Advice needed!

[jarcookie]

So i've got a boyfriend who i have been in a very happy relationship for 3 years now (im 20) and within the last couple of years i have been finding myself attracted to other girls and younger women. The more time goes on, it seems to be getting worse. I know that i have really strong feelings for one of my good friends, i have done for over a year, it gets me down sometimes because i know shes totally into men. There's also this woman at work (looks between 25 - 30) who works in a separate department but in the same office, and to be honest im attracted to her aswell, i think shes super hot. i had to go and speak to her today about work related stuff, but before i went i seemed nervous about going to see and speak to her! (thats odd for me as im always really outgoing and confident) i was fine when i got to her desk, we started talking about random non work related stuff and had a giggle about something.

Nobody in the world has a clue that im now bi as im very good at not showing it, and i very much doubt i will ever tell anybody. Although i would like to just get with a girl to see what its like, but that would mean cheating on my boyfriend, plus i dont know any other gays to try it with.

The main issue is the fact that i like my friend, it just makes me feel gutted all the time and i dont want to feel like this anymore.

Advice please!

[kcatthegreat]

I suggest you talk about it. The starting point would be your boyfriend. Many men think it's hot when a girl is with another girl. In fact, if you present it as wanting to do a threesome, your boyfriend may think it's really hot.

After you talk to him, you need to find someone to experiment with. I'd start hanging out in bisexual chat rooms for the city you live in. I wouldn't tell your friend about your feelings directly, because she is probably not gay.

But you could tell her that you want to explore bisexuality and that you've started hanging out in bisexual chat rooms.

See how she reacts to that. Maybe she'll say, "I'm bi too," and then you can explore having a relationship together.

Or she might say, "That's sick and disgusting. I'm taking you to church," in which case you know not to proceed any further.

I'd just play it by ear, but you should talk about your feelings. :bibounce:

[fredtyg]

But you could tell her that you want to explore bisexuality and that you've started hanging out in bisexual chat rooms.

See how she reacts to that. Maybe she'll say, "I'm bi too," and then you can explore having a relationship together.


That would have been my advice. You never know. She may be closeted, too, or might be one of those that has her bisexuality suppressed due to family and peer pressure and this might allow her to come out with it.

If she's not at all bi, just telling her you are, without expressing an interest in her, leaves you in probably the best possible position since you haven't made advances toward her and perhaps put a strain on the relationship.

Should be fine, unless she is really repulsed by bi or homosexuality. In that case, maybe you shouldn't be seeing each other in the first place.

[RobUK]

Hi

Yes, I agree with kcatthegreat. Tell him, chances are he'll think it's a huge turn-on! He will, almost certainly, be a lot more enthusiastic about it than you're worried he'll be...

I would normally say "Good Luck", but I'm sure you won't need any...

Rob
:three:

[Realist]

You never REALLY know how someone will react, until you're open and honest with them. Unless you think that person may get violent, or react all out of proportion to the issues, telling them how you feel is the only way to get the information across to them. They are not mind readers and will not know your thoughts, until you tell them.

[jarcookie]

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

I've heard or read somewhere a few years ago that the majority of females are attracted to other women, but most of them only ever express themselves as just straight.

Is this true?

[Realist]

I've discussed this subject with an older lady, who I met on line. She said she felt a desire to be intimate with other females for most of her life. However, she refrained from doing so, for many reasons we've all discussed before.

She said her husband, who she married when she was very young, was the only person she had ever had sex with. When her husband died a few years ago, she met another widow, who was bi and they began a loving and sexual relationship, which she felt was more rewarding and exciting than her wildest dreams.

I thought that it was sad that she had to wait all these years before she could fulfill her dreams. I guess we've all been in similar situations.......fate and life does that to us. Or, we do it to ourselves.