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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]My biggest secret was that I was learning some stuff about sex that I wasn't supposed to know. I'd spend a lot of time at the public library and sneaking around to read all the stuff about sex that I could manage to do... and there was a lot of stuff to read. I learned the word "incest" and how wrong that was but, apparently, that wasn't anything new... and I also learned the word "bisexual" and I still laugh at myself when I stumbled across that word - while looking for another one for school - and blurted out into the silence of the library, "So [B]that's [/B]what I've been doing!"

Who knew there was a word for liking to have sex with boys and girls? We all knew what a "homo" was and I learned that "homo" was short for "homosexual" and those were boys or girls who only did it with boys or girls... but I liked having sex with both... and now I knew the word for it.

Bisexual. It explained a whole lot of things. Not only had I learned that anyone could have sex with anyone else - and even if they were related to you (and it was very, very wrong to do that) but you could do it with a boy and do it with a girl if you wanted to (and they wanted to, of course)... which I'd been doing all along and with great glee and gusto. I couldn't get enough of having sex and it just did not matter whether it was with another boy or with a girl and more so when I learned - with my sister - that girls really liked it when you licked their pussy and sucked on "the little man in the boat."

I was in my element and while, over time, guys were spending more time chasing girls and trying to fuck them - and often failing - I knew that if I couldn't get a girl to have sex with me, I could find a boy - or they'd find me - and we could have sex. Sucking on each other's dicks. Fucking each other. So very wrong... and so very good. I learned that this just wasn't happening where I lived; it was all over the place and it just wasn't us Black guys who had learned about having sex like this - white guys liked doing it, too... and it seemed to me more than Black guys did. Maybe it was just me but I didn't have too many white male friends who were either just as eager - and sometimes much more - as I was to do it or were very eager to find out about it.

Doing it with both boys and girls (and even between brothers, sisters, and cousins) was [B][I]everywhere[/I][/B]! Not everyone I came in contact with was like me... but a lot of people were. Hanging out with someone; being bored because there was nothing to do or we'd done some stuff and... hey - do you wanna do it with me?

Sure! I had a hard time trying to figure out if Black guys or white guys loved doing it more but, again and to me, the white guys were a lot more eager and fearless; if I didn't have any problems with it, my white friends made me look like I did have a problem with it and so much that when I'd meet with them, they'd say hello... then say, "Let's go somewhere so we can do it to each other - and I know just the place!"

Yeah... everyone seemed to think that being Black or white was so very and terribly different... and I was learning that we weren't as different as everyone said. None of us cared about color - all we cared about was getting as naked as we could - and depending where we were - and sucking and fucking each other silly and just because we could... and it was fun.

And while many of the guys I knew left all of this behind, I never did; it didn't make sense to. I knew the dirty little secrets of sex that I wasn't supposed to know and wasn't supposed to do, like fucking my sister and us having a field day going down on each other. Or my horny and major pain in the ass brother and the guy who I couldn't get along with but when we were having sex with each other, we got a long just fine and the fact that we got caught in the act didn't change a thing.

People would say that I was too young to know about sex, let alone having it and definitely not with other boys... and I knew it was all bullshit. Sure, it was wrong but I had learned that just because everyone said it was wrong didn't mean that no one was doing it... because they were and age didn't mean shit... and so much for the adults saying that we didn't know what we were doing.

We sure as hell knew exactly what we were doing. I had... concerns and it made sense to but I still remember the day I was happily fucking my sister and mentioned my concerns about it and her telling me that as long as I didn't get her pregnant, she didn't see what the problem was - and that I should shut the fuck up and eat her pussy some more and get back to fucking her.

I learned what I wasn't supposed to learn... and I don't regret any of it. Sucking a grown-up dick or having him doing his part to make it easier for me to take dicks in my ass? Wrong as anything else... and I didn't give a damn about that. I was having sex. Sucking dick. Swallowing sperm. Getting fucked silly and getting my butt filled to overflowing with jizz, spunk and everyone's new favorite word: Cum. Jerking off any time I felt like doing it and then being "nasty" and licking my cum off my fingers. And who knew that licking a girl's pussy after you cum in it could taste so good? Okay... she wasn't gonna kiss me after eating her anyway but that was okay, too.

Have a guy fuck me, clean off his dick, and then suck it until he came again? Way too much fun. Sucking off a bunch of guys? No biggie and neither was having a lot of guys lined up to fuck me in the ass; that was so heavenly and comfortable that I very much recall taking a nap at some point and only waking up when the guy fucking me yelled out that he was cumming - and, boy, did he ever cum in me!

How could something that everyone said was so damned bad be so good? Because it is bad... and it is very much good.


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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I had shot my first load of sperm into a girl (and my second and third loads into the same girl) and one day, oh, maybe a week later, I was home alone (I don't remember why) when one of my friends was knocking on the door like he was the police. I could have company so I let him in and he was excited about something and it wasn't hard to see that he was excited because he was talking really fast and couldn't stand still.

"I gotta show you something!" he said. "Watch this!"

He pulled his pants down so I could see his dick... and I was thinking, "So what? I've seen it before!"

"Keep looking!" he said and made a circle with his thumb and first finger... and started pulling on his dick! Okay... what was he doing? He started doing that slowly until his dick got hard - then he started going faster. I was intrigued and so much that, for some reason, I needed a closer look at what he was doing so I knelt down in front of him and with my face close to what he was doing. I was so transfixed on what he was doing that when he blurted out, "I'm gonna do it!" I didn't move... and got the surprise of my life when his jizz shot out of the head of his dick... and hit me in the face! It surprised me so much that I actually plopped down on my butt.

"You can do it, too!" he said. "Try it!"

Oh, I had to! I pulled my pants down - my dick was already hard - and I did what I saw him do and, oh, boy, did [I]that [/I]feel good!

"Keep going!" he said so I did and it didn't take long for that good, scary, and funny feeling to hit me - and my jizz shot out and was going all over the place!

"We can do this when we want to do the nasty but can't do it to somebody!" he said.

God... it was so funny - well, today it is. We were standing in my room and jerking each other off until there were a couple of puddles of jizz on the floor, which I had to clean up before my parents came home and found it. Shit... this was just as good as doing it to somebody! But, wait - wasn't this what my parents told me not to do - don't play with myself [I]down there[/I] or I might go blind? What a load of bull! Not only did I not go blind, but when I looked at my hand, there wasn't any hair growing on my palms!

That was about the time I found out that using toilet paper to clean up the mess was making my parents ask what the hell was happening to all of the toilet paper. Uh-oh... and more so when they were giving me some very suspicious looks. I was very sure they both knew why the toilet paper was getting used up quickly but they never said anything to me about it... but I had to figure out another way to clean up the mess I was making when I was jerking myself off.

One night, jeez, I was so horny it wasn't funny. I wanted to do it so bad! But my brother and sister, who would want to do it with me, were asleep and I didn't dare wake them up because they'd get mad and that would wake our parents up. I went to the bathroom, closed and locked the door - and as we were being told to do - and started jerking myself. Ah... it felt so good and I liked watching myself do this - that made doing it feel even better! The really funny feeling crawled all over me and my jizz started shooting out, oozing all over my fingers (I was careful not to let it get on the floor) and once I was done, I looked at the nearly empty roll of toilet paper and thought that I'd better not use it up and I didn't know what to do.

Now, what I [I]should[/I] have done was get off the toilet and just wash my hands but that's not what I did because something in my head asked, "What does your jizz taste like?" Only one way to find out, huh? I started licking my jizz off my fingers and, what do you know? Even though it was really cool and all that, it tasted pretty good although, admittedly, I really felt like I had to throw up once I started licking it up... but that was better than having to listen to my parents getting on my case about using the last of the roll and not getting another one - and I couldn't do that because where we kept the toilet paper was in the closet - and in the room - my parents used as their bedroom!

But now I learned something else, didn't I? I could jerk off and not leave one bit of evidence - missing toilet paper or sticky towels - lying around! A friend did tell me that he'd jerk off on a sock but I never did that because it was bad enough having to explain the missing underwear so explaining why I had socks missing? Besides, I liked the way my jizz tasted and learned that it was better to lick it up before it got too cool.

It would be a lot of years later before I found that I could suck my own dick and cum in my mouth... but back then? It was so... nasty to taste your own jizz that those of us who figured this out would break out with laughter because we were being some really bad boys. The good part was that when we were together and doing the nasty to each other, we didn't have to lick up our own jizz... because we were all too happy to swallow each other's jizz until none of us could shoot any more of it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]So very nasty... and so very good. Still, as much as I liked being fucked and fucking my friends, being able to settle in to suck them until they shot jizz was even better and even in my young age, it wasn't hard to figure out that if they shot it in my mouth, there was no worry about having evidence leaking out of my butt and onto my underwear, something one of my friends found out when he got questioned about a white, crusty substance in the back of his underwear. He got punished (read this as he got his ass beat really good) and the word spread among us that when we fucked each other in the butt, throw the underwear away if the jizz leaked out.

I threw away a lot of underwear. My mom got suspicious and wanted to know why I had underwear missing and, yes, I lied like a rug and would tell her, most of the time, that I had holes in them but that wasn't really that much of a lie; my father would often say that I had acid in my butt with the way I'd wind up with holes in my underwear! But it was a good "lie" to cover up the fact that I was throwing them away - and not in our trash - because I was being fucked, jizz was being shot in my butt, and it would eventually leak out and get all crusty on my underwear.

But I have to back up just a little bit... and to the day I learned about jerking off.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I'd quickly learn that it was bad because everyone said it was bad... and it felt good because it was [B]supposed to feel good.[/B] It worked for me and a lot of my male friends. I was a very smart kid growing up and while I didn't think my friends cared about the details of having sex, I did; I had to know all I could about it and that meant, for me, to do it as much as I could, every time I could and with anyone who wanted to do it to and with me.

I still think back to those seven years of my life and it embarrasses the shit out of me knowing how... slutty I was and especially when it came to getting some dick. I was seriously hooked on sucking dick from the start and because there were some of the fellas who were too scared to fuck and stick their dick into [I]that[/I] hole, all that meant was there were more opportunities to suck on their dicks until they started shaking and cussing and fucking my mouth and shooting their stuff - sperm - into my mouth.

All warm and salty (most of the time) and gooey and, in the early goings, lots of it. Couldn't get enough of it. A grown up gave me my first taste of dick and sperm; he also was the one who put his dick against my butt hole and made it very messy... and didn't that feel really good, too? You bet it did and the fact that he shouldn't have done that - and I shouldn't have gone along with it - made it all even better...

And it didn't take long for me to find out that he wasn't the only one who didn't have a problem feeding me their dick and sperm and sticking it in my ass and shooting their sperm - aka "the jizz" - inside me. Knew it was wrong... didn't care one bit. Big grown up dicks felt even better than sucking on my friends' dicks which were obviously much smaller and easier to suck... but I knew I could get enough of those big dicks in my mouth so that when they shot the jizz, now it was all about not letting any of it get away.

Or to feel them pressing against my hole and trying to get in. Oh, that [I]really[/I] hurt when they could, at the least, get the head of their dick inside me and enough so that when they shot their jizz, it would go in me and feeling it twitching in there, well, did it get any better than that?

Yeah, it did when one of my friends was the first to get all of his dick in my ass; I don't even remember how long he fucked me but I do remember that he'd fuck me, shoot his jizz, stop for a moment, and go right back to fucking me until he shot more jizz in my butt - and then kept going until he got tired. Then it was my turn to do the same thing to him and with the help of Vaseline, I pushed all of my dick into his butt and that was so much better than only getting the head in there. Oh, he yelped and cried and said to take it out because it hurt so much but before I could do that, he said not to because now it felt good.

We literally spent the whole day outside making a mess out of each other's butt. I don't know how he found out about Vaseline and that it would make it easier to stick it all in but now I knew about it... and we all found out about it; we found out that the hair grease our moms would plaster on our head would do the same thing - and so would soap. Spit would work but not all that well sometimes but most of the time, that's all we had to use since, if we were outside, trying to sneak the more slippery stuff out of the house and it was found to be missing, well, that was a problem.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The best years of my life as a bisexual male were, without a doubt, between the ages of nine and sixteen. Such an exciting time of my life to have discovered - introduced, really - to one of the facts of life that I'd learn we're just too timid and afraid to admit it exists: Boys having sex with boys. Even more exciting than being taught that my ding-dong could get hard and it could go inside a girl!

Those seven years of my life were a whirlwind of sex and once I learned about eating pussy - and after I learned about sucking dick - I felt... complete. While many of my peers were doing as they were told to avoid sex at all costs, many more - including me - didn't run from it: We ran headlong into it and eagerly so. Having sex with girls were the "main goal" for us but we quickly learned that if they were being weird about doing it - and even when they really wanted to - that was fine... because us guys could get together and have sex with each other pretty much any time and any place we could find where we couldn't be caught doing it to each other.

Being able to suck dicks and have mine sucked; being able to stick my dick in a guy's ass and fuck him until I got tired and my senses reveling in that good feeling that would wash over me - then getting some "rest" when I'd lie down and a guy would climb on top of me and stick his dick in my ass and it would feel so good and dreamy that any pain experienced during entry was forgotten. Sure, I knew - we all knew - how nasty and dirty it was to fuck each other but we all agreed that because it was, that's what made doing it to each other so much fun.

And then, not more than two weeks after finding out that dicks taste good - and so did sperm (aka the baby making stuff), I shot my stuff for the first time in a girl's kitty cat... and that was a scary moment but a moment that made doing it even better. It seemed to me that when I busted that first nut, my male friends were finding out about that at almost the same time albeit months apart but the important part for us was we could shoot our stuff into each other's mouths and butts and without taking much of a break so we could keep on doing it...

Because it felt so damned good and nasty. So what if we weren't supposed to be doing it to each other? My biggest question that had to be answered was, "How can something that feels so good be so bad?"

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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]If nothing else, it's how I know that if/when a guy is on the hunt for cock, sometimes, all he has to do is just be where other men can see them because you just never know when you'll catch some guy's eye and he comes over so that he can find out if you're the guy he thinks you might be.

My "curse" taught me that opportunities will come a-knocking and, again, usually when you least expect it and from directions you'd never really think about. It doesn't mean that you gotta accept every offer that comes your way but, well, if you want to then why not? It's always a judgement call and if I'd learned nothing else, I learned how to analyze the situation quickly so that if I wanted to, I could make that go/no go decision without having to spend days doing it. I had the benefit of years of experience that would "show" me who were the assholes and who wasn't my idea of an asshole and, again, I had learned to trust my instincts without question.

I have [B]never[/B] caught anything nasty having sex with a guy. [B]Never[/B]. I know it's possible because you just can't trust some guys to be honest and truthful but, then again, I learned some stuff about healthy dicks and what an unhealthy one looks and even smells like. I learned about reading body language and combined with my instincts, well, there are just some opportunities that come knocking that aren't going to get answered... and many more that do get answered.

I now have two neighbors I've had sex with and, again, it's like they read that sign that's been on me since forever that told them that if you wanna find out what it's like to have sex with a guy, I'm the one you need to talk to... and everything will be okay. This shit used to bother the hell out of me but I've since learned to not let it bug me and that when I want dick, all I have to do is to be where guys can, at the very least see me... and now it's on them to make the "indecent proposal" that, yeah, sometimes, I'm hoping they make.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]One of the things that used to baffle me was being with a guy I knew was down with sex with guys and he knew I was... and listening to him complaining about not finding any dick. I was talking to one such guy one day and listening to him talk about how badly he needed to suck some dick and get fucked and there was no one around... and it hit me that while we knew this about each other, we had never done anything with each other.

"So, what am I - chopped liver?" I had asked him. "If you wanna suck some dick, why have you never asked me if I'd be interested?"

He looked at me like the thought never occurred to him before but he recovered enough to say, "But we're friends! You know they say it's bad business to have sex with your friends because it'll ruin the friendship!"

I snorted with great derision and said, "Yeah, that's what they say... but what are friends for? What, I'm not your type or something like that? We often sit and talk about the sex we've been having so it's not like you don't know that if you asked me, I'd be happy to do it with you... but you've never asked."

"Well, how come you never asked me?" he countered.

A good question but one I knew the answer to so I said, "Because you never gave me any sign that you'd be interested so there was no point in me asking and then get all bummed out when you say no - and I just knew you would."

An hour later, we were in his bed and trying our best to recover from having worn each other out.

"How come we never did this before?" he asked.

"I dunno, but I'm glad we did," I said. "Just one of those things that happens, I guess."

And, no -it didn't trash our friendship.

Even when time passed and one could use the Internet to find a guy to have sex with, it seemed my "curse" just stayed with me; I hit a guy up to make an offer... and no takers... but let me just be looking to see who's been checking out my profile or to clean out messages that had been piling up and going unseen... and the offers would refill my inbox faster than I could respond to them! I told one guy who I wound up hooking up with, "I don't know what it is; when I'm looking for dick, I can't get it to save my life but when I'm not looking, there's more dick than even I know what to do with!"

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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]In my 20s, wow: Who knew there were really that many guys who had reason to want to have sex with another dude? A lot of the guys I knew, say, from playing basketball at the court across the street from my house, would sometimes make me laugh at how clumsy and funny their were trying to make it known how horny they were or "trying to be slick" and say something like, "Shit... I need my dick sucked right about now!"

Or, one of my favorites, some guy complaining about his balls hurting and then being bold enough to pull his dick out and start stroking it... while looking at me and like they're wondering why I'm not getting the hint. Oh, I got it just fine and the moment they mentioned their blue balls condition... but I had long since learned that there were some guys who didn't need to know that I could take care of that for them and some guys who'd be a major problem.

But there were a lot of guys who just seemed to know that if they wanted a blow job, I was the guy they needed to hook up with. I even found out that some of the guys who'd come looking for me had been recommended to me by guys I'd had sex with - nothing like word of mouth advertising, huh? It would usually be some guy who I'd seen around the neighborhood but not someone I hung out with all that much and, as such, I'd often get blindsided by the reason they're talking to me or the few guys who were bold enough to let me know that they heard that I give good blow jobs and would I blow them because they really need it bad?

Whether I did or not wasn't the point or what really bothered me: It was feeling like I had a sign on me that invited horny dude to come check me out. I was standing in line at the bank one day and the guy behind me moved a little closer and whispered, "I'd really like to suck your dick when we leave here - you down for it?" Or sitting in a bar after work and having a quick drink or two... and the bartender is bringing me drinks I didn't ask for; or some guy would sit next to me, strike up a conversation and then tell me how much he'd love to take me somewhere so we could have sex.

Sometimes I'd accept, sometimes I didn't not because I wasn't down for it but I'd learned to trust my gut instincts and when they told me to tell someone no, I listened.[/SIZE][/FONT]