born with mixed anatomy, transexuals, crossdressers, etc.), or who just isn't sexually attracted to those outside it.

A pansexual believes that there are people in the world who fit outside the gender binary, and that they are attracted to them. I am a pansexual.

DB :flag4:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

RE: Pansexual...
Uhmmm, Ive been told that I look like a woman but think like a man...does that make me Pansexual? lol
Cat

[swmnkdinthervr]

I touched on this is the other thread "liarsexual" but I'll expand on my views here a little. My wife and I are both bi, I have more experience than she does and have been aware even active in my interest for a longer period of time.

We both are "swingers" for lack of a better term and have found on the "lifestyle' websites we belong to there is an overall homophobic mentality towards bi men. (I have seen some of this on gay sites too) When we entered my interest as bisexual we not only got no responses to our ad those we wrote often responded in a pretty nasty way...we even got unsolicited insulting comments! All this from folks supposed to be more "open-minded" than the rest of humanity...we soon realized that this was a reflection of the view the majority the rest of the world shared.

Is it fair, no...both us of can ill afford to be "outted" because we would lose our jobs...do we lie, only if we have to. We are honest with those we know are supportive of our lifestyle and we only ask for understanding...not judgment like we get elsewhere!

[bistraightpat]

It depends. I know some of my guy friends would be like yuck and go away but some of my female friends would be like oh thats nice. It depends on the person.

[Fire Lotus]

First, I think I need to define "gender binary". If you are 100% within the gender binary, you are either 100% male or 100% female.

A bisexual is somebody who either believes that everyone fits within the gender binary (this would include people born with mixed anatomy, transexuals, crossdressers, etc.), or who just isn't sexually attracted to those outside it.

A pansexual believes that there are people in the world who fit outside the gender binary, and that they are attracted to them. I am a pansexual.

DB :flag4:

I personally, prefer not to have any labels. But when I do, it's for the other person. I say I'm queer or bisexual because I think it's a little bit easier to understand than pansexual. My sexuality is fluid. I am open to male, female and what's in between. This includes trans people, cross dresser, etc. AS a matter of fact, I have a partner who is a cross dresser.

[izzfan]

Depending on who it was who asked me, I'd either simply state that my sexuality was complicated or I'd take time to explain it. However, when I have mentioned that I am bi to people before, they are sometimes ok with it. Other times (mainly from people who know me well) they try to convince me that I'm "actually gay". I'm more gay than straight but I still have a straight side and I would not feel totally comfortable describing myself as "(entirely) gay". It would be like going into the closet about my straight side, which would be a strange experience.

Then of course there is the whole cross-dressing/transgender thing but that's a totally different thing. I'd probably describe myself as an "androgyne" if only in spirit and occasionally appearence.

[jamiehue]

I think I would tell people I was bi, since I don't want to explain pansexuality.

DB :bipride:

I been an outgay man for years.Yet its my bi side that is hidden for the most part and im done explaining that too.So i tell my gay friends im an Aquairian. And as my fellow aquairians on this site know good luck figuring us out.:flag4:

[Donkey_burger]

I personally, prefer not to have any labels. But when I do, it's for the other person. I say I'm queer or bisexual because I think it's a little bit easier to understand than pansexual. My sexuality is fluid. I am open to male, female and what's in between. This includes trans people, cross dresser, etc. AS a matter of fact, I have a partner who is a cross dresser.

That's fine. I kind of need a label at times to hang on to, though. I know this because I have tried the "I just won't label myself sexually" thing while questioning and it made things more confusing. So, I finally decided that the appropriate label was "pansexual". I guess I'm weird like that.

DB :flag4:

[Fire Lotus]

That's fine. I kind of need a label at times to hang on to, though. I know this because I have tried the "I just won't label myself sexually" thing while questioning and it made things more confusing. So, I finally decided that the appropriate label was "pansexual". I guess I'm weird like that.

DB :flag4:
Nah, I don't think that's weird. I think in the beginning, I was the same way...needing the label. But it's now been 30+ years since I came to realizing myself and my sexuality. I've come comfortable with just...being. Some might say that is weird. :)