Dinner Time ..CLUNKERS

[onewhocares]

As some of you know I am a caterer in the Boston area. For the most part the meals that I make for our family are good. Made from scratch, using good products, sometime used as the leftovers from functions that I have done. There have been times when the meals that are "created" can be really delish.............but.........there are times when I have made some clunkers. Tonight was one. I had a party to cater last night and did a apricot-golden raisin cornbread stuffed pork loin. It was nice. When I prepped the meat I saved the trimmings and tonight tried to make an Asian Stir Fry. Oh my word it tasted like yuk. It had fresh garlic and ginger and at the end of sauté I added Hoisen sauce and Mandarin oranges. I also served stir fried carrots, celery, onions and green peppers and white rice. So much for my being a good cook.

Tell me....what are some of the worst meals you have created.

[by~his~side]

I tried to make macaroni and cheese from memory. Measured out the milk, eggs, cheese and elbow macaroni....stirred it all together in the baking dish.
Holy Heavy Baking Dish!----my memory failed. It was supposed to be 2 cups of elbows...not 2 pounds. Could barely lift that casserole dish out of the oven.
Seriously.
I can't cook.
~D~

[cand86]

I once made no-bake, refrigerated mock-fudge . . . and used granulated sugar instead of powdered sugar (I can't remember whether the recipe didn't specify powdered, or if I just ignored it or didn't read it), and obviously, the sugar kept its consistency. Tasted fine, but nobody could eat it- it had the texture of wet sand, very crunchy!

I'm usually pretty good at whipping stuff up together and having it taste decent. What do you think went wrong with the stir fry?

[CWalt]

As some of you know I am a caterer in the Boston area. For the most part the meals that I make for our family are good. Made from scratch, using good products, sometime used as the leftovers from functions that I have done. There have been times when the meals that are "created" can be really delish.............but.........there are times when I have made some clunkers. Tonight was one. I had a party to cater last night and did a apricot-golden raisin cornbread stuffed pork loin. It was nice. When I prepped the meat I saved the trimmings and tonight tried to make an Asian Stir Fry. Oh my word it tasted like yuk. It had fresh garlic and ginger and at the end of sauté I added Hoisen sauce and Mandarin oranges. I also served stir fried carrots, celery, onions and green peppers and white rice. So much for my being a good cook.

Tell me....what are some of the worst meals you have created.

Understadable it happens when you rush, maybe you could find someone in ur area similar to me I'm a personal chef be glad to help out and help with dinner duties so you can entertain and enjoy the evening....cwalt

[mikey3000]

I made cookies one time whick called for a quarter tea spoon of salt. For some reason I put in a quarter cup. Shocking!!! and oh so embarassing.

[Realist]

I'll tell you where you went wrong, Belle!

You put them damned onions and bell peppers in it!

I have NEVER made a culinary mistake!

I make the most delicious bologna sammiches!

I can open a can of tuna fish with the best of them!

My fried eggs are always just right and bacon crisp.

I can also do cereal to perfection and Mr Coffee makes a great cup for me!
(Honey and Creamora are the best in it, too!)

If anyone needs advice about food, just let me know!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Realist-Honey..ya just made me hot! LMAO

My first ever attempt to do a meal for my Mom and little sis turned out Horrible. There was a time when all we had was pinto bean and salt pork, and I put in a whole pound of salt pork to 2 cups of pinto beans. (Hey I was 9, what did I know???) lol
I boiled it all day waiting for Mom to get home, hoping to surprise her with a meal that was already waiting for her. OMG. It was just Wronnnggg..lol Good thing she had gotten her first paycheck and had bought groceries on the way home. And our piggies were Not appreciative of the meal they got that night..LMAO
Thankfull I have master the art of cooking a great deal since then..lol
Cat

[raistkit]

meatloaf is my Waterloo, probably has a lot to do with the fact that i just can't stand to eat it. i can cook just about anything, butt my meatloaf sucks:tong:

kit

[**Peg**]

clunkers? try horrors!

The food I love the most I cannot cook AT ALL. I've tried and tried and gave up years ago.

roast beef, steaks, ribs... when I get me a hankering I have to go to a steakhouse....it's pathetic.....haven't had them in years :(

anything Irish (corned beef and cabbage for example), any root veggie combo....ANY casserole...or Jigg's dinner I'm there ..... but the good stuff? forget it. I live on soup and stew *gack*

http://www.recipezaar.com/Jiggs-Dinner-15129

[_Joe_]

Spirte.

There's alot more to it than Lemon and Lime, the lying bastards.

[elian]

Shudders at the thought of Hoisen sauce...I thought I would try it because it was recommended by that "Yan can Cook" guy on PBS - the one who takes a block of rice dough, pounds it on the table while he's talking to you and all of the sudden there are noodles in front of him. The one who showed up video footage of his mom in Korea PUREE'ing meat with the meat cleaver. My experiments with the stuff did not go well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HV8FPk5qN9k

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JkOkZgSXGk

I still haven't figured out who to work an electric cooktop, gas - I can see the flame - but now I'm turning the burner to "3" ? What the !@$ is "3" ? It takes the element forever to adjust.

The biggest thing that I usually screw up are salads believe it or not. I always want to add like one more thing that SOUNDS good in theory but usually overpowers the rest of the food - simple really is better.

[TwylaTwobits]

LOL I love to cook but substitutions when out of things are my worst enemy. What sounds good can be horrid tasting.

I think my worst was doing cocqu au vin and not having cooking sherry to go with the teriyaki sauce, opened up an old bottle of red wine and did same measures.....wine was so strong I damned near got drunk on the fumes.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

LMAO! Twy, throw out the meat and drink the sauce, Babe! lol
Cat

[12voltman59]

Well-I think that for the most part--I am a pretty good cook---but when it comes to baking, for the most part, I don't seem to have much luck.

I have been trying on and off for the past few years to do my own bread making, from scratch---but I just don't seem to get it down!!

I have had some loafs come out like pieces of firewood--the only problem being--at least I could use a piece of firewood for something like fueling a fire---many of my bread loaves--the only thing they were good for, for a time at least---being a doorstop!!:bigrin::bigrin:

I do cheat when I bake pies--I use store bought pie shells--and they come out great, and I bake my cakes using Duncan Hines cake mixes.

Don't fret too much Belle---we all do make clunkers sometimes!!

I do think that far more of your meals are winners than losers!!

Chin up dear!!

Besides---as some of the great inventors of all time have noted--they say that you learn more from your failures than your successes!

[jamiehue]

oh oh were talkin food. Starts with one thread before long its the Bi food network oh i love food storys better than chat phone sex!

[csrakate]

There is nothing worse than one's first attempt at making gravy...I used too much flour and made a dough ball....and a nasty tasting one at that! LOL!

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

lol I hear ya Kate. I was making gravey one afternoon for a crowd of people at a local fund-raiser. I asked one of the girls in this place to hand me the flour, and do it quickly for we only had a few minutes to make enough food for 12 extra people that showed up unexpectedly. :rolleyes:
She handed me the flour nad I began maling my stock roo. For some reason the more I whisked, the thicker it got, even with adding stock! I thought WTF, Chuck! I looked at the flour container and it Wasnt flour..it was Cream of Tartar...I wanted to Smack that child With the flour bucket, but abstained, and sent the boys scrambling to the store for a small case of ready made Chef Boy Ardee's canned gravy..lol

We got everyone fed in time and the fund raiser was a success, but it nearly turned out to be a disaster...lol

For some odd reason I dont do well with cookies, either. They come out like sweet hocky pucks. (Not that the kids ever minded.....)
Cat

[rissababynta]

One time I made a crap load of potato salad. I made a few batches one after the other. For some reason one of the batches came out with the potatoes tasting waterlogged and bland. No idea why to this day. never happened again though so THANK GOD lol.

[TwylaTwobits]

reading back over this thread makes me so happy I usually cook plain food. I can remember the time my mom though.....she let my brother (he was about 10 at time) help restock some spices after she was doing holiday baking.

I can't blame him too much after all salt and sugar are both white crystals. Sweet tea anyone???

[rissababynta]

lol I hear ya Kate. I was making gravey one afternoon for a crowd of people at a local fund-raiser. I asked one of the girls in this place to hand me the flour, and do it quickly for we only had a few minutes to make enough food for 12 extra people that showed up unexpectedly. :rolleyes:
She handed me the flour nad I began maling my stock roo. For some reason the more I whisked, the thicker it got, even with adding stock! I thought WTF, Chuck! I looked at the flour container and it Wasnt flour..it was Cream of Tartar...I wanted to Smack that child With the flour bucket, but abstained, and sent the boys scrambling to the store for a small case of ready made Chef Boy Ardee's canned gravy..lol

We got everyone fed in time and the fund raiser was a success, but it nearly turned out to be a disaster...lol

For some odd reason I dont do well with cookies, either. They come out like sweet hocky pucks. (Not that the kids ever minded.....)
Cat

For some reason I never make bad cookies. One time hubby went into the to make cookies after complaining that he's not good at making them and a few minutes later I caught what he was doing out of the corner of my eye. I saw the cookie dough in neat little circular piles going across the sheet all the SAME SIZE as what the cookie would be after it was baked. I ran in there real quick and after scraping them off of the sheet we started over and I taught him my technique for the perfect cookies. still, I don't let him make cookies anymore.

As for the gravy thing, I have never made real homemade gravy because I don't like it. I have however screwed up making the instant gravy stuff. For some reason I could not open up a package of powdered gravy and stir it in a cup of water until it was thick. It was only recently that I started getting the hang of it, feeling like a moron, and it comes out fine now haha.

[AchingBlossom]

I remember trying to impress my parents by cooking dinner for them, and my Dad found a twist-tie in his food. I had misplaced it while cooking!

In my early days of experimental cuisine, I once put cinnamon in a chinese-style stir fry, expecting it would somehow make it sweeter.

[12voltman59]

It seemed to take me awhile to learn to make some decent gravy---I tend to use corn starch instead of flour most of the time I make it--but have gotten pretty proficient at making some good gravies---still haven't quite perfected sawmill gravy though--so I sometimes cheat on that by buying premade gravy of that type-but holy cow-they sure load the salt in pre-prepaired gravies of all types!!

[mikey3000]

Really, I am a good cook, and I love to bake. I've even done full holiday dinners all by my self. But many disasters in my past there are!

One year I goofed up on the stuffing by forgetting to put in the seasonings and all the goodies. What I ended up serving was a big bowl of wet bread and didn't even realise it. Unfortunately that was the same year I forgot to remove the jiblets and roasted then in the bird, plastic bag and all.

But I'm gonna tell ya'll a little secret, so shhhhhhhhhhh! One time I dropped the turkey on the floor while lifting it out of the oven. I put it back on the platter and served it anyway. What was I to do?:eek:

[onewhocares]

But I'm gonna tell ya'll a little secret, so shhhhhhhhhhh! One time I dropped the turkey on the floor while lifting it out of the oven. I put it back on the platter and served it anyway. What was I to do?:eek:


Do not worry.....THIRTY SECOND RULE....pick it up, wash it off if need be.

To those who can not make gravy. Get strained pan drippings or stock. Melt tablespoons of butter, unsalted is best. When it is melted and a bit golden brown add equal amount of flour...Wondra in a cannister is great. Let it cook constantly stirring for at least five mins so the flour taste cooks out. With a whisk in hand add the dripping and or stock a little at a time. DO NOT worry as the roux...that is what you call the butter and flour...will absorb all the liquid keep stirring and adding more liquid as needed. Eventually you will get a nice smooth gravy. At the end you can season to taste with salt and pepper. If the gravy has lumps you can stain it through a sieve, use a blender or stick blender to get it smooth. One thing to remember is that you can always thin down a gravy or sauce more easily than you can thicken it. I also take out a couple of tablespoons of the roux and keep it on the side if I make a mistake. You can also use milk or cream to make a white sauce on this same technique.

Lesson 2...Boiling water next week.



Belle

[citystyleguy]

my mom was not going to send another dumb male out into the world, so she involved me at an early age into the culinary world. she had the patience of a saint. while she set off to get something from the market that had been overlooked, she asked me to make rice for six; classic error with a newbe! had enough rice to feed asia for a year!

also learn how bad my eyesight was when i used fivetable spoons of salt in a cookie receipe! it was funny seeing the face my girlfriend made when she grabbed one!

also learned not to bite off more than one is able to do! helped my sister to make a french dinner from julia's mastering the art of french cooking for her cooking club! we ended up with butter, flour, god knows what else from head to foot, every inch of the kitchen, the cats, called mom to help out, when she took one sight of us, laughed until she pee'd!