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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]But, again, interacting with these crazy white kids taught me something important, that sex should be carefree and hassle free. Not careless, mind you, but, eh, it's no big deal. I wanna have sex and you're right here - let's do it! None of that "you have a big dick shit" or "you don't have a big dick" shit; you have a dick - let me suck it then you can stick it in me and cum. Sex for the sake of having it and enjoying it without any bitching about how bad it might have been... and if it wasn't enough, well, let's do it again, okay?

When the interracial thing broke open, wow - there were a lot of pissed off people! Black men/women were raising all kinds of hell to see a Black guy/gal with a white person, yelling and screaming about staying with your own kind when, in fact - and when it came to having sex - um, hmm, staying with your own kind wasn't getting you laid so much, was it?

"What's the difference between me and that white bitch I know you're fucking?" a Black girl I knew asked me.

"She'll fuck me without giving it a second thought - and you wanna fight just because I'm looking at you," I had said. "I asked you if we could have sex... and you started telling me every goddamned reason why that was never gonna happen - do you remember that? This girl I'm dating? I asked her if she wanted to have sex... and she said that she thought I'd never ask. That's the difference."

She wasn't happy and, as I came to learn, those who weren't happy about this "new interracial" thing were unhappy because they didn't like hearing the truth of things and a truth that I may not have really learned were it not me knowing a lot of very horny-assed white kids.

Sure - knew a lot of equally horny Blacks, Hispanics, Asians, etc., as well - they just reinforced the growing opinion and theory that color doesn't mean a whole lot... but the desire to have sex means everything and the less hassles in the way of doing this, the better.

It made me even more colorblind; made me get a bigger and better picture of what sex was and, perhaps, the way it was meant to be and to be enjoyed.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]If they wanted to have sex, they had zero qualms about asking me. None. No shame. None of that racial shit that plagued that period of time. "Hey, I have an idea - let's do it!"[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I was learning that I had been exposed to the wrong ideas about having sex. Now, it wasn't unusual for incest to jump off - not where I lived. But wow - the white kids? Again, made us (Black kids) look like we were rank amateurs when it came to this very forbidden form of sexual interaction - and they were not bashful or ashamed to admit that if they had siblings, yep - they were doing each other big time.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]Or as one guy told me after he sucked my brains out, "Who do you think taught me how to do this? Wasn't the other guys I hang around with..."[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]Oh, my. Those ultra-horny white kids I come into contact with were teaching me something very damned important and something that shouldn't be ignored: The color of one's skin doesn't matter and it should never matter. And it got better going into the teenaged years and even better once I got into high school. Trying to get into a Black girl's panties was almost impossible; you had to meet too many requirements and specifications... but white girls? If they weren't concerned about the "racial implications," it was, "I like you - you wanna ball?"

Hanging with my white male friends outside of school? "What do you wanna do?" "I dunno... what to you wanna do?"

"Let's do it!" and, of course, "it" being have sex with each other. No fear. No hesitation. Asked this one guy, "What if we get caught?" and he shrugged and said, "We just get caught - ain't no big deal and it ain't like my parents haven't caught me doing it with a boy before..."

Say what? Shit... let my parents catch me having sex - period - and I could look forward to getting my ass kicked! I don't know how many times I'd done it with a white guy and his father took me to the side and said, in no uncertain terms, "I know what you guys are doing - just don't get caught doing it, okay?" Wink, wink. The first time a guy's dad said this to me, I damned near shit myself - literally; I had an amazing urge to go to the bathroom and I just barely made it.

Man... no wonder they - Black adults - told us that white people are crazy![/FONT][/SIZE]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I've had sex with men and women from all walks of life and in quite a few places around the world. When it came to relating to people, I was taught to be colorblind - don't look at the outside of a person and call it day but find out what makes them tick and be interested in them and not just the color of their skin.

And this has worked well for me throughout my life but, um, wow, I've always been amazed at how easily the white guys I've been with have taken to having sex with other guys. I've known Blacks, Hispanics, etc., to hem and haw over this - and I know some of this is stereotypical hype - but especially when I was growing up, yeah - more white guys than any other were more than willing and eager to get naked and have sex and many of them would make me look like I really didn't like doing it with other guys.

Even though I lived in a predominately Black neighborhood, I had a lot of white friends and I'd had sex with most of them and I began to think - and, perhaps, understand, that white kids had a better outlook about sex than "my own people" did. I can't even begin to remember how many times I met a new white kid and, after introductions, one of the first things a guy would ask was, "Hey... have you ever done it with another boy?" and followed by, "Do you wanna do it?"

Hell, yeah, I did! But, wait a minute! I grew up in an environment that said that Black folks were hyper-sexual and, by and large, that was true if not a bit overly exaggerated at times... but the white kids I met and got to know? They made most Black kids I know appear to be uninterested in sex! And it didn't matter whether the kid I met was a guy or a gal.[/SIZE][/FONT]

I worked my way up to a dildo 3 1/2 inches wide and 18 inches deep .I love the way it feels all the way in .

My first blog was about the internal struggle of accepting my sexuality, this one discusses what actually happened to make me accept it.

Looking back over the years I think the number one thing that made me suppress my sexuality is family and the disappointment it would be to them should they ever find out. I never had the exposure to same sex activities in my formative years that so many seemed to have had on here, perhaps things may have been different had I but the opportunity never presented. Would I had it? I don't know, teenage and horny makes me think I might have and simply put it down to youthful experimentation.

The first exposure I had to same sex content was via gay porn. The internet had arrived and whilst initially I used straight porn to masturbate to, it was not long before I looked up gay porn via newsgroups. I downloaded pictures only, 33.6k modem and video content are a no go. I'm not sure when I started to look it up, it sort of just happened, perhaps it was curiosity or perhaps it was the emergence of my sexuality either way, it was short lived. I didn't stop watching it because I didn't like it, I stopped because I was nearly caught masturbating to it and thus begun the denial and suppression stage. I often think back and wonder if it might have been better had I been caught as it would've been out in the open. I'm not sure which would've been more embarrassing, been caught masturbating or what I was masturbating too, probably the later. I would not look at gay porn for another 20+ years.

The moment I truly realised I was bisexual would happen 20 years later when for the first time in my life I experienced the incredibly strong desire to kiss another man. I had experienced a couple of same sex attractions prior but not once did I ever feel the need to kiss them, this was a first for me. Why didn't I twig on the first two attractions? I don't think I realised I was attracted to them as there weren't any sexual overtones or they were being suppressed sub-consciously.

Needless to say I didn't kiss him but it left me confused and gave my sexuality the opening it needed. This was my catalyst. Little did I know had I, he would've reciprocated but that's a story for another day. Always leave them wanting to know more.

With my curiosity now sparked I introduced male masturbation stories in to my masturbation sessions, initially solo stories but soon after mutual. I had discovered edging by now so these lasted hours. Words gave way to visual and I would resume my love affair with gay porn but not before I bought an anal toy and opened my backdoor for exploration. I very much enjoyed all these sessions right up until the point I ejaculated, then the guilt and shame set in and I would swear that it would be the last time. It never was. Months would go passed and every day the same thing happened, ejaculate, admonish myself.

Something had to change, I googled sexuality tests and found a few and did them all. You have to answer them truthfully or it's pointless doing them. The thing with sexuality tests is, if you're taking them, you already know the answer and are really looking for confirmation like I was. The confirmation helps strangely enough. Not one test said I was heterosexual, all said I was at the very least bisexual. I didn't accept this immediately but it was not long after when one day after a particularly enjoyable session I went to have a shower to clean up and I stared in to the mirror, thoughts flooded my mind and I said what I needed to say. "I am bisexual, I like cock too".

The relief was immediate, I had said it out aloud whereas previously it had never left the confines of my mind. Saying it out aloud was me coming out to myself. I needed to come out to myself before I could accept myself and initially I would go with a Kinsey two. The thing about being in the closet is you need an outlet. Porn initially works but eventually you need more so I signed up to Shy Bi Guys and read there were many just like me (perhaps not as messed up). I never could bring myself to post. I had accepted it, but posting was like coming out.

Once Shy Bi Guys shut, I had to find another home and ended up here. I signed up as a Kinsey three, equal and I had become comfortable enough in my sexuality to actually respond to and start threads. This helped me to realise I currently wasn't a Kinsey three and I changed my Kinsey value to a four. This brought it in to line with some of the tests to indicate a slight to moderate preference for men. No one probably noticed this but sexuality is about being honest to yourself and I felt I needed to do this for me. I say currently as I believe sexuality is fluid, it can change for a number of reasons and is only a snapshot of how I feel at this point in time. I do know one thing, I'll never be, nor ever was, 100% heterosexual no matter what I had said in the past.

With acceptance comes freedom and now my orgasms from masturbation are massive and incredibly enjoyable. I wouldn't want to give these up. I love being bisexual and I wouldn't change this even if I could. I believe I was born this way and it was only a matter of time before it would emerge. It's just a pity it took so long. Family still stops me from coming out today only because I let it, it's a mental thing, however deep down, I think they probably suspect or know. All in good time, I'm just enjoying being me.

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I will suck your dick until you cum; I might even let you fuck me and make me walk funny and have a hard time sitting down.

But I'm never gonna be your bitch. a whore, or a "good girl" and that's just how it is and how I am. It's about respect and, to that end, I'm not all that different from anyone else in that I do not like being disrespected and especially if I'm giving you respect as the man you are.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]My protege called me a sexy bitch... I went off on him - verbally since he's on one side of the country and I'm on the other side and believe me, what I said to him wasn't even close to being nice. He apologized and I accepted it... but I was still furious and one thing I told him was that he should be glad I wasn't sitting next to him when he said that.

I'm usually in control of my temper; you can call me a nigger and I'm just gonna laugh at you... call me a bitch and I'm gonna be thinking of all the things I can do to you... and none of them are gonna feel good. Now, realistically, I know I shouldn't react this way... but I'm still very much a man even if I'm sucking your dick. There is nothing submissive about me - my mind just doesn't work like that - and trying to make me submissive, well, that's not gonna work and I'm gonna tell you that and in no uncertain terms.

I'm not a hard-ass; indeed, I'm stupidly easy to get along with... as long as you keep in mind that even though I'm sucking your cock, I'm still a man doing this and just as dominant in my thinking and actions and, if needed, dangerously so. It's why I stay away from BDSM things; I have the wrong mindset for it because I learned that, lord, help me, I like inflicting pain on people... and that's just not my idea of a good time having sex.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[SIZE=3][FONT=verdana]I did learn to not be... violent and to tell a guy right up front that calling me a bitch and treating me like a woman is not only a deal breaker but it's disrespectful and I will not ever tolerate being disrespected - so ya better watch your mouth and act like you know...[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]Before I act like I don't. You wanna play those macho games? You got the wrong guy, fella. Sure, I'll suck your dick because, um, I love sucking dick. You think you're gonna "make" me do it? Guess again, homey; my mind just does not work like that and, by the way, did I mention that I'm a trained killer?[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]One guy said, "Yeah, take this dick like a good little whore!" as he was fucking me... and he was surprise to find himself on the floor - and he was lucky that's all that happened other than me saying, "Call me a whore again and find out what's gonna happen..."[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]Another guy was fucking me and I wasn't having fun so I told him to stop and get off - and out - of me. He said, "I'm a real man giving you good dick and you're gonna be a good bitch and take this dick!"[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I broke one of his fingers and then choked him out... because I ain't your bitch... and the dick wasn't that good.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]I learned some shit about myself that I didn't like but I had to understand why I didn't like it and, again, not to be, um, overly violent when being disrespected in such a fashion. Yeah, girls suck dick and get fucked... and I'm still not a girl, bitch, whore, or any other female thing you can make come out of your mouth. "Bitch" is a fighting word and one I don't ever dare to let come out of my mouth and no matter who I'm having sex with.[/FONT]

[FONT=verdana]It's probably why effeminate gay men make me insane because they wanna be a bitch and, often, to be used like I'd do a woman. One guy actually asked me why I didn't call him a good cock sucking bitch and, honestly? I thought about saying it - and didn't because I'm not going to disrespect someone like that because I don't wanna be disrespected like that.[/FONT][/SIZE]