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[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I was learning - and as a lot of guys were as well - that it's not all that easy to make the sex really good for someone else when a lot of your mental focus was on not being as excited to have sex and as you were supposed to be. Sure... I understood why a guy would tell me not to make him cum too fast since, being older, the chances of being one and done were greater now and "reloading the gun" might not happen in the time we had together. Or, with my control firmly in place, I'd find myself dealing with a somewhat irate guy who, from his position, is convince that I'm not as excited to have sex with him as I said I was.

I was learning that depending on who you were with, you couldn't win for losing and that going out of your way to contain my own excitement so that the sex could be more enjoyable for the other person, more often than not, made things not all that good for me. Oh, I'd be happy that they enjoyed themselves or, eh, sometimes they didn't because, again, as far as they could tell, I wasn't in the least bit excited to have this chance to have sex with them. There wasn't too much I thought was bad to have a woman tell me to be in control of myself... but to not be in control because women, more than men, well, it didn't take a whole lot for them to get it in their head that I wasn't excited to have sex with them when, in truth, I really was but I was expected to be in complete control of my excitement, too, so that the sex could last a good long time... or they'd gotten to that point where whatever I was doing to homegirl was, in her mind, taking too long.

I had to learn how to be very excited and even nervous... and get it under some kind of control and in a hurry but not so much under control that I might appear to be disinterested or, worse, I might not be able to cum at all which, was both a good and very bad thing at the same time with a lot of people I'd have sex with. It was - and still is - a bitch of a thing to really deal with and one of the side-effects of this very conflicting thing was - is - that I'd often be... indifferent and to the point where I'd sacrifice my own pleasure and excitement and while it felt good to be able to lay waste to someone because I'd contained my own excitement, eh, it didn't always feel that good; I mean, fuck - what was the point in any of this if you're supposed to be excited but not be all that excited at the same time?

I'd eventually come to the frame of mind that I just wasn't going to contain my excited nervousness and whatever happened, well, it just happened and if that meant that I'd have to suck more dick or eat more pussy to make the sex good and better for the other person, so be it and more so because having to go that extra mile was, at least for me, also very much exciting and sometimes even funny to have creamed a woman's pussy and see the look on her face or feel her body reacting when I'd go back down on her or to suck a guy off and instead of pulling away, I keep right on sucking him... and sometimes, I wasn't doing it for their benefit but for my own since I had to put my own excitement on the shelf so they could enjoy themselves.

Can't win for losing, very damned if you do and very damned if you don't. If I'm not excited and you're not aware that I am, well, there's probably something wrong with me because I'm not gonna hide how excitedly nervous I am and can be because it's not fun to do that and I don't want anyone to get the impression that I'm not hyped to have sex with them and if they don't like it, well, we can do it again... or not; your choice. Sex is supposed to fun and exciting and you're supposed to feel it and revel in it; otherwise, what's the point in doing it at all?[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Getting older didn't really change that with me a whole lot and while I had learned to get my excited nervousness under some semblance of control, it didn't stop me from feeling it before anything really got started. Some guys mistook my excited nervousness as being scared to do it which was [B]never[/B] the case and I'd have to reassure them that I wasn't scared at all... but I was very excited to have this chance to do it with another guy. That was about the time I was also learning that there were some guys who were... big time assholes and so much that I'd go from being excitedly nervous to feeling like I needed to jump up and either run away... or punch him in the face and it didn't make me happy to learn that there were guys who could just not make doing it the kind of fun that was expected and even promised.

It was kinda conflicting since one was supposed to be excited and even nervous to have sex but being this way could be a bad thing, too; it didn't feel all that good to be doing it with someone - even a girl - who didn't show any excitement and/or nervousness but I'd learn that if they felt that way, they were doing everything they could not to show it in any way and that's about the time I learned some stuff about how we can use someone else's excitement to enhance our own excitement. It was like you had to be more in control... but not be so much in control.

I used to get really pissed off to close my mouth around a guy's dick and before I could even get started sucking him, I'd find myself with a mouthful of cum because he was so excited about things. Or I'd be lying there with my ass all ready to take his dick, I'd feel it pressing against my hole and I'm waiting for that painful but very nice feeling of it going in but what I'd feel was his dick pumping and that warm, wet, and sticky feeling of his cum not going in me. It took me a while to learn not to get so pissed off about it and to really understand that this was something that just happened even though a lot of people - and especially girls - just hated for this to happen and many weren't all that understanding about it and even I didn't like someone fussing at me over something I kinda/sorta didn't really have any control over and because sex was just so exciting.

I know that myself and a lot of guys wound up learning that trick of thinking of something... disgusting or anything that would distract us and take away from being excited about having sex so that "cumming too fast" wouldn't happen but the thing we didn't really make a connection with was that while we could try to tone it down as much as we could in our minds, um, our bodies would, more often than not, have other ideas and while a lot of guys were really good at controlling themselves, some guys just weren't all that good or they weren't consistently good at it.

I just learned not to be pissed off if a guy "came too fast" and I'd realize that there was no point to be pissed off since, um, didn't he do what I wanted him to do in the first place? He did but, uh, it would have been nicer if he had gotten his dick in my ass before he came - just saying. I also had to learn not to be embarrassed when I was the guy who lost his load before it was ready to be received and to deal with the conflicting things that said, again, that on the one hand, I should and need to be excited about having sex but, on the other, not to be all that excited and then dealing with the downside of that and having someone fussing at me because I didn't seem or appear to be excited to have sex with them, let alone enjoy whatever we were doing.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. That crazy-assed notion that you're supposed to be excited and can even be nervous but you're not really supposed to feel like that or you could get "cussed out" for taking way too long to cum and, yeah, even I would get pissed because a guy was taking way too long to cum in my ass and now him fucking me was getting to be way to uncomfortable which, of course, would just wipe out any feelings of being excited and now I'm lying under him and wondering why I thought having him fuck me was such a great idea to begin with. Or finding myself sucking a dick for a very long time and wearing myself out trying to get him to cum and because he had such great control - or he had jerked off before we got together - that wasn't gonna happen anytime soon or, sometimes, at all.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]One of the things none of us could, at first, figure out was how we could feel like we just shot our stuff but when we looked to see if we did, there was nothing to be seen - what was that about? Of course, we didn't know jack shit about orgasms and that even guys could have them without cumming; all we knew was that we could get that [B]really[/B] good feeling that we just associated with shooting... except we didn't shoot. Some of us were very afraid that either something was broken and not working right or, oh, no - this was God "striking us down" for being so nasty!

Yeah... neither thing was even close to being right but, boy, did it feel pretty good! It was funny to, say, having a guy fucking you and you'd feel his body reacting like he just shot his stuff... and you'd ask him if he did and he would say that he wasn't sure if he did or not... but it sure felt like it, didn't it? When it was me lying there with a dick in my ass, yeah - I would feel that twitching and jerking in my butt and I was sure the guy had shot his stuff in me, only to find out that he hadn't done that yet which was a good thing.

Now, there was that one time when I was happily sucking on a friend's dick and I was so into it that I felt like I was shooting my stuff... and I found out that I actually did shoot! I probably wouldn't have known it had it not been for the way I was arranged and I wound up shooting my stuff all over my leg and had shot quite a bit of it on his. We were both mad as wet hens but, again, it wasn't like my "gun" wouldn't be reloaded and ready to shoot again in record time and besides - that just gave me more time to keep sucking his dick so he could shoot his tasty stuff into my mouth.

Man... the shit we didn't know about what we were doing and why things happened the way they did was beyond belief; what we did know - and if we didn't know anything else - was that it just seriously felt good to do it to and with another boy and, again, sometimes better than it felt doing it to a girl and many of us learned some "painful" lessons about shooting our stuff too soon with girls and I thought it was funny because on the one hand, they didn't want us to shoot our stuff in them because they could get into trouble (get pregnant) but, on the other, they very much wanted us to shoot it in them... then sometimes get mad because we did. A girl would tell us not to shoot in her and, yeah, like we had anything that resembled control over that!

It was... easier to deal with knowing that boys weren't so much about controlling stuff because we very much wanted the stuff to be shot and as many times as was possible and one of the early complaints a lot of us had was, "What's taking you so long to shoot?" One of the things I learned and that mystified me was being so nervous and excited that I couldn't shoot and no matter how badly I wanted to. With some guys, jeez, they'd be so nervous and excited that their dick wouldn't get hard or it would get hard but then get soft when it wasn't supposed to and, no, he didn't shoot and it would sometimes take a long time before he could get hard again.

We didn't know shit about being overstimulated or that there was such a thing but, together, we learned that when that happened, the easiest way to deal with it was to just stop and take a break until whoever this happened to calmed down enough so whatever we were doing could get done and stuff got shot. Once, a guy was fucking me and it was feeling great then I felt his dick get soft in me and I knew that his dick was going to come out of me so I told him to not move - just stay still so his dick could stay in. He was lying on top of me and being still and I knew I was on to something when, maybe a minute or so later - and after he had calmed down - I could feel him getting hard again in my ass and, whoa: Didn't that feel really good? And the fatter the guy's dick was, the better that felt! Who knew?

None of us did... but we all learned it. Some guys would be so nervous and excited getting ready to do it that they'd actually throw up... and there were a few times when the guy would throw up on me - yuck! - but when I'd ask him what was wrong, the answer was, "I'm just too nervous, that's all!" Sometimes that put the sex on hold and for another time but, depending on where we were and if we had access to water and something to wipe the throw-up up, it was just take a break, get it together, and once that happened, now we can get back to doing it to each other and as planned.

Lord only knows how many times I was so nervous and excited that I wanted to throw up, too, and could even taste that nasty, bitter taste in my mouth along with having a lot of really salty spit in my mouth - ew! But I'd manage not to throw up and tell the guy that, no, I'm not gonna throw up on you - I'm okay now. It was... bad enough that I learned, the hard way, that a guy could stick in dick in your ass so fast that it just made you want to throw up and, um, yeah... I did that a few times and it's pretty embarrassing if nothing else and just another one of those things that many of us was learning that we needed to be more in control of and to not let our excited nervousness get the best of us and ruin what could be some even more exciting sex.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Each and every time it was a given that I was gonna get to have sex with a guy, holy shit - I can't begin to explain how nervous and excited I'd get! Shit, once, between being severely horny and overly excited as a friend and I went off to have sex, I almost passed out and it was only because I had a chance to sit down for a moment - while my friend checked to make sure the coast was clear - that I avoided that embarrassing situation.

Heart pounding so hard and fast I could hear my pulse in my ears and my dick would be painfully hard just thinking about what was about to happen and there were times when I'd either have that tell-tale wet spot on the front of my pants or, upon removing my underwear (weather permitting, of course), my dick would be stuck to my underwear because of oozing so much "juice," as we called it back then. While I'd be nervous and excited when it was a girl I was gonna do the nasty do, it didn't really compare to the levels I'd find myself experiencing when dick was about to be had.

It was all I could do, in the majority of times, to keep from spraying my stuff all over the place before anything got started and, sometimes, the other guy would be so excited that he'd wind up doing just that which was kinda funny but not so much... and it was a good thing that it didn't take us very long to "reload the gun" so that the sex could begin in earnest.

It was a good thing that a lot of the sex happened while lying down because my legs would often be so shaky it wasn't even funny. Because I wasn't the only one who'd experience this level of excitement, when we weren't having sex, we'd talk about anything we could do to not be that anxious and jittery or how and/or why some of us could shoot the stuff without even being touched, like while sucking on the other guy's dick. For us, that was some pretty strange shit that felt good but not really and sometimes it would be bothersome or quite the surprise to find yourself just about to close your mouth around a guy's dick - and get shot in the face which was funny sometimes and, then again, not so much since a lot of us were of a mind that the baby making stuff wasn't to be wasted like that.

Quite a few of us would often ask each other why something we were doing as a matter of course was still so damned exciting and we figured out that it was the fact that we weren't supposed to be having sex at all, let alone with another boy, was what made it horribly and, sometimes, embarrassingly exciting. Oh, my... there were so many times when I'd be all nice and comfortable lying down across a guy and sucking his dick like it was the second best thing in the world to have in my mouth but my whole body would be vibrating something fierce. It was quite concerning, at first, but I finally realized - and a lot of us did - that not only could we not do anything about it, it seemed to be normal to be very excited and we'd eventually learn not to pay attention to it and, indeed, if we didn't feel like we were about to jump out of our skin - and the other guy didn't look like he felt that way - we would think that one or the other really didn't want to do it.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]It makes me laugh at myself because I've become "set in my ways" now; it's true that those who fail to change will be left behind so I've had to change some stuff in that if guys these days are going to be very specific about who they give it up to, I have little choice than to be specific as well and the challenge is for me to keep up with the changes without giving up being true to myself. I've always loved sucking dick more than I liked fucking and being fucked and I've always felt and believed that it's so much better when both dicks are being sucked since the pleasure is supposed to be mutual, after all. I don't feel... good that I now find myself turning guys away because they don't suck dick or they don't want their dick sucked. I understand it all and accept that it's the way they are... but I don't have to like it.

And I don't.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]Being bi and between the ages of 40 and 50 was... interesting. I was the "monkey in the middle" and being propositioned by men on either side of that age bracket. Again, the 20-somethings were more open about getting some dick while the 50-plus-somethings were more specific, not all that open at times. I didn't suffer from not being able to get the dick I wanted; it was just a lot of work finding men who's mindset was in line with my own: The only thing that really mattered is that we get together, get our dicks hard, make them soft, and then if there's time or the ability to do so, let's do it again.

The 20-something I had a really intense experience with was so very delightful; there was no pressure being placed upon either of us and the only real expectation was that both of us were going to cum. I was okay with him not being able to suck my dick and he was more than okay to have me fill his ass with cock and cum after sucking him off and I had to be okay to learn that while I loved the way he fucked me - and the one time he did - it wasn't his idea of fun; guys more my age weren't so easy to get along with and there were few older guys out there and those that were tended to fret about having ED or other prostate issues and other things that made it very difficult to do what they wanted and needed to do.

And even the eager 20-somethings started being... difficult to deal with and I was now getting a much bigger look at an aspect of the picture that showed me that guys were often going out of their way to make sure they didn't get any dick because they were now making so many demands, like one guy who was 25 who not only wanted me to be his daddy but expected me to support him; while I enjoy having sex with guys, if I'm going to support anyone - and like the way those "kids" were demanding - that's only gonna happen with women and maybe not even then and then there was the fact that I had never, ever paid anyone to have sex with them and I was of an age where some 20-something wasn't going to tell me that I'd better have a house, a car, and a job if I wanted to get with them; one such guy gave me a whole bunch of shit because the car I drove was a Honda Accord and he had the nerve to say I was worthless because I didn't drive a Mercedes or a BMW.

And while guys my age and older didn't care about those things, well, they weren't without their own quirks and quirks that, at least from where I was standing, that stank of prejudice and discrimination, like the one guy who was four years older than I was telling me that if I wasn't Black, he'd be more than happy to have sex with me: What kind of shit was that? And was any of this even necessary to begin with?

Being 65 now, I still long for the good old days and when nothing mattered except two guys wanting to get together to do something and if all we did was get together long enough to give each other a blow job, well, that just worked... but not so much these days. It really does suck very badly to be discriminated against because of age and other things that have more meaning today than they ever did before but even with the way things are now, I don't have a problem getting the dick I want and need because I remain dedicated to making it easier to get it. I know why some guys are the way they are about it and that's okay because I know there's nothing I can do about it except to keep being the way I am; if there's a guy of any age (or whatever) who doesn't want to have some kind of sex with me, chances are it's not my "fault" that it's not happening unless they can't pass my asshole test which is more about where their head is than anything else and if a guy just feels wrong - and a lot of guys do these days - well, that too is what it is and I'm not that "desperate" for cock that I'm going to change the way I've always gone about getting dick and in the open-minded way I've always gone about it: Nothing else matters other than being able to get together and make our dicks hard and make them soft and even if all we do is blow each other and if the other guy doesn't suck cock, well, hmm - that's a problem that, in my old age, I'd rather not be bothered with.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]I was seeing that a lot of 20-somethings were more... reasonable about it and many were very eager to learn from not only a 40-something guy like me but also from someone who had a whole lot of experiences and with a wide range of men. Guys my age, well, they were kinda funny about it; they didn't mind doing it with someone who was their age but a lot of them wanted someone much older or a hell of a lot younger (but legal) and I didn't know what to make of this other than my understanding that guys "chase" after the dick they prefer to have and for whatever reason they had this particular preference. Men were either looking for guys who were gullible and not so set in their ways... or looking for guys who weren't so gullible and most certainly set in their ways; those youngsters were too much of a hassle to relate with given the generational gaps and, sometimes, the older and more set guys just lacked a real sense of adventure or, what was more prevalent, they were stuck in that mindset that if you were gonna have sex with someone, they couldn't be that much younger than they were but since a lot of those men were very set in their ways, hmm, that was a bit of a problem for them.

If seeing this did anything, it made me see and realize the importance of not discriminating against men because of their age even though some of their kinks didn't sit well with me, like the many 20-somethings who wanted a daddy to have his way with them - and they really did have daddy issues more than they were looking for a sugar daddy. I very much remember negotiating with a guy who was 55 at the time (and I was 53) and they wound up breaking down because I refused to wear a diaper and call him daddy. Or the one guy in his sixties who wanted me to dress up like a woman and because it was the only way he could get it up.

A lot of the 20-somethings were more gay than bi and it didn't bother them that I was bi while, with guys who were more my age and they were quite gay, oh, man - was I getting a lot of shit from them for not wanting to give up my love of women and pussy and be as gay as they were. Some of those guys were very indecisive and lacked confidence and, of course, guys my age who were just as married as I was just couldn't seem to pull the trigger even though they wanted to and the few that seemed to be able to often couldn't pass my asshole test; I'm not the kind of bi guy who is in any way submissive so doing shit like worshipping their feet or other stuff like that... and I was never good at "following orders" to begin with.[/SIZE][/FONT]

[FONT=verdana][SIZE=3]The plus/minus had narrowed down from five back to two or three for the most part with a mix of new guys and guys who, like me, never gave dick up when they got to be an adult as well as guys who "experimented" early but gave it up and now they were back to pick up where they left off. But, damn - there were even more guys between the ages of 18 and 25 who were hitting on me big time and a few more guys between the ages of 45 and 55 checking me out... and I was back to wondering what the fuck was really going on here and more so when, one day, I happened to run into a guy in his 70s while in a store getting something and he just strolled up to me and whispered, "I'd love to take you home and suck your cock if you're not too busy..."

That I wasn't that busy wasn't so much the point but that there was a 70-year-old cock sucker (and a very good one) was and I had asked him why he didn't seek out guys more around his age and he told me that a lot of them were dead and those who weren't dead couldn't get it up and wasn't producing sperm anymore for some reason so it made sense to him to seek out guys more my age - and I was in my early 40s at the time. If nothing else, this had me reorganizing my thoughts in this so I could make better sense of the whole thing. A lot of those men weren't "really gay or bi" in that sense but they did want the companionship and still had the need to be sexually intimate. Many were just cock suckers and many were bottoms and there were a couple of tops scattered in this as well - so much for being old and not being able to get it up, huh?

I could better see things; younger guys were hornier and more eager while older guys were even hornier and even more eager and here I was finding myself being in between the two extremes, as it were. Both side of this coin were hyped to have sex and while younger guys were more in a rush, the older guys were more deliberate and patient; while the younger guys were often harder to please, the older guys, well, they didn't seem to care a whole lot other than being very happy and satisfied to just be able to have sex this way and, at least to me, a lot more appreciative and grateful than their much younger counterparts.

After sorting it all out in my head and making sense of it, if a guy from 18 to 80 could pass my asshole test, sure - we can do something and, yes, I did run into an 80-year-old who was an incredible cock sucker, didn't have any qualms about being fucked and he wasn't lacking in the areas of getting it up, being able to cum, and did an outstanding job fucking me. On the downside of this was those guys who, upon finding out I was in my 40s, would retract their offers to have sex; I was either too old or too young and I really did get insulted when a guy who was only two years older than I was told me that I was too young for him. Around this time, guys were being a lot more selective and picky, too; it wasn't enough that I might be interested in getting with them but because I didn't meet their exact specifications, well, that was disappointing but not something I was going to lose any sleep over; if you didn't want to have sex with me and because of some really nitpicking shit, well, it's your loss because there were still a lot of guys from 18 to now 65 who didn't give a fuck about such things and the only thing that mattered to them was they were getting the dick they wanted.[/SIZE][/FONT]