Self Esteem issues

[still_shy]

Warning!! This is long!!

I'm wondering if anyone out there has problems with self esteem and if you do, how you combat them? It's not as easy as it sounds, most definitely. I'll give you a bit of background and hope that I get some honest advice back.

My sister committed suicide when I was 13. I remember hearing my mom tell a friend that she wished it was me who died. She said my sister was the smart one, the beautiful one...all the things I wasn't. That hurt. I started dating my first boyfriend when I was 15. He was nice for about a year then started abusing me. It was an absolute nightmare. I won't go into details...I'll just say that by the time we split up, I was completely beaten down and broken. (I was 21 when we split) He told me on a daily basis that I was stupid, ugly, worthless....all those things that a person tells you to keep you with them and feeling awful about yourself. I then moved forward and married the first guy who paid attention to me. He was a winner for sure...To make a long story short, he did alot of the same things to me that I had already been through...to me, It was just how a relationship worked. I finally got sick of it and divorced him when I was 25.

So...now we get to today....I'm married to the most awesome guy, have a great girl interested in me, am making straight A's in college AND still believe that I am stupid, ugly and worthless. I struggle with this daily. I know most people have this problem to a certain degree but I've found my lack of self esteem causes problems in my marriage and keeps me from doing new things. I don't tell my husband what I'm thinking because I figure I'm just bugging him with stupid shit honestly. He gets so frustrated with me because I'm so closed off and don't let him in when it matters most. I stress out big-time about school, always thinking I failed a test when I usually get an A. I won't ramble on forever, I think you get the idea.

Anyone struggled with this in the past? I'm to the point where I try really hard to fix it, I wonder if I'm trying too hard or if I'll ever have the faith to believe in myself. It's not as easy as waking up in the morning and telling yourself that you are awesome. Wish it was. Any advice?

[_Joe_]

It breaks my heart to read what your mother said about you.

How many people like to find a scapegoat to today's turmoil, pointing to the president, to the economy, to the television, to the media...when sadly, alot of problems can be traced right back to the very first source of influence...the home.

And if at a young age you aren't aware of anything other than what you experience and develope a standard to, how the hell can you reprogram so many years of mistaken assumptions ?

I can not relate to your issues as they are very personal to you, and effect your complete state of mind.... but can understand what you mean as I did develope friendships over the years with those in your unique position. I've lost contact with a great deal of them over the years, and actually you got me thinking now how they are doing.

Anyway.... It's a daily battle I observed then, always having to remind yourself that you, and only you, are responsible of how you perceive yourself in the world - nobody else. Back then you may have thought they were the authority of the correct opinion, but now you know better. Sounds very simple, but it is not I know! It's almost like realizing late in life you were walking wrong all these years, and have to constantly stop and tell yourself how to do it right (I walk like a duck, with the feet out, and constantly try to keep my feet straight. There, something weird you know about me now).

Well, you have to constantly remind yourself THEY were wrong and their opinion means nothing - and strive to simply be yourself, and be the best yourself you can be. Meanwhile remind yourself little naunces that I try to drive home to my own kids.

First, I tell them be true to yourself. The worst flaw you can see in people that have low self esteem or ego, is they try and be something they are not. They get so flamboyant on expressing current trends or taste, joining the crowd of whatever is popular, thinking they are making themselves unique and standing out, when its painfully obvious they feel they have nothing unique about themselves that they are simply painting stripes on themselves to run with the zebras.

Second, if you don't stand up for yourself, nobody else will. It's a dog eat dog world, no matter what you do or where you go. Even nuns have "whos must humble" squabbles to see who's the best. So, if you must, hold your head up strong, and don't bend your spine when someone starts to try and tear you down. If someone learns they can manipulate you, others can as well. Don't let them with their words, their actions, their opinions.

Third, and the biggest one I drive to my kids is that crazy Golden Rule. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Or as I use, Treat others back the way you were treated. There may be a time and place to put up a mask and kiss ass to some people (at the office, managers, sealing a deal, etc) however why bother doing this to people that don't care to listen to you talk in a conversation, listen to your opinions, and take any general interest in you. Return the discourtesy with nonparticipation with them. You do NOT need friends/acquiantances like that.

I dunno, by now I feel like I'm rambling. And I hate being serious here to, however you struck a nerve with me damnit. Thanks a bunch !

If anything I hope something I said makes some sense. If not then let's share a drink and try again.

[Donkey_burger]

I have self-esteem issues, too.

I think it started with the Loma Prieta earthquake. My mom was pregnant with me and was in it. I think she has PTSD issues, and she actually was diagnosed with dysthymia a few years ago. Dysthymia is a low-grade, chronic depression for those who don't know. I don't think she was always able to be a good mom to me. My dad also has a hot temper, which doesn't contribute to things.

I also have several disabilities. My parents noticed when my mom was able to write down twenty words and phrases that I was able to say when I was two and half. I was referred to speech and occupational therapy, and started language therapy shortly after. Finally, when I was nine, I was diagnosed with ataxic cerebral palsy that mostly affected my speech, and I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (translation= "We are sure you have autism! However, you are too big to fit into the autism box!") this March.

It's a constant reminder, when you go to any sort of therapy, or get any sort of diagnosis, that you are not "normal", and that you quite possibly won't be until the therapist (or doctor) declares you so. It doesn't matter to the therapist (or doctor) that some people not only develop at their own pace, but also in their own, atypical way.

Of course, then, there's my pansexuality. I remember writing in my diary when I was thirteen (didn't know about pansexuality at the time) that "I'm not bi. I'm straight and confused." That complicated things. :(

So here I am, absolutely convinced that I will never be accepted anywhere, and I found a place where I am accepted. How absolutely astounding!

I combat my self-esteem issues by going to places (like here) where I am accepted, watching people on TV be more pathetic than me, making my OWN decisions and listening to music (gut-wrenching or soothing). I also draw, exercise, and paint with oil pastels. I used to dance my heart out in my own way, but then people started to make fun of how I danced. Smiling also seems to help.

DB :bipride:

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Babygirl, I went thru almost the same thing, except my twin died of congenital heart defect when we were 5. I heard my Gramma (On my Father's side) tell him that it should have been me. I was the Tom-Boy, the one she always called "That little Half-Savage" I wasnt small and petite like my sister, or my older half-sisters, I was as wild as my brothers and bold as brass. (Still am, for that matter..lol) My Father always talked about his older daughters and how beautiful they were, lady-like and pretty in the face. He got to where he'd rarely take me anywqhere because I wasnt pretty to him, even tho people would tell him all the time, "Look what a beautiful girl she is with that long hair and dark skin" And it hurt horribly to hear, "Well, she's just a worthless girl, thats all. I wanted boys and all I got was girls. One croked on me and I was left with this mess" So you can see how my self esteem went as a child. Being poor didnt help matters and kids can be as cruel as adults..


I grew up with the typical German body--Big boned, big breasted, tallish, but with Native American facial features, and what one guy said "Built like a fucking Draft Horse" When I got married at 17 I thought all of my troubles were over. But no. My husband turned out to be just like my Father. Verbally abusive, thinking his remarks about me were clever and cuter. They werent, they were cruel and harmful. Everytime I'd try to "Fix myself up" by doing my hair differently or wearing make up, I'd get told, "Why paint a mud fence?"

I didnt realize at the time that this was his way of retaining his ounce of power. It wasnt until years later that I wised up. He also thought I was ignorant and stupid..until I got a full scholarship to Santa Barbara college.
When I had the opportunity to go away to college, people told me all of the time that I was quick witted and smart, and men were always hitting on me and telling me that I Was pretty. This boisted my self-esteem greatly...until I'd return home to the Ex and have to go thru his little tirades all over again. I started wearing make up, and it hit me one day that I Did have a sense of self-worth because I was good at my job, and wasnt stupid or as ugly as the Ex always told me. Men flirted and so did some women. The Ex liked to have had a fit when he saw that the men in my office would tease and flirt and that they liked me for Me. I got the shit slapped out of me for a co-worker kissing my cheek at Christmas time because I gave him a gift fore him and his secret husband.
He (the Ex) didnt want me and hadnt made love to me in 5 years, but he didnt like that men paid me attention.

I began to evolve after our 25th anniversary. I was 41 years old. I scrimped and saved for a beautiful little Babydoll nighty. After our anniversary dinner, and we got back to our hotel room I went and put it on, and came out grinning at him. I had the whole ensamble: Garter belt and sotckings, the babydoll, make up, the whole works.
He looked over at me and said "Why gift wrap a dead mouse for the cat?"
That did it. I went in the bathroom, took it all off and dumped it in the trash can there at the hotel. I crawled in my side of the bed and cried in the dark. I did fish it out the next morning before we left. I used it years later, but thats another story..lol

I made up my mind then and there to change my whole attitude. If someone didnt like me for my looks, then Fuck 'Em. No longer would I let Anyone's comments or remarks put me down or make me feel inferior in Any way. I was me and nothing was going to change me. I developed what the Ex called a "Bad Altitude" I grew hard, I grew solid and no one could hurt me because I had the strength of my convictions behind me. Funny..I could stand toe to toe with any other man and spit in his eye(figure of speech) but I couldnt stand up the Ex.....:(
The Ex was totally shocked the day I decided to leave him. I got tired of being a verbal and physical punchiung bag, and I said that was enough. When I was walking out, I blasted him and told him of all of the things he had done to me over the years and he had the audacity to look shocked. "Well I didnt know that hurt you. You never said anything" Yeah right. I Liked my head where it was....
Since leaving him, my whole life has change, and for the better. Here, people see me As me, and I have several lovers who love this body and my looks just as it Is. I like it...lol

Bottom line here Babygirl is, You Are a beautiful lady. You have every right and reason to hold your head up proud and be proud of who you are! You are smart, intelligent (yes, there IS a difference) and you deserve to be the very best you can be. Be strong, be self-assured. You have a terriffic husband, a lady that's interested in you and a good life. Be alittle cocky about it! I damn sure would be. lol Be you, baby. Be the beautiful, confident woman that we all see, and you'll be just fine. Let go the pain of the past and never look back on it. Remeber: Pain and regret looks back, Hope and love looks forward. You are going to be just fine, Love. Just have faith and you, and all that you do and Are, and you'll be just fine. :bigrin:;)
Sorry I ranted, loves. :}
Cat

[Holmes]

Dear goddess in heaven. I can't believe the lenghts of cruelty that people will go to just to hurts someone. Just remember you are all beautiful wonderful and engaging people and to the assholes be they family or not are just that assholes. Deal with them as little as possible give your love and energies to those who truly love and care for you and Fuck the others.

[Donkey_burger]

Dear goddess in heaven. I can't believe the lenghts of cruelty that people will go to just to hurts someone. Just remember you are all beautiful wonderful and engaging people and to the assholes be they family or not are just that assholes. Deal with them as little as possible give your love and energies to those who truly love and care for you and Fuck the others.

Aww, thanks. :)

DB :flag2:

[rissababynta]

Even the most confident people have self esteem issues here and there. We all do, some more than others. I think about killing myself everyday for one reason or another. This is without having a parent or other loved one make me feel worhless.

I would share with you what I do to make me feel better in times like this, but I'm afraid that my ways are not the most positively effective.

[hairyman43]

I struggled with self-esteem problems also. I was the fat kid in school. I was told I wasn't goodlooking and the people I asked out would laugh in my face and tell me "Not a snowballs chance in hell". My siblings used to tease me about my weight also. My father called me "stupid and dumb" all of the time. I didn't date until I was in my early 20's after I lost some weight and then people started to notice me for my good looks.

Fast forward 20 years, I was married to a woman who constantly put me down and did not respect me. I tried to provide the best I could for her and her children, but it seemed it/I was never good enough. My ex used to comment on how other men looked good but never how I looked except to deride me about something. I finally had enough and I filed for divorce and left her and her children. (Thankfully, we did not have any children together.)

After 3 years since the divorce, I am back in school and making A's and B's. I was nominated by one of my instructors for the National Technical Honor Society. I had to believe in myself and tell myself everyday that I am not dumb or stupid. I look in the mirror and see a good looking man now. I still am "big" but I accept that and I am losing the weight for myself and my health.

Just believe in yourself and love yourself everyday. Do Not let someone else steal your thunder!

Sorry I wrote a book!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

You GO Hairy! Congrats Sweetie. Keep up the great work and prove to the dumb twit that you are everything she doesnt deserve..lol:bigrin:
Cat

[rissababynta]

You GO Hairy! Congrats Sweetie. Keep up the great work and prove to the dumb twit that you are everything she doesnt deserve..lol:bigrin:
Cat

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[sam73]

I was 8 when my mom told my stepmom that I was ugly and would only make it in the world by being smart so I was forced to study and get good grades. She had continued on with my sister was beautiful and would get by on her looks. I'm 36 now and have a hard time believing people when they say I'm pretty. I just don't see it because I still see that 8 year old. Though I did finally garner the nerve to tell my mom a few years ago that I'd rather be ugly than stupid and unhappy as my sister is.

When my daughter was 9 she was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance and to make a long story short, she and I along with her dad had to go through family counseling. It was at the final counseling session that I was told by the counselor that I was a horrible mother and that all my daughter's issues were because of me. I attempted suicide that night. For years, I've had to remind myself that I'm not a bad person and that I truly love and care about others and that I'd kill anyone who ever hurt my daughter or son. My daughter is now 19 and we are very close.

Now that I've rambled, Still Shy, you are a beautiful woman not only on the outside but on the inside. You're very smart and funny. Trust in your hubby and talk to him about things you're thinking about. The worst he can do is roll his eyes. My hubby does that to me a lot which only ends up with me making faces at him.

so, keep loving that great hubby of yours, keep seeing that great gal who is interested in you ;), and keep those A's coming.

[still_shy]

Thank you everyone for the awesome advice and kind words of encouragement. I really appreciate it. I'll comment more on them tomorrow when I'm not so burned out from midterms :)

[sam73]

Chill out this weekend and relax and forget all about classes for a few.

[elian]

Self Esteem Issues eh? Yes, very troubling. I grew up in an abusive family situation - I was never physically abused but mentally and sexually, yes. I saw my mother get beaten and I was so young - there was very little I could do about it. People who had their own esteem problems all seemed to take it out on me.

All of the male role models in my life growing up were abusive and either into drugs or drink - all I knew growing up was if that's what it meant to "be a man" I wanted nothing to do with it - I thought I would be happier female. Females SEEMED to have it easier (I know differently now) and I was jealous of how easily they could attract strong, protective loving men..which is what I wanted more than anything growing up in what seemed like emotional hell to a child. Kinda funny, sort of like a protection mechanism because honestly, I would have written men off completely, except I had a sexual experience with a male babysitter when I was very young and it threw me for a loop - I was romantically and emotionally infatuated with them.

I always knew from a young age I was more open about relationships, but this poor environment served to confuse and polarize the issue. Even now, 15 years after my stepdad saying, "You'll never amount to anything" - and me having proved him soo wrong I still over criticize myself.

What can you do about it? Try not to take everything personally. Learn that part of being human means every person makes mistakes. Learn to love yourself for who you are - if you can't love yourself first you can't love others. I like to think that we are all a spark of the divine - not angels mind you - but more connected then you might ever imagine..

For a long time it was very difficult for me to trust anyone, but getting involved in the UU church and other organizations that promote diversity opened my eyes a little. Volunteering with a local organization that helps people find jobs, fight drug addiction and unsafe sex practices. Meeting 2-3 people on here, dates, spending time with friends and family...try not to worry so much and enjoy the little things because when they're gone - they're gone..even if your family puts you down.

When I do social things I try not to have too many preconceived notions of how "things ought to be" - I just "go with the flow" as long as the situation is not harmful - if I don't have any specific expectations I have found it is a lot harder to get disappointed and depressed.

There is a line in the "A Beautiful Mind" book and movie - probably dramatized but it is interesting - goes along the line that the platinum beautiful blonde is probably one of the loneliest people in the room considering that all of the guys think they are out of her league. Every once in a while I think of poor Marylin Monroe and I have to wonder if there isn't some truth to that..being "beautiful" or "wealthy" doesn't necessarily mean that you are happy.

Going to a Native American Pow-Wow and listening to some flute music was an interesting experience, trying to imagine that we are all there as people first - like a big family - versus every little own independent ego grabbing for whatever it can scrounge.

A very wise man gave a sermon at our church, I don't remember much of it but I do remember two things he said:

1) Pain comes out as anger - as someone who hates to see people get angry (because that used to mean objects would start flying around the room) it does good to remember that anger is healthy at times.

2) Forgiveness is for yourself, someone else may not even realize they've offended you..if you wait forever and stay trapped in the pain of the PAST you are going to lose out on the gift of life you have NOW.

Hand in hand with that, I used to wish I could stop suffering in this world, but then I realized that some people use suffering as a way to learn as well.

What I used to think of as great suffering in having to question my sexual orientation I now realize was the gift of an open mind..if I hadn't had to fundamentally question who I was as a person I would be completely different today.

Although it was an incredibly painful experience to be "different" I can't imagine that I would want to be anyone else but who I am today.

A had a dream one time, I was terribly depressed and upset with myself that I I liked guys and just couldn't "get married and have a wife and kids" my stepdad said "I don't know how you can always be constantly preaching about love and yet still hate yourself so much - you are a gift from God."

..and I hadn't thought about it much but I guess each of the people in our lives who we truly care about really are a blessing..

Another scene from the Carol Lynn Pearson one-woman play "Mother Wove the Morning" sets the stage by introducing a young slave girl, freed by abolitionists who was being taught by a Shaker woman about spirituality - as she was getting ready for bed on her first few days away from captivity she wonders aloud to herself..

"Mother Anne says that she (divine light) IS the GREAT MOTHER, she does not SELL her children into BONDAGE" - when I think I am alone in the universe and feeling somewhat lonely, when I start to believe that life doesn't seem fair - I remember this line, and the expression on face of the character who said it - that God is not some "angry old white man" sitting apart from the human race - but a loving altruistic force that can go where it is needed when faith allows..and that ANY human being, through the give of compassion can follow that example.

Sorry I am rambling, but I hope you found it more helpful than not.
-E

[onewhocares]

In all the years that I have had the privilege to have been a member of this site, have I been so touched by the responses to a thread. Each and every response is personal and filled with honesty and integrity and above all gives a glimmer of hope that each of us, if we believe in ourselves can surmount any obstacle. Kudos and admiration to you all.

Belle

[texasman6172003]

Hi Shy,Yes i have fought Self Esteem issues off and on all my life. I was never abused or anything like that. I know i may not seem like i would have issues with the way y'all have seen me act in chat .Butt i do and still have issues with it from time too time even today. Sometimes i just dont think very highly of myself .Why?? Hell i have no idea too tell you the truth. I think a lot of my trouble started as a Kid,I was PAINFULLY Shy. And really i can not tell you how i deal with it today,because it still creeps up on me from time too time. I think i just mainly have learned too Automatically ignore it,butt it still bothers me from time too time. I guess what i am trying too say Shy,is deal with it the best you can. If you need too talk look me up when and if i ever get back into chat,:rolleyes:.Butt you do have my utmost respect Hon,after all youve been thru.

[jamiehue]

There are times that this site comes thru for me this is one of those times. Im grateful for the insight that members thoughtfully provide. jamie.

[littlerayofsunshine]

One thing I suggest, and I know that it will sound silly. But I survived a very abusive childhood. I was beaten and raped and emotionally verbally abused.

But what I suggest is take a moment, visualize your life and goals as a mountain you are climbing. Picture yourself hauling 3 heavy bags that don't even belong to you. One representing your parents, one representing your sisters suicide, and the last representing your abusive Ex's. Imagine yourself how easier getting to your destination might be if you didn't have to carry that baggage. Choose to release the baggage and declare with your own power that you no longer will carry the burden of other people's failures as human beings. You were not born to carry other peoples problems and deserve to be free of them once and for all. And in your mind. Let Go!.


Cause lets face it SHY, You're beautiful, Smart, Loved, and desired by your hubby and new interested lady. Your grades are awesome. So you have lots of positive reinforcement to help you along the way. Good Luck Hun.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

You're welcome Jamie, thats what this little family is for. And to pick on Shy, I leered at her and told her I'd do 'er in a heartbeat...lol
Bad Cat

[Confused4life]

Shy,

I completely know what you are going through. I have been there...still am sometimes. I was mentally and physically abused as a child by my (ex)stepmother. I grew up knowing nothing I did was right. I was told I was ugly and stupid (those are some of the nicer things said). I got good grades and played basketball, hoping to make my parents proud. If I got an A-, I was asked why I didn't get an A+. I played basketball for 6 years and never had anyone sitting in the stands at any of my games. I couldn't do anything right. When I was raped at the age of 12 I told my stepmother right after it happened. Still with visible signs on me (blood, dirt etc) she didn't believe me and told me if it really happened than I deserved it. I got pregnant at the age of 17 and got married at 18. My ex-husband was awesome until the night we got married. Basically he raped me on our wedding night (I had just had the baby a month or so before hand and was still sore...I asked him to be gentle and slow and he told me he could do whatever he wanted because I was his wife now. Saying no did nothing to stop him....I slept in the bathtub of the hotel room). He physically, mentally and emotionally abused me for the next 3 years...I thought that I was meant to be with him...I thought the way he treated me was what I deserved. I never told my family about the abuse...even after my miscarriage. I protected him because they all thought he was this great guy. I finally divorced him and left with my daughter (with another one on the way). I didn't tell anyone about any of the abuse until 4 years ago...I join a recovery group (for many issues I had). I do believe that having that group to go to and lean on saved my life in many different ways. The women in that group helped me to see I am special, pretty, smart and worth being loved. I still have self esteem issues sometimes being as I am a bit overweight now. But I love myself for who I am and even what I have been through. I have forgiven my ex stepmother and ex husband and even the man that raped me. I could not live my life anymore full of hatred and carrying around the baggage they straddled me with. My advice to you would be to confide in someone that you trust. The more you talk about some of your issues, the easier it is to let go of them. Don't weigh yourself down...believe in yourself. Its not an easy short road...but totally worth the journey to be able to love yourself.

C4L

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

As a song from my generation state, "Dont carry nuthing that can be a load, and just ease ondown, ease on down the road"

Very good advice..lol
Like I tell the men in my life now "Just dump yer baggage at the door cuz I dont need it"
Kudo and hugs to all of us who have battled abuse, and loving hugs to all of us who have survived it and have evolved on to bigger and better things....US! :}
MAUH!
Cat

[darkeyes]

Self esteem..hmmm me luffly..nev been accused a lackin that.. tho a few... have had a lil knock 2 strip me a sum of it... if owt..me prob has been 2 much... cocky cow so sayeth the Naggy person... but we all hav worth sweets..every 1 of us... its a matta a self belief an am afraid prob suffer 2 much from that again cordin 2 Naggy.. yas luffly hun..believe it..woteva happened in the past 2 make ya wotya r...yas a luffly gal who can nev hav owt but gud thrown atya..believe it..an it will cumya way..course wiv a few bumps on the way..but throw them aside an ya life will b ace.. believe it..

Hav mosta the things me has eva wanted..personal things..big things like gettin shotta guns, socialism an shotta the monarchy here...abolishin starvation, things like that..well they take a lil more effort an a lil longa... but belief is all babes...muah!

[still_shy]

There was a point when I was seriously considering leaving this site...seemed like none of the threads interested me, wasn't in the mood to chat....but the responses to my questions reminded me, once again, why I truly love this place. Where else can you get such honest, gut wrenching, beautiful answers? You guys have come through for me once again, when it seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel was just a little too dark. Awesome. Truly awesome.

Hillary

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol Just think of us as your candles bright, (Or as your personal naughty little flashlights) lol:bigrin:
Hugzzz Honey
Yer Cat

[elian]

Did someone say "fleshlights" ?!! ..err..oh..wait... <grins> <hugs to all>

And yeah, I don't meant to sound all victimy and stuff - but sometimes when you "take a walk down memory lane" that can happen.

I've always been shy, seem to have this preoccupation with thinking people will judge me poorly - I used to trash talk about sex a lot - it took a lady to actually come up and sit on my lap facing me at a party to get me to realize that SOME people were actually interested in what I was saying. I was so surprised by it, I think that was the only day in my life all the color drained my upper body and I went from being generally pink to truly white.

It's so much easier to close a door than to open it and walk through. Putting yourself out there is a risk that we all take if we want to live full lives as human beings. Even with all that uncertainty I'm glad to say that my life is better for having loved others.

Life is for living - if you spend all of your time worrying you will miss out on a lot.

[Realist]

You all have amazing experiences and I've felt like crying as I read them, for the first time in years. Joe, Cat, Elian. Littleray, and others, your responses were outstanding!

Still Shy,

I also have been disgusted with so many weird (to me) posts, lately, but the few gems, like this thread, will keep me here indefinitely! You really are smart and pretty and a lovely person inside. I hope you will let your husband in and tell him of your thoughts. If he loves you, as much as I suspect, he will love you more for sharing your deepest fears with him.

I really love some of you people and am so thankful for finding this site last year. Not only did I find the love of my life, here, but an wonderfully understanding and intelligent bunch, too!

[Donkey_burger]

There was a point when I was seriously considering leaving this site...seemed like none of the threads interested me, wasn't in the mood to chat....but the responses to my questions reminded me, once again, why I truly love this place. Where else can you get such honest, gut wrenching, beautiful answers? You guys have come through for me once again, when it seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel was just a little too dark. Awesome. Truly awesome.

Hillary


[SNIP]

Still Shy,

I also have been disgusted with so many weird (to me) posts, lately, but the few gems, like this thread, will keep me here indefinitely! [SNIP]

Of course, you guys can always attempt to start threads such as these. Not trying to be mean or anything, just pointing out the obvious. :)

DB :bipride:

[still_shy]

Of course, you guys can always attempt to start threads such as these. Not trying to be mean or anything, just pointing out the obvious. :)

DB :bipride:

You know, I have honestly tried to come up with ideas for good threads but haven't been able to think of anything. Don't know if that makes me dumb :P or what but hey, I did start this one!

[djones]

Haven't read all the replys - some are pretty long. So, forgive me if I am repeating sentiments already expressed.

I cannot possibly relate to your experience, but I do know certain things to be true. From your post, it is clear you have made a giant step in what will be a process that never ends - but becomes much easier. That step is acceptance and understanding. I do not mean to say acceptance of Actually being inferior, but acceptance that things beyond your control have had a negative impact on your life. Hence, you are able to reach a level of understanding. You may experience feelings of unworthiness, but you seem able to put them into context.

Your path is not easy, but by being able to post a rational assesment of your emotions, and seek help where you know you need it, you have already taken the most difficult steps on your path.

You should be proud that you have that strength.