[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]There was always that moment of excitement know that you and some guy were about to do it and there aren’t many words to describe that excitement, from feeling nervous to being a little scared, to just feeling the anticipation. You go down on each other and whether this is terribly exciting depends on how much you like sucking dick and being sucked; for me, that’s always been the best part and is worth any hassles that might present themselves but then there’s that moment when you’re face down/ass up, your hole is all slick and slippery... And you feel his dick pressing against you and starting to go in.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I wanted and knew to take it easy... but he wasn't hearing any of that. "Just do it," he said - then pushed back against me, making both of us gasp. I asked him if he was okay and he laughed and said, "You're right - it hurts like a motherfucker... but I can handle it so, please, fuck me and cum in my ass." And I did. And I loved it just as much as he did. Still, we were both "worried" about what his mom would say if she found out we were having sex and, um, she did find out... and she was madder than a wet hen... but not for the reason you might be thinking. Nope - she got mad because she heard it from him but not from me. I had thought that this was going to be one of those relationship ending things but it wasn't and as she said, "I don't care if you're fucking him - he's an adult and can make his own decisions about such things... but you should have told me instead of me hearing it from him!" He and I talked about this and he admitted that, yeah, he told her although he never did say how the matter came up in the first place. He was surprised that the only reason she got pissed off was that I didn't tell her and, yeah, I should have... but it didn't change anything between us and, if nothing else, it had us having even more sex, well, until he found a girl that he fell in love with and it all came to a screeching halt. But I went into this knowing it would eventually end; I was just surprised that the end took a few years to arrive. I didn't love him in that sense but I cared for him; after all, I was raising him like he was one of my own children but, no, I didn't have any qualms whatsoever about sucking him off and then fucking him.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]My girlfriend's son wanted to learn the ways of dick and, nope, I didn't hesitate to, first, talk him out of it and then teach him. And, no, I didn't feel bad about it at all. I gave him his first male blow job and told him that if he wanted more, he had to be a man and ask for it and not just assume I'd do it because he wanted it. But he couldn't bring himself to suck my dick; I understood that and I wasn't disappointed even though he did give it a try. However, he felt that since he couldn't suck me, it was only fair that I fuck him... and while I couldn't really argue his logic, eh, I wasn't really feeling that but, okay - for him, I can make an exception. He did fuck me once - and I loved it... but him? Not so much; disappointing but again I understood and accepted it. I'd suck him off, he'd turn over and, at first, I'd just frot him until I came and he was fine with that until, one day, he asked me why I hadn't really put my dick in him... and I couldn't answer him. I did tell him about the pain and all that and he said that he understood it... but if I was supposed to fuck him and in lieu of him not being able to suck me, then getting my dick in his ass for real had to be done. I vividly remember that night when he came to me and, as our inside joke, asked me to hook him up but, this time, he added, "I want your dick in my ass this time." I sucked him until he flooded my mouth with his usual huge load of spunk and he automatically turned over and I thought, "Oh, shit..." - but applied the lube I had at the ready, making sure I fingered his hole long enough, then proceeded to slide my dick into his virgin ass.[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]But it was what it was and while I didn't really like this behavior in myself, it made him happy and, importantly, made him more willing to shove his cock into my ass and give me a good fucking... but it also paved the way for him to jump me and suck my dick and any time he could. While we had many moments when we "made love," there were more moments where I'd be in the kitchen doing something... and the next thing I knew, he'd have me in his mouth and, man, did that annoy the shit out me! But I had to understand why he was doing it and eventually I did understand it and just embraced having my dick sucked two or three (or more) times a day and damned near every day. My wife, who knew about all of this, thought the whole thing was cute and funny which kinda pissed me off - who's side was she really on? She said, one day, "That's what you get for being good at what you do, huh?" I suppose so. He loved me so much that he even ate my wife's pussy when it was offered to him - turned out he was pretty good at it according to her. We talked about that and when I asked him why he agreed to do something that gay men don't do, he said, "I needed to understand this part of you; I love you and that means I accept everything about you and, um, I like the way your cock tastes after you fuck her so it just made sense to me to go ahead and taste that pussy myself." Mind-blowing and if I hadn't had everything about this put into perspective before, my love and relationship with him did just that. I now understood it way better than I ever did and from many points of view. It broke my heart when he had to leave but I've never forgotten the things he taught me and because he loved me. Going forward, it was difficult not to compare other guys to the guy I loved so much but I had to see the error in this thinking and that, absent those feelings, the need to have a dick was still one not to be ignored or set aside. You don't have to love the guy - you just gotta want to have sex with him. That moment in my life banished that "no reciprocation" thing I was having fun with; now, if you didn't suck dick, I didn't want anything to do with you and that remains true today. It's not about feelings or the lack thereof: It's about the act itself and invoking a "rule" from my early seven year period: If I suck your dick, you suck mine and it's non-negotiable. The big difference in those periods was that, in the early one, it was just a matter of course but in this "new" one, it was a matter of preference; why should the other guy have all the fun of getting blown and I don't get to have the same kind of fun? Once I invoked this "rule," my feelings of being used by other men just went away; if you were gonna use me to bust a nut, I am as sure as hell gonna use you for the same reason. Don't suck dick? See ya later and, sure, I kinda hated doing things like that but you gotta take a stance on some things in this - and this is the stance I took. It made me miss out of a lot of the dick I wanted to suck but it just wasn't a preference - it was a matter of principle. Sure, there were times I wanted and needed to be fucked (and despite being reluctant in this) but if you weren't going to blow me, we ain't doing a damned thing and no matter how badly we both wanted to do it. I will happily and gladly suck your cock... but be ready to return the favor. But even in this, I made an exception...[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I met and fell in love with an effeminate gay man. Now, my experiences with this kind of guy weren't what I'd call a lot of fun; it's very strange to interact with a guy who acts like a woman and it just rubbed me the wrong way - but it was something I had to get over since, most of the time, if there was a dick to be had, there was a gay man attached to it. So falling in love with this beautiful soul of a man changed everything for me; I finally got to experience what it's like to be in love with a guy who loved me and the sex was beyond amazing although, admittedly, I had to get used to him pouncing on me out of nowhere and sucking my dick. Sounds like fun? Eh, not always but it was just another thing I had to get used to. Now, love makes you do some "strange" stuff and when we had sex, it wasn't enough for me to have him sucking my dick and fucking him - I wanted and needed him to fuck me even though, in this time of my life, I was no longer a fan of having a hard dick in my ass and, no, I really can't explain it. What I did know what because I loved him, I wanted all of him... and that including feeling his hard, beautiful cock pumping away in my ass... Except, um, that wasn't his thing to do; he was my introduction to what I call a pure bottom; he was the girl in this relationship and, in his mind, sliding his cock into me wasn't ever to be done... and I was determined that he was gonna do it and even told him, "If you really do love me, you will fuck me..." Oh... he didn't like it one bit and I found myself feeling really shitty for making him do something he didn't want to do. I didn't want him to fuck me as a matter of course but, damn it, when I wanted him inside me, that's what had to happen whether I feel like a heel or not. He'd fuck me and, as he said, because it made me happy and it was his "job" to make me happy; it took him a while to admit that fucking wasn't as horrible as he thought and that he understood that in the name of love, sometimes, you had to do things you wouldn't normally do. He was effeminate and submissive and that bothered me to no end... and I didn't know why. He was happiest when I'd just go to him and just take him and if I was a little rough in the taking, that made him even happier. The thing that bothered me was I liked bogarting him like that and something inside me was saying that I shouldn't enjoy physically imposing my will on him - you just don't do that to someone you love, right?[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I've always loved sucking dick and the only thing better than sucking dick is eating pussy and cock sucking is best when it's shared; I suck you off, you suck me off, we walk away happy. But now I found that reciprocation wasn't "a thing" for some reason and I found myself sucking a lot of dicks without wanting that favor returned. If the guy did, I was okay with it... but it seemed and felt like I was focused on doing a lot of giving and not a whole lot of receiving. Guys would want me to suck them off and say they didn't suck dick... and that was fine with me as long as I got to suck them off and if I could get them off twice, so much the better. Some guys would want to fuck but, eh, okay but that's not what I really wanted to do and, looking back, I think I had finally and really embraced my love of sucking cock. Those of you who love to suck cock knows exactly what I'm talking about and for those of you who have yet to suck a dick, keep reading and I'll tell you that you really don't know what you're missing when you keep finding reasons not to. Still, I sometimes couldn't get over that feeling of being used; I'm not getting sucked in return and the other guy sometimes wouldn't literally give me a hand and get me off that way so I'd wind up doing it myself... and was this really okay with me? It was... and wasn't and I had to figure out why because it was starting to steal my joy of cock sucking. The answer for me was to focus on the act and not so much the guy involved. If we were cool with each other, fine - but if not, it's still sex; it's still that chance to do what I love so much and the truth is that I was using him just as much as he was using me; he wanted his dick sucked and his balls emptied and I wanted to do just that and for my own pleasure. But then, another change happened...[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Now I had to be convinced that it would be worth my while to give up my cock and/or ass... even when every fiber of my being was screaming at me to do whatever the other guy wanted to do. That "used" feeling is a very nasty one and even nastier than the guilt some guys feel over having sex like this; again, just as women tend to feel, I didn't want to just be a piece of ass... But I had to realize that I really was and for the next seven years - between the ages of 16 and 23 - I had a lot of shit to process about this bisexual thing. Oh, I was still getting dick but I was really questioning whether or not feelings other than lust were really needed. Again, I'd do it with a guy just because he wanted to do it... and so did I... but what changed? Why was I now either making it harder for a guy to give me the dick I wanted or denying myself and because I couldn't handle the reality of things, that to a lot of guys, all I was and meant to them was a means to a spermy end? I eventually came to the conclusion that other feelings, while nice, weren't really necessary or, as I say today, you don't have to like the guy like that - you just gotta like him enough to have sex with him while understanding that, yeah, you're just a piece of ass to him and, in truth, any guy I didn't have, at the least, feelings of friendship was, indeed, just a piece of ass to me. He was just someone I wanted to have sex with and, likewise, that made me fair game as well. That's a bitch and a half to get your mind around but I was determined to get my head around it because, for me, there was nothing worse than wanting some dick... and coming up with reasons not to get it: That just did not make sense to me at all (and it still doesn't). During this seven year period, I also found myself in a peculiar situation...[/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=courier new][FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]You might be wondering what happened after those seven, crazy, and sex-filled years and the simplest answer I can give is that it was just business as usual for me. I wasn't as crazy as before, became a lot more discriminating when it came to getting jiggy with a guy and instead of saying yes all of the time, I learned to say no... even when I didn't really want to. It wasn't that dick was hard to find - it was always plentiful and no matter where I went; it just became a thing of picking the right guy at the right moment. I knew I could just do it because it was second nature to me but I was now in a period or moment where I felt that, sometimes, I wasn't appreciated and I was just being used for another guy's pleasure. It brought home some very serious lessons about both men and sex, that being, it's almost always about using someone for your pleasure and the only difference was any feelings other than lust. Like women learn, you learn that giving your body to a guy and because you think he really gives a bit of a fuck about you can turn out to be anything but; you go away from an encounter feeling used and dirty and, for me, that was a lot of shit to process. Or, as Tina Turner sang, "What's love got to do with it?" We grow up believing that sex and love, such as it is, goes well together and it does but it also gives us the thought that sex without those deeper feelings makes sex cheap, dirty, empty, and meaningless. My mission at this point was to dispute this and more so when I'd been happily having sex with guys and regardless to how I felt about them except those guys I just couldn't stand - but that's pretty normal I'd say.[/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT]
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