Married but im a secret bi

[bi-i-think5]

Been married for a couple of years now and i've got kids, and im happy in my marrige and my family life. However i get really turned on by the thought of being with a guy sexually. I am attracted to woman more so than men but i defo have a strong attraction to guys aswell. My sex life is great with my wife i just wish i could tell her that i find guys attractive aswell!!
I would never cheat on her with either sex but some how i dont think she would believe me!!! what should i do??

[darkeyes]

Is gud that ya don intend 2 cheat on 'er.. sum peeps don giv a sod bout that on 'ere.. sevral recent threads bout that on site an all.. an in wida world an all for that matta.. jus keep 2 that an ya'll b much the happier.. U kno ya wife an suggest ya think bak on things yas sed 2 each otha..'er attitudes 2 things like homosexuality an bisexuality.. 'ow liberated or repressed she is.. do nuthin until yas sure as best ya can b how she will react.. but make sure she knos ya luff 'er.. it not an easy thing 2 talk 2 ya spouse bout.. an can break relationships.. cos not every 1 can handle how u feel an r... me knos its hard..but ifya has slitest doubt..suggest ya say nowt...an enjoy ya life wivya wife... look on it this way.. lotsa marrieds fancy otha peeps a the opposite sex.. ther otha haff kno nowt bout that.. it not a strict comparison but its close.. ifyas nev gonna stray the nest..an yas not sure.. suggest ya don say ne thin.. don like keepin secrets mesel.. but hun, sumtimes if ya luff sum 1.. ya don hav ne choice..:)

[goldenfinger]

Can't wait for this one to turn into another "don't cheat" battle.
My view. Before you even go near talking to her, you SHOULD by now, know how she stand on on most things sexually, do you watch porn together, is she for or against gay rights, can you joke about things sexually. If you can, bring up things you saw or read about bisexual people and see how she response to it.If she is open minded, take it further, if not, you will soon hear from other people here what to do, some understanding, some not. Take your time to read past post on the subject, still running very hot, hot enough to burn the place down.
But you are not alone in your feelings, plenty of people out there with the same feelings.;)

[darkeyes]

Can't wait for this one to turn into another "don't cheat" battle.
My view. Before you even go near talking to her, you SHOULD by now, know how she stand on on most things sexually, do you watch porn together, is she for or against gay rights, can you joke about things sexually. If you can, bring up things you saw or read about bisexual people and see how she response to it.If she is open minded, take it further, if not, you will soon hear from other people here what to do, some understanding, some not. Take your time to read past post on the subject, still running very hot, hot enough to burn the place down.
But you are not alone in your feelings, plenty of people out there with the same feelings.;)

Ther r many wiv the same prob an feelins hun..but ther bout as many diff opinions bout it all as ther r peeps on site.. so jus how helpful it will all b is ver questionable...:rolleyes: But it'll give ya an idea a the pitfalls if nowt else..:)

[swohbi]

Just realize that telling your wife that you are bi is a life altering event. No matter how much she loves you now, it will change who you are to her. My wife and I have been together for 20 years, married 15, and in the lifestyle (swinging) for the past 5. To say that I thought I knew her and how she thought would be an understatement. We have always been happily married. She has known about my bi-curiosity since 2003 (starting with toys) and only in the past 8 months has she decided that she doesn't like who I am and is not physically attracted to me because of my bisexuality.

For many reasons, most to do with our society and upbringing, very few women are willing to accept bi men.

[tenni]

I think that goldenfinger has some very good advice as does swohbi about what appears to be the acceptance that wives tend to give bi men. As goldenfinger writes, take it slow and be sensitive to her attitude. The point that people tend to be able to speak in positive accepting ways towards bisexuality but when the reality of it being their own spouse, their opinions may change to the negative and fear.



Can't wait for this one to turn into another "don't cheat" battle.
My view. Before you even go near talking to her, you SHOULD by now, know how she stand on on most things sexually, do you watch porn together, is she for or against gay rights, can you joke about things sexually. If you can, bring up things you saw or read about bisexual people and see how she response to it.If she is open minded, take it further, if not, you will soon hear from other people here what to do, some understanding, some not. Take your time to read past post on the subject, still running very hot, hot enough to burn the place down.
But you are not alone in your feelings, plenty of people out there with the same feelings.;)

[mikey3000]

Been married for a couple of years now and i've got kids, and im happy in my marrige and my family life. However i get really turned on by the thought of being with a guy sexually. I am attracted to woman more so than men but i defo have a strong attraction to guys aswell. My sex life is great with my wife i just wish i could tell her that i find guys attractive aswell!!
I would never cheat on her with either sex but some how i dont think she would believe me!!! what should i do??

Just go very slowly. Introduce same sex sex a bit at a time, and keep gauging how she feels. Do not even hint about your curiosity till you get an idea of how she feels about gay sex. Don't bring home gay porn. Maybe try a bi or gay love story first (Shelter ans Latter Days sre two good choices). Maybe introduce some light same sex (male or female) dirty talk into the bedroom first. Or if you see a gay couple walking don the street, hand in hand, comment to your wife on their courage. And always keep checking for her reaction. Check, check, and recheck. The quickest way to blow any chance of acceptance is to drop a bomb on her all at once. Trust me on that one. Just take your time. And good luck. If you introduce it right, and she accepts it, you will have a LIFETIME of bliss.

[JimmyQ265]

I'm a secret married Bisexual. I have always been very careful. Mainly because it’s not about just getting cock. It’s about finding the right man to share my life with. Saying this, I also know that.

This has to be done very precise, like a surgeon’s knife. You can’t just out yourself to your wife. Women are emotional beings and the thought of you being with another is ultimate betrayal. The idea of you wanting another person brings terrifying fear to her, let alone another man. If you have kids, you need to secure them that no matter what you are still a man and still will always be their father. You have secured them it’s not about the children. That’s it’s a complicated situation. Your wife, possibly soon to be you’re ex wife deal with her, but your kids you must spare them drama, humiliating and scaring them for life.

I have a friend that his parents just divorced and all of a sudden the boyfriend moves in. He is scared for life; he actually walked in while his father was having sex with his boyfriend. He was bullied, beat up and his marriage is always on the brink. I know what I am talking about. My friend was a little kid and he didn’t even know what sex was, let alone homosexual sex... Go figure... Guys there is a way bigger world then your, my sexual identity and insane urges. Think before we act.

[bi-i-think5]

I have been dropping hints and gauging her response already,and she is happy using sex toys to pleasure me without being disgusted! however she is quite insecure when it comes to our relationship.She is always worried that i'll cheat on her with another woman(lol if only she knew!!).So i think i'll take some of your advice and do what i've been doing for the last 15 years.....supress and bury my bi-sexuality! this is a great website full of very helpful and welcoming people!! cheers x