Question

[Jumpin_Jackie]

Ok I feel personally that I am indeed Bisexual, but there's something I'm still confused on. I love being men mainly but being with a woman is nice too. Now here;s the thing. I love being in relationships. Monogamous relationships. Regardless of the sex of the person I happen to be with. Now if I'm just dating around with someone and not in a serious established relationship than I like to have my variety, but if I am I don't feel the need, i guess longing is a better term for it to be with say a woman if I'm with a man or with a man if I'm with a woman. I'm still confused to say the least and I feel like I could in fact be Bi but I don't know. What do you guys think? I'm not as confused as when I posted my first post but still I have some confusion that needs clearing up.

Thanks

[Driver 8]

Honestly, after reading your post twice, I'm not sure what the question is! Maybe I'm confused now, too.

At first you say you're inded bi; then you say you could be, but you don't know ... well, if you're asking us whether you are, we really can't tell you. Personally I think that if you have some significant attraction to both men and women, "bi" is the best word for it; doesn't matter if you're monogamous or not.

[smokey]

Ahh fuck em all...let God sort them out. :bigrin:

[Mimi]

you don't seem too confused to me, unless i'm missing something? you say you "love being with men mainly but being with a woman is nice too," which means that you are romantically and sexually attracted to both men and women, with maybe a slightly deeper attraction towards men. so maybe you're a "3" on the klein scale. and you're also monogamous. seems pretty straightforward to me.

i consider myself a "4" on the scale, and i am also monogamous. when i'm with a man i focus on him, when i'm with a woman i focus on her. i don't know who i will end up with, but gender is only one part of the person.

sometimes i think it's not bis that are confused, it's THE REST OF THE WORLD. gays and straights want us to fit into their neat little boxes, so THEY'RE the ones who are confused. :soapbox:

mimi :flag1:

[serenity]

Sound's like you know you are bisexual, but you are trying to figure out to what degree. Of course it's really how you choose to define yourself. Ok here it goes. A person can be monogomous and bisexual. Bisexuality isn't only defined by sex but by how you relate to other people. Who you connect with. I am a 28 year old bisexual woman and have had a monogomous relationship with a straight man for 4 years. I am completely in love with him. I am still very much attracted to women and fantasize and get turned on by them, but I choose to be with my boyfriend because I love him, I respect him, and I want him. It would be the same way if I were in a monogomous relationship with a woman and i would still define my degree of bisexuality as a 4 on the scale Mimi made reference to. I wouldn't be more one way or the other depending who I was with. Focusing on that one person is fine. I know for a while I was afraid of loosing my bisexual identity because others would rather define me as straight because I am in a "straight " relationship. Also, because i am monogomous I don't have longings to be with other people (men or women) If I did I would have to question the state of the relationship I was in. that's different than fantasys. In regards to dating I would date whoever I was attracted to at the time. One more reason why I think I'm a 4. I would still claim 4 if i chose to focus dating a specific gender because different needs are met. Does any of this help????
Ok I feel personally that I am indeed Bisexual, but there's something I'm still confused on. I love being men mainly but being with a woman is nice too. Now here;s the thing. I love being in relationships. Monogamous relationships. Regardless of the sex of the person I happen to be with. Now if I'm just dating around with someone and not in a serious established relationship than I like to have my variety, but if I am I don't feel the need, i guess longing is a better term for it to be with say a woman if I'm with a man or with a man if I'm with a woman. I'm still confused to say the least and I feel like I could in fact be Bi but I don't know. What do you guys think? I'm not as confused as when I posted my first post but still I have some confusion that needs clearing up.

Thanks
:(

[Jumpin_Jackie]

Sorry about the confusion, I wrote the post in such a hurry I didn't think to double check it. My question being should I consider myself bisexual? And if so to what degree? I hope that's a hell of a lot clearer. Sorry. LoL. Oh and Serenity (as well as you other guys who replied) your post helped. Thanks!

[serenity]

Sorry about the confusion, I wrote the post in such a hurry I didn't think to double check it. My question being should I consider myself bisexual? And if so to what degree? I hope that's a hell of a lot clearer. Sorry. LoL. Oh and Serenity (as well as you other guys who replied) your post helped. Thanks!
:) If it was me, based on what you described, i would consider myself bisexual for the reasons i posted above :bipride: I'm glad it helped. Let us know what you decide. I'm curious how you will come to your own conclusions :bigrin:

[Mimi]

jumpin_jackie, in case my earlier response was unclear or unhelpful, try checking out the klein sexual orientation grid, which is a measurement tool that looks at sexual orientation as a multidimensional process (rather than just one number like the kinsey scale). try going to this link: http://www.bisexual.org/default.asp?http&&&www.bisexual.org/klein/default.asp.

klein (2002) has also developed a theory where people can fall into 5 categories:
straight
bi-straight
bi-bisexual
bi-gay
gay

so there isn't one "pure" way of defining bisexuality. the one that i use is: "the potential to be sexually and/or romantically attracted to men and women." i say "potential" because you don't actively need to be with a man or woman at the moment, or necessarily need to have experience with a man or woman to know that you're bi (just like straight people know they're straight before they ever kiss someone of the opposite gender).

mimi :flag1:

[Driver 8]

My question being should I consider myself bisexual? And if so to what degree?
You're attracted to both men and women to a significant degree - so, if I were you, I'd call myself bisexual. As for the degree ... well, if you're not going to buy one of those Kinsey Jerseys, it doesn't matter too much. Just make sure your partners knkow how you feel in general - and how you feel about them in particular ;)

[serenity]

exactly mimi!! what she said ;)
jumpin_jackie, in case my earlier response was unclear or unhelpful, try checking out the klein sexual orientation grid, which is a measurement tool that looks at sexual orientation as a multidimensional process (rather than just one number like the kinsey scale). try going to this link: http://www.bisexual.org/default.asp?http&&&www.bisexual.org/klein/default.asp.

klein (2002) has also developed a theory where people can fall into 5 categories:
straight
bi-straight
bi-bisexual
bi-gay
gay

so there isn't one "pure" way of defining bisexuality. the one that i use is: "the potential to be sexually and/or romantically attracted to men and women." i say "potential" because you don't actively need to be with a man or woman at the moment, or necessarily need to have experience with a man or woman to know that you're bi (just like straight people know they're straight before they ever kiss someone of the opposite gender).

mimi :flag1:

[Jumpin_Jackie]

Wow so much information. You guys are great! **hugs** My problem has been that I've just been so damn confused, and plus I've denied how I've felt practically since childhood. I understand completely that I can be bisexual without having any experience with it. And it's kind of odd because for a while I just chose to ignore how I looked at women like I did the guys. I remember even having a crush on a friend of mine and I didn't realize it at the time I even wondered what it would be to kiss her, and it freaked me out. Not because of my up bringing or religion or anything, but because I knew I liked guys a lot so it was confusing for me being around 11 or 12 thinking about girls like that. I was like, "I'm not gay!" Then I'd push it to the back of my mind, hoping it'd go away. And as I got older I'd fantasize about being with women even when I'd masterbate, which I also felt shamefull about. So needless to say I have been one extremely confused female. I did this post in part because I was so unsure if I could be monogamous and be bisexual at the same time, I have known very little about it so I had no idea. So I have been able to see that and somewhat accept that I do indeed have these feelings. In fact right now I find myself desiring more and more to have a relationship with a woman, but I have no idea how I'd go about doing that. And it is somewhat scary for me, and I'm thankful that there is a place like this I can come to talk about it. I haven't mentioned any of this really to any of my friends, only one knows how I've been truly feeling, and none of my family knows. So yeah, thanks again so much for the advice and helpful information. :female:

[Driver 8]

I think that wondering "Am I still a real bisexual if I'm monogamous?" is very, very common among bisexuals. (And so is deciding not to be monogamous ...) I think you'll find a lot of people here working through the same questions, Jackie.

[ThrillMe]

...besides, (not sure if anyone said this) ...

If bisexuality is on a 6-pt scale, so is the scale between monogamy and polygamy.

You can be serially monogamous, being with a girl, girl, guy, girl, guy, guy ...

... or you can be dating 2 girls and 2 guys at the same time, rather polygamous I'd say.

[cchalmer]

I don't think you have any confusion on wether you are bisexual or not....you enjoying being sexual with both genders so in my books that makes you bi. As to the degree of being bi I'm not sure that's something that really can be "measured". Does it really make that much difference if you are mildly attracted or not??? Maybe I'm being shallow or unrealistic but to me if you are sexually attracted to someone you are sexually attracted....end of story. I think where the "scale" would come into it is how badly you want to act on that attraction. I see people everyday that I find sexually appealing but very few that I seriously start thinking about how to get them naked....

I have this feeling that I've just opened myself up to a lot of rebuttal on here but for what it's worth.....that's my opinion......

[serenity]

no i think you have a valid point. there's a good chance that it's that simple. since i feel extremely comfortable now with who i am, a scale really is irrelavent. it is a great tool, though for others who may be trying to figure themselves out. some bi people could go either way, some perfer one gender more than the other...i think those feelings are based on what experiences are available too. i think what is important for any bi person who is trying to figure themselves out is to not limit thier experiences by thinking they have to claim a number on a scale. we tend to be very fluid in our sexual identity because it is easy for us to "float" around and love who we love. i feel very lucky, actually to have such freedom in who and how i love. for those who are trying to figure themselves out, it can be hard when there are not an over abundance of people available to date, most importantly connect with. so above all love yourself, be patient, and don't judge yourself. this is your personal journey.;)
I don't think you have any confusion on wether you are bisexual or not....you enjoying being sexual with both genders so in my books that makes you bi. As to the degree of being bi I'm not sure that's something that really can be "measured". Does it really make that much difference if you are mildly attracted or not??? Maybe I'm being shallow or unrealistic but to me if you are sexually attracted to someone you are sexually attracted....end of story. I think where the "scale" would come into it is how badly you want to act on that attraction. I see people everyday that I find sexually appealing but very few that I seriously start thinking about how to get them naked....

I have this feeling that I've just opened myself up to a lot of rebuttal on here but for what it's worth.....that's my opinion......
;) ;)

[Jumpin_Jackie]

A major reason I began this thread was due in large part because I wanted to know if I should consider or am able to consider myself bisexual. That's all. I've just been extremely confused and am working things out. All of you have helped a lot in helping me clear things up. I appreciate it all.

[femmefatal1]

I can partly identify with what you feel. Although sometimes it seems as though you feel that you like to explore different things. I felt the same way when I was younger I used to break up with my boyfriend so I can have another man temporarily. That sounds strange but I guess variety really is the spice of life. However, the more I have matured the more I am able to come to grips with a haunting reality. I love women too. I like men but they are not as sensitive as I would prefer. Maybe I havent found the right one yet, but sick of trying them out only to get disappointed. I can please a man like nobody's business but I want to explore myself and go into areas that have yet to be explored. I have never had a relationship with a woman that included romance. Only a sexual fling with a friend that I have known for all of my life. It kinda tainted our friendship. Previously, wasnt ever able to acknowledge my feelings for other women until now. So I stand bi and ready to explore.