want to start coffee night

[RainbowBright]

hey to all. i was thinking of starting a coffee night for all the couples, or singles here in my area. does any one have any suggestions?.. i havnt done this before.. nor do i know a lot of people - one of the main reasons why i was thinking of doing this... just want to see if this will get off the ground. Suggestions Please!!

Bright :tong:

[Biboz49]

I think thats a great idea. We did something similar a few times last summer. Many of us would meet on chat and would all agree to meet within the next hour at a local pub. It was great being spontaneous and everyone had a great time.

[pamandfredcpl]

Coffee night sounds good, we are just sw of Edmonton, so would be in favour of a city central, south side, or west end. Friday or Saturday, around 8pm would a good time, as for the place, there are many coffee shops all over the city. We are always interested in meeting people in person.

[Driver 8]

Years ago, in the dark ages before the Internet, I used to run a bi support group. Probably a lot of what I learned wouldn't be too relevant for a coffee night that draws on people from one particular website - except, perhaps, this one thing!

You are going to get some strange people, and you will have to decide how to deal with them - and it's easier if you've thought about it ahead of time.

Probably any group runs a risk of getting some strange sorts, but a bi group is going to attract some people who want sex on the spot - no matter how clear you make it that that's not what you're about. They'll probably go away on their own, but they can make people uncomfortable while they're there.

The other type is a little harder to describe, but you'll know them when you meet them. They're people who don't respect those around them - who touch people in unwanted ways, repeatedly hit on people who aren't interested, and dominate every conversation they're in. They're unpleasant - and I've come to the conclusion that they drive worthwhile members away. Let's call these people "assholes."

As far as I can tell, most GLBT (and other) groups just quietly hope that the assholes will go away on their own. Thing is, they don't. Occasionally one or more members will pull newbies aside and assure them that the asshole isn't representative of everyone else. This tends not to work - how many people are willing to be on the receiving end of bad treatment when they're not getting a paycheck?

I've come to the conclusion that the problem has to be dealt with directly. What generally works best - and nothing works perfectly - is to concentrate on the behavior, not the person. Don't treat grabbiness and propositions as a joke. Make it clear that if there isn't consent, it shouldn't be going on. Be ready to interrupt the conversation hog and make sure everyone gets heard.

And this dealing-with should probably come from the group leader. It's great to talk about an egalitarian group where there is no leader, but, from what I've seen, "egalitarian groups" means a bunch of people fuming about an asshole no one feels they have the right to confront.

Just my opinion, of course. :2cents: