what do you do when your s/o is straight and your not......

[biblkman]

I'm bi and she's not. She knows I'm bi. But as the days go bi its getting harder to keep my sexual desires to myself. I try to let her know.what I'm feelin but she just says ...your not bi your just confused. I want to be with a man soo bad. I won't cheat. She's been with 2 women once when she was 17 and again when she was 21 she's 27 now, when she was 21, they had sex like 5.times ...so u would think she understands. But no. Its that double standard. It's sexy for a women to be bi but not a man. So any suggestions??

[Robinium]

I try to let her know.what I'm feelin but she just says ...your not bi your just confused.

I think that's the biggest problem here. She either does not take you seriously or tries to convince you and herself that you are "just confused" because you being bi is a real problem for her.

Unfortunately, being told that one is not bi but "just confused" happens so often and is so invalidating that it's not nice to see this happen even in one's own relationship. (At least that would be the case for me.)

[Realist]

That's not as uncommon as you might think. My first wife also had that same double standard, but I have never known of a man feeling that same way. Her feelings were that women were prettier, softer, more voluptuous and even smelled sweeter...so it was more NATURAL for women to be lovers!

Each lover comes with their own opinions, theories, and dogma. So you either adapt, in order to be with them, do what you feel compelled to in secret, or move on.

[Long Duck Dong]

she had sex with a woman 5 times...... so yes she would understand enuf to know what is right for her...... and thats what she is basing her understanding of you, on..... the sexuality confusion and decision making of when she was 21

its hardly double standards...... it would be if she was going off with women now and being with you.....

I kinda stand with realist on this..... you have 3 choices.... forego your desires.... act on them in secret... or decide if the relationship is going to go the distance.....

a side note..... if you choose to forgo your desires or act on them in secret.... do not blame your partner... its a choice you make for you, and by staying in the relationship, knowing the choices you have to make.... then it becomes your decisions and choices......
ain't loving somebody a real pain in the ass at times :tong:

[ninetythree]

There's a mailing list on Yahoo for couples where one partner is straight and the other is bisexual:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MMOMW

You might want to check it out in addition to this forum. You probably should try to get your partner to understand you now, rather than trying to bury or forget it. Some couples are 20 or 30 years into a marriage before one of them admits same-sex attraction.

[AsianDream]

I don’t see that being BI makes any difference?

Pure Straight Guys are still attracted to other women – so what if you're capable of desiring both other women and men?

If you are in a monogamous sexual relationship – then you’ve agreed not to have sex with other people – the gender of those people makes no difference.

Whether a monogamous rather than open or semi-open relationship is a good idea is something you and your partner need to talk about.

So I don't think you're confused - just what difference does being tempted by both sexes make to the concept of sexual fidelity (which I'd have to say I'd find totally imposible no mater how much I loved someone).

[darkeyes]

Just cos she had sex with other women a few times does not of itself make her bi.. so I'm not sure as such it is a double standard.. those experiences may have made her think as she does because they werent for her. It isnt easy for everyone to go against the prevailing wind of societal, family and peer disapproval. It may of course be that SHE is confused, or she is suppressing her own desires and her own nature and suppressionand that confusion has its roots in her upbringing.

That you have to carry on talking since the subject is out in the open goes without saying, but I do suggest you don't go on and on and on about it because therein lies trouble. But you should still talk at an appropriate moment.

Sex between men isnt considered as ok as sex between women.. its not just a macho thing, but many women dont like to think where her man may have been sexually and give bisexual men a quick body swerve. Its wrong but its how it is. What you do about her stance is between the two of you, but I suggest you don't just nip out for quickies behind her back for there does lie real trouble if she finds out.. being bisexual doesnt give us the right to break promises and agreements will nilly.. it is no different from any other human relationship in that respect.