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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Now I had to be convinced that it would be worth my while to give up my cock and/or ass... even when every fiber of my being was screaming at me to do whatever the other guy wanted to do. That "used" feeling is a very nasty one and even nastier than the guilt some guys feel over having sex like this; again, just as women tend to feel, I didn't want to just be a piece of ass...

But I had to realize that I really was and for the next seven years - between the ages of 16 and 23 - I had a lot of shit to process about this bisexual thing. Oh, I was still getting dick but I was really questioning whether or not feelings other than lust were really needed. Again, I'd do it with a guy just because he wanted to do it... and so did I... but what changed? Why was I now either making it harder for a guy to give me the dick I wanted or denying myself and because I couldn't handle the reality of things, that to a lot of guys, all I was and meant to them was a means to a spermy end?

I eventually came to the conclusion that other feelings, while nice, weren't really necessary or, as I say today, you don't have to like the guy like that - you just gotta like him enough to have sex with him while understanding that, yeah, you're just a piece of ass to him and, in truth, any guy I didn't have, at the least, feelings of friendship was, indeed, just a piece of ass to me.

He was just someone I wanted to have sex with and, likewise, that made me fair game as well. That's a bitch and a half to get your mind around but I was determined to get my head around it because, for me, there was nothing worse than wanting some dick... and coming up with reasons not to get it: That just did not make sense to me at all (and it still doesn't).

During this seven year period, I also found myself in a peculiar situation...[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=courier new][FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]You might be wondering what happened after those seven, crazy, and sex-filled years and the simplest answer I can give is that it was just business as usual for me. I wasn't as crazy as before, became a lot more discriminating when it came to getting jiggy with a guy and instead of saying yes all of the time, I learned to say no... even when I didn't really want to.

It wasn't that dick was hard to find - it was always plentiful and no matter where I went; it just became a thing of picking the right guy at the right moment. I knew I could just do it because it was second nature to me but I was now in a period or moment where I felt that, sometimes, I wasn't appreciated and I was just being used for another guy's pleasure.

It brought home some very serious lessons about both men and sex, that being, it's almost always about using someone for your pleasure and the only difference was any feelings other than lust. Like women learn, you learn that giving your body to a guy and because you think he really gives a bit of a fuck about you can turn out to be anything but; you go away from an encounter feeling used and dirty and, for me, that was a lot of shit to process.

Or, as Tina Turner sang, "What's love got to do with it?" We grow up believing that sex and love, such as it is, goes well together and it does but it also gives us the thought that sex without those deeper feelings makes sex cheap, dirty, empty, and meaningless. My mission at this point was to dispute this and more so when I'd been happily having sex with guys and regardless to how I felt about them except those guys I just couldn't stand - but that's pretty normal I'd say.[/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Today, um, I'm still easy to have sex with... but not as easy as I once was. I learned there's a balance of sorts, moments that no matter what you feel like doing with a guy, it's best to just say no. I learned a lot about having preferences and how they can sometimes make sure you don't get any dick at all so to make things easy, I developed a minimum set of preferences: Be clean and healthy, be old enough to legally have sex and, importantly, don't be my idea of an asshole.

Most guys can't meet that last requirement. Still, I see too many men making it harder to get some dick when they should be making it easier... and maybe some guys make it harder because they don't want to turn into a cock whore? I don't really know but I know what that was like for me: I loved it and hated it all at the same time and it's one of those things that if I could go back and do those seven years over again, I wouldn't change a thing.

I still very much love sucking dick and sometimes I want to feel that dick inside me and pumping all that hot spunk in my ass... but sometimes you just say no because it makes sense to say no. Having said that, if you don't have a reason to say no, then do it because it's what you need. Back then, I needed a lot of dick (and pussy, of course) and I didn't let too much get in the way of me getting naked with some guy and having sex, whether it was just sucking each other off until neither of us could get it up again or lying down and being fucked until you felt that incredibly and nasty feeling that comes with being inseminated... and when men aren't supposed to be doing that to each other.

Being in a moment when an adult was atop me and telling me how good my ass felt around his dick? Yeah, I should have said no... but I didn't. Maybe I really couldn't say no and maybe this particular "sordid" thing was just how things really were. I eventually figured that part of those seven years out, saw every moment when I should have said no and headed for the hills as fast as my legs would carry me... but I didn't and some grown-ass man would pump his spunk into because I wanted and needed him to. There was a... power to be felt to have a grown-up dick in my mouth and making its owner cuss up a storm as I used my mouth to make him shoot his load.

Such an ego trip and one I can't really explain. I remember the day "Mr. Herman" wanted to fuck me... and I told him no, I didn't want to. I knew, from the other guys who had sex with him, that his dick was really big and he liked to make it hurt a lot. And Mr. Herman had all of that big dick in my ass and making it hurt really good and he took a long time to shoot his stuff into me. I wasn't mad at him - I was mad at myself, feeling his balls slapping against me, feeling his long, thick cock spreading my hold wider than it had ever been and, yeah, feeling pretty pissy when he unloaded into me, his dick pumping so strongly I could feel it in my belly.

He said he was gonna fuck me again and I didn't want him to; I was so sore it wasn't funny and I told him as much... and he slid that big-assed dick in me again (after sucking me off) and I hated that I loved it so much. Should have said no - didn't say no and, honestly, I don't really regret saying no to him but, yup, felt some kind of way because I didn't say no and being mad with myself because I was having a very hard time sitting down after he got done with me.

Cock whore? Yep - that was me... and I don't regret it. I do sometimes feel ashamed of myself because I wanted the dick as much as I did and I'd get it when maybe I shouldn't have been so easy and eager to do it. It was what it was and I can't change it; all I can really do is not let it fuck with me - and it doesn't... but I gotta be real with myself because in those seven short years, I was such the cock whore.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]"So why do you want us to do it if it makes you mad?" I had asked her.

"Because I shouldn't like it when you eat and fuck me... but I do like it," she had said. "It's wrong... but right at the same time - does that make sense? I know I shouldn't let other boys fuck me but I like it when they fuck me."

It made perfectly good sense to me because even with her, when she'd say, "I need some dick!" I should tell her no and to get it from some other guy... and instead of saying no, we'd do it anyway. Sometimes she'd even tell me that she shouldn't have asked me to fuck her and for all the obvious reasons - and sometimes she'd say it while I was dick-deep in her.

"I just don't know how to say no," she said. "Besides, I like the way you do it to me."

"But we both know how wrong this is," I pointed out.

"Yeah... as long as you don't knock me up, I don't see what the problem is, ya know?" she said. "Now, eat my pussy again..."

Through her and other girls, I understood this "cock whore" thing and, yeah, I was one of them. Pull your dick out and if nothing else, you were gonna get sucked off; if you wanted to fuck me, sure, go for it... even when everything in my head was yelling at me to say no. Sometimes, I'd be getting fucked... and wishing the guy would hurry up and cum in me so this could be over with. Sometimes, it was him - he was the wrong guy to do it with but most of the time, I was very pissed with myself because like my sister had said, I didn't know how to say no... but I realized that most of the time, I felt pissy with myself after the fact and never before the fact.

I eventually "survived" being a cock whore - you just learn some shit about being too easy but you also learn that there's an advantage in being easy - it gets you the dick that you crave even if you wind up not liking it so much after the fact. Even my brother had his cock whore moments where he'd tell me that he always wanted to do it with a guy... but knew he should have said no... and didn't.

And, yeah, that included me as well. He'd ask me to do it to him, I'd want to say no... and never did; I found out that he would be thinking no - he wasn't gonna ask me to do it to him - then got mad with himself because he did ask. He even said one day that we should stop doing it to each other... but he knew that he didn't want to stop; he asked me if that made sense and I told him that it did... because I felt the same way. It was a deep conversation we had about this and when we got done talking...

We did it to each other anyway. And it was good as always and we both said, after the fact, that we should have said no to each other... but it didn't make sense to do that.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Because when you couldn't find a girl who wanted to do it, you could always find a guy who wanted to and the two of you could get together and suck and fuck each other silly and, yeah, sometimes, when you first thought that it might not be that good of an idea... but you also couldn't stop yourself from saying yes and doing it.

And loving it. I don't know how many times in those seven years I'd find myself lying on my stomach and there was a dick in my ass and a guy lying on top of me making all of those sex noises while his dick was going in and out of me... and I loved it... and hated myself because I loved it and, yeah, hated and loved that I said yes instead of saying no. Did I feel bad when one of the adult men in the 'hood was the one fucking me? Yes... and not so much, to be honest. It wasn't like I didn't know how wrong it was because I did and I'd be mad at myself because instead of thinking about how wrong it was and running away, I thought about how good it was gonna fell and stayed put to be subjected to the man's lust as he fucked me and filled my ass to overflowing with sperm.

I wanted more and more... and more and I knew I shouldn't but, damn it, I couldn't say no! When I tell you that all someone had to do was pull out their dick and I'd be all over it, that's not me "glorifying" things: I was really that easy and eager to do it. Today, we think in terms of tops and bottoms and in those seven years, I was very versatile; didn't matter to me if I was the one being sucked off or the one shoving my dick in a tight - or not so tight ass - then finding myself being the one doing the sucking and basking in the nasty feelings to feel the other guy's hard dick worming its way into my butt.

Those seven years taught me a lot about why girls behaved the way they did when they were being eaten and fucked, how they both loved and hated it and hating themselves because it was easy for someone to get them naked and fuck them. I even talked to my sister about it one day after we had sex and she said that she knew how I felt; she always wanted the dick even when she knew she should say no and she felt that way with me as well.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Like the day a friend and I went to his house so we could do it - then found out that his mom was home and she was as drunk as the proverbial skunk, adding to our disappointment. What neither of us anticipated was the moment when she told me to come to her and I did... and the next thing I knew she was sucking on my dick! Then she was sucking on her son's dick! Then we were sucking on each other's dick right in front of her while she fingered her pussy! Then we both licked her pussy! Then she told us to stick it in her! Best motherfucking feeling ever to see and feel my dick sliding in and out of her hairy pussy and beyond thrill to hear her saying she was cumming (learned a new word) and how happy she was when my dick started pumping sperm into her. Then her son took my place and I sat and watched what had to be the weirdest - and most exciting thing I had ever seen.

We both sat there looking at each other as his mom languished in whatever she was feeling; we were both grinning like idiots but, at the same time, we were both scared because of what we'd just done... and we both kinda shrugged and with his mom pretty much passed out, we did it to each other and I left after we got done and with a whole lot of shit hammering my brain. Later that day, I ran into my friend again and we went off to one of our "clubhouses" so we could do it to each other again and he told me his mom eventually woke up and, I guess, realized what she had done. He said that she wasn't mad at him but he also said that she said that she was mad with herself.

And I understood it because I'd often be mad with myself because I sucked a dick or got fucked when I probably shouldn't have done it at all. After that day, it was hard to see my friend's mom without thinking about what happened and seeing how it affected her. She actually sat me down to talk about that day and, really, I don't remember all of what she said but the gist of it was that she wanted to have sex, we just happened to show up at the right time, and she did something she shouldn't have done but admitted she had fun doing it; she even told me that I was pretty good at eating her pussy.

I could see how that played into my powerful craving for cock; you knew there were times when you shouldn't do it... but you did it anyway, had fun doing it, and sometimes find yourself wondering why you did and, yeah, sometimes, not liking yourself all that much. On top of it all, I was learning things about sex that a lot of kids my age wasn't learning and the biggest thing I learned was that boys did have sex with other boys and it could feel just as good as having sex with a girl... and, sometimes, even more fun.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I knew I was close to being totally out of control when it came to dick. Having sex with girls, well, that was comparatively easy because I could do some stuff they liked: I could lick their pussies until they had a few orgasms; I also had a good-sized dick and, in the early going, I could shoot my "baby making stuff" in them. Sex with guys was big time fun... but not as much fun as sex with girls was. They loved that I didn't just give them a few licks before ramming it in; nope, I'd stay down there licking and sucking until they begged me to stop and fuck them. Some girls wanted it in their ass because their parents were making sure their pussies were still intact and, okay, not a problem and it was glorious, nasty and, well, the right thing to do.

I knew girls who were like me - if there was a dick, it had to be taken advantage of but some girls quickly got out of being a cock whore once they had their first period and could then get pregnant. Didn't stop them from sucking dick or taking it in the ass if they could... but with the fellas? Never had to worry about the baby thing and, besides, even I had figured out that no one gets pregnant when you swallow the sperm or it goes in your asshole.

Still, it was my very strong desire to have dick that was great as much as it was bothersome and I think I was like 14 or so before I began to say no to some dicks, not so much because I didn't want to do it but because saying no made more sense than always saying yes: I really can't explain what was going on inside my head about that but I was learning to trust my instincts when they'd tell me that I shouldn't have sex with this guy and, importantly, I shouldn't feel bad because I turned him down and if he got mad because I did, well, too bad.

Seven years might not sound like a long time being a cock whore but it was. In between all the other things I had to do with my life in those seven years, I was having sex and a lot of it and in ways that, today, sometimes makes me cringe and ask myself what the hell was I thinking about.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It is not to say that I wasn't concerned over my behavior because I was. I'd often find myself having very deep conversations with myself and many of them weren't what I'd call nice. I wasn't quite out of control... but I was very damned close to it. I'd think about all of the times when I should have said no and didn't... then wished that I had said no... but I learned early on that once you do a thing, you cannot ever undo it.

Or, ya should have thought about that before you did it, dummy! Sometimes, after getting a belly and/or my butt full of sperm, wow, I had a lot to think about; I came to understand that everything sounds like a good idea before you do it and it might turn out not to have been such a good idea after the fact. Jaws aching, stomach rumbling and promising that I was gonna spend a lot of time sitting on the toilet and if my ass got fucked, just doing that wasn't going to be fun... and I'd ask myself why I kept allowing these things to happen...

And the answer was because it was fun doing it and not doing it, at the time, didn't make a lot of sense when, perhaps, it should have. Water under the bridge and all that. I'd see and talk to other guys who were cock whores and how it began to affect them in negative ways; they'd be haunted, became reluctant to engage when they knew they wanted to and I even recognized that reluctance in myself... except I somehow managed to set it aside so that I could have sex with a guy, telling myself I'll worry about it afterward... and sometimes, I'd be very worried, not because some fucked up shit happened but I'd be worried about how stupidly easy it was for a guy to get me naked and have his way with me... and I couldn't say no.

I vividly recall the first time I took all of an adult dick in my ass. He was only about five inches or so and not all that girthy... but the pain was incredible and I was worried about having my hole ripped up, something I knew had happened to a few guys but then it stopped hurting and started feeling better than it ever felt before even though my peers could always get all of their dick in me... but this was different and instead of it scaring me, I actually felt elated about it.

I'm lying on the man's bed and he's plunging all of his dick in and out of me... and it was dreamy and so much that I think I actually nodded off for a moment and snapping out of it when I heard him cuss and say he was gonna do it. He put all of his dick into me... and I felt it pulsing strongly inside of me and pretty much washing away any concerns I had. It was an incredible feeling, better than any I'd felt previously and it wasn't until he pulled out of me that I got worried about my poor butt hole. He must have taken a good look because he said, "No blood - are you okay?"

I was... and wasn't; my ass hurt something fierce and I could feel a breeze in my butt hole as well as his spunk flowing out of me... and it was an amazing feeling and so much that I heard myself ask him, "Can you do it again?" - and then felt disappointed when he said he couldn't, well, not right now - maybe tomorrow. Later, I had a lot to think about while dealing with a very sore asshole; maybe that wasn't a good idea after all and my first thought was that I wasn't gonna let another adult put all of his dick in my ass... and I knew that if the opportunity came again, that was gonna happen and I wanted it to.

Did it get any better than that? Yeah, it did... when I was taught how to suck all of a dick until my nose was buried in funky, musky pubic hair. I won't get into how many times I almost threw up or panicked because I couldn't breathe but he talked me through those horrifying moments until I could eat all of his dick without gagging and the reward for all of that "trauma" was being able to feel his dick pumping away in my mouth and better than I had been able to feel it before.

My jaws ached. My throat was sore and felt like someone had punched me in it. Both the worst thing I'd done to date... and the most exciting thing all at the same time. I shouldn't try to do that again... and I knew I would anyway because the thing I did learn - other than how to eat a whole dick - was that it could make a guy shoot his stuff even faster. I couldn't wait to show my friends this new trick I learned and it was easy to eat all of their dick without gagging and, with them, I learned the trick of how to eat all of their dick and hold it deep while they shot their stuff.

It made me even more popular... and I hated it just as much as I loved it. It was both flattering and bothersome to have a guy approach me and say that he heard I could suck all of a dick and ask if I'd suck his dick. I wanted to say no and sometimes was thinking no... even as I made his dick disappear without much difficulty or, if they were really big (comparatively speaking), as much as I could. And I loved it, loved hearing them gasp with surprise, followed by feeling and tasting their spunk shooting into my mouth and I'd greedily swallow it all.

Even though I hadn't heard the phrase "cock whore" before, I knew I was one. I couldn't get enough dick either in my mouth, my ass, or both. Situations where I should have declined the offer happened anyway and it wasn't as if I had any real regrets... but I'd be angry with myself for being so easy... but being that easy was, in fact, getting me more dick than my friends were getting and, yeah, they'd often get pretty pissed with me especially when I was getting a lot of "grown up" dick and they weren't.[/SIZE][/FONT]